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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL sabotage comes to a head...

469 replies

ewrocks · 10/03/2014 14:06

Hi there - I was wondering if anyone on mumsnet could give me some advice? Myself, my DH and our three children are currently living with my MIL at the moment and have been since October, when my DH was made redundant and we had to give up our rental flat as we could no longer afford to pay the rent. It was decided between MIL and DH that we would come and live with her for a couple of years, whilst we look for work and then, once we have jobs, save for a deposit so that we can buy a house this time. A very kind offer; I had my reservations but because I've always gotten on with MIL (or so I thought), we couldn't really turn it down unless we were to go on benefits instead, which neither of us wanted to do.

So we moved in. It's a bit cramped: MIL has the front double bedroom to herself, DS's (aged 5 and 3) are on bunkbeds in the box room and me, DH and our 1 year old DD are in the back double room. There is only one small bathroom. But however uncomfortable, I am massively grateful for this opportunity. Our kids are very good (we are bloody lucky) and don't cause much fuss. MIL loves them.

DH was out of work until last month, which was very difficult but is now doing well in an even better paid job, thank God. I am a SAHM, as my youngest two kids aren't at school yet but I am currently looking for part time evening/weekend work to boost our income. No joy yet. We have no savings left, as they went on paying our last month of rent and we also gave the rest to MIL for keep. But DH is now earning again and is starting to put some away. I do the vast majority of housework during the day and we all take turns to do the cooking, as it is a hobby of all of ours. I still do the lion's share, I would say.

I always got on with MIL and I thought she liked me but lately she has been doing and saying things that seem like sabotage and indicate that she actually, secretly hates my guts! At first it was little snide comments about my weight, or lack of ambition (she works, I haven't since our second was born). There have been a few goldigger-esq comments as well.
I let these go, as I thought me living in her home her must be grating on her nerves a bit.

But then she started playing games with food. For example, on her nights to cook, she serves everyone else's dishes up first and then leaves mine in the pot/oven and tells me to help myself. She barely leaves half a portion! I'm not kidding when I say on some nights, I'm eating the same amount of dinner as our 1 year old! She'll serve up the DC's and put DH's on a plate in the microwave (as some evenings, he doesn't get back until just after dinner time). On the evenings when I cook, she makes faces and pushes her food around her plate before eating maybe one mouthful and then "fake heaving" and spiting it out in the sink. She'll give the rest of the dinner to her dog and make herself a sandwich or a ready meal. Okay so she might not like my cooking, but it can't be that bad EVERY TIME! She doesn't do this if DH is there for dinner though. If he cooks, he gets heaps of praise for his culinary skills! Hmm

She has repeatedly put peanuts in my eldest's packed lunch despite knowing it is not allowed at his school, due to other children's allergies (I have been pulled up 3 times for this). I also think she is rooting through my stuff when I'm not there (no proof, just a hunch as everything seems misplaced). A pair of my shoes have gone missing, as has a cardigan and a bra. I also found my pillow in the dog's basket one evening. She claimed that the dog must have pulled it downstairs and put it in there herself. (The dog is a westie and pretty small). Hmm

She is also doing this weird thing to my wing mirror every morning: basically, we're living on a very busy road and we have to park our cars on the roadside. You have to pull in your wing mirrors after you've parked up, or there's a very good chance that a car or bus will knock it off. I always wake up to take my son to school and find that my wing mirror has been pulled out again, despite KNOWING that I pulled it in the previous day. So about a week ago, I watched out the window as she left for work (she leaves before me and the kids and DH leaves before all of us) and I SAW her doing it. I caught her doing it the day after and also this morning as well. It is definitely her and it is definitely deliberate. I think she is hoping it will get knocked off? (So far it hasn't, thank goodness).

But worst of all, this morning I went to brush my teeth and the stench of PISS coming off my toothbrush (before I used it, I hasten to add) was absolutely putrid - even when I'd already put the toothpaste on. I just know that she's rubbed it in the toilet after she's used it (or even urinated on it like a pregnancy test - who knows)?! I have no proof of this one, but honestly, it's got to be her with all the other stuff hasn't it? This is beyond a joke - how can anyone be so disgusting and spiteful? I've never been anything but nice to her and she's really freaking me out now. She clearly hates me but why not just be honest about it? DH will never believe half this stuff is going on (although I filmed her doing the wing mirror on my phone this morning and I have saved the toothbrush to show him). But he generally thinks the sun shines out of her arse. And I have nowhere else to go. What the hell am I gonna do here?! Sad

