Argh! I am reading him wrong?!

[outtathefryingpan]

Background: out of a long term relationship late last year, for at least the last 3 year that had become unhealthy and was manipulative and a bit controlling. Took a lot for me to realise and get the courage to leave. I'm worried this is now clouding my judgement on other situations so would like your views...

Started sleeping with a friend at beginning of Jan, (known them 2years), make it VERY clear I was not in the right place for a relationship right now and I wanted to spend sometime been single and working out who I was and getting my life into some sort of order... nice to get some positive attention though and I enjoy his company. Thought it would work okay as he's a single parent will full custody so has other things in his life to keep him busy. I have not committed to see him on any frequency, he knows this and agrees with it. I agreed I wouldn't date other people (Not a problem, I don't want to ATM!)

Last few weeks I feel likes he's constantly picking up on my behaviour regarding how quickly I reply to his text messages. I think he constantly mentions it if I don't reply immediately to his text he says he doesn't . I think he has a problem if I see my friends and not him (He doesn't say this directly but negatively comments on it). I called him on this and he's went off on one... its all me apparently. So either way I probably need to let this go, but for my own sanity, do you think I was out of order / wrong about him?

He says its rude and ignorant of me to not reply quickly and in detail. These are from yesterday...
"Some things not right, you haven't reply to my messages, do you think this is worth it" (I had been replying at 15 minute intervals?)
"Did my messages come through?" (He had sent 5 messages, I had last messaged less then an hour previously. I was at work) 10 minutes later
"My messages obviously aren't coming though" (He knows I cant reply at work!)
He'll send v long messages, and lots of them back to back, if I don't reply within 10 mins I get "nevermind" When I do reply I have to mention every point in his previous x messages...

Regarding this weekend, I am seeing a friend tomorrow. I'm not well (just a cold) so wanted to stop in last night, I went to bed at 9. I could have seen him today but haven't arranged anything as I feel hes been negatively mentioning me seeing my friend tomorrow. These are just a sample from yesterdays messages as he feels hard done by that I made plans for one day:
"Already your too busy off with other peeps again"
"...clearly you prefer to do something else instead" (rather then see him)
"You just seem to make yourself busy with others"
"We both know you'd rather be doing other things"

This is a small sample. He never makes plans to see me. I always have to suggest meeting. I always go to his.

Indeed he is. And I'm glad you will ring 101.

Agreed. What a twat.

Yes you may say it, and I for one will join you in doing so.
What, as you say, a twat.

How dare he?

He is worse than a twat :(

Good on you for calling 101. I don't think there's much alternative.

Oh and I am soooo glad you have decided to ring 101. It's the right thing to do...self preservation and all that.

Really glad to hear you say this. You're not wasting people's time - seriously, one phone call. I can guarantee you 101 will receive less worthy calls than yours tonight!

Thank God you are not going to go.

Am I the only one wondering if he is known to the police already?

Would they tell me if he was?
Need to do some work. Will let you know what they say later

Utter, utter twat.

It's a shame you can't put some kind of invisible stamp on men like that to warn off other women.

keep up the ignoring \ phone blocking\101

makes me sad to be caled the same gender as people like this utter plonker

there Are nice guys out there, just take your time xx

T

Indeed Bashifuku. Perhaps they should be anaesthetised and tattooed in a prominent place with the words WEAPONS GRAD TWAT.

GRADE. Oh I hate the not being able to edit!

Please do call 101, as said he is escalating, and fast.

They would tell you if he was 'known' Ask about Sarah's Law.

You MUST log this with 101, and you must get them to do something about it.

Good idea Lois but let's not be too gung-ho with the anaesthetic eh?

You rock :)

It's obvious that you mustn't see him - because that teaches him he can get you to what he wants by harassing you via all media, threatening rape and threatening blackmail.

Whether you lie to your ex is your business, but I agree the only call you should make regarding this loser is to 101.

He was starting to weaken OP. He was trying lots of different ways to get to you without success and then suddenly, bingo, he struck lucky. Because you responded to him, you fed his need to control you and now he is stronger.

He thinks he has something that he can use to make you do what he wants. He has power. He will use it. Be prepared for him to spread all sorts of nonsense about you. Be prepared to ignore it. It's just designed to provoke a reaction from you.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. And then ignore some more.

Well done for making the decision to speak with the police. Let us know what they say.

A stalker will try and get a response you until you answer.

If you ignore 456 attempts before finally cracking, all that teaches him is that he has to contact you at least 456 times.

Call 101, report him for the threats and the refusal to leave you alone, and the blackmail.

You have it all in writing.

With dicks like these, you have to use a sledgehammer to break a nut, anything less won't make a dent.

Please do call 101 as soon as you can. No matter what time you get home from work tonight.

Clearly he is an abusive man, in many ways. He has children, how must he treat them? Has he form for exactly the sort of actions he has threatened to you? Probably. Keep yourself away from him and safe.

"If you ignore 456 attempts before finally cracking, all that teaches him is that he has to contact you at least 456 times."

How true.

Update:

Rang 101 - immediately transferred somewhere else, they have taken details and are sending an officer round tonight if they can for statement. I said I was happy to wait and see someone tomorrow but they are quite insistent its ASAP. I was surprised at the response actually as felt a bit uncomfortable ringing. Feel nervous now.

You have absolutely done the right thing OP. Just tell them the facts. Maybe jot down some dates to get it all straight in your mind before they come.

Well done op, I think they have acted appropriately, his behaviour is extremely worrying.

Great that you're keeping yourself safe and they're coming round. And no need to be nervous, you didn't do anything wrong, he did. Just show them the texts and tell them how he's been pestering you before you broke it off, that he hit his XW.

Can't believe it came to this. There really are some odd people out there.

I will always trust my instincts from now on... immediately!

Glad you phoned. He's really showing his true colours now