Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

You should be massively proud of yourself stayingdry. Congratulations on getting through such a massively difficult day.

Well done on a week Rabbit The Ireland match was fab wasn't it, what a send off for O'Driscoll hanging up his boots. St Patricks Day tomorrow too Usually a day I spend in the pub, shockingly enough

Stayingdry, I am so sorry I managed to miss what day today was. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

Morrigu, it was unbelievable, I think I might have had a heart attack on the spot if I'd been hammering the booze. Funnily enough, it was always a day I stayed sober(ish), mainly so I could be awfully judgy about how much people drink that day. Who did I think I was fooling, honestly? If ever there was a case of someone pathetically deflecting attention away, yikes. "I can't be an alcoholic, shur I don't even drink on St. Patrick's Day". The lies we tell!

Admittedly I haven't the last two years as I've either been pregnant or with a baby but the last time I did I can't even remember the end of the night. Apparently it involved me having a huge screaming argument with a family member calling them all the names in the book. I have no idea what provoked it other than copious amounts of wine. Lots of grovelling the next day when I woke up to a very frosty atmosphere. Ugh one of those times you would just love to forget and I still feel guilty about Stopped drinking white wine after that and a similar experience another night where I turned into a psycho, because it was the white. Obviously

Good morning.

I'd like to join you too, please.

I have tried for years and years to cut down, do controlled drinking, etc, and have just finally come to the conclusion that I cannot control it and it will ruin my life. I drink about a bottle of wine every single day, plus a glass or a scotch. I am rarely drunk, as i drink very slowly, and because DH works away from home, it is my crutch and I can do it in secret more or less. But I have to stop. I am destroying my health, I have a little DS and I want to do things with him, not just sit him in front of the tv while I drink.

I bought 3 books this past weekend- Jason Vale, and the Lucy Rocca (Soberistas) books. It is time for me to get serious. Oddly, I never drank at all until I was in my late 20s, then just went wild. I have not had an alcohol-free day since my DS was born 4 years ago. I am no longer willing to kill myself through the bleeding booze.

Please may I join?

Day 1 today.

Warmest welcome Nochips!! You're in the right place.

Well I, disappointingly have started to think constantly about drinking...one glass of white wine, maybe a red. Cant hurt, im not that bad, i can control it...i havent had a drink but only through sheer bloody willpower..Can't believe I might actually think its okay to so that. I've only been sober 11 days! Blimey! How the hell am I supposed to get through the next bloody year? Week?month? Really struggling. Need to get onto chapter 2 of Jason' Vales book. Am trying to read it slowly when and as I need it... Struggling!!

Thank you Cake.

Good luck with your struggles. I have no useful advice, as I have not even gotten through Day 1!

I have been seeing a counsellor about self esteem issues and binge eating for about 6 months. I have never even mentioned the drinking to her - even though I think that is the root of all my issues. I am too ashamed to even tell my own counsellor!!!

Hey nochips. Welcome. I was just like you for sooo long. Just staying 'topped up' - also tried to cutting down, no drinking during the week, etc etc. It doesn't work!

The first few days are hard and horrible. If you feel really bad, go to your doctor, hopefully you won't be that bad but it can feel awful. I just cry for a few days each day I stop (make that past tense - I HAVE stopped now ). It's been almost five months for me and I still struggle, want to drink, feel angry, upset, furious that I can't, all those things, but it has to be worth it.

The upsides are wonderful - energy, clear head, able to see things that you had been avoiding (ok, that's not always so good, but is really important..) Time with the children, and most importantly for me at least, regaining the trust and respect of my family.

The best thing was ds aged 13 saying 'you're a different person mum. A real person now' the other week.

You can do it, stay with us! Oh and read all the books you can. I recommend 'My name is...' by Alistair Campbell, 'Drinking - a love story'' by Caroline Knapp, 'Dry' By Augusten Burroughs (hilarious) and loads of others I can't remember now (I have a whole bookcase of them ). Hope you can have a good day today. It's beautiful here.

