Is it ok for XH new partner to excessively slag me off??

[Lozislovely]

I posted before about the breakdown of my marriage (sorry don't know how to link from phone).

Anyways, me and XH have been talking loads, very amicable, friendly and honest. We agree we'll always be friends whatever the future holds as neither of us has any bad feelings of each other.

XH has new partner of 2 months (been seeing her twice a week). Since I got back in contact with him she has been sending in excess of 30 texts every day telling him what a bitch I am, what my character is, how I'll never change, what her friends say about me, along with lots of 'I love you' messages.

He has said she has every right to be angry at me. Am I being a bit blonde in thinking that as he's been honest with her about his failings as well as mine, she really shouldn't be doing this and he should tell her to stop with the character assassination??? He has said that she is doing his head in and that he doesn't believe everything she is saying but that she is only trying to protect him.

As the breakup was mutual I am struggling to understand this as I know if I had a new partner I wouldn't accept any down putting of XH.

Am I missing a something???

17th March. I'm really looking forward to it.

I've been telling DS how important it is to know that thoughts are just that, thoughts and that they have the control to decide how to process those thoughts. The mind can be destructive, but only if you allow it to.

I'm looking forward to 'living' again as opposed to existing and beating myself up for stuff that really doesn't matter.

@AF - currently sipping a huge cup of tea whilst the dog sleeps at my feet!

I know it might sound a little crazy, but last night and today have been a revelation - I know that I alone am responsible for my feelings, no-one else and that includes XH and his new GF.

I can't waste another day dwelling on the past, I don't deserve it. Yes I am going to remind myself of that for a while before it becomes the norm. I feel that a fog has lifted from my mind.

I went to a shop today that I have avoided for years following a panic attack. It felt good, it really did. I smiled at people, they might have thought I was mad, but I didn't care, I was happy.

XH can try all he likes, honestly, I don't need not want him in my life. I am thoroughly happy to keep finding me and whatever the future holds, I'll deal with it.

I'm over dwelling, life is too short.

And Mr SolidGold Dick is more than capable of getting on with his own life. He may not realise that right now, but he will. He's a grown up, and needs to start acting like that.

If he dares to try and come back into my life he will be in for a major shock because my life does not need him.

What a pig to say that to you!

If he had said that he understands she is feeling a bit vulnerable out you two being close like that I can understand. What a player!!!!

@Death - he really does blame me for everything - quite blatantly as well. I'm not prepared to live my life with someone who I know will take pleasure from reminding me that whenever we have a disagreement, that he chose to give me another chance, WTF!!!!

And he can continue to blame, if he believes that will make him feel better. I know it won't but that's not my business anymore.

Well hopefully you will now not ever consider taking him and his rules back or ever think of making his bloody lunch!!!!!

Loz do you feel hyper?

Not hyper, calm, sense of relief.

< adjusts pince nez >

I like what you are saying, Loz

Pince nez - never in my wildest dreams did I expect my hairy handed trucker to wear pince nez

I'm feeling calm, and accepting it for what it is, not analysing or procrastinating over it. I would have previously queried it for hours and argued with it. I'm not doing that anymore, I don't need or want to.

Me and DS have spent time together tonight planning a weekend away for the 3 of us and lozdog, to a log cabin somewhere. I'm excited, they're excited (especially at the thought of a hot tub of the veranda!).

Every negative thought I have I am pushing away, I don't need nor want negativity in my life. Yeah it's going to take work, but in the words of Chezza Cole, I'm worth it

I don't think I'm wearing rose tinted glasses (or pince nez ), I'm moving on.

"Pince nez - never in my wildest dreams did I expect my hairy handed trucker to wear pince nez"

Urgh. I need brain-bleach now

I'm off out. Hope to catch you later Loz. (Just be ready for the down moments).

Enjoy planning your break.

Thanks fid

Fully expecting some low moments and thank heavens to betsy I'll have all you fab folk on MN to help me get through it!

Have a good night and don't have nightmares about the hairy handed trucker

< ear trumpet > Whaaat ?

Pince nez, ear trumpet AND hairy handed trucker - oh my lord, it's all coming out now!!!!

Want to share anything else - you may as well

That's quite enough for now

You're such a tease aside from that you are a soopa person AF and I totally unashamedly luffs you

I you ever fancy a cuppa/slap/severe talking to, I'm here for you, as you have been for me and so many others. In fact I might be able to find a biccy or two to go with it!

If not I* - I make no apologies for my sausage fingers and small letters on iPhone!!!!

Hi Loz, just checking in and glad to hear you've told him to bog off and leave you alone.

Have a great life :-)

Hi Kent, thank you

Still calm here today so that's good (I think). Did have an ickle cry last night because DS2 has a migraine for the second time this week and I had a sense of loneliness because there's only me to make him feel better. BUT, I watched First Dates and that made me laugh, so all good in the end.

Hi Loz. DS2 only needs you to make him feel better. And he needs the you that is not otherwise engaged in angsting about your ex. Well done on keeping the faith, you are doing great

Hahahahaha, the angst was a small nugget in the back of my head.

Just got a text from him, that was meant for her;

'Have a good evening xxxxxx'

Never put one 'x' on any message to me ever!

Ho hum, off to my best mates for a coffee so that will help me try to forget about it as I've told I'm done with talking about him

Loz, my ex pulled that little text stunt 2 days after we split, "good night sexy, cant wait to tell you that in person" he reckons it was for me, but its bullshit, also he did it to the ex after me.

Now i dont give a flying fuck over who my ex is shagging, dont care, not interesting to me in the slightest.

You'll move on, at your speed, hes just a nasty fucker who cant speed the night alone in case his dick gets dry.

Thanks Lucius I didn't respond, just deleted it. If he wants to try brainfuck tactics he can do one.

I'm stronger tonight, who knows what lies ahead but I can't think about him anymore, it's too painful and I deserve better.

Well done Loz... how about treating yourself to a new number and not telling him what it is. It will drive him mad sending you these 'oh so clever and she doesn't know what I'm doing texts'... and you'll never see them.

When you feel strong enough to do it, break off contact. You will lose nothing and gain everything from jettisoning this idiot from your life.