Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Got it . Was my misreading. And certainly don't mean to imply it's the right solution for all or put anyone off.

Personally finding this thread a bloody brilliant addition to it anyway!

And think we speak with one voice when we say that we are all toast if we pick up the first drink....

I have slight dilemma re tomorrow night: we have a couple coming round for dinner, one of whom I know (for sure) has major problem with alcohol. Becoming massive issue between them, but am not supposed to know this. My gut/heart says it might be helpful if I was open about why I'm not drinking, but don't want to as am being v private about it.... Hmmmm.

Random, I also find AA extremely helpful, it's not for everyone, but I'll be going to a meeting tonight, with about 12 other recovering alcoholics knowing full well that unfortunately for every one of us there there's probably 20 alcoholics out the room.
I found actions, proving myself, over time helped me with my partner and eldest son , and the continuation of my sobriety and the positive effect on the family.
I am slowly gaining trust back, but I put my partner and children through such hell its understandable I have to earn it back.

on a slightly lighter note why don't we have abit of fun, where's the strangest place you've put and forgot your booze, mines the washing machine, realised when I heard it :)

I've done awful things too over the years. Things that make me shudder. Things that make me hate myself. It just can't carry on. It can only end one way.

I'm in my early thirties with 2 DC. Drunkeness and hangovers getting worse with age. But whereas I used not to give (much) of a crap about being pissed in public, it has gradually become a source of huge shame.

Thanks so much for sharing these very personal things; it really does help.

I am surviving day by day, by keeping busy, getting fresh air, going to bed with DS, reading lots by those who have walked away from alcohol, and using this thread. It's a lifeline, it really is. My moods and self-hatred suddenly hit me and at times I feel that it's only for my DCs that I can keep going. I will get there, though. And I can't wait to start living a free life.

God I sound heavy!

I've got 2 DCs too. DS is 2.5 years old, DD is 4 months old. They will one day see me drunk and realise their mother is an alcoholic. I can't let that happen, please god give me strength! We've all fucked up Mistress, youre not alone. One day at a time!

Washing machine is one step up from me. I regularly had a bottle stashed in our laundry room, but generally tucked behind a pile of laundry rather than actually in the machine!

Another good one was in amongst a big box of wrapping paper....

Forgotten where the booze was?? I could always account for every drop around my house. I probably had one of these expressions when I heard of friends finding a forgotten bottle tucked away at the back of a cupboard.

Moniker I appreciated your suggestion, and in a way I do think I should make the effort to get to a meeting because it feels like the last step in breaking down denial. I'm not going because I'm not really... You know. But it's also good to know that others have succeeded without AA. Everyone is helpful!

Today I'm feeling scared. Last week I was feeling very strong and I can definitely do this, and had several days when I was in alcohol situations (pub quiz night; wine and nibbles at a work do; Friday night date night) where I avoided. But then I lost it last week and have been drinking all week - I know why, it's because of PMT breaking down my self discipline - and now I'm scared to try. Like, I should get wine in for tonight because maybe I won't be able to go without a drink but then there won't be any and that'll be a disaster. I realise this is fucked up thinking.

Hi. Thank you for this thread.
Am on day 4 of no alcohol. Like many of you, have tried to moderate, drink different things, have a glass of water between each glass of wine, but everything ends up with two bottles of red gone each night.
Staying dry - your story is similar to mine, I lost my son 16 yrs ago, just before his second birthday, and my drinking started then.
I managed 4 months dry around 5 yrs ago, just to prove I could, then one day, just started right where I left off.
This has to stop.....and here I am!
Feeling pretty crap at the moment, ache all over, headaches and sleeping is awful (not helped by working nights). But am determined to do this!

Keep posting Rachael, it really helps.

I've never even thought of hiding alcohol, I've never drunk in the morning, I've never hidden empties, I've never done anything I used to consider alcoholic behaviour. This all helps keep me in denial. Read any of my posts and it's clear I've got a big problem. It manifests itself in different ways for each of us. I'm desperate to beat it before it gets to the next level.

Good morning all. A good night here, one night feed, no booze, and a vaguely positive feeling. All going in the right direction.

Hello Rachel, so sad about your son:( I'm sorry. Congrats on the 4 days! I'm on day 2!

I'm with you mistress, never hid booze, never drank in the morning, but like you I obviously have a massive problem. No off button:( I know what you mean about bring in denial. I never had the classic symptoms of an alcoholic but always drinking twice as fast as everyone else, drinking far more than anyone else, my husbands anger, frustration with me. His intense dislike of going to any social outing with me incase I drank way too much...again...my obsession with alcohol and most importantly, how I feel it's controlling me can't be ignored:( but I just want to take one day at a time. Today I won't drink. Tomorrow I won't drink. And to be honest, I'm 4 stone overweight, I think so much wine doesn't help.
Rachel - this is a good place to talk without being judged, one day at a time.

Tortoise, if you don't get wine tonight, it won't be a disaster...and tomorrow you will wake up feeling refreshed and AMAZING! Because you made it through a hard day without a drink:) and no feelings of shame:)

Posting again... I'm using this thread to help with my thoughts...it's very noisy in my head at the moment...
I gave up drinking before, for about 5 months. I can honestly say that I never felt better. I looked good. I felt good. I socialised and was thrilled to discover that I was fun without a drink. I went to 2 weddings and was the first up to dance. The next morning, my expensive and carefully chosen outfit was hanging in my wardrobe, not lying in a crumpled heap next to the bed, stained with red wine, mud, grass or cigarette ash. I had no headache, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing I'd forgotten. It was the best feeling in the world. I'd enjoyed the day, eaten the food (normally left mostly untouched due to the vast quantities of Champagne, Pimms, red wine etc consumed).
Anyway. I'm going on too much. The point is, there is nothing to fear when we stop drinking. It's a fucking poison.

