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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have another solicitor appointment today.....

162 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/08/2006 09:55

and am trying to gather all the bits I will need together, as he will be looking into whether I am entitled to legal aid today. So far I have wage slips, marriage certificate, tax credits information, mortgage statement & some mortgage info from the move into this house.
Trying to get everything together while H is sleeping at my Mum's house (he has been on nights & doesn't want disturbing!)
Does anyone know if there is anything else I need to take along with me, as I am in a bit of a fluster!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 13:10

Can't think straight - I'm panicking.

OP posts:
MeAndMyBoy · 19/08/2006 13:24

Hi LW,

I have only posted a couple of times but have been following your posts for a few weeks. I can understand you panicking - your H is so confidant that he can have his own way and that everyone will agree to what he wants - it is frightening. But as the house is in both your names - he can't sell without your signature.

I can imagine that you are concerned he will sweet talk all the officals involved to do exactly what he wants - which leaves you to be very strong and stand up to him - as you have been doing over the last few weeks magnificantly.

Call your solicitor on Monday am and leave a message so he knows what is going on.

Hope the weekend isn't too stressful. It will get sorted and you will have what you need to help look after the boys.

h x

spangles · 19/08/2006 13:26

Oh LW i dont no what to say.. just hope yr ok and that someone wise will come along to advise you soon

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 13:40

I am in a bit of a mess & keep crying. I am scared, but I need to move on too. I am too all over the place to think straight atm. Will get back to solicitor ASAP.

OP posts:
sorrell · 19/08/2006 13:42

Take a deep breath. Calm down. Your h cannot sell the house without your consent. Call the estate agent and tell them that you do not consent to the sale as you are going through a divorce. Talk to your solicitor on Monday. It will be nerve racking for you, but you stand to lose thousands and thousands of pounds if you just cave in now, money that could be used to set up a better life for you and your kids. Be strong! You can do this!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 13:47

I am going to walk into town in a bit & will go into agents.

OP posts:
sorrell · 19/08/2006 13:48

Good for you!! He is bullying you.

Freckle · 19/08/2006 13:49

LW, did you speak to the estate agents the other week? If you recall, it was suggested that you put them in the picture with regard to the current situation as a matter of courtesy.

Has H told you which firm of solicitors he has instructed wrt the sale? If he has, contact them and tell them that you are not prepared to agree to the sale until you have taken legal advice regarding a financial settlement within your divorce proceedings. They cannot act on the sale without the consent of all owners.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 13:55

Yes they know about our situation. I also know which solicitors are dealing with the sale.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 14:01

Will phone them as soon as I can, or maybe walk to the solicitors when I go into town.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 14:02

Not sure if they are open on a Saturday though.

OP posts:
Jackstini · 19/08/2006 14:13

Don't let this ruin your weekend LW. If they are not open nothing can happen until Monday anyway. Call them on Mon and update them on the situation. If h is so desperate to sell he will have to agree to a settlement quickly then...!
Oh - and I so wanted to slap his face over the 'Daddy' remark - who does he think he is? self-important wa**er
Stay strong!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 14:38

I will call them on Monday. I am not signing anything, so don't know why I am feeling so churned up at him accepting the offer. He is telling me that he is going to look after me.
I am going for a walk to try & calm down. Agents know this is a seperation case.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 14:44

I am starting to feel really frightened about everything. I guess this is why my stomach is in knots atm.

OP posts:
Blu · 19/08/2006 15:21

Uh oh!

Well one stage of 'crunch time' has arrived, I suppose. All you need to do is tell the solicitor that you are happy to accept the offer 9IF you are. Is it a good one, do you think?), but that you won't be exchanging contracts until the financial settlement is sorted out. And tell your solicitor on monday, and tell Hthat as far as you are concerned the sale of the house is dependent on a financial settlement that YOU are happy with, and that means mediation and you talking to your solicitor. You can say in mediation that it is a mesher order you are seeking.

Hold tight, keep your head held high and your feet firmly on your ground, and it will be fine.

H is trying to bully you, and bully you badly. You have as much right to an opinion in this and not to be railroaded.

Good luck.

Blu · 19/08/2006 15:22

LW - I'm really sorry about this but I'm off on hol and will be offline for a while...hope you continue to get such good support on your thread.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 15:41

The offer is a good one in that they are offering the asking price & don't have a property to sell, but in our circs a quick sale is not ideal.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 15:42

Hope you have a nice holiday, Blu.

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Kathlean · 19/08/2006 15:59

I can understand your stomach being churned up.

So far you have seemed to be going along with the sale etc. Now you have to put your foot down and say not until XXX. Very scary for you.

You are going to have to be really brave now to deal with all the crap your family and H are going to throw at you.

You can do it though and we are all here to support you as much as we can.

Freckle · 19/08/2006 16:02

You need to point out to the agents that you are not looking for a quick sale due to your divorce. Indicate that the offer may well be acceptable, but, until you have taken advice from your solicitor and negotiations have taken place regarding ancillary relief matters (that's legal jargon for financial settlement!), you cannot proceed with the sale. Ask if the purchasers are happy to wait.

Caribbeanqueen · 19/08/2006 16:46

This was always a possibility wasn't it? I agree with the excellent advice from the others. You need to inform the agents and the solicitors and your potential buyers need to know as a matter of courtesy. Your solicitor also needs to know.

H will not react well to finding out that you will ONLY agree to the sale as part of the divorce agreement, but that's something you will have to deal with, I'm afraid.

bev1e · 19/08/2006 18:45

LW, tell H you won't even consider the offer until he has moved out at which point you will seek legal advice! In the meantime you really ought to follow the advice suggested here just to put your own mind at rest.

Good luck.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 19:10

I went into town & told agents that it couldn't be a quick sale due to circumstances. I also mentioned to H that I would not rush or sign anything until we know exactually what is happening re our financial settlement.
He got very shirty with me & said we needed rid of this house because we can't live like this anymore & he refuses to move anywhere until this house is sold.
He said "Go & get more advice from your solicitor, but whatever he suggests, you can bet I would be prepared to give you more"
He said "Nothing can move on until this house is sold & if you thought I was going to move out & give you time to adjust to being on your own before hand, you were wrong"
I am not signing anything until the time is right & that is that. He is obviously very cross about this.
He has gone out with his friends now & I am an emotional wreck!

OP posts:
Freckle · 19/08/2006 19:14

Well, it was obviously going to come to this. He strung you along with promises of moving in with his friend, simply to get you optimistic about how things would proceed. He clearly had no intention of ever doing this.

If he thinks he would give you more than your solicitor is likely to suggest, ask him what exactly he is prepared to offer. Put him on the spot - and, when he says he will offer 60% (or whatever), smugly feeling that he is being generous, you can laugh and walk away.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/08/2006 19:20

He says he is happy to give me 60% of the equity & 20% of his wages each month for the boys. He then said "It is not like you are going to be homeless when this house is sold, & if that's what you are thinking then you are more stupid than I thought."

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