soooo my husbands slept with someone else..

[Humbug0108]

that's it really, been together 8years married for nearly 2. have had a nice few Facebook messages from said skanky girls sent me photos and messages from the 2weeks that they've known each other for. sorry feel a bit disjointed at the moment

If something is illegal it doesn't necessarily mean the police with have the available time or resources to take it up is what I said and it's right/fact.

Quoting laws at me (like we're in A Level Law class!) is pointless by the way. Advise OP on her DH please and stop waffling about the police (and I need to stop taking the bait to be fair.

We are all agreed the DH is a pig at least...

OP, stick to your guns. Stay tough, even if you feel tired and weak. Nobody, not one person is laughing at you. Anyone who would laugh at a betrayed spouse is a pathetic loser themselves.

This thread contains even more than the usual depressing, misogynist bile directed at OW. Her messages to the OP have been beyond the pale and unforgivable, but quite a few people here seem to think the husband should have picked somebody better to shag on the side. Doesn't his decision to shag somebody on the side make him the actual slag, slut, worthless guttersnipe, Jeremy Kyle fodder etc.

She is irrelevant in all this. Block her, and focus on the person who hurt you.

I agree. My point is that escalation is not only threats, and if this deteriorates (which it hopefully and probably won't) the OP shouldn't feel that she has no recourse unless threats of physical harm are made. If the brat is blocked and promptly starts texting, or visiting, or making any other incursions into the OP's life, then steps can be taken and there is legislation to prevent its continuance. But at this point, as said, I agree blocking is the simplest route. (Apart from anything else, the idiot sounds such a drama llama. With idiots like this, seeking to cut off the oxygen of attention is always a good first move. And besides, the OP has far more important concerns, anyway.)

Basically: cut contact if that's simple to do and it will probably be an end of it, but if the harasser finds a new means to communicate then they are not about to give up easily. At that point, police can be involved, and should be.

I've a feeling your husband is going to bitterly, bitterly regret getting involved with this piece of dogshit. Comeuppance beckons for both of them. Just remember that YOU are the innocent party. I wish you all the best.

So we're in agreement - yay - cake all round

Think she'll get bored eventually. Especially after DH tells her to sod off (has he OP?).

Morris, yes it does, but it isn't misogyny on my part. I have actually been really careful to avoid using gendered insults - no bitches, slags etc from me. I am using language I would equally use about a man who displayed this level of spite to someone they have wronged so much - it's the spite that truly disgusts me. His behaviour is as bad as hers, but that in my opinion is rare. I usually don't think the OW has half as much to reproach herself for as the H. In this case, she really, really does.

I wonder what he told OW... maybe he promised her stuff etc and she is feeling rejected etc. That might be why she is lashing out and texting 'choose me' etc. Not looking to excuse her but he is in the middle of this and I doubt (sorry OP) that she just leapt on him.

humbug I can't add anything more to all the wise advice & sympathy you have been given here. I've been there myself & just wanted to offer my support. Things will get better x

So we've covered:

• the police and how seriously they take Facebook
• currently on misogyny
• what next? wondering what kind of mattress they did it on? Any more distracting themes we can argue about that won't help OP? Anyone?

How are you getting on OP?

Really hope that your friend is a good listener and that the kids are alright and that DH is keeping his gob shut. Maybe he could get off his begging-knees and do something useful.

Of course that will be it, Trevor.

I expect the woman he fucked was told he never has sex with his wife, who has let herself go, and doesn't understand him. Once she discovered there was a wife of course.....

I agree with Morris.

And now we have the 'lets hope your DH tells her to eff off' type posts. because this man is a prize, and she ain't gonna win.

He is not a prize, he is a lying cheat. The OP should be thinking long and hard about what future if any she has with this man who has betrayed her. Not about how she and him can join forces against a 'piece of dogshit', which is a pretty distasteful comment in itself.

