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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Staying DRY

999 replies

MrsSippie · 20/02/2014 10:25

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol. Smile

OP posts:
Sorcha1966 · 09/03/2014 07:56

Thanks Mistress; I really appreciate you taking the time to write, especially when you must be finding it hard yourself. I have a headache this morning.. which seems very unfair! I do feel that I 'deserve' to be healthy .... maybe I'm in the 'bargaining' stage of grief at the moment.

Sometimes I do re-read my earlier postings and I find it amazing that I have stayed dry for so long. When I joined the very first thread, the OP had been dry for 42 days. That seemed like an ETERNITY.. and completely impossible to achieve...

It is a beautiful day here. its a shame I feel so flat.

Original poster
MrsSippie · 09/03/2014 08:09

Morning from me too Smile Thanks mistress. It is the sort of 'flatness' settling in a bit I guess. I think I'm particularly cross today because I should have been in the half marathon and had to pull out after all the hospital nonsense. Running is keeping me going to be honest but even that is getting me down a bit - Cheery me!!

Yes, I remember the awe at 42 days we felt Grin what is it now? I've lost count. had a dream last night that I bought some cigarettes, just to top this misery off!!!

It is, however, a beautiful day, dd had her very best friend here and they have laughed all weekend which is a joy, ds is playing football this morning which he loves, my dh has just brought me coffee in bed and I am WELL!

Lets all make today a day of feeling great for being sober, velar headed and ALIVE ( god, I sound Californian!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSippie · 09/03/2014 08:10

clear headed even - although velar headed sounds interesting...

OP posts:
cakehappy · 09/03/2014 08:35

Hi everybody!

Just checking in, went out yesterday for the whole day, didn't have any drinks at lunch with my girlfriends, normally I would have had 2 large glasses and been gagging for more. No one else was really interested though which just shows me how much more interested in wine I was than everyone else...and the theatre was fun! My BFF is so good for me, and knows me so well. Got home at midnight sober and bouncy and a little sleepy, was quite a good day, I'm suprised to say the least. Have read 2 pages of Jason Vales book, going to keep reading it now. I hope I like it and it helps me. On a negative note, just had a massive row with my H over that email he sent me and the drinking. It's a complicated situation and you'd have to know the whole story as with any marriage but my heart feels hatred towards him for the first time:( I'm sure he despises me too. :(

Original poster
MrsSippie · 09/03/2014 08:48

oh cake, I'm sorry :( I guess all you can do is show him that you can beat it :( I hope things work out.

But well done for yesterday! it's true isn't it, once you stop you realise how mush more you drank than everyone else! I used to be astounded that people could have 'a' drink. what on earth was wrong with them ???? Grin.

I hope today goes well for you x

OP posts:
cakehappy · 09/03/2014 09:02

Does anyone else always feel like the bad one? Bad wife, bad mother, bad person?

cakehappy · 09/03/2014 09:03

Just musing and probably feeling sorry for myself, and angry and sad.

MistressofPemberley · 09/03/2014 09:49

Hi Cake. So glad to hear you had a good day yesterday. You should be proud of yourself. Isn't it lovely to realise life is fun without alcohol? It was a total revelation for me when I stopped before.

Sorry to hear about things at home. TBH, I'm a bit scared of what being sober is going to reveal about my marriage too. The whole thing has played out to a backdrop of booze. I mean all of it, bar two pregnancies and 5 months sober before. I'm SO used to playing one of two roles: overworked, harassed supermum or drunk then hungover, groveling, pathetic loser. I have totally lost myself along the way. Every so often I remember what I used to dream of, and what I used to want to achieve before something told me to grow up, move on, get real etc. that something is a negative voice that holds me back and makes me blame others or circumstances. And you know what, the start of that negative voice kind of coincides with the start of my heavy, regular drinking at about 17/18. Funny that Hmm.

I'm going to concentrate on me for a bit (as much as I can with 2 little DC), and then take a look at my marriage. I'm hoping a sober, happier me will be enough to improve things, but if not, at least I'll be better equipped to deal with things.

Original poster
MrsSippie · 09/03/2014 09:53

Yes, I know what you mean. I've just has a bit of a set too with dh as my (arghhhh) mother is coming over later and yet he won't change his plans to go to the gym and have a drink after. It made me think can we carry on with me being sober? Am I now dull and nagging? Will I spend forever being resentful or superior in turns?

It's never felt like this before. I asked him if he would drive her home tonight and his excuse was 'she's your mother' which I know damn well is translated as 'I will be having a couple of Pont's this afternoon and I will not give them up

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSippie · 09/03/2014 09:53

Yes, I know what you mean. I've just has a bit of a set too with dh as my (arghhhh) mother is coming over later and yet he won't change his plans to go to the gym and have a drink after. It made me think can we carry on with me being sober? Am I now dull and nagging? Will I spend forever being resentful or superior in turns?

It's never felt like this before. I asked him if he would drive her home tonight and his excuse was 'she's your mother' which I know damn well is translated as 'I will be having a couple of Pont's this afternoon and I will not give them up

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSippie · 09/03/2014 09:54

Posted too soon! I will now always be the driver always be 'in control' and I don't know if I want to be.

OP posts:
Morrigu · 09/03/2014 11:36

Well done for yesterday cake.

I'm another one that the novelty and shine has worn being good. Doesn't help that I stopped smoking a month ago too so I have that chattering in my ear as well. Had a thought last night that I could go out and get two bottles of wine and a box of 20 and no-one would know but me, I could stop again tomorrow. I didn't but was severely tempted.

