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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you feel 'in love' with DH/P every day?

160 replies

pinchpunch · 13/03/2014 08:26

I love my OH very much, but sometimes I panic that I don't feel madly in love with him all the time. I appreciate him and wouldn't want to lose him, but am finding it difficult to figure out what long term relationships are really like, once the initial 'falling in love' bit is out the way.

I worry a lot about this and am unsure how to fix it - I don't want to force things if they're not right, but equally don't want to throw away something so good.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

OP posts:

bigroundstick · 13/03/2014 10:55

No, I don't think so. We've been together 12 years and most days we just rub along nicely. I'm not a sentimental/emotional person, never have been, and only feel a bit soppy towards him about once a month .

ghostinthecanvas · 13/03/2014 10:55

gamerchick thats it exactly. Want to climb inside him. I feel like that. I realised last night I have spent more than half my life with him.
Also, i never have breakfast with DH, except for high days and holdays, cos he inhales his food and I get the rage ?

badasahatter · 13/03/2014 11:00

I've been married for 25 years. My DH drives me nuts on occasions. We have days when we aren't on the same wavelength at all, like the last few days, and we drive each other nuts. I still love him though.

We have other days where everything we do seems perfect and I think we're made for each other. I am so blissed out, I can barely function in the real world.

I consider my marriage a work in progress. We have to work hard when things aren't gelling or when life gives us crap to handle and that's what we do. Is he my soul mate? I think so. I know, however, that he could manage without me and I could manage without him. Anything else would be too oppressive for both of us.

Gudgyx · 13/03/2014 11:03

First post woohoo! Hello everyone :)

And in answer to your question, yes. Every morning I wake up I am that little bit more in love with him. (Together 3 years, no DC yet but live together).

I'm relieved I feel like that. I had surgery in January, and we couldnt have sex for a while, medication was making me moody etc and everything he did annoyed me. I just wanted him to leave me alone.

Now we can DTD again, I am totally back to normal and love him more than ever for being there for me when I'm ill (I have Crohns Disease).

Its little things he does that makes me crazy about him. Like if I wake up in the middle of the night and he realises, he'll stroke my arm or leg etc until I fall back asleep. Silly little things like that.

I'm almost 27 btw, he's almost 30. And we've just decided to try for our first baby :) hence why I joined mumsnet!

Hope everyone is well today

ToAvoidConversation · 13/03/2014 11:05

The climb inside him thing I want to do when I'm tired and stressed. If I could just cuddle on to his chest like a monkey while he goes to work and stuff I would be happy.

mimiasovitch · 13/03/2014 11:09

We've been married for 20 years, and I have days when I feel overwhelmed by my love for him, and days when his breathing irritates the fuck out of me. I think it's all very normal.

laregina · 13/03/2014 11:10

Yes I do feel it every day, some days more than others but it's always there. IMHO though, the 'in love' rush of emotion I feel is often more about lust than actual real, grown up love and that's down to chemistry as much as compatibility I suppose - or the fact that I go a bit funny at the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles at me and his big muscly arms and shoulders...

I do obviously have the real, grown up love for my DH, but I would hate for the 'in love' feelings to go because they're the really fun dirty bit

We've been together fifteen years btw....

gamerchick · 13/03/2014 11:18

I feel exactly the same thing avoid

GarthsUncle · 13/03/2014 11:19

But I'm distraught if I ever think about losing him, so I think we're ok

elQuintoConyo · 13/03/2014 11:21

I'm afraid so. I always take a moment or two to look at DH, really look at him, and 'the surge' rushes over. He's doing a marvellous job in raising our son with me, beyond wonderful. He's highly stressed at work but keeps on at it as that's what husbands/fathers/grownups do. He took amazing care of his DM with alzheimers and took full responsibility organising her funeral and giving the eulogy (the other 5dc were useless). We recently had a little reminisce of when we met 16 years ago and all the places we'd shagged - and had a filthy session

ormirian · 13/03/2014 11:43

No.