Why not focus on the man? He didn't confess, he was exposed. He initially denied it. Does anybody think this is his first offence? OP, I'm really sorry but I think he may have down this road before. You may never find out but right now I'd struggle to believe a word he says. Be very wary and protect yourself.

Ha! Hardly saying he's a prize - I was saying to chuck him out!

I was just saying that if she is out of the equation at least for now (maybe he is madly in love with her, who knows?) it will be easier for OP and DH to talk without distracting messages etc.

Ones you've stopped burning your bras, actually look over the posts. No one is saying OP should stay with this man!

*once

I would also be extremely wary of believing him when he says it's over.

It rarely is.

They get caught, they do the begging and pleading and name calling and oops my penis kind of fell into her.

6mths down the line you find he's still at it.

Not saying it's impossible that it's over. Just that on these kind of threads, IME it's extremely unlikely.

At no point have I read from any of the posters that all would have been fine if the husband had slept with someone else. What a strange thing to say. There is just as much anger at the husband.

Not only does op have to deal with the fact her husband has cheated, but she's having to deal with this foolish woman rubbing insults and salt into the wound. That is slutty and unclassy behaviour and I'd consider it so if this person had snagged the husband or not. There are many types of ow but this one takes the biscuit.

Yep Sangria like I said earlier, he's the one in the middle of this. The OW is all fired up for a reason. Probably because she's been led a merry dance. Not saying she's the innocent party but he's the villain here and certainly not a prize.

Sigh. Shagged not snagged.

Please ignore this ow op. And take some time out to consider what you want going forward. It will take a while. Very good advice from sangria

What the husband and the ow have done to the OP is "pretty distasteful," Morris sweetie.

I think the OP needs to decide what she wants to do, rather than have that steered by people here. It has to be her choice. But I also think it's more painfully complex for her to have her DH denigrated by people here than it is for us to reassure her that someone sending her such messages is vile, and that she is right to be angry and shouldn't take them to heart (and I don't care what he said or didn't say; the gratuitous cruelty in those messages and the harassing extent of them is shocking. You don't treat people that way even when they're the ones in the wrong, let alone when they're the victim). Of course his actions are as bad, and of course someone who can cheat that easily may well have past form, but the best way for the OP to establish what she thinks is for her to get him to leave her alone for a week or two while she puts herself back together and allows the fog to lift. While he pleads and the OW hurls abuse, nothing will seem very clear.

I do think that she can do far better than this man. But she has to think that, too. Meanwhile, attacks on him will hurt her, while reassuring that nobody thinks the OW's conduct is okay will help soothe some of the pain and humiliation (the latter of which, once again, is misplaced OP - you aren't the one who has humiliated themselves). And surely that's what matters most?

Trevor there's no need for the sarcastic and somewhat aggressive tone to your posts.

Threads often go off on a tangent then come back. It's not up to you or anyone to police how the threads go.

Wasn't aggressive was just poking fun at the fact we were all waffling (myself included) at stuff that isn't the point

I don't agree with that at all, perfectstorm. But it does articulate why so many of these type of threads end up focusing on OW. I guess some people think that slagging off a person's husband is unhelpful, but slagging off the third party is supportive.

I've seen it a lot.

yes she was led a merry dance as well. I can't go into too much detail too much to put on here. she has now bombarded me and h and now one of my family members with texts and fb messages saying she won't stop untill we're all crushed etc etc and also saying I should just go and kill myself. she's been blocked on Facebook and on text. spoke to police and they're sending someone round as she won't stop and said "remember I know where you live and have your keys" he left his keys and driving licence at hers along with his wedding ring. ho hum life goes on eh

*whoops, not all...

WOAH! Oh OK well yes obviously that is a threat (sorry, didn't think she would go that far - how old is she by the way?? she sounds very young). Great they are taking it seriously..... She has your keys???? Get the locks changed.

Why on earth was his wedding ring there? The man's a fool. He can't even cheat properly...

I take it all back - she did go on to make threats and the cops did respond straight away. My faith is restored (I work v closely with police RE DV etc).