It's like when you read that Rocca book and she's all 'yeah, life is great without alcohol, you can do anything now'. Well maybe you can't. You're stuck in the same old rut as before with no escape from the suffocating banality of your life where the most exciting thing is whether to put an item of clothing on the light or dark wash because it's kind of a bit of both. I've stopped my vices, started running, volunteering and a bit of studying and still I feel like life is flat and all I have are memories of good times.

Sorry feeling very low lately. Might just go and put my head under the covers and have a good cry.

cakehappy · 09/03/2014 13:10

I'm sorry you are feeling down Morrigu &sippie. Undeniably though there are more negatives than positives with drinking. It's like someone says up thread, it's the emperors clothes, all a bloody illusion.

cakehappy · 09/03/2014 13:12

I know exactly what you mean about feeling flat though! Sympathies:(

Sonnet · 09/03/2014 16:02

Well done for keeping going, all of you.
Do any of you have more energy? I am so fed up of feeling tired and can't be bothered. I have lost so many weekends to that tired, lethargic , not quite a hangover feeling where I end up totally wasting the day. I have so many garden and house projects that I want to get done. Not drunk for 7 days but still feel tired and can't be bothered!! How a long to have energy...

MistressofPemberley · 09/03/2014 16:07

"You're stuck in the same old rut as before with no escape from the suffocating banality of your life where the most exciting thing is whether to put an item of clothing on the light or dark wash because it's kind of a bit of both."

Love this, Morrigu. This is what I'm scared of.

Original poster
MrsSippie · 09/03/2014 16:52

The energy thing is really noticeable at the start then it becomes normal I guess. I just love waking up feeling well, and being able to run and things. It's just sometimes...well, that's not enough :(

OP posts:
cakehappy · 09/03/2014 17:09

I think real life is like this though. Even for someone who never drank, it can be boring, lonely and blahhhh...

randommoniker · 09/03/2014 18:26

I agree, Cake. I think RL is just like that. Sometimes wonderful, sometimes dreadful, and often just meh…. But we have forgotten what real life is like which is why it can be hard to deal with initially.

I think the other thing to remember is that the alternative isn't 'fun'. We may kid ourselves that it is - or it may have been many years ago, but our drinking doesn't take us to a 'fun/let your hair down' place anymore. Just to a dark, lonely, dishonest, shame-filled hole. And remembering that is helpful to me anyway.

Plus, I think we can get cocky and used to waking up feeling great (sorry - 'normal' to civilians) so we don't notice it. We need to remember what mornings used to feel like. That alone is enough to be grateful for for me…

Well done everyone on a sober, sun-filled weekend xx

Sorcha1966 · 09/03/2014 19:46

aaaaaaaaagagagagggahaghhhhhhhhhhh

that is all.

Bloody kids driving me mad,. Bloody husband has sat in his arse all afternoon. I have sold cakes this morning to raise money for DS rugby, done the washing, cooked dinner, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher etc etc etc
he sits on his bum.

he also earns no money, and has not for the last 3.5 years. he is 'starting his own business' and I am sick sick sick of paying for everything. now I pay for childcare so he can concentrate on "work", but he does fuck all day after day. I am at breaking point and he is watching the TV. No wonder I bloody drank all the time.

Original poster
MrsSippie · 09/03/2014 19:56

Sorcha....(hug). Sounds like you have loads on your plate. I'm so sorry :(

Can you hide away and watch call the midwife somewhere else in the house? That's what I'm about to do.

Dh didn't go out in the end just stayed home and drank...being boring as fuck now and I still had to deal with my mother!!! Dd being a pain right next to me as I type too!!

You are so much better not drinking though and you will be ok. Sounds rubbish I know, but you will xx

OP posts:
RabbitFromAHat · 09/03/2014 20:21

Hi, hello. I think I need to be here. I am not really sure how to start or what to say. I had a massive blackout last night at a party. Again. I am nearly bloody forty years old and have no idea whether I was funny, mean, aggressive, amusing, flirtatious, or just went to sleep. I have started to realise I can't just stop at one. Ever. The only thing that stops me drinking once I start is running out of money, or passing out. I came home and noticed the accumulation of bottles. I've been drinking secretly, in my bedroom.

I think I'm starting to really get that I am this person, the person who can't be 'normal' around alcohol. I think I have to stop this. Yikes. This is a bit blood scary, to be honest.

behindthescentedcandles · 09/03/2014 20:38

Welcome rabbit.

Sympathy to all posters feelibg bad. I was v. Resentful towards h today. Had herbal tea and a long walk and feel more relaxed now. Gaving a bath then starting on work for tomorrow. Hectic week begins all over again.

I am nearly six months dry.

stayingdry · 09/03/2014 20:43

Welcome rabbit,
you've took the 1st step, admitting you have a problem, and importantly that you can't stop at one.
that's us alcoholics, we cannot have one drink, to us, ones too many, 20s not enough.
now you have to not take that 1st drink, one day at a time.
think of your drinking recovery 1 day at a time,1 hour, 1 minute if need be.
If you can put your head on your pillow tonight sober, well done, then tomorrow start again.
think about going AA too . They're not bible bashing soaks, just normal people who have the disease of alcoholism.

RabbitFromAHat · 09/03/2014 20:50

Thank you so much. I am thinking about going to a meeting if I can find one near me in the next few days. Today I just feel too sick to drink, tomorrow I will still be a bit frightened of myself, it's Wednesday I think will be the point where I have to really gear up, to make sure I don't feel 'better' and use that as an excuse to start again.