Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Six months

Yowzers! Nice one

mrs sippie, be kind to yourself with your mum playing up and good luck with the councillor.

sorcha, 6months coming up, absolutely brilliant what an inspiration, you go girl

mistress, well done on your holiday sobrierty, a wonderful achievement to be proud of.

what an inspirational lot you are tonight, sleep well all

Hi guys. Checking back in.
Our week away was much needed, and we seem to have got our heads round the implications of OH's tumour and operation.
Did well whilst away, no drinking - usually a few bottles of wine would have snuck in with the food shop!
Fast forward to Sunday, family meal, the 'I've given up for lent' excuse came out, and my niece pointed out lent was over, shoved a glass of wine in my hand, and like a fool I drank it.
OH raised his eyebrows, I had another glass, despite it tasting bloody awful - and I realised what I already knew - I have no control around alcohol when I take that first drink.
I felt hung over by 9pm last night, and like I've let myself down today.
So after 6 weeks, today is again Day 1

Hey Rachael, don't worry. Like Sorcha, I had a blip at Christmas and felt like an idiot, but I think I sort of needed to, if you see what I mean. It will strengthen your resolve.

I too am six months on 28th April (apart from xmas, but decided to ignore that..) and very proud. Back at work now and feeling really tearful. I guess it's the mother stress and everything but I just feel useless. I looked at my e mails and realised that my staff dealt with them and I had buggered up a load of stuff :( Hopeless.

Need to be positive and try to think about good things. Entered the marathon ballot at 6am !!

Sorry to be a whinge (again). Guess I should get on. So tempted to nip over the road for a packet of cigarettes. :(

Hi ladies,

I'm a long term MNetter who recently name changed thanks to heartbleed and me just not being able to get back in to my own name because the email account I used to register with I wasn't using any longer.

Anyway, I feel this is a good opportunity to name change and finally join your thread.

I am on Day 5 AF after a monumental session on Thursday evening. This involved cocaine, drinking until 6, trying to force friends to drink, dropping lovely crystal glasses on the floor, being sick, staying out til 8, going home to husband and children off my face, not being able to spend that gorgeous day with them because I was in bed throwing up so much I felt like dying...this day was also husband's last day in the UK for a couple of weeks so I really fucked up.

So, there it is. I'm still not over it, physically, still nauseated, still sore, still shamed...

I wrote an email to husband saying basically that I obviously can't drink like I used to be able to, i.e. like a fucking adult and not a 15 year old child, so it was about time I knocked it on the head.

My drinking backstory is this:

I didn't drink at uni because my mum gave me the warning that there were a ton of alcoholics in the family. I didn't need drink anyway, truly. I was always the driver and had so much fun anyway.

Fast forward to when I was drinking - from uni until one summer before I met DH (10 years) it was absolutely fine. No passing out sessions, no horrific hangovers, no horrors, no shameful nights with men etc etc. Just your run of the mill normal social drinker.

Then I got married and the children came along and it was basically 6 years of pregnancy and bf and I was in reality abstinent for that time.

My session on Thursday is one of about 5 recent (i.e. within the past 2 years) terrible sessions. I have come to the conclusion that although I can drink in the house, have one glass and leave it, or not be bothered with it at all, when I am ON ONE there's no stopping me. Once I have the first drink down my throat that's it, I'm a goner.

So, I believe that a total NO to alcohol is in order. I think the odd glass of wine/bubbles in between these mad sessions are lulling me into a false sense of security so it's time to just give it up altogether, forever.

Thanks for reading. I didn't mean it to be so long.

I don't think AA is for me so I'm reading this thread, blogs etc to help me along. The thing with me is, it isn't the daily drinking, it's the 5 monthly binges...so I really need to keep atop of it as I am not missing drinking on a day to day basis. I need to be strong when it comes to another session being planned, that's where my problem is.