Hey nochips! I'm only a week ahead of you, there are people here at all stages. Well done for being here at all.

I had a strange run this morning (funnily, I have always managed to keep my running up, as I have in effect organised my drinking around my rest days. Which is an appalling waste of my organisational abilities, really). I was listening to a song which I suddenly realised I associate with my growing, uneasy consciousness over the last six months or so that I couldn't go on like this.

There's a line "the light's on, and you're waiting for the signal" and I just burst into proper full-on hacking childlike sobs, right in the middle of the city, and cried for about ten minutes before I could go on.

All part of the process, I guess.

Hi nochips!
I'm still new at this, day 14. Days 1-4 were bloody awful for me, not craving drink, bit headaches, shaking, sweats. Now starting to feel pretty damn good, but worryingly like I would be able to 'control' my drinking!
I managed to get through (run through) the wine aisle at Aldi, and today, as it's sunny, I shall be drinking soda and lime!
Crochet will keep my hands busy!

thanks so much for the warm welcome!!!!

I am afraid of not drinking and what that might mean- I have a troubled marriage, and wonder sometimes if the fog is what keeps me in it. Nothing major, DH is a wonderful man, just I am worried I have fallen out of love. Also, the shakes and sweats people describe worry me. I was reading about alcohol withdrawal and I know it can be dangerous..... DH works away during the week, and I am terrified of getting really sick. I was wondering about tapering down, with the aim to go properly AF by Thursday. Then DH is home for 4 days, so if anything happens he is around. I am honestly not sure if that is sensible, or if I am just finding yet another excuse to keep drinking!

Oh and I definitely need a hobby to take the place of drinking!! I am studying part time, and am scraping through..... I thought it might end up a mega study superstar if I spend my 'down time' studying and not drinking!!!!!

Welcome Nochips. You are in good company here!

I have been sober just over 2 years - am in AA (but 'wear it lightly'). Totally identify with the vain attempts to manage controlled drinking and the shame of feeling like a crap mother to a small child.

I remember telling a therapist that I saw years ago that I was worried about my drinking and thought I had a problem, but she assured me I was projecting/imaging it! Little did she know - although it hadn't got really bad at that stage, the seed was there.

Hope Day 1 is going ok. It's not easy - and does rather shove one's face in emotions that have been buried for a good while (which can be tough), but worth it a gazillion times over. My only tip would be - try to silence the little voice that tells you you can drink normally and remember you are powerless beyond the first drink (well, if you are one of us anyway!!).

Lovely to have you on board.

Nochips, only you can decide if you're looking for excuses to avoid stopping. I don't know enough to know if any of the withdrawal stuff could be problematic to your help. My understanding is though that while it may be unpleasant, it's only if you were hallucinating etc. that there is a real threat to your health. Even if you are trying to delay, you can start reading the Jason Vale book. Look at what you can do, rather than can't I would think.

health not help, sorry!

Good advice Rabbit Thanks. :) I read Lucy Rocca's book yesterday in one sitting and got inspired. Jason Vale is on the night stand now.

Nochips, I'm sorry if my message made you nervous.
For me, those three days were awful, but coped with it by trying to embrace the fact that it was all the nasties leaving my body.
To be fair, although I drank until I was sick, I never really had a hangover, as I kept myself topped up.
I drank around two bottles if red a night - how bloody awful to see that written down.....sometimes more, sometimes less (usually when I couldn't afford it).
For me getting through those days has made me realise I never want to do that again, and it's helping me stayed stopped!
This is your journey, do it however you see fit, and do as I do - keep coming back here, if only to read, because the folks on here are truly inspirational

hello

I have read through this thread and want to say you are all amazing.

I am 42 and need to stop drinking. I have a hangover today and called in sick to work. this is bad after all the genuine sickness I and my children have had.

