soooo my husbands slept with someone else..

[Humbug0108]

that's it really, been together 8years married for nearly 2. have had a nice few Facebook messages from said skanky girls sent me photos and messages from the 2weeks that they've known each other for. sorry feel a bit disjointed at the moment

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

She's nothing. She's just a woman who fucked a man.

He is your husband.

That he has actively chosen to fuck a "skanky" girl or a "gutter rat" or whatever we want to call her says a lot more about him than it does about her.

You need to remember that. No-one made him.

[struggling100]

Humbug - the first thing to say is that feelings of humiliation are completely understandable, but soooo wrong! The person who should feel humiliated, first and foremost, is him: he's betrayed you, betrayed your DC and let himself down completely. As for the behaviour of the OW - that kind of thing can only come from someone who is sad, lonely, and desperate. I think she deserves a mix of anger, contempt and pity.

I know that there's this huge temptation right now for you to want to minimise this, to rebuild, to run back into his arms and 'fix it'. But it can't be fixed that easily. What you need right now is time and space to process this, and to begin to grieve. You're still in shock from the whole thing, and you're bound to feel pulled in one hundred different directions. I am glad he's moving out on Friday, even if that feels difficult right now. Please draw on friends and family as much as you can for support: you need people who love and care for you right now.

[BuzzardBird]

He 'wants' to cut contact? Why hasn't he 'already' cut contact? You need to block her, don't torture yourself with what either of those twats have to say.

Start thinking about what you want, not him.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Good work to confront him so quickly, you won't want to read this but intentionally or not, that nasty female did you a favour by telling you. Now she can FOTTFSOF and meanwhile you have choices, don't feel you have to explain anything to anyone outside your marriage, your H has brought this on himself. Your priority is your future, your DS and your health. Glad you have a supportive friend, good thinking to get a health check.

[gateauauxfruits]

Under section 1 of the Malicious Communications Act 1998 it is an offence to send an indecent, offensive or threatening letter, electronic communication or other article to another person.

Open and shut case by the sound of it (no one could think those messages weren't offensive). Report to police immediately - they will at least give her a very good scare.

[bleedingheart]

What a vile way to find out! You poor thing!

It would kill the love for me if he could be attracted (even momentarily) to someone so lacking in morals, empathy and class. What does it say about him?

Grim.
I'm so glad you have a friend to support you through this IRL.

[LastOneDancing]

Hasn't he picked a little treasure to cheat with? She sounds a delight, and not a spiteful, needy, crazed bunny boiler at all. I bet she'd be a joy to be around.

And I'd bet that's why she's trying so hard to split you up - she can't maintain a normal relationship of her own. She sounds desperate.

Nobody is laughing at you OP. IF anybody knows, they are horrified at her and her hideous behaviour.

As for your DH... I can understand why you'd want to keep him close until Friday and he goes to his mums (I wouldn't want any temptation to go to her) but for your own well being I think he needs to go now. He's betrayed you, your vows and your family for a fuck with a nutter. He doesn't deserve your love or compassion right now. He's as disgusting as her.

Great big hugs x

[WhateverTrevor83]

Hi OP. Really sorry you've had this experience.

This girl sounds pathetic... and very desperate. A friend of mine had a similar experience, her husband was away training to be a gas man (if my memory serves) and was staying at a hotel during the week for a few weeks and ended up having an affair with a chambermaid. She ended up sending my friend some horrible messages, 'it's your own fault you don't sleep with him', blah blah. I'm ashamed to say I got involved and gave her a mouthful over Facebook - it all got very stupid and personal and in the end my friend just blocked her and I'm glad to say divorced her husband and now has a lovely fiance... Anyway, I digress.

The point I'm making is I would block her, definitely, and straight away.
She is just being spiteful and is in no way 'confessing' to be honest with you or try to explain, she's just rubbing your face in her sordid attempts to nick your husband. I doubt anyone worth worrying about/worth your respect is laughing at you.

I wouldn't bother the police over the FB messages though, sorry Fruits but they have bigger fish to fry and wouldn't follow it up in any way unless she has threatened you with violence. Of course if this happens, you should tell them but until then your priority should be what to do about that rat bag husband and not that silly girl.

I'm glad there's somewhere he can go (I bet his Mum is ready to tear a strip off him!) so you can gather your thoughts and concentrate on your DS.

