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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner has left me and my 2 boys this morning

519 replies

DickCrack · 08/03/2014 09:58

It's been coming a while. 1 shag in 3 years lots if rows. This morning I found loads of dirty texts he sent to another woman. He's gone now. Ds 5 witnessed a lot of my upset this morning. I'm ashamed. What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
DickCrack · 19/03/2014 16:13

I can't stop imagining it, me at home with newborn ds2. Very unwell, him getting blow jobs in a lay by from his whore.

OP posts:
Logg1e · 19/03/2014 16:20

No good comes from labelling her at the expense of laying the blame where it should be - on him.

LavenderGreen14 · 19/03/2014 16:33

don't blame her for his disloyalty - it is his fault, not hers.

AnyFucker · 19/03/2014 16:38

Surely what you know is more than enough ? Don't torture yourself with wanting to know all the sordid details.

Original poster
DickCrack · 19/03/2014 18:42

Of course you are right, but isn't giving blow jobs to married men in the family car down the lane the very actions of a whore. Of course, I don't think he actually paid her.

OP posts:
Logg1e · 19/03/2014 18:47

No, it's not.

I'm not sure what you call a man who puts his penis in to someone else's mouth when he is supposed to be in a loving, trusting, respectful relationship with someone else.

Hissy · 19/03/2014 18:49

Focus your anger on him love, he's the one who let YOU down.

I'm sorry, I know this is shit. :(

Original poster
DickCrack · 19/03/2014 20:50

I'm angry with him but what kind of woman does that. She'd been round to my house holding my baby only a few weeks previously.
I want to ruin both their lives.

OP posts:
Hissy · 19/03/2014 21:05

She's not worth your blood pressure rise.

Why she did it is down to her. Poor self esteem, no self worth, who knows.

You are entitled to your thoughts and anger. Feel them, express them, understand them and then let them go.

These feelings will pass in time, you won't always feel like this.

deste · 19/03/2014 21:09

My friends beautiful, delightful, placid grandaughter has turned into a child you wouldn't recognise. She has been damaged so badly all because her mother wouldn't let her see the father. Just be very careful you don't want to do that to your children.

ohldoneedtogetagrip · 19/03/2014 21:10

I want to ruin both their lives.

No they have done a good job of ruining their own lives. You posted about their affair on FB presumably naming OW. They will have been gossiped and spoken about-both their reputations are in tatters.

Your best revenge is to live well.

good luck to you and your DC's Flowers

daysandnight56 · 19/03/2014 21:11

Please don't waste your time trying to ruin them both. What may happen is that you will bring them closer together and they will feel it is "them against the world". I have seen this happen. Please don't send texts or emails to him - he will only show them to her. Put your head up high and leave them to it. Wishing you luck for the future x

AnyFucker · 19/03/2014 21:19

DC, come on, you are better than that

Put the blame on your cheating twat of a partner. She is nothing to you. if you publically say these things you will become a laughing stok, which I am afraid will play right into their hands

have some dignity

Original poster
DickCrack · 19/03/2014 21:32

Thanks anyfucker. You are right. X

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/03/2014 22:01

As hard as it is, and yes she is a low life but he is worse

You will lower yourself to their level if you retaliate

The best way to get revenge is to rise above it and live your life with dignity and find some lovely other bloke to shag

Original poster
DickCrack · 20/03/2014 11:07

I'm broken. Heartbroken. I can't cope.

OP posts:
LavenderGreen14 · 20/03/2014 11:29

Yes you can - you already are. Just keep breathing, take 5 minutes at a time if you have to. Keep talking here. It will be fine - promise. It is the most hideous awful pain, completely understand - but you will be ok.

AnyFucker · 20/03/2014 12:46

You can cope love, you are stronger than you think. Keep going for your kids.

If it all gets too much, call the Samaritans for a listening ear. Do not call him in an attempt to let him make you feel better. It will be shortlived,, and you will despise yourself

Original poster
DickCrack · 20/03/2014 15:48

Anyfucker - I get the sense you've been here. I did want to call him. Even though he's behaved despicably and hasn't grovelled and I don't love, like trust or respect him, I'm still considering asking him to come home to make it stop :-(

OP posts:
Logg1e · 20/03/2014 16:02

But it won't make it stop, it'll just put it off for a bit and next time the pain will be worse.

LavenderGreen14 · 20/03/2014 16:04

I agree - keep your dignity and do not contact him.

So many of us have been where you are now - keep talking here, it will help.

Original poster
DickCrack · 20/03/2014 16:31

Could those of you have been here please share how your emotions changed? What made it better or worse? When do you know you are at the bottom? What makes it better? I need it to be better.

OP posts:
Logg1e · 20/03/2014 16:40

I think for me I just really place a high value on Dignity. It was very important to me to remain dignified, so even if I was an undignified, blubbering mess at night time, in public and around him I was Cool and Calm.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/03/2014 16:50

DickCrack you poor thing. It truly is the most horrible, excrutiating pain you are going through. I remember it very clearly and you have my sympathy.

I think I started to feel better when I accepted. Accpted that he wasn't coming back. Accepted that he was not the man I thought he was. Accepted that I would never know the whole truth.

That allowed me to stop torturing myself with the "why did he do it? Why didn't he love me? When did he meet her?" shit that was going round and round and round my head

When I did that I was abe to go truly NC (no checking FB, no casually asking mutual friends about him, no drunk texts etc) and after that I started to be able to move forward.

You will make it Dick. Promise you that you will even thought it seems like you won't at the moment

LavenderGreen14 · 20/03/2014 16:54

time is the only thing really - that and keeping busy, relying on friends, not contacting him at all, seeing your GP, getting counselling and just keep on putting one foot in front of the other. It is a rollercoaster, and some days are just horrific, and others are ok. And in time the ok days get more frequent.