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Original poster

Do you feel 'in love' with DH/P every day?

160 replies

pinchpunch · 13/03/2014 08:26

I love my OH very much, but sometimes I panic that I don't feel madly in love with him all the time. I appreciate him and wouldn't want to lose him, but am finding it difficult to figure out what long term relationships are really like, once the initial 'falling in love' bit is out the way.

I worry a lot about this and am unsure how to fix it - I don't want to force things if they're not right, but equally don't want to throw away something so good.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

OP posts:
Whyaremyfeetsofat · 13/03/2014 13:44

Exactly what cogito said. We've been together for 23 years, and some days I could strangle him. I still get hit by unexpected rushes of love when he does something especially kind or thoughtful

rainbowsmiles · 13/03/2014 13:49

God no, I'd be pushing it at every other day. I actively dislike him quite often and at other times he actively dislikes me. I'd like him to move to another house but only next door.

I honestly don't think about it much. It just is. I love him he loves me we fell in love. It just is.

ArsePaste · 13/03/2014 14:06

I am certainly not "in love" with my "D"P today, though I usually am most days, tbh. Today I'd quite happily smash him (and his bloody, bloody, BLOODY Ipad) up with a hammer.

Bumpsadaisie · 13/03/2014 14:11

Put it this way, thinking about the future of the relationship, you could say that being "in love" with each other would make you disastrous parents. People who are "in love" with each other are totally absorbed in each other. Terrible for children who need you so much and need to be at the centre of things when they are tiny (less so as they grow - its about gradually adjusting in an age appropriate way and gradually reasserting the primacy of the parental relationship, once the children are old enough).

ListenToTheLady · 13/03/2014 14:18

No, not every day! 16 years here. It goes in phases – we will have an argumentative patch for a few weeks or I will have a time of feeling irritated by him (and presumably vice versa) – then we'll have a good patch and really get on. The feeling of "wow i love him" comes along every so often, when he does something I admire, or says something that reminds me he really gets me in a way no one else I know does at all.

For me, this isn't a worry – it feels right - but if you are feeling your OH possibly isn't right, don't try to fight it, think about it and consider why. It's OK to not feel in love with someone every day. But you also need to feel that he's the right person long-term. You're in your 20s, there's no rush so I think it's right to mull this kind of thing over.

Aboyandabunny · 13/03/2014 14:26

Very well put Bumpsadaisie.

noddyholder · 13/03/2014 14:40

I don't agree about being in love and not being conducive to caring for children. It is perfectly possible to do both. I doubt my ds who is 19 now would think he had been in any way neglected in fact he does often say the reverse! And we love each other as much as ever. If you are so wrapped in each other that you exclude others you have other problems!

WowserBowser · 13/03/2014 14:44

I would normally say yes.

NOT TODAY THE FUCKING TWAT!!!

Bonsoir · 13/03/2014 14:47

I don't think being mad about each other has been remotely bad for our DC! On the contrary - we are pretty obsessed with the DC being all right too. We are very cosy-cosy as a family and I know it wouldn't suit everyone - I think some of our friends think we are hilarious - but it certainly hasn't done the DC any harm at all.

ZingSweetMango · 13/03/2014 14:53

put it this way: I love him every day, but I don't like him every day or all the time!

same with my children.

Wink
hellooctober01 · 13/03/2014 15:09

Agreed Zing

I love DP all the time but sometimes he irritates me no end Wink
We are always holding hands or cuddled up or touching in some way, even if I'm just sat with my legs across him. We can be absolutely sickening together we are so soppy. I'm all about vile pet names and kisses as soon as he gets in or before he leaves anywhere. I love his company, he is genuinely my best friend and I like him a lot, we get along well and interest each other. This to me is love though. If we didn't get along and had zero in common, it wouldn't work for me.