I know what you mean... why do people risk losing everything for a grubby little fling? If it took the walk home to realise what he'd done wrong, maybe he should have taken some fresh air on the way to her house in stead. Pig.

Anyway - we're all here for you. Really hope whatever happens that you'll stick with your friends and be kind to yourself.

[livingzuid]

Oh humbug she has zero class. As for your husband how disgusting he wanted to be with this trashy slut. In the highly unlikely situation of people laughing at you, I doubt you'd care to be associated with people like that anyway.

He's only sad because he was caught. What a dumbass for ruining his family life for the sake of this dubious woman.

You sound like you are doing all the right things. Block this woman on Facebook, and get legal advice about your marriage so you have the information to make some decisions about your future.

[livingzuid]

And enjoy your beautiful dc. Focus on the nice things. Don't bother giving this woman any more air time, she's obviously achieved what she set out to do.

[Andy1964]

I was going to read through the rest of the replies before I posted but....Sod it!

1. She sounds real classy (not) replying to you on FB the way she has. Does you husband have no self respect. Reason 1 to chuck him out permenantly
   
2. You say he has cried and is sorry but he isn't. If he was as soon as he had known about her reply on FB clearly belittling his wife he should have been round there like a shot and defending you. She should have been removed and blocked as a contact too. Reason 2 to chuck him out permanently
   
3. By sleeping with someone this classy (anyone really) he has put his wife at risk of STI. Reason 3 to chuck him out permanently.
   
   As far as I'm concerned he can sleep on the street till Friday. Get someone round to change the locks, this guy has zero respect for you and does not deserve any comforts. It's his fault, his doing change the locks and tell him to do one and that you will be in touch via your solicitor.
   In actual fact the two of them sound as if they suit each other, skanky from skankland
   Tell the twat to do one!

[memyselfandl]

I think people are more likely to be laughing at you H to be honest they probably can't believe he would cheat with sucha skanky individual--just what does that say about him?
You hold your head up high maintain your dignity and block the OW. If your H decides to go to her it will just show everyone what a tosser land pathetic individual he is. He will be joining her in the gutter
make your time deciding what to do remember he did not tell you -she did. He was willing to put your sexual and general health at risk when he sank his penis into her. He gave you- the mother of his DC no consideration at all.
Dump the tosser to touch you and your DC deserve better he deserves nothing but contempt.

[gateauauxfruits]

"I wouldn't bother the police over the FB messages though, sorry Fruits but they have bigger fish to fry..." The speeding motorist's fallacy ("Why aren't you out catching murderers, officer?") The police are there to investigate crimes, not just major crimes.

[WhateverTrevor83]

... OK Fruits - I did say sorry (ie - not having a go at you). But this isn't a crime. Sorry, but it isn't. There hasn't been a threat - and I hope there won't be. Just unpleasant messages that OP can block (and is yet to).

The police don't tell people off for sending nasty FB messages. Ever. UNLESS there has been a threat or other harrassment. Which this isn't (as OP hasn't blocked her, yet).

It's not really about the police/crime... I shouldn't have brought it up. Was just saying that OP's husband is the main issue. Ringing the police about a few facebook messages would be a waste of time/not a priority.

[waltermittymissus]

She's such a non-entity I wouldn't even give her head space.

Block and ignore.

As for him 'wanting' to cut contact and waiting until mummy has a bed ready?

Fuck that. He needs to get his scummy arse out of your personal space and start telling you the truth.

If he's still reading: you're a prick and you don't deserve her.

[gateauauxfruits]

Under section 1 of the Malicious Communications Act 1998 it is an offence to send an indecent, offensive or threatening letter, electronic communication or other article to another person.

That is what the Act says. "There hasn't been a threat" isn't really a complete answer to it, is it?

[Humbug0108]

he is literally on his knees begging to sort this out. I am being so strong I am actually quite proud of myself, I've taken in all your advice and trying to detach my emotions from it really and listen to all of you. our son is my main priority and I need to be strong for him. the OW has two children by the way (different dads, even her brother was joking what a slag she is) so I pity and feel for her children to have such a role model in their lives x

[WhateverTrevor83]

Gateau you are v v v v v v v v naive. The police WOULD NOT go and tell off this girl for sending OP FB messages. Trust me.

