Do you feel 'in love' with DH/P every day?

[pinchpunch]

I love my OH very much, but sometimes I panic that I don't feel madly in love with him all the time. I appreciate him and wouldn't want to lose him, but am finding it difficult to figure out what long term relationships are really like, once the initial 'falling in love' bit is out the way.

I worry a lot about this and am unsure how to fix it - I don't want to force things if they're not right, but equally don't want to throw away something so good.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

20:20:60 seems sensible!

I adore my DH every single day. We had a year of hell because I started to lose the 'madly in love' feeling (after 7yrs) and thought it was the end. It caused us no end of problems. If I'd just realised that it was normal in a lot of cases I could have saved us both a lot of heartache.

Now I'm much more realistic and don't start freaking out if I don't feel mad passionate love for him every minute of the day. Which has, ironically, meant that I now feel mad passionate love for him nearly every minute of the day

Yes, I really consider myself lucky. Went out with a few toads prior to DH.

Have been together 7.5 years.

No.

Definitely not at the moment, when the teenage DDs are being foul to me and he almost invariably sides with them even if they are really rude.

In fact at the moment I feel like the housekeeper. Not a good time to ask me. DH is being an arse.

I'm rather glad that I have passed the "being in love" stage. Such a relief. So much bloody hard work, all that passion and angst, pining for him when he isn't there, counting down the hours until he returns from a business trip.

We love each other dearly, still have a racey sex life, laugh like donkies together, are best friends, but happy to lead lives that are not dependant on each other too much.

Far less effort than "being in love" phew.

No

Yes - but it's a comforting, comfortable kind of love. I'm always pleased to see him, love falling asleep together every night, and he's still the person I'd most want to spend my time with.

BUT - we fought hard to be together and overcame a lot. It's still easy for me to remember the times we weren't together, and the years we thought it could never happen.

By contrast, with my previous long-term partner, I had no desire to spend any time with him. We would sit on separate sofas, in silence, doing different things. When DH and I are doing separate things, we will still talk and be affectionate. With Ex I never looked forward to seeing him and every little thing did my head in.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when DH and I irritate the fuck out of each other, but ultimately it's still a million times better being fucked off with him than being fucked off without him!

I think love changes as you go through new experiences together - there's the grateful love of DH holding back your hair while you puke from stomach bug (definitely not starry-eyed but still strong) - the love of the father of your children - regular, romantic love - contented familiarity of living together and cooperating to make each other's lives easier, sometimes, it's the littlest gestures that are the ones that say 'I love you' like him making you a cup of tea without you having asked for it.
For us, the heady, butterflies feelings have become a rarity, but they still appear now and again and remind me that I still have some oxytocin, somewhere.

I've been married 10 years and DH irritates the shit out of me a lot, but we still have a laugh, and I love him. I love the life and experiences we've had together, and he's the first person I want to tell something. It just comes down to you two and what you're happy with. I've never been particularly romantic but did go through the madly in love stage with him, it's just settled down to happy companionship rather than madly in love. (Still physical though??). It's a decision you've got to make - what's enough for you??

dh and were very much a slow burn, we liked each from the start but it took 10m before we told each other we loved each other. I love him dearly, I miss him when he's away and I would hate to be without him. Life gets in the way sometimes, the drudgery of work life kids money, housework etc means that sometime I forget that i love him, but we rub along companionably most of the time, then i'll have a moment where I just love him again.
We do argue from time to time, we have been through a lot, counselling (there are issues in his family past which left him a bit emotionally stunted) because there were times when we didn't think we could stay together, but we have battled all of that for each other above and beyond all else. but were in a really good place now where we really understand each other and a lot of the shit we dealt with in the early days is out of the way.

no

I would say yes. Been together for 23 years, married for 13, 2 sons. We are not particularly demonstrable. But he is my life partner. We chose each other. He loves me deeply and I know that. He would never betray me or leave me. I trust him, I rely on him, we are each other's confidantes. I wouldn't swap him for anyone else. I definitely love him more now than the day we got married.

God No especially when he hasn't flushed the loo. I doubt he does of me. That would be weird. We have a deeper love.

No.

Late back to the party, formally hellooctober but NC out of boredom

Zing
You don't want to know! You'll vomit! We live life in a hallmark card, it's all honey bee, love bug type drivel, and he calls me little goose
I know I should cringe at myself but I likes it!

We have been married for 20 years, and yes I still love him. I am still in love with him. He irritates the crap out of me sometimes, and we do argue sometimes, but I don't even want to imagine my life without him in it.

I came downstairs this morning to find him face down on the kitchen floor. I honestly thought he was dead. My heart just lept into my mouth, was pounding so hard and I just started to sob. Then a voice said "Thank god you are up. Give me a hand." The stupid arse had tripped over the edge of the rug seconds before I walked into the kitchen, but my beautiful 6'7" man was just laid out on the ground at my feet.

My reaction just reinforced the strength of my feelings for him. He truly is my forever love.

Good grief no. I often sing "how much do I hate thee, let me count the ways" (apologies to Shakespeare)

But, we are both in the same corner fighting on the same team.

And I don't want anyone else.

After eight years, yes, still very much in love.

I'd say that if you are having doubts ths soon in, and are not so keen on sex, then it might not be a relationship that will go the distance.

26 years, 2 kids, unemployment, loss of parents, miscarriages, and still, every day, we laugh, hug and thank God for each other. Best advice I ever heard was "there are hills and valleys: Hopefully more peaks and shallow valleys." Just like with kids, there is always a phase and it doesn't last, but the LOVE and IN LOVE parts are still there...even when I want to cosh him with a bucket.

I definitely don't feel in love DH all the time - we argue about once every couple of weeks and have been together nearly 10 years.

When I think of what he has done for me and how he makes me feel when it is just the two of us together chatting I know he is the one. No-one else could make me feel the way he does. If we could never have sex again I am not entirely sure I would miss it, so long as I could have him for conversation.

Heart racing wildly and wanting to jump all over him- well, perhaps not after 30 years. Not every day.

But a warm glow when I think about him- yup I can manage that. A conviction that whatever happens he will be at my side- tick. Choose one person to take to your desert island- that would be him. The best person to spend a happy evening or a day out with- tick. A feeling that whatever happened, whatever I had done, however I felt about myself, he is the one I would want to be there and know about it, he is the one I trust- tick those.

Wlell i have been married for 26 years!!! I hate him, he annoys me, rattles me, i shout at him, throw things at him, curse him, call him a lazy sod..but yes, i do love him deep down!

I do. We have been together 8.5 years, are married and I love him more each day!

These threads crop up on a regular basis basis on MN and folk fall over themselves to declare their love for their DH/DP - speaking of stomachs flipping over, tingling feelings, never stop falling in love blah blah.

I take them with a pinch of salt, OP, though if you're having doubts so young and before children then this might not be the relationship for a lifetime but only you will know.

It's like that other hoary thread theme, vaginal orgasms.

It gave me a lot of understanding to learn that quite a lot of women out there think it quite normal not to feel in love with their DH/DP and never to have vaginal orgasms.