I never hid any booze either. No reason to when you're the only adult in the house. I did hide the amount of empties from the recycling men though.

Tortoise instead of getting some booze for tonight, why not try getting some really nice non-alcoholic drinks in? Like the expensive cordials you wouldn't normally dream of buying. I found that helped in the early days as it was a 'treat' to myself.

So sorry to hear about your son Rachael. Day 4 is amazing and the first few weeks you do feel like you are cruelly dealing with a massive hangover. It will get better.

Also feeling a bit more positive today. Good run yesterday with greatest distance and best average pace, worked out my abs for the first time last night (feel like I've been hit by a bus in my stomach this morning) and today going shopping and will buy myself an early birthday present since I have no SO to buy me something . Oh and the sun is out :) Best of all no hangover or feelings of guilt, shame, loss of memory and a withering bank account balance. Happy Friday everyone.

Oh blimey, I hid it loads it the past few years!! Normally in my cupboard, so DH wouldn't find it - behind my clothes. I always found it though . In fact I used to quite often be baffled when it had run out ('surely I bought more than that??? )

Also desperately sorry about your son Rachel. That must have been just dreadful.

Day 4, to me is the day when it feels 'possible'. I used to have terrible 'day 4's' emotionally, crying and feeling down, which I guess was good as it proved how bloody awful my drinking was - always pleased to get past it.

The weekends are still hard to be honest. Not as hard as they used to be and as we never go out (!) not so much of a problem, but they are just days after all, and Sunday mornings are now sooo good. We try to go to a wood for a family walk as often as possible and it's lovely to be with the children feeling 'connected' I guess.

It's my day off today so am guiltily watching JK and house cleaning. I'm crazy, me

Have a safe day everyone.

Thank you all for your warm welcomes!
Am supposed to be asleep after a night shift, but it's just not happening. Usually would start on the red ( anything before noon is allowed if on shift again that night - one of my crazy rules!!) but have chosen a choc ice instead! If I don't get a wave of sleepiness soon, then the dog will get an unexpected walk!

As for hiding bottles etc, never did that, but I would get v v angry (think a toddler tantrum) if 'sharing' a bottle of wine and I thought someone had more than me from it - how pathetic! And as you can see from above, I seem to have had a whole 'rule' system in place to justify my drinking and make it acceptable. The funniest probably being that on a night off, it was better for me to stay up drinking, as my body was in 'night mode' and it would be a shame to upset it! The perfect excuse of an all night, solo drinking session

Hi everyone.

Tortoise - are you able to avoid alcohol situations like pubs for a while until you feel more used to the new, sober you? I think at the start it is just rubbing your nose in it in a way. In time, you will probably find those situations easy (and I know you said you got through them last week), but I remember being advised to avoid situations where people would be drinking heavily where possible at the beginning and it was good advice. I was supposed to go on some work skiing trip (basically a massive piss up) when I was 3 weeks in. I was advised not to go - and although I initially thought 'I have to go' and 'I've already paid all the money etc', in the end I made up some excuse and got out of it. Turned out to be the right decision; was a total booze fest….

And as Cake says - you CAN go without the wine tonight. Just do it for tonight and see how you feel tomorrow. Safe in the knowledge that tomorrow the wine will still be there in the shop if you change your mind. Just do it for today. And see where that takes you….. Plus try not to beat yourself up about having a slip and finding it hard. It is a process that gets us on the right track - and not necessarily a straight lined one!

Loved your post today, Mistress. SO good to remind yourself how good things are when we are not drinking. Brilliant image of you finding your outfit neatly hung up etc vs. the normal chaos. Thanks so much of that - really helps to hear that sort of clarity.

I am having a rather shitty time. Have v. ill father who lives a long way away and needs care set up, have broken foot so can't drive or do anything really, and have big exams in 10 days time. Otherwise, all fine . Enough moaning from me. Looking on the bright side, at least I don't have a bloody hangover to throw into the mix…...

Oh - and hello Rachel - welcome. Like everyone else, I am desperately sorry for your loss. Lovely to have you with us. Hope you are fast asleep by now…..!

I promise I'll go away after this… But found myself thinking of something on the bus earlier:

You know the Kate Moss quote 'nothing tastes as good as thin feels'?

I think our mantra should be 'no drink tastes as good as sober feels'.

Over and out x

Approaching danger zone: Friday eve, DH gone to work, tired, kids hard work... The voice starts... Things don't seem so bad now, the feelings of shame and regret are beginning to fade, maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I can drink sensibly, I've managed before.... Just one, or two, or three...

Got to play the movie to the end, got to stay strong.

You can do it! Movie to the end, think of leaping out of bed tomorrow morning (or at least waking up feeling ok!) Think of all the stuff you won't do and what you will do - watch TV and remember what you saw, read maybe and remember what you read... And also, you'll have to start counting again and that's just really annoying! I'm struggling a bit too - but we can do it!!!

Sooo pissede off with my husband. He:s come back from the gym and has quite clearly had a few drinks. It's not that he's nasty or anything like thy he:s just so stupid and boring!!! At least when I drank I could be in my own bubble and ignore him. I just walked off because he was irritating me and he:s gone all ' what's up with you?' If I say I know he's had a drink he will say ooh only one pint or something and it's just bloody annoying! I actually want to cry.

Back again! Just went down and told him how I felt and cried so rarely get like this but felt I should just be honest. Both he andnds told me how proud they are and what a completely different person I am now. Feel happier now.

I find my OH v tedious when he's had a few too. Really feel for you...I normally take myself somewhere else to get away from the boredom of it all. Also hate it if he gets amorous when he smells of booze: have basically banned nookie unless he is sober