Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Hi rabbit ; I'm sure we can all identify with the moment of clarity about drinking. Mine came when I realised I had dunk well in excess of the weekly units recommended for women, in one day. And tat this was not unusual. Shudder.

sorry for my previous vent. Things are indeed, difficult here. I guess they would be more difficult if I were still drinking.

Just feel very resentful today. At DS rugby club this morning the sun was shining and everyone was enjoying a few beers... I know I could not have just had one... but it would have been nice....

thanks for the support Sippie - hope your mum was ok - and well done for surviving without a drink

Sorcha! Not a great relationship expert as is plain to see but not bringing in money for 3.5 years! Bloody hell!! Grrrrr...

So, creeping into day 7, on a night shift!
Physically feeling much better, headaches and shakes gone, although sleeping patterns leave a lot to be desired, can't seem to get more than two hours at a time!
Reading Allen Carr's book 'Easy Way to Control Alcohol' which is proving interesting!
It has made me realise that my 2nd marriage, and the breakdown of it, was carried out in a fug of alcohol! No wonder it didn't work (although sober, I'm really glad it didn't!!)
Hope you have all had a lovely weekend, and despite it being a Monday morning, will wake up feeling great!

Hello all,

Been reading, not posting so much but I'm cheering everyone on. I think the glow of giving up does wear off after 2 months and then it's real life and real life without the drama of booze can be a little dull for alcoholics. That's where the disordered thinking comes in, most people don't drink like alcoholics and they're not forever pining after alcohol. They deal with their lives and life can be...normal.

I evolved some hobbies after I gave up and now they consume me. I never have enough time to do them because I work full-time but they're always there, deliciously tempting. My personality (addictive, no doubt about it) means that I don't do things by halves. If I'm baking, then I'll make a house-full of cakes, if I'm cleaning then the house virtually sparkles and so on.

I accept this tendency of my personality and I hope I've replaced one terrible addiction with less terrible ones. I can't seem to potter along, i still need the highs in my life and things to look forward to are vital, whether it's my hobbies, holidays, work goals etc.

Last night I had a drinking dream, even after over 3 years sober they creep in. I drank a delicious, bitter margarita, thinking it would be 'just the one' and tomorrow I would go back to being sober, but then there was the persistent thought that actually, no, I fancy another right now and tomorrow maybe just one or two. I woke up this morning feeling disappointed in myself, and it WAS ONLY A DREAM! Why would I hanker after something that absolutely destroys me?

Towards the end of my drinking life I loathed every sip I took and was disgusted with myself. I no longer hate me. I feel equal to others, no longer the 'bad person' who is always shouting, storming off, too tired, too hungover, forever regretting every word said in anger and on and on. And if I never have another fun night out with the girls, or toast with champagne, i couldn't care less, just to be free of that self-loathing keeps me strong.

Dreams...I can deal with.

GE

Hi

I'd like to join please

Dry now for 3 weeks, not much really but hey, you have to start somewhere.

Went out on friday night with friends and didn't even feel the want to drink. Happy days!

3 weeks is great! That's when you really start sleeping well I found

Right, I feel like I need to talk a bit about the weekend. I had a very long-awaited party to go to, which meant travelling for a few hours. I bought a bottle of wine to drink on the bus. I had a few glasses of wine at dinner. I had a bottle or two of prosecco at the party. I then started drinking some other wine I found (stole) somewhere. I didn’t even make it back to my hotel, my friends couldn’t move me. I woke up the next morning in a child’s bed, sleeping on some towels. I can only hope that I was just asleep, and not being argumentative, obnoxious, abusive, soliciting strangers for sex or any of the other awful things I’ve done over the years. I was just too afraid to ask anyone. I slunk off alone yesterday morning, and got the bus back. I had to get the bus driver to stop several times so I could throw up. I am not always like that when I drink, not every time, but I’m starting to realise most people aren’t ever like that.

I think one of the things that brought it home was that one of my good friends at the party has stopped drinking recently, after he caused himself life-threatening health issues. I was always ‘not as bad as him’. But I am, aren’t I? What’s made me feel so awful is that his wonderful wife came to pick me up yesterday morning to bring me back to the hotel. No questions asked, no recriminations. I always used to wonder how she could put up with him. But I’m no better than him. He’s sober, and I’m not.