I just want to talk about what drink does for me, or did, not because it's ok, but because I need to acknowledge it and replace it.
Drink puts me in the moment. it gives me a flow, and takes away the constant worry and self-criticism.
even hangovers serve their purpose because I need "spaces" in life. I am an introvert and get stressed and burned out on the treadmill of being in the right place at the right time all the time - it feels very harsh and rushed all the time living my life between work and children - no spaces, no shady spots to dawdle.... it feels as if only by cheating, using alcohol, do I buy time

Yesterday was beautiful.... good weather, kids in a great mood, a few things generally going well... it made me want a drink and I thought "how can all this good stuff drive me to drink?" but it does... it seems to create a blurred space in which I can feel the good instead of just noting it and allowing it to be swept away by the interior monologue of things I still have to do.

I gave up last year for quite a few weeks and I liked it but I didn't crack the things that send me back to the bottle
I am not sure I can, I don't think I will ever crack it, I just need to live without drink

I want my girls to have more of life with a good me than a bad me. they are 4 and 2, they might forget that I was ever a drinker

I drank too much this weekend, all weekend, because I was feeling burnt out. I need to work out how to build in these down times and work out how to give life the calm and the integrity of just being itself for me to live in it without me having to artificially cut the manicness with booze

hope you are all having a good day
I'm feeling shaky and breathless. need to stop doing this

Hi and welcome Nochips. Well done on taking the first step. I would advise talking to a gp if you are really worried about withdrawal but understand if you feel you aren't able to. Is there an alcohol advisory clinic in your town?

While I know everyone is different, what I can say is that I was also drinking about two bottles of wine most nights and counted up once I'd stopped a 'bad' week up to 100 units some weeks , a 'good' week would be 40 I found the fear of withdrawal was worse than what it was actually like. I had good reason to be frightened as I have personally witnessed a person having a seizure and it's something that I've always had a lot of anxiety around. I didn't really have any sweats or shakes just felt very anxious for a few days and more emotional responses than physical bar headachy.

I'm a lone parent so I had no-one to answer to about my drinking and I've used it as a crutch too. It's not always easy but you know what I've realised that drinking never chased away the boredom or loneliness as I thought it did. I'm a much better person and by far a much better mum without drinking.

It astonishes me looking back that I didn't drink during the day on mat leave. I suspect it was because I refused to be unable to use the car.

Well put and hello bonesarecoralmade. I get that totally, the pressure of being an introvert and having no time to yourself. I sometimes hide in the toilet for a breather as I find the constant demands of life, people and kids too much at times :) I've now replaced drinking without running with my headphones on. Me time. Haven't much to add as I really, really need to get the kids dinner on but welcome.

with running. I'm horrendous at checking before I post.

Thank you all, so very much. Everything you say makes sense, and bones I could have written your post.

Oh, sorry I meant to say to Rachael, no your post did not make me nervous, it is something I have been worried about for a while- since Amy Winehouse died and I heard someone on woman's hour (I think) say that alcohol is dangerous to go cold turkey on... it has been a fear since then.

nochips (welcome) the first few days are hard - physically and emotionally. At times I felt I was clinging onto my resolve by my fingernails. Only the genuine belief that I really had no choice, that there was despair, destruction, humiliation and death waiting for me if I could NOT stop drinking, kept me going. Honestly I didn't look further than the next hour most evenings - eg X is on TV - I wont have a drink till that programme is finished. ....
Now I really DONT think about drinking like that at all. I dont wait for evenings, the thought of drinking makes me very anxious. I feel 'safe' in my teetotal bubble.

But yes, things are a-changing. I don't know if my relationship will survive, not the me not drinking, but what 'sober me' can see now...Im facing some tough decisions and tough circumstances. I feel extremely bad tempered and angry quite often.... but I am 140 days sober, healthier and stronger...

one day at a time

Greetings Bones, I can relate to so so much you say...holding your hand.

Sorcha

Your previous post of what your life entails and your fears really resonated with me. You still have much time to find your happiness...can you break down what you want to happen in attainable chunks and timespans and work on getting some of your worries sorted that way? You are an inspiration, and a huge success.