Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Welcome lbab. It does sound like it's a blessing of sorts; drinking, as you obviously well know, only gets worse if you have a problem, unless something stops you in your tracks. Diabetes is better than a DUI or cirrhosis of the liver.

Scentedcandles, I've put on weight as well, damn you and your falsehoods Lucy Rocca. But I look better anyway, is that true for you? My face looks slimmer, my skin is excellent, and I figure I can always cover up the body!

Hi lbab. Weclome.

I've put on weight too, for the same reasons as scentedcandles. Thinking 'well I'm saving this many calories from not drinking so i can eat....'

Morning all.Welcome again newcomers. :)

Hope everyone is okay. Idrank last night. About 2 glasses of wine. Hence the middle of the night waking and posting I guess! I was feeling angry and emotional and a bit nihilistic. Feeling better today.

Busy day ahead, and I have to step up to the plate to advocate for DS who is having problems at pre-school. So am in tiger mummy mode too.

Happy sober days everyone.

Good morning everyone. Welcome lbab, sorry to hear about your diabetes - it must have been a shock. I never worried about my physical health when I was drinking wierdly, even though I spent three years working in a homeless day centre and saw an awful,lot of serious illness and death. Some how I convinced myself I wasn't that bad! I did give up for a while when I worked there but the stress (the irony!) Sent me back to daft imbibing

Had !y first counselling session on Tues which was really good. Spent the time trying to elucidate my feelings about my mother and explaining her! Poor counsellor! I have 12 sessions so hopefully may get some coping strategies and maybe even manage to see her and not be manipulated. She's still in a nursing home and I haven't seen her since Monday -guilt klaxon....

To add to my woes dd has been throwing up since 5am so I have to stay at home with her-argh. I've had so much time off this year and all unavoidable. Luckily I can do bits from home but I hate being off, always think people are getting cross.

Read another alcohol memoir last night by Cathy Woodward - it was ok, not earth shatteringly original but good to remind myself of the horror of blackouts and memory loss and shame.

To those of you who are relapsing,I did so many tomes, still thinking I could - maybe I will, it's always there and bloody hard.

Have a good day all x

morning all
we have just had a guy in his 60s relapse, really sad to see. A really strong AA believer, well not that strong obviously my sponsor tells me that if you have a relapse its because you haven't had enough pain yet, a horrible thought. So near to losing absolutely everything, I know I hit my rock bottom and I'm strangely thankful for that

Anyway, onwards, I'm coming upto 8 months beginning of May. Starting to lose abit of weight put on with sugar craves. Hard to believe that I went down to 7.5 stone when drinking, didn't eat for days put on 2 stone but to be honest thats better than being a family less, home less drunk.
welcome back mrs sippie, how are you Rachel? have a good day all x

Morning all

I am feeling very well and positive this morning, which is nice!

Looking back I had a lot of very dark thoughts a lot of the time - especially in the mornings, just that I was so tired with everything and just stopping would be a relief. That sounds really bad - it wasn't something to act on or anything serious just being stuck in the cycle of drunk / hungover / never again / a few hours later buying more booze and round and round and the guilt and just feeling stuck. Anyway I don't seem to be having those thoughts any more and generally feel happier and even with some sort of positive feelings and cheerfulness and looking forward to stuff which is good

Food - I reckon I am allowed to eat we all are. Before I was consuming maybe 1000 calories food / non alcoholic drinks and 1000 calories alcohol. So I need to make up for that 1000 calories somewhere! Just seems to be a lot of sugar - of course that is what I've lost with the booze. Suddenly deserts and sweets and biscuits are interesting to me when I've literally not had them at all since I was 16.

I reckon as well being overweight even a lot is better than being alcoholic.

And also not to try to "fix" too many things at once.

However my body shape seems to be changing my weight is the same but my face looks less red and puffy and my stomach is less bloated. So that's good

Have a great day everyone it looks to be a good one

7 days AF for me (or is it 6 days?) whatever. I'm feeling very confident but also wary that there hasn't been any triggers for me i.e. I am home alone with kids, so wouldn't drink anyway - nobody has a session planned but there will be one coming up for when we move house. So we'll see how that works - let's say I am hopeful and cautious...hopefully cautious!

All is well in Gaybo's world. I am taking photos every couple of days to see the bloat lifting. When DH returns I'll get back to the gym and that leads to a better diet so by the summer I'll be fucking beautiful.