Thanks again, you're all so inspirational. I'm so impressed x

Hi there. I reckon we can ALL relate to your story!! I thought I was 'ok' as I 'only' binged at weekends towards the end. Similarly to you, I had a terrible night in October where I made a complete arse of myself in front of my sister and her chappie and attacked dh in a hotel lobby . This was what finally decided me - it was sort of alright to be vile at home but doing that made it clear I was out of control.

AA didn't work for me either and I will bore you stupid with what is working now - running . It's the main thing that stops me reaching for a drink to be honest.

Six months this time and I have to say it's still hard, it can still piss me off - on holiday last week, I felt quite resentful, but as people on here always say no-one ever regretted not getting ratarsed the night before .

Do stay with us. Read some books too - 'My name is' by Alastair Campbell, 'Drinking - a Love story' by Caroline Knapp and 'Dry' - Augusten Burroughs, are my three favourites!

The first step is the hardest, so admitting it is the best thing you have done .

I can definitely relate, Gaybo (Irish same as myself? ) and yes, the abstinent gaps between that we use to justify the benders are really tough to negotiate, mentally. Welcome on board!

I got through Easter DRY! On the one hand, that's no big deal. On the other, I was around my family, who were drinking - like normal people, not heavily - and so it was good to get myself into the space of being able to be around them. I went for runs early in the morning to 'justify' it, but of course in practice I didn't really have to justify it at all, people accepted it quite easily.

Welcome to another sober week for all of us, however things have gone recently. Six months Sorcha, that's amazing.

Thank you both, Sippie I've read about your journey from the off and am so impressed by your running, it's something I could never get into!

Rabbit yes, Irish! It was Gaybo or Bosco! I like to blame my heritage for the inability to stop at 3 (or 13) drinks...

Have ordered some more books...x

Welcome GabeB. I can relate to you so much. I too am more of a 'sessioner'. I can give up alcohol, I can take it easy if need be, but every so often I go effing nuts and get so drunk. I've done mortifying things, and it was the last session that finally convinced me that if I don't drink, then I can't have the first drink, and if I don't have the first drink, I can't get smashed and end up falling over/bumming cigs off strangers/ending up in awful trysts/trying to hit my DH/throwing up by the side of the road/forgetting the babysitter is downstairs waiting to be paid/calling in sick/getting lairy on Facebook/missing family meals as too hungover/thinking it's funny to cover DH's eyes whilst he's driving/spilling red wine on white sofas ... you get the point.

Just have to say - I ran FIVE MILES tonight!!!!!! Sorry, as you were...

Oh Mistress I do get the point, so very, very well!

I still get the shivers of shame about the recent session but I know, what with my repeated behaviours, that this will lessen with time and eventually it'll be a distant memory.

But really, it's something I want to hold onto, which is why I've written here. I also wanted to write an email to myself following the session so that I would be able to read it when embarking on another session and get a feel of The Horrors that awaited me - playing the film forward, if you will.

I was in the shower tonight thinking about Thurs night and remembering the shame of just chucking up without evening wondering if it was going on me or anything and my friend rubbing my back, himself ossified...and a comforting thought came to me out of nowhere (well, my subconscious) that there will be no more subjecting myself (or others) to that. So I wonder if I've finally gotten through to myself!!!

Sippie you're too good!!!

Now, Mrs Sippie, I don't wish to alarm you, but did you ever watch the episode of Peep Show, where Super Hans was coming off the crack, and took up running instead..

Sippie - good luck with the marathon, I can recommend Silverstone as a half - training run!!

To top my story off, I'm in hospital this evening, chest infection has set off asthma!!

On a positive note, admitted to doctor about my drinking - she seemed happy that I've chosen to stop!!

Rachael, oh no! At least there's no bar in a hospital...

(Really just checking back in here to say hi, since it dropped off my TIO)

Hi everyone. Just checking back in then rushing off. Also just wanted to say hi.

Welcome GayByrne :)

Rachael get better soon!

I am fine...just plodding along.