Last night I spoke to my partner (we don’t live together, so he doesn’t really see much of the stuff I do) and he’s a bit confused, but supportive. I can’t say the ‘a’ word yet, I just can’t. I am just going to be “not drinking” for a while. I was a heavy drug user for a lot of my twenties, it just crept up on me. I was done with all that stuff, I thought. I don’t know how I’ve let this creep up on me too. I am not going to drink today.

Welcome Rabbit. We've all been there, done that. I highly recommend Jason's vale kick the drink book, amazing!!!! One day at a time. And keep posting.

Thanks cakehappy, I have just ordered it.

There was a lunchtime meeting around the corner from my office, so I went. I didn't say anything though, I hope that didn't seem rude. It was a big book meeting which I understand is a particular 'type' of meeting, so I understand it wouldn't be like that all the time.

The god stuff was a great deal too much for me, as I'm definitely an atheist. But anyway, they all seemed nice, and there was such a variety of people, I didn't feel too sore-thumb-like. Most of all, I was so impressed by how much self-knowledge people had, there was so much self-awareness. And several of the things said struck a chord with me, particularly the idea of how we direct feelings of anger and worthlessness inward.

I don't know if it's for me, but I came out feeling a lot less alone, which I think was really important to me on the day that's in it.

Very true GlowingEmbers. I think part of my problem recently isn't just alcohol but the gaining of another year, taking stock of my life and finding it lacking. I'm such a cliché Alcohol was my escape and now I've none it can be difficult facing up to reality at times.

Welcome puds and rabbit. Rabbit, I have done all of the above too. Some incidences still have the ability to make me inwardly cringe now years later if I think about it.

Well done for going straight to a meeting rabbit. Although I don't use AA anymore, I am really impressed with that. I went for a while but it had taken me about 4 years of plucking up the courage!

And yep, been in that horrible drunk place hundreds of times :( It's hideous and horrible and scary and all those words. I also took far too many class A drugs in my twenties and thirties so get that too.

You can do this though. I haven't had a drink for 180(?) days or something like that and can't quite believe it

DD aged 8 asked my mother (of all bloody people) yesterday 'has mummy ever been drunk?' My mother likes to think she is the fount of all knowledge and that I am the reason for her depression so poor dd got a long spiel about how 'naughty' mummy is, and how 'terrible' mummy is and 'poor daddy' for having to put up with evil mummy and her drinking.

Luckily I can now switch off. My childhood drove me to drinking, drugs and mental illness , but I could never expect her to understand that! That's another story though .

Just about to finish work and cycle home. (I love being the boss )

I hope everyone has had a good day xx

Thank you, MrsS. God, your mother sounds a piece of work!

I figured I had to go today, or I wouldn't go at all. I have to start taking myself seriously, basically. Not just let this weekend become another story. I did almost chicken out a billion times, but I am very strongwilled (stubborn). Which is why I've been trying and failing to drink 'normally', I guess.

Rabbit, well done for going to the meeting :)
Ignore the god stuff, I go AA and am not religious, its unfortunate that they use the word god, I tend to substitute it for another word. Its a god of your understanding, what ever you want it to be.
kind of like, when you say , hoover up, its more than likely not a hoover you're using but a dyson or Electrolux, make sense :)
The support of AA has been what I need, its where I can go and they all understand.
over 6 months sober now, different life, different me :)
stay strong, I promise you'll feel and see a difference within 3 weeks.i know that seems a long time, but you can do it, one day at a time.

Hi all. Welcome Rabbit and Puds.

Thanks Embers for your wise words. I love this thread.

Just finished another book by Meredith Bell. I liked it. I'm devouring these things on my kindle like there's no tomorrow.

Had a bit of a low mood yesterday, feeling flat, wondering where the fun in my life was going to come from, how I'm going to cope without "mummy's Valium" (super large gin and tonics) at the end of a long day...

Cheered up today; the weather helps, as does a long walk. I even made the effort to go up to DH and give him a cuddle which we haven't done in a while. We haven't spoken about the weekend or the drinking but he's totally thawed out. I'm debating whether I'm brave enough to have a proper talk about it all. I want him to know that I'm serious about this, and that my sobriety means everything. I just don't want him to dismiss it as an overreaction. I think if he thought we'd never have sessions on the beer together again he'd be devastated. But it rarely ends well ( Rabbit, you're absolutely not alone in doing shameful things when drunk) and he gets so cross when I waste days hungover.