In other news, I was having my morning poo earlier and a lady came frantically banging on my door - I opened it and she shouted your son is on the roof! My 16 month old had climbed onto a toy rabbit hutch and climbed out of the window in my little girl's room onto the extension roof. I ran upstairs with fear in my mouth and I climbed out after him as he scuttled away from me, she was at the bottom saying "I'll try and catch him!". Anyway, I got him. All was well, much thanks!!

I was aware of this happening and the door to the room is actually usually locked when the window is open but the key is misplaced at the moment so...anyway, a shock and a lesson - find the key!!

Phew.

Sippie I have a friend who works and the guilt is nearly killing her. There's been virus after virus and now the chicken pox and she feels so bad about work, feels bad about the kids...a mother's place is in the guilts. I feel for you - I am a SAHM and can imagine when I go back to work I'll be so worried about people getting pissed off with me if I have to take a personal day.

lbab welcome - you're in the right place. Would you consider AA or anything like that?

tortoise am IN LOVE with your blog! Genuinely love it. I hope to see it in hardback soon.

nochips is it your dream to be dry? Do you think you can moderate? I think with me anyway it's a case of drinking like a normal person for 10 months of the year and then going mad once or twice the other two months so it's a complete no for me. If I close the door on alcohol, it's closed and there's no more shame and Horrors and shame and Horrors...blessed relief really.

Wishing you all an AF and craving free day.

Good morning!

Glad your little one was okay gay.... how utterly terrifying. They are such wrteches on occasion- your back in turned for a split second and they cause a heart attacK!

I also have put on weight, but am less bloated and my tummy has gone down..... no-one has asked me even once if I am pregnant in the past month- I just realised that. Previously it was a weekly thing.

Is it my dream to be dry or moderate? Hmmm.Not sure. A few months ago, 'just' having 2 glasses would have pleased me and made me feel smug. Now I just feel low about it. What I CAN live without is the middle of the night terrors where I am busily working out the rate of units to leave the body and if I am okay to drive in the morning. And I can live without the pain in my side and the sneaking fear that I will not live to 50. And the worry that I am letting myself, my darling DS and my DH down.

I was angry and upset yesterday and so reached for the booze. I have to work on that. It sounds to me from everything MrsSipie says that running might be a good way to deal with all those emotions I previously dampened down with alcohol!

Mrs hope your DD is better soon. Love you sound very happy. :)

I know I have said it before, but thank you everyone for being there and posting. :)

Hello. Just popping on to keep the thread moving.
All good and sober here. 54 days I think.
Returned to work part time this week after maternity leave. Was a little stressful but enjoyed it once I'd acclimatized myself.
Baby not sleeping at all. The longest she went last night was 2 hours. Awful! Feel very thankful that I'm finding the strength to stay sober as drinking would make everything a million times worse.

Love your blog Tortoise. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Have a good day.

Morning all

Day 50 here, really can't believe I've typed that, I've never got past 5 days sober before. It's totally different this time though, can't put my finger on why, because I've hot many rock bottoms and my last binge wasn't as bad compared to previous episodes. I think it was that fear of 'well it could have been' that shook me up, knowing I was literally living on borrowed time....I dunno, but I've held on to that fear and used it was a tool to remind me why me and alcohol are not compatible!

I did gain weight initially but I've lost it again - I limit my treats now, I plan what I'm going to have on an evening in advance and spend the day looking forward to it, what a saddo! So sometimes it's a Magnum ice cream, or a strawberry pavlova from Sainsburys cake counter...last night it was a Creme Egg that I popped in the freezer for an hour beforehand. I suppose I'm no further forward in that I still have a ritual on a night (addictive personality, moi?!) but it's much better than the alternative, so I don't worry about it. Besides, I've abused myself for many years now, being kind to myself is an important part of my healing process and goes some way to preventing me from plunging too far into guilt about my drunken past (been having awful flashbacks and wanting to turn back the clock recently).

Have a good day all, be kind to yourselves, you deserve it x

Meant to add my feelings on moderation - for me it's never going to happen, I've finally accepted that. I've been there too many times and the end result is always the same; I can't keep repeating the same old shit and expect for it to end any other way than badly.

When I try to moderate, apart from the inevitable, I also allow alcohol too much headspace. It's easier for me to say a quick 'No' to myself now , rather than the constant battle with worrying about how many units, working out which 'days off' I was going to try and take, shovelling milk thistle down my neck in the vain hope it'll cancel out the 2 bottles of wine I've guzzled (yep, I believed that for a while ), starting Mondays being 'good' then starting the weekend on a Wednesday then wailing into my glass on a Sunday feeling like a let down....it was bloody exhausting!

