My partner has left me and my 2 boys this morning

[DickCrack]

It's been coming a while. 1 shag in 3 years lots if rows. This morning I found loads of dirty texts he sent to another woman. He's gone now. Ds 5 witnessed a lot of my upset this morning. I'm ashamed. What do I do?

Getting him back won't help in the long run. You will just put off the feeling like shit until later except you will feel worse because you compromised yourself. Ride with it, love. This too shall pass.

He's got the kids out for tea. I need a break. Perhaps I should arrange more breaks? I've eaten a proper meal too. First one in a while.

Well done that woman!

Yes, you need to start putting firmer plans in place. The feeling of empowerment you will get when you start to assert some control will give youa buzz and allow you time to breathe

Bit, was your ex unfaithful? Obv you don't need to tell me if you don't want to, but wondered how it panned out in the end?

How do I get to the no contact stage? He's always going to be around due to the dcs. The urge to ring him is strong, I can't understand why he's not grovelling. I need him to grovel to move on.

You don't need him to grovel. He will regret this...it may take time but he will see you move on, grow, maybe meet someone new...he will look at you and your boys and have so many regrets....

My exH left me and my 2 boys 8 years ago, he had an EA with a colleague. he isn't with her now!

He has told me since, leaving me was the biggest mistake he's ever made! Too late now!

Read some self-help books if that's your thing and when you're ready get some counselling - I find that everyone can benefit from some decent counselling! It helps make sense of stuff and encourages you to believe in yourself.

He's already said it was the worst mistake of his life Louby, but he's not saying he wants to come home. Perhaps I need to reject him like he rejected me. I'm all over the place. I'm going to ask gp about counselling. Are there any books which are especially helpful? Thank you everyone, I'm really taking the advice to keep talking on here, I'm so grateful for everyone's input.

Hello Dickcrack. Yes, he was unfaithful. Amongst other things that I found out when I started digging.

How did it pan out? I confronted him. He denied everything. Despite evidence. I walked away and I have not laid eyes on him since.

I guess that was only possible because we (thankfully) don't have children together and because of the nature of his work he was able to walk away and stay away.

If he says he's not coming back then perhaps you do need to accept that. Because until you do, you'll be stuck in limbo, not ableto look forward to what I know will be your bright future

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It really is the pits xx

I've just had his mother on the phone. I wish all this would stop.

Gone quiet - are you OK DC? Hope this means you have some help and are getting on with your life.

It will eventually and you will feel calmer. What did his mother want?

To wish ds2 happy birthday. Then to bang on about how she hopes she won't lose touch with the children. She wasn't unreasonable but I just can't cope with hearing it.

oops - sorry DC - mumsnet didn't display the rest for some reason! Keep calm and try to be patient with ex's Mum - she obviously loves her GC and is just worried she won't see them so much. Hope she will see that it's not your fault this happened and it certainly isn't the children's. It may be hard for her though as she may feel mortified that her son could do this to you - she's probably embarrassed.

She lives 300 miles away so only sees them if we go up or she comes down anyway. She says she doesn't condone his behaviour but he's her son so that's where her loyalties lie.

Well the amount of time she gets to spend with the GC will be down to her DS then won't it? Although you'll be happy for her to see them, sorting it out will no longer be your problem. So if she wants to phone anyone up to discuss that, it'll need to be her delightful boy.

Ooo I'm cross for you Dick!

She thinks he should take them to hers (it was planned as a family) in 3 weeks for a week, without me. I've never spent a night apart from ds2, and only from ds1 when in hospital having ds2. Both boys have slept with me every night since their dad left. Ds1 had a panic when I nipped out for a fag in case I'd left him.

I think that the holiday sounds a good idea, but it might just need postponing.

Or it needs to be much shorter

If you want it shorter, arrange a later start rather than an earlier return (voice of bitter experience).

I don't want them to go at all. They will be upset I'm not with them and selfishly they are pretty much what is keeping me going right now.

It's tricky I know. You don't want to let them go but you're putting yourself in a tough position if you refuse. Hmmm don't know what to suggest

I agree it's tricky. Firstly, the decision has to be about their best interests. Secondly, you can't really refuse, just as their father couldn't prevent you from taking them on holiday. I think it has to be about compromise rather than backing yourself in to a corner.

I'm letting him come here to see ds2 on his birthday. Is that ok?

How do you feel about it?

normal advice is he sees children outside your home. He no longer lives with you and you need to preserve your home as yours alone.