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 11/03/2014 15:27

Sending the boxing up of stuff. Anything precious and irreplaceable - photos, documents etc - get them somewhere safe asap

FetchezLaVache · 11/03/2014 15:31

Oh hell yes, Starfish makes a bloody good point there. Can you box those up and get them round to your sister's PDQ?

unobtanium · 11/03/2014 16:25

Oh boy, thought I'd heard it all. Ewrocks, you and dh have handled this well, best of luck I'll be thinking about you all xxx

fanjolina · 11/03/2014 16:38

Am absolutely gobsmacked reading this OP. how awful for you. Thank goodness for your supportive DH and sister.

OnlyLovers · 11/03/2014 16:46

Good God. A whore who needs a slap?!?!?

Glad your DH is on the same page. Here's to you getting out and getting on with your lives!

RunRunRuby · 11/03/2014 17:13

Yay for your DH! Fingers crossed for a quick move :)

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 11/03/2014 17:19

Hi OP. Delurking to congratulate you and DH on your swift and concerted response to the situation.

If you decide to have a chat with MIL, be prepared for a sudden illness. Overnight cancer is popular, while the more histrionic prefer a heart attack. If the latter, remember that effective CPR breaks ribs. Don't hold back, eh?

Good luck and a happy future to you all.

Meerka · 11/03/2014 17:37

I was thinking that after they're out, her husband could confront her with the 'your mother's a whore" comment and then offer to help her wash her mouth out ... with the toothbrush.

Roseformeplease · 11/03/2014 18:53

Meerka - fantastic plan!

But, seriously, OP, after years of threads on here where the DH went with his mother rather than his wife, even in the face of overwhelming evidence, big cheer to your DH.

I hope you are OK and can weather the next few days and find somewhere nice to rent.

CuntyBunty · 11/03/2014 19:42

Gosh, that's like a bloody horror story. Best of luck OP.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 11/03/2014 20:15

Been lurking here but Shock

Hope you're out of there pronto. Elderly or not, she's off her rocking tree.

Odaat · 11/03/2014 20:35

Jesus! I thought my MIL was bad...

Runningtrainers · 11/03/2014 20:39
Shock
PortofinoRevisited · 11/03/2014 20:39

Well he not at all fantastic is he? He apparently heard his wife called a whore by his mother and did nothing and kept quiet. He is a knob.

Botanicbaby · 11/03/2014 20:49

no portofinorevisited the DH did no hear his mother calling his wife a whore. DS asked him what a whore was as he'd heard MIL say it and that's when he realised that there was a serious problem with his mother.

OP - good luck with the move, what a truly horrendous situation you and your family have had to endure, very sad story.

Botanicbaby · 11/03/2014 20:50

not

FabBakerGirl · 11/03/2014 20:58

How can a mother truly love her son if she treats her son's wife, and grandchildren's mother, like this?

So many MIL are horrible to their DIL's and I don't understand why.

BewitchedBefuzzledBewildered · 11/03/2014 21:02

.

DakotaFanny · 11/03/2014 21:12

Wow. Just wow!

Good luck OP. can't wait to hear just how you stick it to the bitch!

Inertia · 11/03/2014 21:16

That's horrific, and I think you're right to consider cutting all contact. She's done some very screwed up things there - is there any chance that it's the onset of dementia? She seems to have lost any sense of boundaries.

Somebody mentioned this upthread and I can't find it now to refer to, but if she's doing that to your tooth brush god only knows what she could be putting in your food. I wonder what she'd do if your DH said "Here Ewrocks, you have mine that's already dished up and I'll finish what's in the pan"...

gertiegusset · 11/03/2014 21:20

Unbelievable that a grown Woman and a Grandmother would behave like this.
Especially saying things like that in earshot of her DGS.
Awful.

PortofinoRevisited · 11/03/2014 21:22

Yes - he heard what his mother had apparently said, and did nothing, said nothing and now he is fabulous. Hmm

Featherbag · 11/03/2014 21:38

I can see why your DH found it difficult to tell you about MIL's comments, that sort of thing would crush anyone! So pleased he's putting you first, MIL sounds like she deserves to be alone.

Wishfulmakeupping · 11/03/2014 22:30

Can't believe she called you a whore and to your ds :( fucking hell that's low. Please once your out of there don't let this woman near your children she is capable of real harm

RandomMess · 11/03/2014 22:36

Hope you've found somewhere to move into that's going to happen quickly.

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