soooo my husbands slept with someone else..

[Humbug0108]

that's it really, been together 8years married for nearly 2. have had a nice few Facebook messages from said skanky girls sent me photos and messages from the 2weeks that they've known each other for. sorry feel a bit disjointed at the moment

Good grief, that's appalling humbug. Will they arrest her? I suppose they will. Is she somebody known to you from before, or your family? Why was she on your FB? At least her messages are there as evidence.

Are you safe just now? Do you have any friends or family who can be with you?

I wish I could buy you all wine/chocolates you have all helped me so much x

That is awful OP, hopefully the police visit will put a stop to it.

Don't let go of the fact that that miserable excuse of a man has put you, and your family into this abhorrent situation of having to call the police.

He just sounds worse and worse.

How can he be on his knees begging for a second chance when he left all of his important personal belongings and his wedding ring at her house?

I know how devastated you must be but you need to get really angry really quickly.

She sounds crazy..I can't believe someone could be so mean.

he left all that at hers, is he stupid?!

you deserve a lot better humbug.

Well done humbug and sorry you're having to deal with all of that. Let's hope a word from the police will put an end to that harassment. It's very bizarre behaviour and the last thing you need.

Take care of yourself and look forward to when you can have some headspace and time to process all that has happened. How are you getting on?

The keys and wedding ring in her house would seal it for me too. I'm sorry OP.

Is it acceptable to call a nutcase or am I misogynist? - only joking.

It's sounding less and less like a couple of one-nighters and more and more like an affair. When is he leaving to go to his mum's again?

Can't he go sooner/somewhere else? Even if he ends up with her... who cares! Get him out of the house you'll probably be safer. Where he is, drama will follow I suspect and you're DC don't need/deserve to be around that. Neither do you.

Well, we wish we could buy you wine and chocolates as well. Have some virtual stuff in the meantime.

Yep I agree with Zapp? Why would he take his ring off... Did he tell her you were separated I wonder?

What Trevor said re the drama and your DC. I think he should be away from your house now.

I suspect that's what the police will say as well... Make sure you explain to them that he has been sleeping with this woman!

Technically what she is doing is DV against your DH if they have been in an initimate relationship. Sounds insane I know. But she's harrassing her ex partner and his wife (OP) then it's domestic, and will be triggered more quicky IF anything else were to happen.

I guess some people think that slagging off a person's husband is unhelpful, but slagging off the third party is supportive.

I've seen people slate the OM to someone while being more careful in how they refer to the wife, too. The thing is, you can alienate the person seeking help. Love and loyalty don't have an off switch. It's not support if the person concerned walks away from the threads because the commentary is too distressing. And I've seen that happen more than once. NOT saying that justifies attacks on most OW/OM, either - I usually stress that I don't think it's reasonable to blame the person who owes you nothing but common decency. But in this situation I do think the OW has something to be blamed for. It's horrible behaviour.

Having said that: OP, the last things you type do make it clear that he has lied through his teeth about the scale and nature of their relationship. I really do think you need to tell him to get out right now, not shillyshally seeking decent accommodation. Someone's sofa is fine for him right now. More than he deserves, in fact. And how on earth did he leave keys, license and wedding ring there? That's not stuff you are absent-minded over.

I also just saw this:

Quoting laws at me (like we're in A Level Law class!) is pointless by the way. Advise OP on her DH please and stop waffling about the police

You're giving a victim of harassment wholly incorrect legal advice with blithely huge certainty, and yes, that needs to be challenged. You were wrong. And the A level comment is really rather uncalled-for. In point of fact, I can assure you that my legal studies went considerably beyond that level. Which is why I don't as a rule offer legal advice, and always recommend recourse to qualified solicitors.

Maybe the classy mare made him take off his ring before they DTD? Or maybe he's a bit like my husband and takes his ring off when he climbs in bed? The fact that she is gloating about having it is downright nasty.

I really am pulling for you OP. You are doing remarkably well for the situation you have been put in.

I hope Karma finds them both quickly and wears her sharpest stilettos when she kicks them up the arse.

for you Humbug and I don't have chocolate but here is some

You are being incredible right now.

She is a shit stirring trollop and your H is a feckless wank badger waiting on a spine donor.

You are so obviously capable and awesome and I hope they both rue the day they pissed you off.

Remain coolly imperious throughout, Ice Queen mode scares the living shit out of ineffectual twats.

Have you a relative or close friend you could go and stay with for a few days, OP? Someone who will cook, play with DS, generally mother you a bit and offer you a sanctuary? I appreciate that may not be something that appeals, but if it does I would ask. Sometimes just being nurtured and having some practical responsibilities lifted, for a short time, can be really helpful. You deserve to be given that support, if it would help and there is someone who could offer it (obviously with some families and even friends, their anger with him could just make it all harder, and you may even find routine soothing. But not having to think about the day-to-day can be useful for some people, I think).

Thank you perfectstorm. I see what you mean. I have my own opinions re OW etc which will never change, but I can see you are being supportive of OP.

Erm wasn't wrong at the time she had sent messages that didn't contain threats. Now that OW has made a direct threat (and has a key, something we/OP didn't know)... Yes, she should and has contacted police.

She sounds very involved for shagging someone twice. I suspect this may have been an affair

I'm glad the police are taking it seriously. I hope them having a word with her does the trick and she leaves you alone. Don't engage. Attention is oxygen to people like this.

Stay strong

Feckless wank badger has made me laugh. My word. What a mess.

Hope you're safe OP and remember to mention that person making threats was in a int.relationship with DH this means they may respond quicker if she does come to house.

Very best of luck.

Taking his wedding ring off whilst he's with her and casually forgetting it there?

Leave the bastard.

Agree with Storm RE staying elsewhere also.

Harassment needn't involve threats to be a crime. It just makes it a more serious offence (indictable, rather than confined to magistrates' court) if it involves threats. Continuing after blocks to Facebook would be enough to found a s2 offence, given the contact is so plainly (and intentionally, in this instance) unwelcome. I think it's important to make that point, given how many other people read MN, and may be mislead.

Don't engage. Attention is oxygen to people like this.

Completely agree, and, sadly, agree this sounds far more like an affair than you were led to believe.

Sorry, appreciate you were honestly trying to help and didn't for a second mean to "mislead". Poor choice of word there - very sleep deprived at the moment! But I think people do need to know that they don't have to take harassment, even if the harasser is canny enough not to overtly threaten. (The latter point was one of the reasons they created the lesser offence to begin with.) It's also handy where people want to send a solicitor's letter in less dramatic circ.s as the solicitor can cite the criminal elements as part of the "back off" message.