Fooso · 13/03/2014 16:16

Somedays I miss him when I'm at work and cant wait to see him when I get home. He's just been away skiing with his friends and I missed him so much - I kept looking out the window waiting for him to come home. This morning, I could've packed his things and thrown him out he pissed me off so much - ho hum.... been together 5 years and 3 kids between us at home.

bigTillyMint · 13/03/2014 17:33

No, after almost 18 yearsShock I don't feel "in love" with him, buy I do still love him and it still feels right. When we get a few days together on our own and not working, I might get the odd burst of feeling "in love" with him.

ChocolateSnowflakes · 13/03/2014 17:35

I only ever feel madly in love with DP or as if I want to throttle him. There never seems to be an 'in between'. We've been together for 6 years and are also in our twenties.

ZingSweetMango · 13/03/2014 18:11

hellooctober

vile pet names? care to share - I'm intrigued!Wink

woodrunner · 13/03/2014 19:04

Been together 20 years, so would be absolutely shattered if I was still as 'in love' with him as I was for the first couple of years.

But I adore him, trust him and he makes me laugh more than anyone else I've ever met.

When I don't feel as loved up as I want to about him, I just start talking about when we first met - he was so romantic and it was such a magical time it reminds me what I loved then, or we discuss plans for the near and far future: what we'll do this weekend, and what we'll do when the DC are finally grown - having things to look forward to with him reminds me how much I want to spend my life with him and how glad I am to have him.

NewtRipley · 13/03/2014 19:05

No.

Been with DH for 24 years

I look forward to him coming home, I feel safe, comfortable and respected, we laugh and are affectionate, I think he's handsome. I admire him enormously; I think I made an excellent choice - he's a fine man.

But sometimes I don't miss him when he's away, and i don't go weak at the knees.

We don't argue but we get a bit irritated with each other sometimes - but always apologise, talk it over if necessary and sort it out.

90sthrowback · 13/03/2014 19:08

God no, some days he does nothing but annoy and frustrate me, and I am sure the same could be said for him about me.

But we are each others rock, we share the important views and values and the rest is up for negotiation.

We've been together over 20 years and I still regularly get that certain tingle when I see him.

Millyblods · 13/03/2014 19:10

Yes, after 30 years together ( met when young) feel more " in love " with him now than ever. Now the kids are grown up we are a couple again. Have date nights, put each other first, make plans for the future and he makes ne really really laugh.Smile

HRHLadyG · 13/03/2014 19:10

Yes! I feel very blessed! x

Millyblods · 13/03/2014 19:11

O and I find him still really really gorgeous and sexy.Wink

Mumraathenoisylion · 13/03/2014 19:15

I love him everyday, he is home for me (and the dcs). I don't feel oh my god I'd die without you, please notice me, never leave, I wonder what he's thinking? Ever. It depends what you mean by in love I guess.

I'm definitely not obsessed, I think we both were when we met each other. He's my best friend and he can be a bit of a dick sometimes but then so can I! As long as he doesn't cheat and his priorities remain the same I will always love him.

crestfall · 13/03/2014 19:34

No, lately I am struggling to even like him. Don't suppose that will last though...we are in the sleep deprived state of small baby/ tantrummy toddler, sleeping in different rooms and arguing daily.

ElectricalBanana · 13/03/2014 19:38

Yes... I fall in love with him every day.

Been together 10 years, married for 6. No children of our own.

I have been in long term relationships where the first year or so have been intense but after a while the fizz goes. When they breathed on my neck I stopped tingling.
I only have to look at my long haired biker and I tingle, that's before he even touches me! I am totally besotted - and the feeling is reciprocated.

A true love match

CheshireEditor · 13/03/2014 19:53

No not at all, sometimes I want to belt him several times with a frying pan and he does things sometimes that make me mental, just little things (wet towels over dry on the radiator, why, why, why?)

We've been together since I was 16 and I am now 42 and I can honestly say I do still love him, a lot.

The song You've Got The Love (to see me through) sums it all up. In good times and bad, that seam of love that holds us and bonds us and may weaken at times but it never breaks, we've got the love to see each other through and that is what matters.