Argh! I am reading him wrong?!

[outtathefryingpan]

Background: out of a long term relationship late last year, for at least the last 3 year that had become unhealthy and was manipulative and a bit controlling. Took a lot for me to realise and get the courage to leave. I'm worried this is now clouding my judgement on other situations so would like your views...

Started sleeping with a friend at beginning of Jan, (known them 2years), make it VERY clear I was not in the right place for a relationship right now and I wanted to spend sometime been single and working out who I was and getting my life into some sort of order... nice to get some positive attention though and I enjoy his company. Thought it would work okay as he's a single parent will full custody so has other things in his life to keep him busy. I have not committed to see him on any frequency, he knows this and agrees with it. I agreed I wouldn't date other people (Not a problem, I don't want to ATM!)

Last few weeks I feel likes he's constantly picking up on my behaviour regarding how quickly I reply to his text messages. I think he constantly mentions it if I don't reply immediately to his text he says he doesn't . I think he has a problem if I see my friends and not him (He doesn't say this directly but negatively comments on it). I called him on this and he's went off on one... its all me apparently. So either way I probably need to let this go, but for my own sanity, do you think I was out of order / wrong about him?

He says its rude and ignorant of me to not reply quickly and in detail. These are from yesterday...
"Some things not right, you haven't reply to my messages, do you think this is worth it" (I had been replying at 15 minute intervals?)
"Did my messages come through?" (He had sent 5 messages, I had last messaged less then an hour previously. I was at work) 10 minutes later
"My messages obviously aren't coming though" (He knows I cant reply at work!)
He'll send v long messages, and lots of them back to back, if I don't reply within 10 mins I get "nevermind" When I do reply I have to mention every point in his previous x messages...

Regarding this weekend, I am seeing a friend tomorrow. I'm not well (just a cold) so wanted to stop in last night, I went to bed at 9. I could have seen him today but haven't arranged anything as I feel hes been negatively mentioning me seeing my friend tomorrow. These are just a sample from yesterdays messages as he feels hard done by that I made plans for one day:
"Already your too busy off with other peeps again"
"...clearly you prefer to do something else instead" (rather then see him)
"You just seem to make yourself busy with others"
"We both know you'd rather be doing other things"

This is a small sample. He never makes plans to see me. I always have to suggest meeting. I always go to his.

And even if he just sends one twee little text like "Are you still angry with me?", report the fucker.

you've done the right thing. he is harassing you and he should be stopped. you're now feeling like you can't do anything and that is just plain wrong. i hope the police give him a real fright so he leaves you alone.

take care.

Yes, I can say I was not impressed, and by then I had started to reduce contact, it was because of me reducing contact that the messages like the examples in my original post started.

Jumping every time I hear a car door go now! I must be anxious as the dog is barking at noises outside he wouldn't normally react to so picking up on my stress I suppose.

My ex (not the one harassing me) has changed his plans so he will be in the house tonight so I'm not home alone at least!

also, don't be reasonable. if he does do something else, don't give him any more chances. take a hard line because he will try to manipulate you.

Yes I bet he is known to them already for past fuckwit behaviour. What an awful person.

Glad you will have someone there (even if it is the ex!) and also a dog :)

Yes. Repeat and repeat - you are not overreacting. What he may do is back-pedal now and send silly or playful messages, or try to appeal to your better nature as if you were just making up after a fight. None of this is ok, and it's just a gateway back to him being abusive.

So whatever he sends you - including a phone - report him.

What Lois said.

Every missed call, every innocent text.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

:(

Fingers crossed this will be the last you hear of him. As the police said, it's good to nip it in the bud, and it usually works. I had to report a man for harassing me and didn't hear a peep out of him after the police visited him and warned him off. So try not to be too afraid now (but glad you have someone to stay with you tonight). It is important to report even the smallest future contact from him,if this hasn't worked.

I like that the police said he's not going to be happy Also that they offered to check his history and to ban him from contacting you. This means he'll be committing a crime if he tries, doesn't it? "It's not against the law to phone my ex" will be literally untrue for the coming 12 months - a good result!

I'm sorry you've been through this, too, out. There's nothing wrong with your twat radar, only your ability to act on it. Hope you'll have more confidence in it, once he's off the scene :)

outtathefryingpan I just want to say WELL DONE!!! I went through something similar but not for as long as what you have been subjected to. I started dating a guy who then decided to tell me he had a gf already............ I told him in no uncertain terms to do one.
He then kept texting me when he was drunk. I was very ill one afternoon when he rang up having spent an afternoon in the pub. I told him in no uncertain terms to "f off" then two hours later the texts started....."I love you" "I miss you" It went on and on and I ended up ignoring him. Half an hour later the doorbell went and I started shrieking........... It turned out to be my next door neighbour who was very sweet. He offered to stay but I agreed to phone if I needed him. The next morning I rang the local police. I asked for advice. They said they could issue him with a Harrassment warning order. I said I would see what happened that night and get back to him. Luckily I didn't hear any more from him after that! I hope the police who have been to see you put the absolute fear of god into him!

him them

Good work OP, hope the delusional one backs off and you get peace.

Pretty sure you won't hear anything once the Police have visited him. People like him tend to be cowards and prey on who they think will not stand up to them...you proved him wrong though, well done

Well done you! You have done the right thing. Are they going to update you? Would be interested to hear his reaction!

Glad you've got the police involved. I hope they'll update you soon.

Oops, pressed send. I have had to report someone for harassment and the police gave me an update of the situation following their visit so I'm sure you'll hear from them.

I'd put money on him being known to the police for previous harrassment

Wow just read the whole thread, what a twat.

for you OP. Hope you have heard the last of him.

How are things today OP? Has he gone quiet yet?

I'm another one seeking 'closure' on this. Hope you're ok OP. x

Well its gone quiet yesterday and today, had one final text on Friday (guessing before he got a visit) - very random about a house his friend was renting out and was I interested?!

Police rang back yesterday, according to what he said apparently it was a relationship!? (I was always very clear it wasn't!) and we were even going away together in a couple of weeks - ummm news to me! He only kept contacting me as he was worried about me... He acknowledged that I had asked to be left alone and was going to do that now.

So we'll see. I would like to think this is the end of it all

Result

That's great op