I had a couple of thoughts today that stand out. The thought that I can never have another gin and tonic is SO depressing. But I know, mustn't project, one day etc. The thing is, I'm stubborn, so if I'm doing this, I'm doing this, so those thoughts do hit every now and then. Have to remember no more mornings vomiting into the loo wondering if death would be preferable. No more broken promises to DS (a speciality of mine is to suggest loads of fun, exciting stuff when drunk then be too ill, or forget what I said).

Another stupid thought, having read so many accounts of alcoholism, was "am I bad enough?". As in, "I don't drink a bottle of wine EVERY night, I've never drunk in the morning, I've never smuggled vodka into the cinema etc. Maybe I should wait until it gets that bad. I'm missing out on maybe a decade's boozing! Let's go for it, let's really fuck up, then I'll do this whole 'recovery' thing." This is the voice, right, trying to tempt me? I know I've got a problem. I'm obsessed with drink, the idea of having one seems utterly pointless, my hangovers are earth-shattering, and I've done many shameful things over the years. I'm bad enough.

Christ, sorry for that epic post.

How are you all? Moniker? Sippie? Sorcha Staying Dry? Morigu? Cake? Rachael? and any one else I've forgotten?

Rabbit - yes, what stayingdry says - well done going to a meeting. Re. God, maybe think of it as a power greater than ourselves. Also, when I first started going someone suggested looking for the similarities rather than the differences in what people say.
One day at a time.

Sorry, Rabbit, I've just reread my post and the third sentence sounds confusing. What I meant was when listening to others sharing, concentrate on what you can identify with rather than thinking "oh, I never did that" or "I was never that bad".

Hello everyone, just checking in! Have finally finished work(work from home and had little one to watch too so loonnng day). I too am feeling flat. Blahhhh...but am thanking God I'm not drinking! Feel terrified that this is all an illusion, I'm going to get massively pissed again soon when "enough" time has passed...when I have got it back "under control"... But I suppose one day at a time.
Mistress, I know what you mean about not talking about drinking with your other half... I haven't really either. Don't want to, it feels too raw. And he doesn't really want to hear it I'm sure as he won't believe a word I say...our relationship is so messed up at the mo:(
Hurray to no hangovers, extra calories, secret drinking, and a clear head though!!

Well done on AA Rabbit! You're streaks ahead of me!

And Mistress, I know no G&T's for a decade is depressing, but not as depressing as a decade of hangovers, a distant DS,potentially a broken marriage, perhaps a bad accident while drunk, depression, hundreds of mornings feeling shame and having to deal with DH...and a disappointed DS:(
No comparison really:)

Thanks for the support last Friday, guys. I've been AF since then, and for some reason it feels like a switch has really clicked. For the first time I've told my husband and a bunch of real life friends that I don't drink any more (husband: "That's great! But, at all? Or just a nice glass of wine with a Sunday dinner would be fine, right?". Me: "Nope. Because if I have a glass of wine, I want another glass of wine. And if I'm 'allowed' to drink on a Sunday, then it starts being Saturday, and then it's only weekends, and I'm back to where I started". That was the closest I have ever come to using the A word, and I think he really got it. He even forewent his planned one beer, although I told him it didn't bother me). We have a pretty decent wine collection - only a couple of dozen bottles, but they're the 'good' bottles that we've been cellaring for special occasions. I mummified them all in bubble wrap and boxed them up, ostensibly ahead of our mid-April house move, but mostly to get them out of my line of sight. The usual 'I'll fail soon so I might as well just drink' is replaced with 'I don't drink'. Feeling very good here on Day 4.

MrsS, your mother sounds like a destructive force and no mistake. Does she have to be around you? That's a dreadful, awful thing to tell your daughter, I feel really bad for your DD having to hear that.

And Morrigu I loved your post - I am currently still on the Rocca high of wow my life is going to be SO AMAZING and I could probably do with someone bringing me down to earth - but look at what you actually wrote:

It's like when you read that Rocca book and she's all 'yeah, life is great without alcohol, you can do anything now'. Well maybe you can't. You're stuck in the same old rut as before with no escape from the suffocating banality of your life where the most exciting thing is whether to put an item of clothing on the light or dark wash because it's kind of a bit of both. I've stopped my vices, started running, volunteering and a bit of studying and still I feel like life is flat and all I have are memories of good times .

