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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL sabotage comes to a head...

469 replies

ewrocks · 10/03/2014 14:06

Hi there - I was wondering if anyone on mumsnet could give me some advice? Myself, my DH and our three children are currently living with my MIL at the moment and have been since October, when my DH was made redundant and we had to give up our rental flat as we could no longer afford to pay the rent. It was decided between MIL and DH that we would come and live with her for a couple of years, whilst we look for work and then, once we have jobs, save for a deposit so that we can buy a house this time. A very kind offer; I had my reservations but because I've always gotten on with MIL (or so I thought), we couldn't really turn it down unless we were to go on benefits instead, which neither of us wanted to do.

So we moved in. It's a bit cramped: MIL has the front double bedroom to herself, DS's (aged 5 and 3) are on bunkbeds in the box room and me, DH and our 1 year old DD are in the back double room. There is only one small bathroom. But however uncomfortable, I am massively grateful for this opportunity. Our kids are very good (we are bloody lucky) and don't cause much fuss. MIL loves them.

DH was out of work until last month, which was very difficult but is now doing well in an even better paid job, thank God. I am a SAHM, as my youngest two kids aren't at school yet but I am currently looking for part time evening/weekend work to boost our income. No joy yet. We have no savings left, as they went on paying our last month of rent and we also gave the rest to MIL for keep. But DH is now earning again and is starting to put some away. I do the vast majority of housework during the day and we all take turns to do the cooking, as it is a hobby of all of ours. I still do the lion's share, I would say.

I always got on with MIL and I thought she liked me but lately she has been doing and saying things that seem like sabotage and indicate that she actually, secretly hates my guts! At first it was little snide comments about my weight, or lack of ambition (she works, I haven't since our second was born). There have been a few goldigger-esq comments as well.
I let these go, as I thought me living in her home her must be grating on her nerves a bit.

But then she started playing games with food. For example, on her nights to cook, she serves everyone else's dishes up first and then leaves mine in the pot/oven and tells me to help myself. She barely leaves half a portion! I'm not kidding when I say on some nights, I'm eating the same amount of dinner as our 1 year old! She'll serve up the DC's and put DH's on a plate in the microwave (as some evenings, he doesn't get back until just after dinner time). On the evenings when I cook, she makes faces and pushes her food around her plate before eating maybe one mouthful and then "fake heaving" and spiting it out in the sink. She'll give the rest of the dinner to her dog and make herself a sandwich or a ready meal. Okay so she might not like my cooking, but it can't be that bad EVERY TIME! She doesn't do this if DH is there for dinner though. If he cooks, he gets heaps of praise for his culinary skills! Hmm

She has repeatedly put peanuts in my eldest's packed lunch despite knowing it is not allowed at his school, due to other children's allergies (I have been pulled up 3 times for this). I also think she is rooting through my stuff when I'm not there (no proof, just a hunch as everything seems misplaced). A pair of my shoes have gone missing, as has a cardigan and a bra. I also found my pillow in the dog's basket one evening. She claimed that the dog must have pulled it downstairs and put it in there herself. (The dog is a westie and pretty small). Hmm

She is also doing this weird thing to my wing mirror every morning: basically, we're living on a very busy road and we have to park our cars on the roadside. You have to pull in your wing mirrors after you've parked up, or there's a very good chance that a car or bus will knock it off. I always wake up to take my son to school and find that my wing mirror has been pulled out again, despite KNOWING that I pulled it in the previous day. So about a week ago, I watched out the window as she left for work (she leaves before me and the kids and DH leaves before all of us) and I SAW her doing it. I caught her doing it the day after and also this morning as well. It is definitely her and it is definitely deliberate. I think she is hoping it will get knocked off? (So far it hasn't, thank goodness).

But worst of all, this morning I went to brush my teeth and the stench of PISS coming off my toothbrush (before I used it, I hasten to add) was absolutely putrid - even when I'd already put the toothpaste on. I just know that she's rubbed it in the toilet after she's used it (or even urinated on it like a pregnancy test - who knows)?! I have no proof of this one, but honestly, it's got to be her with all the other stuff hasn't it? This is beyond a joke - how can anyone be so disgusting and spiteful? I've never been anything but nice to her and she's really freaking me out now. She clearly hates me but why not just be honest about it? DH will never believe half this stuff is going on (although I filmed her doing the wing mirror on my phone this morning and I have saved the toothbrush to show him). But he generally thinks the sun shines out of her arse. And I have nowhere else to go. What the hell am I gonna do here?! Sad

OP posts:
TypicaLibra · 12/03/2014 11:50

Oh yes bagof - that book stayed with me for years, the MIL was so manipulative, superficially charming and ultimately evil ....

gamerchick · 12/03/2014 12:49

I love the little house.. it's a favorite re read Grin

thegreylady · 12/03/2014 12:50

OP hasn't been back for quite a while I hope she is ok and it is rl not her mil stopping her posting in some way.

