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Original poster

Do you feel 'in love' with DH/P every day?

160 replies

pinchpunch · 13/03/2014 08:26

I love my OH very much, but sometimes I panic that I don't feel madly in love with him all the time. I appreciate him and wouldn't want to lose him, but am finding it difficult to figure out what long term relationships are really like, once the initial 'falling in love' bit is out the way.

I worry a lot about this and am unsure how to fix it - I don't want to force things if they're not right, but equally don't want to throw away something so good.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

OP posts:
ZingSweetMango · 13/03/2014 20:03

just asked him if he is 'in love' with me every day

"yes, I'm in love with you all the time"

me: "you don't mesn that"

him: "course not, you wind me up everyday. but I do love you"

Grin

we are a perfect match!Smile

ZingSweetMango · 13/03/2014 20:04

*mean

GingerMaman · 13/03/2014 20:10

No, not all the time. Sometimes he really frustrates me!

legoplayingmumsunite · 13/03/2014 20:14

Together 19 years, married 14. No, I don't feel 'in love' with him every day. Can I imagine anyone else I'd rather be married to? No. I'm not sentimental but I chose well.

Littleen · 13/03/2014 20:34

I see love as a swinging thing - sometimes you're more in love than other times. As long as you always love him, it's fine not to feel the "in love" bit all the time. And I'm sure everyone have off days where they cant stand their other half :P I also think that the more you worry or obsess about not feeling "in love", the worse it will get - just relax and trust your gut will tell you if something's actually wrong. There's 1000 ways to love, not one more right than the other :)

scottishmummy · 13/03/2014 20:46

Yes.we've been through a lot,we've grown up together

willowstar · 13/03/2014 22:07

Since we had children almost 5 years ago things have changed...his business has really suffered and he works silly hours just to keep a roof over our heads and I haven't been woken less than 3 times a night n all that time, we have no family around at all...so we have very little time for each other...so right now things are a bit crap but we have a very strong foundation and both know it is circumstances making our lives hard and often causing fights, but that underneath we are ok and always will be...that is love for me, the fact that he does work so hard, supports me in my job, is an excellent though often short tempered daddy to our children...but no, in the day to day drudgery and survival that our lives have become, I don't feel huge love because I am barely functioning! Before children we were far more 'in love' because we were so much more focused on each other...but the love now is deep, deep, deep.

foxdongle · 13/03/2014 22:39

hi yes we are romantic, loving, miss each other really quickly- talk/laugh a lot and get on very well. he always compliments me on how I look etc.
we have similar interests, do loads together and have the same sense of humour.
I couldn't imagine life without him.
I still fancy him after 17 years.
I'm a lucky girl ;) .

we rarely argue, but even so he can wind me up now and again and we went through a (thankfully) short-lived bad patch about 5 years ago.
luckily we came through it without any lasting damage :)

Soditall · 14/03/2014 08:24

Honestly yes we get told we look like were a new couple quite a bit.
I think it's because were very affectionate with one another and usually always look happy together.

Believe me there are time's where we could murder each other Grin him probably more than me!

But he's by far the nicest guy I've ever met and we have a lot of fun together.We've been together along time now and we have 5DC.
And we've been through so much together,things that I know would have split a lot of other couples we know up.

But we both know this is it for us,there will never be anyone else.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 14/03/2014 08:57

No.

After 20 years the "being in love" phase has grown to something much more solid.

LongPieceofString · 14/03/2014 09:57

I am very practical and unsentimental. I'm perfectly capable of getting on with my life by myself. I don't depend or rely on DH.

But I do enjoy his company and like it when we do stuff 'as a team' for want of a better description. I appreciate him, he appreciates me, we love each other.

I wouldn't want a 'needy' relationship. I like it that we are together because we love each other and add good stuff to each others lives. Not because we couldn't bear to be apart iyswim.

SchrodingersFerret · 14/03/2014 09:58

I've been married for 14 years, and for the middle bit, it was mostly appreciation, as you describe. But in the past six months or so we've had a bit of a second honeymoon phase, and lots of the real romantic feelings have returned. I don't say this to boast, merely as an illustration that to everything there are peaks and troughs - ups and downs. I doubt it will stay as lovey-dovey as it is now forever, but I'm just enjoying it for what it is. Fret not, these things go in cycles, imo.

Bumpsadaisie · 14/03/2014 10:23

I love my DH and wouldn't want to be without him. I miss him when he's a work and look forward to the weekend when we can all be together.

On the very rare occasions we get to spend time alone (we've had one weekend alone in 5 years - small DCs) then I do feel "in love". But not day to day.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 14/03/2014 10:37

We have been together for 11 years and although I love him and never want to lose him I certainly don't have that 'in love' feeling all the time, in fact sometimes he annoys the hell out of me!

I am happy to be with him though and wouldn't change him for anything Smile

Miggsie · 14/03/2014 11:35

The madly in love phase generally fades and you are left with that nice warm feeling...DH and I have been together 22 years now and we love each other more than when we first got together.
Not mad crazy love like the first year or so but real comforting love.
I know he's the one I want to talk to in the morning and share a good joke with and I know he's the one to cheer me up when I'm down.

He feels the same (we discuss this stuff)

Only hiccup we had was my libido going on long term absence after child-birth...this did cause a strain but I'm all better now!

bumblingbovine · 14/03/2014 12:16

A friend of mine who has been married (mostly happily) for 40 years says that she always judged whether her marriage was OK by applying the 20:20:60 rule.

20% of the time she felt really loving and close towards her husband and in love, 60% of the time she felt fine towards him, close enough but not "stomach churning/can't stop thinking about him" and 20% of the time she couldn't stand the sight of him.

You have to judge it over a period of time because the 20% of time that you "can't bear" you spouse can come in chunks of time. You just need to see if that out-weighs the better times over the long term. I quite liked that as a guide though of course other people may want to change the percentages a bit. As long as the good outweighs the bad for me I would think that my marriage was fine.

rainbowsmiles · 14/03/2014 12:41

I love the 20:20:60. I'd say it's about right for us:)

Sophiathesnowfairy · 14/03/2014 12:53

Yep. I adore my DH every minute of the day. We have been together about 6 years and married for 2. He is the absolute love of my life.

FunLovinBunster · 14/03/2014 13:16

Thanks for the 20/20/60. Food for thought!!

PfftTheMagicDraco · 14/03/2014 13:21

yes

MissHobart · 14/03/2014 13:24

Yes, together for 11 years, married 1. It's a quiet feeling in the background that makes me feel secure, when I think of him I still smile! Smile

Original poster
pinchpunch · 14/03/2014 13:43

I like the 20:20:60 idea! Do any of you who are happily settled worry that you don't have sex enough? I don't often get a craving for it and don't know why :s

OP posts:
Branleuse · 14/03/2014 13:47

i do, unless hes being a wanker, and then i dont, or if im premenstrual, then he can fuck off, but usually i love him

encyclogirl · 14/03/2014 13:54

Together 26 years, married 23. I'm still in love with him, he's a wonderful man.

Sophiathesnowfairy · 14/03/2014 13:58

In my first marriage I worried about the sex thing because I never wanted to. Second time round that is not an issue and things are so much better. The more you do, the more you want to iyswim.