Usually what I feel when I see him is a sense of rightness. That things are as they should be. The 'in love' feeling comes and goes. 31 years is a long time to nurture butterflies and flowers.

I guess his affair helped me clarify things I feel about being in love. he was in love with her...until he got over it and realised it was infatuation and ego-boosting. We fell in love again after dday - that was HB and whilst it was very nice it wasn't 'real'. I was 'in love' with my EA partner many years ago. That faded away pretty damned quick like mist in the sun.

I have also learned that I could live without him but I don't want to.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 13/03/2014 11:53

Yes. Every day. Of course. Even if we're disagreeing.

Gen35 · 13/03/2014 12:01

Yes always, although sometimes he drives me crazy due to set issues you get after a while. 16 years...if he makes you happy when you're together most of the time, that's magic.

Gudgyx · 13/03/2014 12:08

Its an awesome feeling :)

Original poster

pinchpunch · 13/03/2014 12:25

Really appreciate all your replies! To the people who said yes... How do you know it's love, and not just a really good friendship?

OP posts:

bragmatic · 13/03/2014 12:29

Someone once said the secret to a happy marriage was not falling out of love with each other at the same time.

No, I don't feel in love with him every day. I'm sure I am, though. It's not something that concerns me.

Aboyandabunny · 13/03/2014 12:30

DH and I have been together for 17 years and married for almost 13. We have a 10 year old DS.
Most of the time life just goes on with work, childrearing etc but within that, a day never passes where I am grateful and feel lucky to be with someone who loves me and DS so much and works so hard for us all. I work too doing shifts which means he looks after DS alone 2-3 nights per week. We are all very lucky to have one another to rely on.

trufflehunterthebadger · 13/03/2014 12:31

We argue constantly and he p*sses me off more than anyone else in the world. At times I could gladly push him off a cliff

the reason i don't is because I absolutely could not bear to be without him

SlightlyDampWellies · 13/03/2014 12:36

I have been with DH for 10 years. 3 dcs. At first, I was on the rebound, and he was safe. I was worried I was 'settling' but realised that without him I would die. I have never been madly in love, but it is more than that, it is a feeling that if I lost him, I would lose myself. There are days where he irritates the crap out of me. This morning he rang me to talk for 40 minutes about the difference in price between aldi and morrisons... while I was trying to do breakfast and the school run., Fuck me I could care less. But I listened to him, and ahahaed in the right places, because he had a stream of thought moment (40 minutes worth of moments) that he wanted to share with me and only me.

I do the same to him.

I do not feel 'in love' with DH every day. It is all the surrounding stuff that has bonded us. He hates swimming for example, and last weekend came and watched me swim with the Dcs just because I wanted him to. He is the only person I want to talk to when ANYTHING happens.

I value him so much. Last weekend we also went to a 45th party for a friend. He spent a bit of time talking to an ex girlfriend.... one who really broke his heart and is probably his real first love. I was a little bit jealous.... not that much, because I did not feel as if I have anything to worry about..... but I played up the jealously a very little bit when we got home, as it puffed him up a bit. :)

behindthetimes · 13/03/2014 12:39

definitely don't feel in love all the time (married 4 years), but do feel love on some level and at times the more passionate feelings return. Long term relationships take work and have ups and downs. I think media representations of love give us unrealistic expectations.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/03/2014 12:39

I'm always glad to see friends but waiting for him to arrive somewhere and seeing him walk into the room never fails to raise my spirits.

ZingSweetMango · 13/03/2014 12:51

no.

yesterday I wanted to throw shoes at him

Apatite1 · 13/03/2014 13:09

Yes but it's still early days for us (5 years) so that's probably why!

Apatite1 · 13/03/2014 13:12

I should add that that doesn't mean we don't fight, sometimes he irritates the fuck out of me, but that's few and far between. Doesn't mean I don't love to bits every single cringe-worthy day.

Andy1964 · 13/03/2014 13:40

YES YES YES. Every day and the feeling is reciprocated too.
We've been married for over 15 years and feel more 'In Love' now than the day we got married. We are soppy together.

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