Clutterbugsmum · 12/03/2014 15:25

Hopefully she packing and too busy looking at places to rent thegreylady.

Hope you ok Ewrock.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 12/03/2014 16:00

Hope the process of moving is going ok, and you are insulated against this woman's nastiness.

Flowers
struggling100 · 12/03/2014 16:38

Jesus Christ on a bendy bus, I am so glad you are getting out of there.

I think I would be tempted to print out this thread and leave it in the house for her to peruse at her leisure.

She's completely bonkers!!

CalamityKate · 12/03/2014 16:54

"Jesus Christ on a bendy bus"

I am nicking that immediately!

Odaat · 12/03/2014 18:18

'Jesus Christ on a bendy bus' - agreed, this is genius! Also nicking, pronto!

CookieDoughKid · 12/03/2014 19:06

So sorry to hear about this. Please try to keep your cool though as you don't want to be more stressed than already. I think the bridges are already burnt here. Just where do you go from here especially if mil won't admit to anything?

I read your post and I really thought I was reading a movie script!! Unbelievable. Op. All the best and I'm sure you will all be ok.

Deathwatchbeetle · 12/03/2014 21:04

Let's hope there is no back peddling from husband once the MIL turns on the tears or as Disgrace to the Y chromosone says, has 'cancer' or heart troubles.

I actually cannot believe that while they were all sitting down to a meal that the husband did not think it weird that his wife had to dish up her own and had a small portion. Was his nose in his plate all the time?? And when his wife cooked and the mother made a fuss about beeing sick, was he around then? Do they only see what they want to see? Selective blindness as well as deafness????

Jeez.

Deathwatchbeetle · 12/03/2014 21:08

MIL has really shot herself in the foot, hasn't she?? Silly silly woman.

I hope the hubbie gets to meet up with his father -it could be quite illuminating.

Meerka · 12/03/2014 21:30

deathwatch the MIL doesnt play these food games so much when he is around, or at least so I interpret it

She doesn't do this if DH is there for dinner though .

and put DH's on a plate in the microwave (as some evenings, he doesn't get back until just after dinner time)

bumbleymummy · 12/03/2014 21:34

Oh my goodness - just read this and it's absolutely shocking! I'm so glad that your DH took it all seriously and that you are moving out. I hope you've found somewhere lovely to move to by now.

watfordmummy · 12/03/2014 22:16

Has OP been back again??

Deathwatchbeetle · 12/03/2014 22:24

Oh right Meerka. That makes it a bit better then. I had a picture of him sitting there -"OOh no more for me mum I am full", whilst his wife brings out a magnifying glass to see where her food is on a plate.

Well let's hope he continues to see his wife's side of things and follow through with leaving like he said they should.

MIL is a right one.

Joysmum · 12/03/2014 22:40

Sit quiet until you can go, then it's up to DH to raise it with her.

Hope you find a suitable vacant possession soon. I'm hoping you'll update with good news.

Monty27 · 13/03/2014 01:07

Start getting your stuff organised for a hasty exit. Good luck.

really1234 · 13/03/2014 06:42

How is it going OP?

Fifyfomum · 13/03/2014 06:59

I hope the OP comes back today, I have visions of her lying poisoned in the hospital!

MrsJK · 13/03/2014 07:24

Update please Grin

Blueuggboots · 13/03/2014 08:22

I'm so glad your dh was supportive!
That's disgusting, telling your child you are a whore.Angry
Good luck looking for suitable properties!!
let us know what happens when he faces up to her!!

Hopelass · 13/03/2014 09:07

Hi OP hope you're well away from your MIL by now; she sounds like a nutjob! Shock
This thread has been on my mind so much I had a dream last night that DH and I were buying a car called a Ford Ewrock!! Please update us OP!!

debbs77 · 13/03/2014 09:21

Wow goodness me!! I hope you manage to get out of there soon! I expect it will all calm down after xx

CalamityKate · 13/03/2014 09:22

I don't think the OP is coming back.

Anonymousy · 13/03/2014 10:36

Nor do I.