Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

for those of you p*ssed off at the weight gain, a small word of hope. I too gained weight when I stopped drinking. Probably because I was actually eating and not just drinking calories. In total I probably gained 8 -9 lbs,
Now, 5 months in I have lost that and a further 6 lbs - I'm now over a stone lighter than I was on Jan 1st.

Its like my eating has regulated itself now I'm no longer having big highs and lows with ethanol..

mrs sippie, the only thing I can think to help is if you are going to stay in touch with her, try and let all she says go over your head . you cant control people, places, things, just how you react to them . Try and let it go, its obviously eating away at you, affecting your serenity.
I know its hard, I have had to do it. I have forgiven my mum, bloody hard, but it was affecting me too much, my head was like a washing machine. I accept now she did the best with what she could at the time, I had no control. The only thing that I have control of now is how much it effects me now.
when you see her, try and let the comment go, rise above it. you are the better person for this, when shes gone go for a run. only my advise, how I would handle it, wanting a quiet stressful life, I'd rather me happy than right xx

Hi
Thanks for asking MrsS

We had people over for lunch, I was trying to drink fizzy water and tonic but somehow it all went wrong and I was drinking prosecco and SB.

It didn't end badly in the sense of me falling over or having an argument or anything. But I drank a lot and it wasn't what I wanted to do.
I watched other people refusing second or third drinks, chilling out for the afternoon quite happily and felt wistfully envious that it is always so all or nothing for me. You all know how it is.

It was a nice day but I am tired today, I have had a series of viruses that I am not shaking off and a day of drinking hasn't helped.

The silly thing is I felt so good in the morning, so clear headed and happy and the way I felt with my girls was so intensely happy, I was happy before I ever started drinking. What shook me up was having people in the house, I get nervous even with a few friendly people whom I should be relaxed with. I just feel real pressure around people especially when entertaining and I just buckled

I felt ashamed in the afternoon when I went out to get another bottle and the girls wanted to come with me on their bikes. I wouldn't take them because after 3 drinks I didn't want to be managing little girls on wheels near roads. Felt like an arsehole at leaving them behind because I was pissed.

I am determined to kick this but I need some better strategies for the moment when suddenly everyone is in my house and I am serving food and trying to be entertaining and warm and welcoming

MrsSippie that sounds like a dreadful afternoon. You do know, I am sure, that the problem is your mother's, not yours? She sounds bitter and maladjusted a a classic victim/martyr. I wish I could say words that actually help, but all I can think is she sounds bloody awful.

I feel for you though. My DM has her moments when she likes to lay the guilt trip on too, and she can be manipulative. I resent her for it.

bones you sound so blue. You sound like I felt after my blip the other day. For me at least the blip served to confirm for me that kicking this into touch is the right decision. Sounds like it may have confirmed that for you too? That is a GOOD thing. :) Don't beat yourself up. Lots of water and get back to it.
I hope my weight stops going up! My blood sugar seemed all over the place, but I feel like I am settling back into things now. Fingers crossed!

Hope everyone has a good day today. Pouring with rain where I am......

tobones too.

thanks nochips
backatcha

Bones , I'm sorry you feel disappointed. I think the all or nothing thing is exacerbated when we're trying to give up, as well - as in, 'this is the last time, better make it count'. Mind you, I used to use that argument in my last stages of denial ("If I didn't think about alcohol and worry about having a problem so much, I'm sure I'd drink less and not have a problem!") so maybe ignore me.

Sorcha thank you so much for your words of weighty help! I know I should be concentrating on the clarity of thought and healthy liver and whatnot, but I'd also dearly like to fit back into my clothes.

I wonder if any of you would indulge me in something I'm curious about? How long did you drink for? From when you started drinking regularly to when you first decided to stop properly and for good (even if there's been lapses since; I'm wondering about when it became a goal to stop).

I started at 15, gave up at 35, not counting two pregnancies etc because they were only even intended to be temporary stops.

Hi Tortoise.

I was teetotal until 24. Then started and became quite a heavy drinker within 3 years. I tried AA at 30, for about a month, but had some bad experiences there that i will go into another time. Drank heavily until 36 when \i was ttc, never tried to stop. Then after DC was born, have been tinkering around the edges of stopping for 3 years. Last year was a very bad year. I am 40 now.

Thanks tortoise.
Hi nochips.

Is nicetabard here?

Day 2.