I've stopped my vices, started running, volunteering and a bit of studying

That's incredible! You're doing so much stuff now, it's feeding your body and your soul and your mind. I hope that in a couple of months I can say the same.

Oh my Sippie I can't believe your own mother would say that to your dd. She sounds a little bit toxic is you don't mind me saying that.

I think part of my problem is I'm a bit of a perfectionist unfortunately that doesn't stretch to housework and very impatient Tortoise (every time I read your name I start singing ninja turtles in my head - cheers ds ) Everything I've only started and it just isn't enough if you know what I mean?
I can't run as far or as fast as I want, I can only do a tiny bit of volunteering atm because of dc and it's only a little bit of studying to pass the time more than anything. When I got pregnant by dd two years ago I had just had an offer to do a science degree at a Russell Group university and that went to the wall and I can't see me now ever having the time or money to do it. I do realise a lot of these things may come later but like I said, I'm impatient and in my thirties so feel like there isn't as much time as there used to be. Well done for speaking to your dh and friends, that takes a lot of courage!

I do feel a bit better however. Meant to be a nice day here today so going to have a girls day with dd, do a bit of shopping and take a picnic for the park. Least I won't be hankering over not being able to have a glass of wine with it.

Oh she's dreadful! It's a very long story but I have finally accepted that she is a narcissistic toxic self centred impossible woman. My sister has no contact so i'm the only one there for her. It has messed up my life but she would never see that - nothing is ever her fault, everyone else is wrong etc etc. I can just about cope now and see her as rarely as possible. Not drinking is hard around her tbh but the only way in other ways! She finds it hilarious that I too rinnning for example 'you can't run,don't be silly' she:s been a widow for 47 years and Hates everyone with a husband etc. Anyway.,her little tirade was quite normal really!

Running not rinning !

Morning all! I am feeling quite a bit better today. Still sick and shaky and miserable, but not so devastatingly miserable. I looked after myself with a nice comforting stew and some clean sheets when I got home.

Dapplegrey, I gotcha.

I started reading that Jason Vale book on kindle, cake, and so far it's making me feel a bit more secure than the AA stuff did. I am trying to look at this as a positive thing.

Hi everyone - sorry I haven't checked in for a while. And welcome to Rabbit and Puds.

Rabbit - I do AA, but totally get your concern about that wretched God word that crops up everywhere. I am a card-carrying atheist and all I would say is that over time I have found the God issue becomes less relevant. You just ignore it and replace it with something you can 'rely on' . For me it's the support and strength of the group/any group (including this thread!) of other alcoholics who care and 'have your back' if that makes sense. I am just over 2 yrs sober and I find it really doesn't bother me any more and that the 'life' wisdom and lessons/reflective nature of it all is massively helpful and more than outweighs anything else. It took me a while to chill out about it, though . I think we all just patch together all the help and tools that work for us and support us - be that AA, books like the Jason Vale one, this thread etc. Anyway, the key thing is WELL DONE YOU on getting this far. Whatever you want to call it (a word or not), you know that your drinking wasn't normal and probably can't be. So abstinence is the answer and thank goodness there is a solution to get us out of that Hellish, shameful place. Have so been where you were throwing up on public transport etc. Just. Hideous.

Mistress, your post made me think I was reading my own words! All that stuff about wondering if you were 'bad enough' and what the Hell - why not really go for broke before getting sober. Just BONKERS twisted thinking. Clearly. But it can just perch on the shoulder whispering thoughts into one's head….. So glad your DH has thawed out. I am so so so happy I don't have to face that disappointed/angry/worried expression at home any more.

Am having tricky time on various fronts as I moaned about on a recent post (work, study, health, sick father etc). BUT, had happy moment last night with my daughter as I read her stories in bed and played silly tickling game with her and was just massively grateful for the fact that I am sober and able/willing to spend that sort of time with her. Sounds like a tiny thing - but the shameful truth is that I didn't do nearly enough of that when I was drinking. And if I did do it, it was in a rush so I could get back to what I really wanted to do which was drink. I find those small things often really help remind me why it is so important that I stick with this.

So great to be in touch with all you brilliant women. Well done everyone for getting/staying sober!

And sorry for droning on at length this morning!!