Hope you don't really ring the police every time you get an email/text message etc you don't like.

Stop being so silly. This is about OP's cheating husband. Not quoting laws at other posters who dare to point out that the police would not give a shit about someone sending their lover's/ONS's wife a few snidey messages. Grow up FGS. Not engaging with you any more over this, it's like trying to explain something to a child. If something is illegal it doesn't necessarily mean the police with have the available time or resources to take it up.

OP ring the police if you want - I'd concentrate on kicking that husband out though to be honest.

[WhateverTrevor83]

DH is a silly sod. Pitiful really, eh?
You stay strong OP

[livingzuid]

Charming woman. She's not important in this.

Not surprising he's begging. He realises what he's got and that he's about to lose it all because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Take time to process what has happened. Talk it through with friends in rl. And be kind to yourself you're going through a lot.

You sound like you're doing a great job. How do you feel about everything today?

[WhateverTrevor83]

Her having two kids by two different dads doesn't make her a slag btw - but shagging married men and then boasting about it does !

[Jan45]

Agree with Trevor.

The sooner he gets out your head space the better.

[perfectstorm]

This isn't a crime. Sorry but it just isn't.

WhateverTrevor I appreciate that the police aren't always fab at applying the law, but that doesn't stop something being against it. While the more serious offence is indeed where threats are made (s4), a course of action which the perpetrator "knows or ought to know amounts to harassment" is sufficient by itself to constitute an offence (s2) under the Prevention of Harassment Act 1997. It's both a civil tort and a crime, in fact. Having said that, I also doubt the police would do anything at this stage when the person can be blocked so easily via Facebook settings (which would be the easiest and most dignified route right now) - if she tries an alternate route to communicate, though, which on current form sadly can't be ruled out, then they might well be willing to get involved. It would depend on who she spoke to, but police are human, and the very clear-cut, obvious unfairness of this might indeed make some nice copper (and I've met a few) willing to have a sharp word. Which would in all likelihood be enough. So OP, block and ignore, but do so in the knowledge that any attempts to hurt you via any other communications are indeed against the law, and can be reported according.

Hopefully she won't go there - but God, she's a stupid little brat. What an idiot your H is, to have got embroiled with such Jeremy Kyle fodder. I am very, very adamant as a rule that people should NOT blame the OW, because she doesn't know you and made no promises to you, so the betrayer is the spouse - but in this instance she's a just nasty piece of work. Someone who could be that breathtakingly, calculatedly vicious to someone they've done something so cruel to to begin with is, basically, scum. It's sad he has such low standards, given she is a worthless guttersnipe, but at least you don't need to worry what she may have that you don't. It's already apparent - no conscience whatsoever, so no qualms about hurting anyone and thus no obstacles to jumping into bed with a husband and father. That's it. Yippee for her.

I'm afraid it does sound like an STI check is essential, but they will be lovely to you. You're not the one here to have any grounds for embarassment. As to people at their work laughing at you - oh, please. They'll be disgusted by them, not you. Any laughter will be at how cheap and pathetic the pair of them are. You're the only one in this sordid little mess who has dignity and clean hands.

I'd make him bog off for a while so you can do some thinking, and focus on yourself and your son with clear headspace. No need to make any big decisions yet. I'm so sorry other people's shitty behaviour is impacting you so horribly - life can be brutally unfair.

[WhateverTrevor83]

Storm - to clarify, was saying that is isn't a crime that the police would do anything about. That's what I meant.

They would tell her to block the OW. That's it. A call to 101 and they would say 'why haven't you just blocked her?'.

IF the OW was blocked and then started sending messages to OP through another person's account or setting up bogus accounts... that is harrassment and the police would do something. Eventually.
I agree OP should block and ignore but at present (quoting laws etc isn't really needed here... I know the laws, I'm just pointing out that the police wouldn't have the time to do anything). I'm not criticising the police - just saying that they are quite rightly working hard to prioritise threats of violemce/acts of violence etc. If it escalates to this - yes of course contact police.

If she was threatening to attack OP - of course contact the police! But she hasn't. She's attention seeking and it's working. OP needs to delete and block etc. If she continues through other methods/accounts then the police would take note of this.

[musicismylife]

What waltermittymissus said.

Spot on