50 shades of idiot: silly tales of the abusive ex (meant lightheartedly but also could be triggering)

[Cakehanded]

Namechanged in case any of this outs me but something I had to do today brought back loads of memories of my abusive exH, some that are very deep 'kind-of healed' wounds but some that seem like silly little things but things that I never got to have a go at him for and never told anyone in RL as I didn't want the pitying looks. I'd still like to be able to talk about them somewhere though and get it out into the virtual open, maybe even have a laugh about it if I can so going to do that here.

Anyone else is more than welcome to chip in with tales of the idiot they've left (or even if you haven't if you want to!), I hope nobody finds me starting the thread too triggering/offensive.

1 - When I left, leaving virtually all of mine and baby ds's worldly goods behind but taking what I thought was a restrained 50% of the cash in our current account (which was not a lot at all) to support us he emailed that he thought I was unreasonable as he didn't understand why I'd 'drained' the account as he couldn't see what I'd need it for. 'Dear' ExH, shall I write you a list? Nappies, food, shelter, bills, any of that ringing any bells? Considering you haven't paid any maintenance for 6 years I assume you're still confused and think ds and I live in a field sustained by the smell of flowers.

2 - He said I had 'strange eyes'. No more explanation mind, that was just listed as one of the things I'd done wrong in our relationship, had 'strange eyes'.

3 - Another thing I'd done wrong was that I was 'obsessed with psychology'. Could almost seem a vaguely rational point until I say we met at uni, when I'd just started a degree - anyone like to guess the subject of the degree?

Feeling better already!

[DocMcStuffinsBigBookOfOuches]

graceholl your story just reminded me of middle of the night conversations I used to have with my ex husband.

He used to tell me he had been kept late at work, had been helping a colleague with something etc etc. then I discovered that not only did he talk in his sleep, but he would also answer questions truthfully! So when I asked him gently what he had done after work, I would get told about trips to the pub!

I never actually told him about that, and I had totally forgotten about it until just now!

[ballsballsballs]

Ringing me at work to tell me he'd finally signed the papers for the decree absolute, as though he'd done me a massive favour.

I was furious.. and replied incredulously at high volume (much to the amusement of my lovely workmate':

'What do you want - a biscuit?'

Workmate and I fell about laughing and XH hung up. I still use it now.

[sulkygirl]

Giving me an expensive piece of jewellery as a present, completely out of character for the tightarse he was. Him then doing a bunk the next week, whereupon it transpired he'd bought it for his fave prostitute, who wouldn't accept it, so I got it instead. When asked about it claimed he'd bought two the same so we got one each. Oh well that's ok then! He hadn't, I saw the bank statement.
He had so much bad luck poor soul, every direct debit he ever set up never worked, no utility company ever got the payment first time round, or even second, he was constantly persecuted with nasty red letters for no reason whatsoever.
He couldn't even walk past a cash machine without it retaining his card , mostly when we needed to do a shop. Oddly too his card kept getting cloned and used locally to us when he was waiting for a replacement. Bank could never really get to the bottom of it, they were headscratchingly baffled by it all.
He was that unfortunate individual who was unable to procure a copy of his credit report no matter how many times he tried.
The outrage when it was asked how much a week he spent on prostitutes, he was affronted that anyone could suggest it was every week.
Even the police didn't really want to charge him with an offence, they thought it was most unfair but you know these pesky laws forced them to, more persecution heaped on his head!
Fave prostitute, now girlfriend, moans that he's antisocial and they never go out, he told her he has a syndrome that makes him like that, probably has a syndrome that makes him look
like a tramp as well.
I am older and wiser and I have a much more straightforward life now

[CakeyCakeyCakey]

It's got a text from Dh where he copy and pasted my Facebook status where I was joking that what I was making for tea wasn't as difficult as he thought so I got to have an extra coffee.
It was a joke, he supposedly not on Facebook but I suspect he logs into my account to check what I'm up to.
It just said "we'll talk about it when I get home"
Well that'll be fun then.
I'm not sure if the supposed slight is me mentioning him on fb or that sausage rolls are easy to cook.
(Don't worry, no dv he's just a bit of an arsehole sometimes)

[LoisPuddingLane]

I am amazed at what people put up with in relationships. I suppose it starts slowly and before you know it, you have a weapons-grade twat on your hands. After reading this thread, I don't think I'll ever get into a relationship again. It's terrifying.

[RockinD]

Not so D XP was a nightmare, champion gaslighter, verbally and physically abusive.

He used to go to bed when the booze ran out. I would follow later when the snoring came down to a reasonable volume. When he went to bed he would turn the gas off at the mains so I couldn't have the heating on.

He would only sit at the table until he had finished eating. Then he was gone. He expected everyone to finish eating at the same time as him.

He did no housework and no child care, but one evening a month I needed him to be home and give DDs their tea while I went to a work-related meeting. Everything was prepared, so it wasn't a particularly onerous task. That was the only evening in the month (every month) when he was late home from work. I was always late for that meeting.

