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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Whose the head fuck

55 replies

unluckyineverything · 09/03/2014 14:04

Text conversation with me an so called dp today

Me,did you ask xxx about borrowing car?

Dp, yep

Me,well what did he say?

Him, what has it got to do with you?

Me,I've only got a week to sort something out for ds birthday an no car means we can't go to x place so as it's a favour for me surely it has everything to do with me

Him, your such a head fuck usining your kids as ammo top mom ain't ya

Just for back ground info we have been together for 4 years, no dcs together but his very close to my 3 dcs youngest calls him dad don't live together as we live 2mins from one another. Please anyone explain how I'm a head fuck Confused

OP posts:
HMG83 · 09/03/2014 14:05

You're not. He sounds like a right twunt.

scarletforya · 09/03/2014 14:07

I'm a bit confused. Whose car is it?

ohfourfoxache · 09/03/2014 14:08

Er, does he actually bring anything positive to your life? He sounds like a tosser Sad

ginmakesitallok · 09/03/2014 14:08

If that was how the texting went, and there isn't a back story then Shock at how your 'd' p talks to you. He sounds like a bastard

TanteRose · 09/03/2014 14:10

I'm guessing a friend's car.

Why on earth didn't he just tell you if you could borrow the friend's car? Confused

You are not fucking with anyone's head - you just want a simple answer to a simple question, right?

fairylightsintheloft · 09/03/2014 14:10

and you're with this charmer because??

Original poster
unluckyineverything · 09/03/2014 14:11

Oh sorry should of explained his mates car we usually borrow it for long journeys

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 09/03/2014 14:15

"what has it got to do with you?"
Shock
Why would anyone say that unless they were wanting to start an argument?

Is this an isolated incident, or representative of his behaviour in general? And no, you are not a head fuck.

Joules68 · 09/03/2014 14:16

He speaks to you like that and you are ok with this?

Optimist1 · 09/03/2014 14:17

Thank goodness you're not living with the arsehole man.

GoldfishCrackers · 09/03/2014 14:20

What a rude man. I'm not even sure what he'd get out of being so nasty.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/03/2014 14:22

You are nothing of the sort and he is being disrespectful here. He is dragging you down with him.

Why are you together at all?. What do you get from this relationship?.

He is no decent man to you let alone a stepfather type figure to your children. Put yourself and them first for a change.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/03/2014 14:23

I am only glad that you do not live together. That will make it easier for you to get rid of this character you have shackled yourself to for the last 4 years.

Original poster
unluckyineverything · 09/03/2014 14:27

His been like this since Xmas an his getting worse. To many incidents have happened over the past few months. But that is how a typical question is answered lately. when we are together if I ask him something that he doesn't feel he should answer he blows up screams at me tells me to be quiet as he doesn't like the sound of my voice then leaves. I told him I will get some outside views of his present attitude all he said was go ahead embarrass yourself

OP posts:
iklboo · 09/03/2014 14:29

Sounds like he's trying to push you into breaking up with him so he can play the sympathy card with all his mates. Let him. He sounds like an absolute dick & I'd be telling him to get lost.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/03/2014 14:30

You have not answered what you get out of this relationship so I presume from this that you cannot answer. That is in itself pretty damning evidence that this is not working at all.

Your children need and deserve a better father figure than this current man whom the youngest calls dad.

Why on earth are you still together, what is preventing you from giving this man the boot?. Are you really afraid of him and or being on your own again?.

Nomama · 09/03/2014 14:30

Now embarrass yourself further by dumping his rude gob and getting on with your life.

4 years and still living separately has just turned into a blessing Smile

ohfourfoxache · 09/03/2014 14:32

Why are you putting up with this? Sad

What are you getting from this relationship? Because from what you've posted so far you don't just get fuck all, you get the heartache of him being a dick

tribpot · 09/03/2014 14:33

I agree, it sounds like he's being deliberately argumentative, obstructive and dickish so that you finish with him and he gets to feel like he wasn't the bad guy.

Life's too short to put up with having someone screaming at you. Bin the twunt and plan a birthday party that doesn't rely on him.

PeanutPatty · 09/03/2014 14:33

Bin him.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/03/2014 14:33

He's an offensive bully... how's that for an outside view? Wouldn't waste a second more on someone that doesn't even appear to like you. Horrible behaviour.

coldwater1 · 09/03/2014 14:37

Tell him you only asked because you think he should drive right out of your life. I wouldn't put up with being spoken to like that.

Original poster
unluckyineverything · 09/03/2014 14:40

Your spot on Attila I can't think of a single thing ??

I'm not afraid of being alone I have stupidly been hoping things will go back to how they used to be. They won't get better will they. thank you all for your help an advice only one option I have left an that's to end things

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 09/03/2014 14:40

He has behaved like this towards you for over two months - screaming and tantrumming at you? unluckyineverything, this is a serious question, I am not having a go at you or sounding off. Why are you still seeing him? Why is your self-esteem not snarling back at him and throwing him out? Why are you accepting this behaviour? Seriously, this is what you should be asking yourself. You don't live together (so I assume your finances are completely separate too) and have no children by this man - there is nothing really to stop you just stopping this relationship.

Ask yourself, in what way does this relationship make me happy? I know some people feel the need to have someone in their life, but that need should NEVER make them accept a 'someone-who-is-worse-than-no-one'. This man is not adding to your life, he is draining it out of you. I really think you need to get rid of him. It may even be that his behaviour is an attempt to force you to do so?

Viviennemary · 09/03/2014 14:44

That is a mean reply whatever the ins and outs of the situation are. People do speak to each other in an unacceptable way at times. We are not all perfect. But constant rude replies like this are certainly a red flag.