Sorry this is very long, but I'm in a bit of a difficult situation and could really use some objective advice to help me move forward.
Mil and I have always got on ok, not best buddies and she's said/done somethings I don't agree with. However, she is my DH's mum and I respect that. I am very close to my mum, Dh isn't as close to mil but all families have their own dynamic.
When we had our first Dc 4 months ago, both my mum and mil were over the moon as it is their first gc. I suffer from pnd and both my mum and mil offered great support and helped so much with dc. We tried to make sure my mum and mil saw dc equally (mil is very concerned that she is equal to my mum in dc's eyes). My mum is retired and mil still works, so we made sure that every weekend she saw dc.
Three weeks ago my sister very kindly treated me to a spa day. It was on a Saturday and meant I'd be gone between 10am and 4pm. Dh was happy to look after dc, bit we have a very bouncy labrador that would need a walk during that time. I suggested we ask mil to come over and look after dc while Dh walked the dog, as she would usually see dc at weekend anyway. She was really happy we had asked her.
On the Saturday she turned up at our house at 11am. Dh took the dog out at 12 and said he'd be about 2 hours. When he came back mil and dc had gone. He text and rang but she didn't answer for over an hour, when she sent him a message saying she had dc and would be back soon.
When I arrived home at 4, she still hadn't arrived. Dh had tried to contact her again, and had she had replied saying she had gone to a nearby town with dc shopping and would be half an hour. Two hours later she still hadn't arrived. I told Dh she was taking the piss and I was getting annoyed as she had taken him without our consent. Dh said that he could see where I was coming from, but felt mil had just got over excited and carried away and that as long as dc was safe we should just enjoy the extra time together. I explained that I missed dc and as it was 6pm I really felt he should be home as we start his bedtime routine at 6.30.
By 6.45 she still hadn't brought dc back, so I text this, "Hi Mil, thanks for taking care of baby tonic today. I was just wondering if you were on your way with him as I have missed him so much. Hope he's been good for you x" I didn't tell my husband I sent the text as it didn't seem important. Finally mil brought dc back at 7. All was pleasant and I thanked her.
The next day she saw my Dh whilst he was walking the dog, stopped him in the street and told him I had really upset her yesterday by texting her. She showed him the message and said I would never have sent that to my mum. Dh came home and spoke to me about it and I'm afraid I got my back up and was annoyed as I had done my best to be polite, and would have text anyone - even Dh if I felt dc should have been at home. I said if she was upset I would call her and explain as we are both adults. Mil would not answer the phone to me.
Now mil will not speak to me at all. She has not seen dc, or even called or text Dh to see how he is for 3 weeks. She says she is distraught by my selfish behaviour. I don't feel I have been selfish. I know I went to the spa but that was my first day out since having dc. Was I selfish to go? I am quite stubborn and really feel she needs to grow up, but should I make the first move? Dh thinks I should ask her to take care of dc at weekend but I really don't want too as I've lost some trust in her.
Please help me move forward with this and do be honest if you feel I'm being selfish or have acted unfairly. Thank you for reading this enormous post.