But there's none of us the same and I spent a while annoyed with myself that I can't moderate. I've accpeted it now, but still worry about possible replapse because I know this bastard drug might sneak up on me at any time when I least expect it.

So tempted today. Sitting in tears as have just been with my FUCKING mother at the hospital for an appointment. I won't go into it but she made me feel like the worst most selfish unkind daughter ever. It's awful And I can't bear it

Hi all - RandomM here (did NC after that security hack weirdness). Sorry I haven't been posting for a while.

Just wanted to send virtual hug and strength to you, MrsS. Sounds horrendous. You are THERE for her at her hospital appt FFS. I don't know the story chapter and verse, but it sounds to me as if you do an awful lot for her - particularly given how vile she is to you. I suppose it's all about that 'you can't change her, you can only change how you react to her thing'. Bloody easy to say - a million times harder to do. Can you just say calmly and in as civil a tone as you can muster 'I'm afraid I need to leave now - I want to be here for you and support you, but I don't deserve to be made to feel this way'. ???

Oh, and couldn't agree with you more, SlippedD on the whole moderation thing. Abstinence is SOOOOO much easier, isn't it? My head was full all the bloody time with all the same stuff - no time for anything else. What a monumental waste of a life!! I had milk thistle tablets too….

Sippie another virtual hug from me too. You are not the worst, most selfish unkind daughter ever, quite the reverse, especially under the circumstances. Your mother doesn't deserve to have such a patient, thoughtful and caring daughter. You need a medal, not abuse Any chance you can go for a run and blast the negativity away?

merce nice to see you back! Hope things have been good with you? I think sales of milk thistle must have plummeted with us going sober!

Oh and hello to any new posters - good to see you, this thread is brilliant and I won't be paying any fees on Soberistas when I have you all here for free! x

Sorry about that! Was really stressed, so have spent money [guilt emoticon]

I bought myself a new leather purse, a foam roller for training (apparently you do fancy exercises with it after a run ), and some running socks. Crazy, me!

She just makes me so unhappy, and then I feel that I've failed her by not being 'the right daughter' i was with her for two hours listening to her 'bravery' and then I had to go, leaving her waiting for hospital transport - she_'s in a wheelchair for now so I couldn't do anything. All I have had are my orders for tomorrow - go and buy her this that and the other,go to her flat and get a b and c, and then she said i'd only been to her flat twice since she's been inn hospital and the nursing home - it's five times, not that I was counting, but why even say that? Then I got 'other daughters do.....' Dh has been wonderful but it's me who has to work through this. Hurray for counselling!!!

Closest I've been to buying drink today. Thank you for letting me offload! X

Oh, Sippie, I think you are a bloody hero just for not pushing her off a cliff. Well done to you for staying sober today.

All good here. All quiet. All sober.

Just wanted to chip in on the weight thing. I think it is TOTALLY normal to start replacing booze obsession with food obsession. Depressingly, we all realise/are coming to realise that we can't do moderation. So hardly surprising that food can become an issue for a while. Totally agree with what others have said, though, frankly rather pile on some extra kilos and get my life back…. er - than the alternative. And for what it's worth, I am 2 yrs and a few months sober and my weight is now back down where it was. Took a while, but it has all settled down.

Oooooh - and Mrs S - get really angry on your behalf!! You not the 'right daughter'?! How about her not being 'the right mother'?!!. She must be a bitter, miserable person inside. I suppose one should try to feel compassion for her, but v. much doubt I could if I was in your shoes. Well done on the retail therapy; sounds excellent. And good to get things that feed your new passion for running. You 100% deserve it.

I am well. Could do with getting to some more AA meetings (always tough during school hols), but they are back now so that should improve. Always helps me rightsize my problems, get things in perspective etc. Have been really impatient about stuff like noisy neighbours (am always a bit intolerant if honest, but worse than usual!) recently which I am hoping will settle down. Likewise rattier than usual with children and HATE it when I do that.

Anyway - hello to newbies and wishing everyone a wonderful weekend (despite pouring rain).

Sorry - meant 'I get really angry on your behalf'. Obv….

merc, over 2 years sober, fantastic, you sound really in tune with who you are and what keeps you in a good place . know what you mean about missing meetings, , feel edgey if go too long without one.
have beem abit out of sorts because hearing afew stories of people having drinking slips, felt abit vunerable, but think I'm back on track, coming upto 8 months, but one day at a time

mrs sippie, I could quite easily strangle your mother myself

easy to say I know but you need to disengage mentally from your mum, your sobrierty is SO SO IMPORTANT. when she's talking to you can you try and not listen? daft, but just go la la la as shes talking, make sense? Theres someone I know that really winds me up and goes on and on, used to let her opinions effect me. have no choice but to listen to her, then I started to play a little game in my head. I count all the times she says the phrase "you know" in a single rant, her records 42 maybe its me going la la?

anyway dp out at the pub, gonna have a soak in the tub, preferably without dc, but don't fancy my chances
have a good sober evening all. treated myself to some strawberry plants and ordered my bedding plants today,£15 for 144 plants, thats easily a days wine intake in my drinking days...the simple things......