Now I've caught up a bit:

GayB, welcome. Keep checking in with us, or with other supports, even if you feel a bit silly and like you have nothing to say. It really, really helps. The sober blogs helped me because it's another community who check in on one another constantly; I was offline for four days over Easter, and when I posted again I got feedback that people had noticed, and were worried that I was drinking. It's nice, having that anchor. I know others like Women For Sobriety for the same reason. I agree with whoever said upthread that Soberistas is too annoying a format for words.

(I am www.afteralcohol.wordpress.com if anyone cares)

Oh wow Tortoise - I read you! Loved the Sobriety Hell / microphone woman post

And DH and I had a great discussion about your take on moderation last night as well. Really struck a chord - thank you.

Tortoise I am reading your blog. I confess your comments about paying $50 for a scented candle that you are literally going to set fire to made me weep.

I have looked at a few blogs, but not really got into them That one about moderation, and the one about alchoholic thinking though...ouch.
I do moderate, all the time. But...I don't want to. I have to put real effort into it. I count weekly units religiously. I look forward to "wine nights". I don't have that thing of having to hide it from a partner, because I am single, and...I thought after reading the blog that maybe I haven't put too much effort into finding a partner because I can relax on my own. I can wear ratty sweatpants and finish off a bottle of wine on my own, and there is no one to see.
God. That is a scary thought. I would have loved to have more children, to find someone before it's too late, and maybe I have chosen wine over love. Because I love wine! (Aaaargh!)

I am still here, on this thread, but fell off the wagon on Thursday, and been sort of clinging to one of the wheels trying to get back on since.
Ah well. Going to psych myself up for day 1 again...soon.
It might take me a few tries, but I will do it because, having started to think about it, the way I drink , or, more to the point, the way I think about drinking is not NORMAL.

Hi all just checking in quickly.

Not feeling dizzy and weird any more, but my sweet tooth is back with a vengeance and I can't stop eating.....

Hope you are all well

Sunday keep at it we are all here for you.

Thanks sardines (and everyone).
I am just so PISSED OFF that, now I have had to accept that there is a real problem, I have to DO something about it. Why can some people just take or leave booze, and others fall in love with it? It's not fair.

No it's not fair Sunday, not fair at all. You are completely right.

The reason people like you and me feel so strongly that it's not fair, is because we love it too much.

If we were normal people with a normal relationship with alcohol, and could take it or leave it, we wouldn't feel it unfair if we couldn't have it.

Maybe try to turn it on it's head, and rather than feeling jealous of all those take-it-or-leave-it types, use it as more evidence to bolster your determination to pack it in because we are not normal about this and never will be.

It is tough, it really is.

Urgh, I have piled on weight since going dry. I was already big and convinced myself I would a - magically lose loads of weight through not drinking and b- that because I wasnt drinking I deserved loads and loads of treats, big bags of crisps, chocolate, etc.

Really pissed off at myself now. But I am still dry so clinging to that - seven months now

Hello everyone. I have been lurking for a while and thought it about time to write. I have had years of over drinking. White wine being my favourite with the occasional vodka. I have had weeks of drinking every night. One bottle a night used to be enough, then it had to be at least another half, or another bottle at weekends. I drank when I was happy, sad, celebrating something, not celebrating etc etc, any excuse. I turned 50 in Feb, and shortly after went and had a free NHS health check. My bloods came back high in glucose, I've been diagnosed as diabetic and am on 2 injections a day of insulin. There is no diabetes in my family so I can only conclude its the drink that has caused it. The Dr thinks not but she doesn't know the true extent of my boozing. Anyway, I've not touched a drop since being diagnosed, I'm too scared too, though I crave it everyday. I think I'd still be drinking madly if it wasn't for this illness, so in a way it's a blessing if you see what I mean. So, that's my story. I shall keep reading this forum as it helps me stay strong as I am scared I will get complacent and start drinking again, once I get to grips with the insulin and understand more about diabetes. Thanks for reading and good luck to us all who are trying to be AF.