Argh! I am reading him wrong?!

[outtathefryingpan]

Background: out of a long term relationship late last year, for at least the last 3 year that had become unhealthy and was manipulative and a bit controlling. Took a lot for me to realise and get the courage to leave. I'm worried this is now clouding my judgement on other situations so would like your views...

Started sleeping with a friend at beginning of Jan, (known them 2years), make it VERY clear I was not in the right place for a relationship right now and I wanted to spend sometime been single and working out who I was and getting my life into some sort of order... nice to get some positive attention though and I enjoy his company. Thought it would work okay as he's a single parent will full custody so has other things in his life to keep him busy. I have not committed to see him on any frequency, he knows this and agrees with it. I agreed I wouldn't date other people (Not a problem, I don't want to ATM!)

Last few weeks I feel likes he's constantly picking up on my behaviour regarding how quickly I reply to his text messages. I think he constantly mentions it if I don't reply immediately to his text he says he doesn't . I think he has a problem if I see my friends and not him (He doesn't say this directly but negatively comments on it). I called him on this and he's went off on one... its all me apparently. So either way I probably need to let this go, but for my own sanity, do you think I was out of order / wrong about him?

He says its rude and ignorant of me to not reply quickly and in detail. These are from yesterday...
"Some things not right, you haven't reply to my messages, do you think this is worth it" (I had been replying at 15 minute intervals?)
"Did my messages come through?" (He had sent 5 messages, I had last messaged less then an hour previously. I was at work) 10 minutes later
"My messages obviously aren't coming though" (He knows I cant reply at work!)
He'll send v long messages, and lots of them back to back, if I don't reply within 10 mins I get "nevermind" When I do reply I have to mention every point in his previous x messages...

Regarding this weekend, I am seeing a friend tomorrow. I'm not well (just a cold) so wanted to stop in last night, I went to bed at 9. I could have seen him today but haven't arranged anything as I feel hes been negatively mentioning me seeing my friend tomorrow. These are just a sample from yesterdays messages as he feels hard done by that I made plans for one day:
"Already your too busy off with other peeps again"
"...clearly you prefer to do something else instead" (rather then see him)
"You just seem to make yourself busy with others"
"We both know you'd rather be doing other things"

This is a small sample. He never makes plans to see me. I always have to suggest meeting. I always go to his.

[Hissy]

Key thing here love..how does that text make you feel?

Are you threatened by it?

Why not call 101 and ask for their interpretation of it

[pictish]

True fairenuff

[UterusUterusGhali]

Wrt to the benefit fraud, he hasn't started the job yet, so hasn't committed it yet.

He has, however, threatened rape.

Op, you do sound fab. You really should go the the police, at the very least to get it logged.

[outtathefryingpan]

I think the message is a bit odd, I wouldn't be 100% comfortable being alone with him TBH, I don't feel threatened as the only way he could get near me alone is if I went round to his, and as that's not likely to happen (EVER) its not really likely to be a problem.

I think the message is certainly him trying to get a response. I wouldn't be surprised if by tomorrow I'm a bitch for ignoring him and "not the person he thought I was" by Friday I'm hoping "I wont be worth the effort..."

He just wants a reply doesn't he.

[pictish]

Yes. I agree with fairenuff and your good self - he just wants a reply.
Don't give him one.

[Whereisegg]

That last text sent chills down my spine

If you don't want to report it, please please please tell a friend in rl, do you have any neighbours you're friendly with?
I'd be showing his picture to a neighbour or 2 tbh.
Him not being able to drive doesn't mean anything.

I don't want to scaremonger, but fucking hell!

[LizzieBelle]

Anymore texts op??

[VelmaD]

I agree, police for sure. You can log it on 101, ask for your local pcso or just drop into the station. It won't take long. But you dont know the full history of this guy, he might have done this before. You simply dont know him well enough to know if this is an empty threat or not - and its not worth a risk.

[wileycoyote]

I hope all is ok. He sounds like my ex and I did get sucked back in time and again.

[RustyParker]

My blood has run cold. He is threatening to rape you.

You have it on text so the police can't ignore it even if his brother is a police officer. Please don't respond to him and report the harrassment and threat to the police.

[glastocat]

Good god woman, go to the police, that last text is terrifying!

[gamerchick]

I think in context that text was a poor attempt at humor.. a sloppy way of making the OP feel desired.. clumsy at best but not alarming.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Quite possibly, but is it worth the risk?

[gamerchick]

No.. keep him dumped but I wouldn't report that text. If more come through in the same vein it'll be time for a policeman to have a word.

[outtathefryingpan]

Fuck. He's been trying different things to get a response out of me. I was ignoring text so he used fb messenger (I ignored and didn't even read the messages) and now moved on to WhatsApp...

So if I don't go and see him in person he is going to tell my ex I've been having an affair with him for the past year.

I'm still detaching from my ex as we had been together for a long time. We've just reached an agreement with finances and debt (tho still to action) and we are both still in the house whilst it sells (I work away a few nights a week so not too bad! ). I do not want to rock the boat here.

I feel the only option is to go see him. I could let someone know where I was an set up a phone call for whilst I was there.

I feel blackmailed.

[Whocansay]

Call 101 and get the police to have a 'chat' with him. He's threatened rape and is now trying blackmail. Do not contact him directly. He sounds unhinged.

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

You can't do that. What if he says, "if you don't sleep with him, he'll tell your ex?" Then will you sleep with him? He is TRYING TO blackmail you. Don't let him.

I would take the messages to the police. They will warn him off.

Keep ignoring.

[Only1scoop]

Carefully word an email or text ....state the facts ....threatened sexual assault now blackmail....

Choose your words make it sound official and factual.

Ask him to stop this harassment or he will leave you no alternative but to contact police.

I know you think it's all a big over reaction....but it's not now.

[meiisme]

Please take the messages to the police. He is escalating so quickly and that over a very short-lived arrangement, not even relationship. Something is really not right with him.

[pictish]

Wow. This guy is seriously unhinged isn't he? And deeply abusive.
Now he's pretty much telling you that you have no right to finish things with him, because he won't let you, and he'll do whatever it takes to force you into seeing him.
Do not imagine for one second that if you agree to see him, he will accept that it is over and stop bothering you.
I would certainly speak to 101 now for advice. Do NOT respond to his threats, because if you do, after all your efforts to ignore him...he will think 'Aha! That's the Achilles heel right there!' and he will continue to exploit it to get his way.
Call 101!!!

[meiisme]

Remember it is not your responsibility to calm down crazy people, even if you are/have been friends with them. You might have got used to it while being with your X, but it really is the police's job.

[bibliomania]

Do NOT go and see him. Potentially very dangerous - plus you're showing him exactly what your weak point is (threats to tell your ex). Sounds like he's being quite strategic in finding out how to get to you.

He's not acting like a normal person, so don't assume normal rules apply.

I'd call the police and get them to have a word. He needs to know that there is zero tolerance for this behaviour.

[AgathaF]

Please contact the police and let them deal with this. A conversation between you and him is not going to solve or stop this. He is trying to scare you. He needs someone other than you to see him off.