Hi guys
Just a quick check-in - bloody knackered!
Still in hospital, but much improved
Will read the thread and catch up better when home!
Love to you all

Hi all,
Checking in too.Rachael hope you are better soon. Any word on when you can get out?
Mrs I also could happily strangle your mother. Are you on the Stately Houses thread? I think it is a case of you will simply never win. She sounds bitter, twisted. You could tell her you pity her for her sad, nasty view on life- i bet that would enrage her!!!!

I am in an angry, self pitying, fed up mode which I will not bore you with. I wallowed and indulged my anger yesterday..... today i am trying to get myself back together again. Bought and have started reading 'Sober is the new black' which I am enjoying. I need to try and engage properly with the world today. I 'checked out' yesterday.

what weekend plans? Strawberry plants and bedding plants sound good. stayingdry. I have to go to B&Q for pots for clematis that cannot be planted in the right spot just yet. Other than that I have no plans.

Oh....I had shares in a milk thistle company too. :)

Rachel - hope they release you soon. I suppose the one silver lining to being in hospital is not being able to drink or consider drinking…. Proper Pollyanna, me.

Right - weekend plans. Well, DS has a friend staying (impromptu thing that I agreed to in playground yesterday….). Going surprisingly well so far. Friend being really nice to DD (younger - my two are normally at war) so all more peaceful than usual. He is only 10 and seems to be doing a far better job at persuading DS to be reasonable than I ever have…. Hmmm. Pouring rain so plans for outdoor activities may need to be shelved. I always feel guilty if I let them watch too much TV/ipad time, but have a feeling I am going to need to be more relaxed today. Is it just a pointless fantasy that children will 'fashion toys from sticks' and invent plays in their bedrooms that they perform (in joyous cooperative fashion) for their smiling parents?? Am I living in the wrong century…..

Wishing everyone a v. good morning. LOVELY LOVELY to be waking up without a hangover. Even after more than 2 years I still really appreciate that….

Hello again.

Well, went to B&Q and when I got there I mused to DS;what did I want to buy here?' he piped up with 'strawberry plants!'. So we did. Plus some cherry tomato plants as well. Ds also chose for himself a little yellow duck watering can.

I was still in a foul mood, so DS and I took ourselves by mutual agreement off for a nap. In about 10 minutes I will wake him up and take him to the park and get an ice cream.

Good sunday all Rachael, I do hope you feel better soon. Hospital isn't the nicest place to be, the only good thing is being waited on!

I hope you had a better rest of day Nochips!

I satrted yesterday with a rant over the phone to my mother when she called with her 'list'. I couldn't help it as she had made me feel so terrible the day before. In the end, I calmed down and took dd rto see her in the afternoon, armed with the mountain of goods I had been asked to get..I explained as rationally as i could that i felt she was taking me for granted, not appreciating what i did and expecting me to do too much, she cried of course, but said 'you should hear how much i praise you to everyone else' I said 'that's lovely but it would nice to think you actually meant it'. Anyway, I stayed calm and had a reasonable visit. She was telling me how much money she's going to give me when she gets out, which will be nice as i've had to buy things, use petrol etc, but it's not that, it's really not that..Anyway, I did feel better having tried to get it out.

Dh and Ds played cricket yesterday afternoon ( oh the joys of another season ...) and i felt really restless, so wanted to have a drink - feel I'm in a real 'danger zone' recently. It's actually 6 months tomorrow so I should be feeling proud, just feel a bit meh really though..Added to which my leg is really painful and I can't run on it. It's been like this since holiday but I somehow did 5 miles last week, don't know what's happened since then - really frustrating. If i can't run I can see myself really struggling more and more.

dh ds and dd are all out at the moment. they have gone to football (ds playing, them watching) dd didn't want to go but I put my foot down - I just need a bit of time, it's been in short supply lately. Shouldn't have bothered really as tried to run and limped home after a mile and a half. Arghhh.

Sorry to witter on again! I will attempt to be more positive next week. I have so little to be miserable about, need to work on my gratitude.

Love to you all xx