Tortoise: I drank a little from 15 - 18. Was never the girl drunk at parties. If I had a drink - half a glass of wine - with my parents I would stop quite happily. Occasionally I did drink dysfunctionally - I would buy booze and drink it alone in my room to deal with bad feelings. It was very easy to buy alcohol underage then. But socially I was a very sensible drinker (unlike some people my age who never drank at home and would be vomiting Malibu all over someone's bedroom) I guess I thought I was pretty sorted.

when I went to college I started drinking badly. I would drink too much, too often. I relied on it. I had a lot of anxiety and was in a very bad way for most of the time I was at university. Bad things happened and drink was always there. It didn't seem out of place at the time, but looking back, I can see that many other people were dipping in and out of drinking where for me it just never went away.
I was a problem drinker then in the sense that it was a crutch and it affected my work negatively. It's hard to say though because I did also have a totes legit mental breakdown (to do with underlying mental health problems and bereavement) so that smashed my studies to bits too. Alcohol didn't help but there was no way I would have been in good shape without it either.

Since then, there have been patches where I was drinking very badly and other patches where I have been drinking more reasonably. I have had health conscious times where alcohol has been confined to certain occasions and other times where I have drunk a lot nearly every day. I have never been physically addicted and always had some level of psychological dependence.

I am 42 now. So I would say that for the vast majority of 24 years I have drunk over 14 units a week. For about half of that I would say the overdrinking was serious. For all of it is has been detrimental.

I have never had proper help with my mental health. I had problems as a young teenager, even before I left home. When I was at college the problems got worse and then someone very close to me killed himself. I cannot understand now, when I look back at that girl who was 20 and the behaviours that I was exhibiting (or when I was 15 or 16 to be honest) that no one checked in with me. There was no such thing as counselling in those days. But no one, not pros, but anyone at all, made an approach to me about the fact that I was just blatantly not ok. the fuckers.

Sorry that was so epic. It was supposed to be an answer to tortoise's question but when I started to think about it in those terms I got carried away

In the end, if I live to 70, 24 years is only a part of my life. If I stop now there is plenty to do, I have far to go. My dcs are small, they might never remember me drinking.
This is what I am telling myself!

Hi bones. [waves]

Not drinking has been throwing up all sorts of jumbled thoughts in my head that I am not sure I can properly articulate yet. I know that when I did not drink (I used to be quite anti it) it was because I hated how it changed my DMother. She used to drink a few glasses (and only a few) and then become martyrish, self-pitying, maudlin. She also used to verbally attack me for ruining her life. (She has a happy marriage, a career, is reasonably well off etc, so I am not sure what I did.) I am not quite sure why I even started drinking.... the actual starting is a blur.

So my answer to tortoise is brief, but all the reasons, my drinking history are all sort of tangled inside me. I am hoping so much that my DS also never remembers me drinking. I hope that he never grows up resenting me as I resent my DM. On the surface we appear to have a good relationship. But there is a deep pit of dislike within me.

Today is already hard for me. My DS had epic major tantrums this morning. I took him to the CM and got home and wanted nothing more than to have a shot of vodka. I still feel that way.

Hang in there nochips.
What are you up to today? anything good and distracting?

Have a deadline for a client tomorrow. Ick. It is not a difficult project, so that is fine, just a bit time consuming. I am trying to focus on an Indian takeaway for dinner as my 'reward' for finishing it, and for not drinking. :) 3 pounds up......

And you? Do you have something nice today?

As I said earlier upthread, I almost want to drink again to make the bad thoughts go away :(. I look back and realise that I started drinking (at 16) to stop the pain of my childhood (god, that sounds dramatic!) In brief, my dad died when I was 2, and was never mentioned again - except in a vile and disparaging way by my BM (bloody mother) Six months later when I was 2 and half, I started a series of operations which lasted until I was 18 and could say No. They were not necessary operations, and looking back, I now realise my BM put me through them so everyone would feel sorry for her. Sounds ridiculous but my sister has told me lots of stories about my hospitalisations.

At 16 I met a totally unsuitable boy and broke my heart :( I got in with a group of kids who liked to drink and smoke and do drugs and basically I found alcohol! It was my thing. I loved it.

I spent every day really from that age to well, now (barring pregnancies, although not completely :( ) drunk.

I married dd1's father - went through DV with him, left him, had a very unsuitable 3 year relationship with another alcoholic (good plan!!) and then 1n 1998, met up with my current dh. We had known each other briefly 30 years ago, but we got very close and hey, here I am now.

He put up with my drinking and despaired but stayed with it and today says 'I knew there was something worth waiting for.' I was awful hideous, embarrassing, lost friends, lost jobs, lost self-respect, nearly lost the family...

I kept trying to cut down or stop but just couldn't. So, last year- on October 28th, after a hideous evening with my sister and her chap, where I completely made an utter fool of myself ( bit of a back story related to BM) I just....stopped. It is still hard and probably always will be but I have to do it.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble like that . But that's my story (nutshelled!)