Any sexual advances from me would be refused. I was fat and ugly (size 8 FFS).

On more than one occasion he followed me when I went out at night with the girls from work, leaving the DDs alone in the house.

He would never tell me where he was going or when he would be back. This always made me look like a complete numpty when anyone called for him as I had no idea where he was. I still don't know where he used to go for hours at a time.

I left him in 1997 and he has never had another relationship. He tells our DDs I left him because I was having an affair, but he's never looked at another woman because he's still in love with me! Really?

[arthriticfingers]

Abusive ex - still a twat - used to randomly change the flavour of his 'favourite' yoghurt without saying anything; I was supposed to guess what to and when.
I would get the 'you don't care about me' if I gave him 'last week's' flavour.

[bongobaby]

My waters broke whilst in bed at half two in the morning. It was my first pregnancy and I was feeling a bit scared so I woke him up to tell him my waters had broke. He looked at me, tutted and said "why are you doing this now, how am i suppose to sleep with you making a mess,then he disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me in bed. He came back told me to get up and promptly put three black bags onto the mattress and told me not to move off of them on my side, then he went back to sleep leaving me speechless and with a baby on the way

[justiceofthePeas]

arth I had to grin at guess my favourite flavour this week. How very preschool.

[minkbernardlundy]

bongo good lord!
Mine told me my waters hadn't broke I must have just wet the bed and they would tell me what an idiot I was when we got to the hospital.

[bongobaby]

His best one was when I asked him to get me something to wear home from the hospital after having ds. Asked him to get me a size 12 he said loudly in the ward a size 12 that's massive!!! Followed by when we got home I suppose you think you're something special just because you've given birth. He truly deserves his title of Fuckwit ex!!

[Wh0dathunkit]

I really should have laughed my arse off when the firemen turned up at his when he was in the altogether, cooking (he preferred to be nakey due to his body temp). However, it was apparently all my fault because I'd not realised that his fire alarm was hard wired to some alarm centre (paranoid, much?), and his vigorous cooking without opening the kitchen door (cos it would have let some nasty biting bugs in), coupled with his inability to get to the phone when it rung to check whether it was a false alarm meant that the big fire truck turned up.
Oh how we should have laughed at his quick sprint into the garden when the big burly firemen turned up to check that the kitchen wasn't in flames. And when I say check, I mean sprinted into the kitchen.
Unfortunately, it was apparently all my fault, because I believed people in positions of authority.
Unfortunately, I was rather vulnerable at the time, and this was not the first of the red flags that came up. It was, however, the first time I felt dead inside. I remember that feeling to this day, and will never be made to feel that way again.

[ballsballsballs]

Wh0

[LoisPuddingLane]

If you haven't all LTB, can we have a LTB Day? You all deserve so much more than this shit.

[CakeyCakeyCakey]

Hen I went into labour I got into bed at 11:30 and my waters broke, I phoned Dh, he was downstairs and I was forbidden to shout as I'd disturb the people we shared te house with, he brought up the number for the hospital who said to come for a check, off we went to the hospital and once we got there they decided my contractions hadn't started so I needed to go home.
Dh made me walk through the whole hospital to get to the entrance so sil didn't have to mess around findin the maternity entrance (she'd only just dropped us off!) contractions started with a vengeance about 100yards from maternity but Dh insisted we couldn't go back and had to go home.
Got home and Dh took me upstairs and put me to bed (agonising contractions by this point and as it was my first I was scared) and left me as the midwife had said I should rest in peace and quiet.
I was alone in the dark in agony and petrified I called Dh who said I had to stay and try to sleep for at least an hour, I tell you I counted every second down on the clock!
Phoned Dh, no answer, 15 texts no answer, I broke the cardinal rule and shouted for him and nothing.
I had to climb down the stairs with severe spd and contractions every 2 min which were so painful try seemed constant (back to back labour)
I got downstairs to see him asleep on the sofa he said "you should have called me"
Got back to the hospital and finally got ds delivered after 18hours but with some pretty scary complications where I nearly lost him and if I'd had a quick labour at home alone I would have lost him.
The joy and relief of him being ok outweighed t
My upset at Dh and it's only recently (ds is nearly three) that I've really gone back to it in my mind and realised Dh was an utter twat.

He's relaxed a bit now and isn't as bad and yes I'm still here.

[CurtWild]

Another one here who would never be told where stbxh was going or when he would be back. I too looked like a complete idiot if someone asked for him. Once when I was very heavily pregnant with our twins he didn't come in after work and his phone was off. By midnight I was frantic. Also uncomfortable and knackered. He didn't have a key so I had to wait up. Just after 3am (!) he called and said what's up. What's up?!?!
He claimed to have sent me a text saying a colleague was having a house party. I never got that text. I was in tears on the phone saying why had he switched his phone off when I was due any time. His answer was that he didn't want me spoiling his fun!!!!
Of course this upset me further to which his response was 'Well I was about to come home but if that's your attitude I'll be back tomorrow some time.'
He hung up, switched off his phone and I didn't see him until after work the next day. His first words when he came through the door were 'if you're still in a mood I'm turning round and walking straight back out.'
I should've told him to go for it.
Thank god I grew my spine back and LTB. Six weeks of living alone with 3 babies and I can't even begin to express how bloody awesome it is
I nearly spit my coffee out at 'weapons-grade twat'

[Betrayedbutsurvived]

A few more. Never lifted a finger round the house, if asked for help he would order my daughter to do it (never his son) and was genuinely baffled that I didn't consider this as him pulling his weight.

