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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have another solicitor appointment today.....

162 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/08/2006 09:55

and am trying to gather all the bits I will need together, as he will be looking into whether I am entitled to legal aid today. So far I have wage slips, marriage certificate, tax credits information, mortgage statement & some mortgage info from the move into this house.
Trying to get everything together while H is sleeping at my Mum's house (he has been on nights & doesn't want disturbing!)
Does anyone know if there is anything else I need to take along with me, as I am in a bit of a fluster!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 19:22

Oh & when solicitors get involved I was to be prepared for nasty letters because that is what happens!

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 19/08/2006 19:23

He may say he is prepared to give you that, but we all know he's not exactly good at living up to his promises, is he?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 19:25

Absolutely, CQ! He is just trying to persuade me not to seek legal advice.

OP posts:
Kathlean · 19/08/2006 21:29

Wow well done for talking to your H that must have taken so much guts to do..

What did the estate agents say???

Keep your mobile close to you tonight. If your H has gone out drinkning you don't know how much he will start to throw around when he comes home pissed. You standing up to him and not agreeing to the house sale is likely to be a lot more 'upsetting' for him than thinking he has lost his mobile.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 22:12

Estate agents were ok about it & said they would inform our buyers. H doesn't know I went in there yet.
I don't expect him home until 2-3am, so will already be very much in bed when he returns from the night out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 22:15

I have felt really low all day today. Think it is all starting to hit me. I am getting all churned up thinking about the boys & the affect this will have on them.

OP posts:
westerngirl · 19/08/2006 22:36

Hello lw,

You are really in a pressure cooker. Thing is, it's not like your dh has not been forewarned on this. He chose to disregard/surbordinate your wishes. I wouldn't presume to give any advice as have no expertise, experience or even good instinct. However, it's human instinct to take advantage and if you don't have it in writing, you cannot depend on goodwill. Look at form on this. Also just wanted to say that yes your dss will be touched by this but you need to be in good shape yourself to keep them in good shape. You are their primary caregiver. Look after yourself.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 23:19

I know, westerngirl. I try hard to function as normal for the boys & had been coping quite well recently, but I have found today very hard.

OP posts:
spangles · 20/08/2006 09:12

Hi LW. Hope things were ok last night / this morning when H landed home.
There is so much good advice here for you there is nothing left to say really. Just hope you are ok.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/08/2006 09:39

Hi spangles. H rolled in drunk around 1.30am. I heard him banging about downstairs & then heard him snoring, so presume he had fallen asleep on the sofa. He didn't bother me, as he remained downstairs.

OP posts:
winnie · 20/08/2006 12:11

lemmingswife, how are you?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/08/2006 12:18

Hi winnie, how are you?

I am feeling a bit all over the place atm. Much as I am slowing down this house sale, the fact we have had an offer really panicked me yesterday. Things are really moving on now & I am scared.

OP posts:
bev1e · 20/08/2006 14:23

Well done for talking to the Estate Agent. I would imagine that your H is keen to keep you from seeking legal advice because then it hands him back the control. At least you kow he's talking rubbish.

bev1e · 20/08/2006 14:24

Know not kow!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/08/2006 14:37

That will be exactually his thinking, bev1e. He wants to remain in control of the whole situation, but that is not going to be the case.

OP posts:
winnie · 20/08/2006 14:43

lemmingwife, I am sorry you are all over the place. It is hardly surprising given that you are still having to live under the same roof as him. You are doing amazingly well. Good for you that you have saught legal advice, spoke to the estate agents etc. You can do this. Stay strong and take care of yourself too

I am ok. I've been on holiday for a week which was lovely. Now it is back to reality

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/08/2006 18:50

Thanks, winnie.
Glad you enjoyed your holiday! I thought I hadn't seen you around for a bit. Did you go anywhere nice?

OP posts:
pinkpyjamas · 20/08/2006 19:15

Dear Lemmingswife, I'm new to MN, and have just read this thread. I haven't got any expert advice or anything, but just wanted you to know that I think you are being really brave, really logical, and your children are lucky to have such a lovely mother as you. Take care.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/08/2006 19:38

Ahhhh, thank you, Pinkpyjamas.

OP posts:
bev1e · 20/08/2006 19:52

You should be really proud of yourself - you have comletely turned your home situation around so that now you are in control and (you seem to be) one step ahead of H's thinking.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/08/2006 20:19

It's hard & I do still have a sense of fear around him. I feel stronger for having some legal advice behind me, which is something he hasn't bothered with yet (or so it appears!)
Sometimes I don't cope very well & I am still petrified of what lays ahead of me, but I am stronger than I once was because of all the great support & advice I have received from you lot on MN!

OP posts:
bev1e · 21/08/2006 10:46

Don't underestimate what a good job you are doing - particularly as you're not getting any support from your family (other than your sis). It's no wonder you feel as tho' you're not coping - some people would have put up and shut up but at what cost, LW? You and your boys can't live your lives with a man you fear.

You have handled it all amazingly well.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 21/08/2006 11:00

It has taken me a long time to get to this point, bev1e. It was really only through posting about my situation on here, that I began to realise just how wrong things were.
I have tried everything to try & change things, but nothing has worked. I know things cannot go on & I know that I am doing the right thing, but it is very hard & I do get upset & panicky at times.
Obviously things are moving on now & will get harder. My family are now going to realise how serious I am & it is not going to be easy.

OP posts:
lovelybird · 21/08/2006 11:18

Hi LW,

I am a MN lurker and have been lurking on your thread wishing you all the best. Just wanted to say you're doing brilliantly and although this is very scary this is going to be the start of your new life with your lovely boys, away from your controlling H.
I'm sure your solicitor will be able to help you loads, and you will get though this and come out the other side. It will be difficult now your house is sold, and all the crap you've had from your family and may still get but you will be OK.
Keep holding up, you're doing so well.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 21/08/2006 12:54

Thank you, LB.

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