Gosh MrsSippie I often on mn think that I have got off very very lightly on the parents front, but reading all that, fucking hell I feel it more than ever. I can't believe that about the operations. I know I can't understand, but I don't know why you still see your BM. especially after how low you felt last time.
Your daughter sounds totally amazing though. and your dh.
If you don't mind me asking what sort of operations were they?

Nochips - I am working at home today - very hard, as you can tell. ha ha ha ha
Slightly running on empty with work. My efficiency is very poor partly due to a sort of burn out and this is a vicious circle - being slow makes the backlog worse which makes me work later and get more tired which makes me slower.....

I guess I only had her as a child, and I believed she was doing her best for me. Now I can see she is just a bitter lonely old lady - oh, of course she blames us for not 'finding a man'

I had reconstructive surgery to rebuild my ear (I was born with only one) - totally unnecessary, invasive and failed! I recently had surgery to close the ear, 47 years after it was unnecessarily opened and had caused me constant problems. BM didn't like that. She thought I was 'getting at her' Stupid woman. My youngest dd has the same condition and she is never going near a hospital (unless she wants to) - that's how important it isn't..

The first time I drank I got drunk, I was 12 or so and embarrassed my mother. I have never really had an off button.

I drank heavily from about 21 to last October. Sometimes more heavily than others, sometimes (preganancies) I managed to almost stop. But it has always been there,

There were some externally imposed regulators to me drinking - I used to work shifts with nights and never ever drank at work or when I was going to work, so for a while that contained me. But I have always been the one who finished the bottle. ordrerd more, couldnt stop at one.
Unti I realised how miserable it was making me, and that although I was scared to stop I just could not continue. That was also on October 28th last year.

Lots of difficult things have come up as a reuslt of being sober. But its still better than being drunk ...

I hope your healing is going well - is that the end then? The very final operation - a literal closure. to you after all that pain

Hi Sorcha, x-posts
thank you for your story

Hello all. Just a flying visit to say I'm on day 30 and feeling great. It really feels brilliant to be free from all the shit alcohol brings. I don't miss it at all if I'm honest. Dealing with others is the hardest thing. But they'll get used to it! There's nothing to argue: I'm a nicer, happier, more energetic, fitter person sober. They can't even use "well you were much more fun when you were drinking" as an reason because it's simply not true! DH thinks I'm crazy sometimes, when he comes home and I'm singing or being silly. Or up early for a run, or out playing football with DS. Only thing that makes me a bit grumpy is being on a bloody diet. I have to shift some of the baby weight before summer so I'm calorie counting. Boring.

Keep at it everyone. Here's to feeling good.

Yep, it was (hopefully) closure. Sadly, there were some awful complications because they chucked me out a couple of hours after the surgery - and I was rushed back into hospital where I was on a drip for three days! Arghh. However, I am ok now .

hello, is there room for a little one?

I am a problem drinker, and on the back of an ongoing health scare (hysterectomy in two weeks time due to cancerous polyps, including a CT scan where I was shitting myself about what they would say about my liver) I have decided that, at 45, it's time I sorted myself out and get over the fact that I don't do moderation and haven't been able to since I moved back to my parents when my DS1 was a baby and they got me into drinking every single night. They did it, so I joined in and never looked back

DH stopped drinking years ago, so I have good support here at home. He frequently looks like when emptying our bottle bin to take to the tip and mentions it occasionally, but has never outwardly condemed me. I still don't plan on telling him, just to get through each day without having a drink.

This is a good time for me as after my op I won't be able to drive so won't be able to nip out to the offy of an evening.

Been lurking occasionally since the first thread but now it's time to take the pledge

Welcome DAISY. :)

Reading and running, sorry. hi everyone, some really powerful posts here.

I am off to start dinner and clean the house. Have had several wibbles, but am still holding strong so far.

back later.

Thanks nochips

Just checking in quickly. Day, um, 10? Still going well

MrsSippie your mum sounds utterly horrendous. I am so sorry. Don't know what to say really. My parents are a bit odd and unhelpful but nothing on that scale. You have family though who aren't her and like you so you know chin up and try and rise above it I guess.

Tortoise I started drinking at 15 and never had an off switch, I was always the most pissed one. Went to pub / clubs from 16. Recreational drugs also, though like slippeddisco I was much better on them than booze for some reason. In that I didn't overdo it and enjoyed it for what it was and didn't end up unconscious on the floor etc. Anyway went to university at 18 had own money and place and probably started drinking every night then. Always fell in with hard drinking types (for obvious reasons) - the ones who were in the uni bar all day, after that at work the ones who went to the pub the most etc. Have been on about 10-25 units a night more or less constantly except for 2 x pregnancies where I stopped outright.

I'm 40 now and it's just got too much, too many reasons not to do it, too many consequences of carrying on starting to become real possibilities.

Oh and hello Daisy