When we went to the supermarket, i was berated the entire way there every single time, because he was doing me a massive favour driving me there, I should catch the bus (I might add that I worked longer hours than him) as we walked through the shop door he would announce that we didn't need much, just tea, bread and jam, he was happy to just eat that. Except when his son came of course, then I had to cook the full works including desert.

He used to honk the horn and cat call out of the car window at any passing woman regardless of me and the kids in the car.

[LoisPuddingLane]

I don't think my eyebrows will go up any further. Is there a training school where these cunts get a manual?

[ReadyisKnitting]

Home birth with an inflatable pool. Was ok on the test inflation, but come the day it had a pinprick leak which I stuck some duct tape over and got on with giving birth. Dd2 arrives (had made a small delivery during labour so water was a bit grim), and pool still sloooooowly deflating.

Xh goes to bed because he's tired. Leaving me, still queasy from the injection, with a 3h newborn to set up the pump and get rid of the water. Red flag if I ever did.

Also had the xh that would sit listening to music on the drive to chill out. Would disappear for hours but kick off if his dinner wasn't ready when he arrived. I'll just polish my crystal ball then

[LoisPuddingLane]

I know this thread was supposed to be lighthearted, but I'm absolutely horrified at these stories. That one person can treat a person the supposedly love this way...and that that person accepts it.

[oldgrandmama]

Ooh, another thing ... given birth to our first child, kept in hospital for seven days (that was normal back in the 1960s). Was to be discharged, so told 'D'H. His reaction: 'you'd better stay another day - I'm playing golf tomorrow so I can't pick you up.'

Yup. Same 'D'H I later found out was having an affair with my 'best friend'.

Another deal breaker: my little son had a stammer. We were in a shop (in Rye, not that it matters) and son, about three years old, stammered while asking for sweets. Shop assistant jeered and mimicked him. And 'D'H sniggered and joined in! I went bloody ballistic. I still feel furious now, although son now in his forties and a successful lawyer.

[Kernowgal]

It was, however, the first time I felt dead inside. I remember that feeling to this day, and will never be made to feel that way again

Amen to that. It becomes an existence rather than a life. I did at least feel like life was just on hold until he finally fucked off, but I wasn't married to him, nor did we have kids together, so it felt like there could be an end to it one day. I do remember, towards the end, realising that I felt absolutely nothing for him and simply not giving a shit about his tantrums any more. I think he realised he no longer had any power over me and so off he fucked. He's some other woman's problem now.

[justiceofthePeas]

Lois I think most of the posters on this thread have LTB. Thankfully . And not many did 'accept it'. There is a difference with feeling unable to leave and acceptance.

I abhorred my ex's behaviour. It just took me a long time to realise that that behaviour was not what he did occasionally it was who he is. Eventually reality conquered hope and I saw it for what it was and then without him hope was reborn anew.

Thankfully MN has had many many leaving days. Sad though it is that this happens the good thing is that so many survivors do leave when they are ready and sometimes MN helps that day come sooner and for the aftermath to be more bearable.

[momb]

When I went in to labour with DD2 in the middle of the night he wasn't home from the pub so I called his mobile. No reply. So I called the woman from down the pub whom he was 'supporting through the breakup of her marriage'. She rolled over and woke him, then laughed at me down the phone.
I still let him attend the birth.

Apparently he still loves me 9.5 years on, and would throw his lover and her children into the street if I'd have him back. I won't.

We left it 2 years before getting divorced even though I and the Dcs had moved out so it would be easier and he didn't have no name all the co-respondents. Apparently he was unaware of this because he turned up drunk on the evening of 2 years-1 day and said I had to divorce him urgently as he was going bankrupt. I showed him the signed forms, already dated the next day, all ready to pop in at the courthouse. He appeared shocked.

He still lets his kids down at least once a fortnight and I still tell them that he loves them 'but he's a bit disorganised'.

[sus14]

I have so so many but the worst is him constantly emailing and calling my dad to tell him how awful I am. And now that my dad and I are reconciled , the fact that he read my emails today in which I am discussing how to proceed with the divorce I have told him about, makes me vengeful and going behind his back.

Oh and when dd had chronic chronic colic as a baby, at its worst she would sleep with me and I would stroke her tummy most of the night - I was a crap wife as we weren't having sex, a crap mother as dd cried so much.

Oh and I couldn't even give birth properly as I had an emergency c section.

Yes I am finally LTB