Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Really good idea, Dapple. I wish I had gone when I was a child and my dad was drinking. It was suggested quite a few times and I really didn't want to know. I think I felt so 'ashamed' of my dad that I wanted to shut it off as much as I could. Almost as if I thought if I went - I was going to be dragged into his sordid world. Just trying to remember how the childish/teenage me felt as a way of working out how you might be able to persuade her. I wish I had been helped to see it more positively as I know now how much it would have helped me!!! Maybe your DD won't be as stubborn (and stupid) as me . Would be great if she was prepared to give it a go.

Hi dapplegrey, thank you for the suggestion but dd would laugh in my face at the thought of an alateen meeting. Do they even exist in the UK? I thought there were issues with anonymity & having a responsible cbt checked adult to organise/run meetings?

I'm still a bit shaky & anxious. I suspect that it's because of home tension rather than alcohol withdrawal as its been five days now?

There's been progress on the dd front, she has spoken to me in an almost cheerful manner more than once today, not sure if that's because she's had friends around but I'll find out later when I pick her up & we're alone in the car. She's still pushing her luck but it seems a move in the right direction. Dh may be tougher nut to crack - he's been out at a family thing most of the day and tbh it's been a relief.

I love how productive I am sober, did anyone else get madly busy when the fog cleared? The downside is that I have a habit of baking cakes early on Sunday morning (cos fresh cake is the bomb) for eating after walking the dog in the afternoon & then scoffing loads of it. Stopping drinking has never been a way for me to lose weight! meh, I'd rather put on a few pounds & be happy.

Sucha beautiful sunny day today. Walking in the sun does seem to have lifted me out of my pit of doom.

Lemon I'm patiently waiting for my abs to reveal themselves, but think the fact I'm practically mainlining dry roasted peanuts is hampering my chances of a bikini bod! I'm actually eating much more anyway since ditching the drink; I used to skip meals to 'allow' the calories I drank, coupled with the fact I actively drank on an empty stomach in order to get pissed quickly

Pleased your dd is being more civil - hope the car journey later goes well.

You sound so much more positive and cheery since the other day, which is fab

Me and DS are going to be watching Jaws tonight in new pyjamas and armed with chocolate (inspired by stayingdry I went for a treat shop using some of the money I've saved) - he's really excited and it will make a change from me farming him off upstairs with the ipad so that he's out of the way and not interrupting my booze time.

The energy thing is still going fairly strong here! I just find myself doing so much more than I ever used to. I bloody made BREAD today and just feel more capable if you know what I mean!

The running helped too - I had started before I stopped drinking but I just go now when I feel that itch coming (even though I am a bit blergh about it right now)

Good luck with your daughter lemon, hopefully things will be ok.

Evening. Long hard day with a very miserable baby. Knackered now, but the last thing I fancy is a drink. I have not had a single craving in 2 weeks. Very odd.
Totally intolerant too; DH has had a couple of pints and I'm finding him really annoying, AND I can smell it. Precious or what!
Right, too tired to post much. Hope everyone's ok. I'll be on later during a feed no doubt!

Have agreat treat night disco, enjoy, you deserve it, we all do.
had a good evening withmy little family, chilling . just psycing myself up for tomorrow, daughters death anniversary. One hour at a time....

Stayingdry - thinking of you as we go into tomorrow

StayingDry - I am up early working and sending you positive thoughts. The very best of luck getting through this painful day sober.

And Mistress -I feel exactly the same way about DH when he has been drinking. And it's not as if he drinks heavily. Just the slightly repetitive way he starts speaking and the smell; I think once you are sober you can smell alcohol on someone a mile off.

Thinking of you today StayingDry

Hoping you have a peaceful day stayingdry.

Also thinking of you this morning stayingdry. I can't imagine how you feel but I do know that there is nothing so bad that it can't be made worse by drinking. Do you have a plan for the day?

Hi all, and special hi to all the new people - either just starting out or dry for a while.

I'm afraid Ive gone right back into introspective mode, so I apologise for my lack of contributions and support.

I am so aware of all the lost years. No just the obvious lost time- too pissed to do anything - or even the too hungover to do anything, but the general inertia that seemed to have prevented my development emotionally and professionally.

I could have achieved so much more.

I think I was crippled by low self esteem & too much wine. These two together, and the 'head in the sand' ostrich approach (caused by /made easier by? alcoholism) have left me almost 50 with 3 kids (two of whom have serious issues), an unhappy home life, a broken marriage to a violent abusive drug addict, £50K in unsecured debt, and a shaky relationship with a man who is still emotionally over involved with his ex wife, and has made no money for more than 3 years.

All these things are illuminated in brilliant clarity now that I am no longer drinking every day to avoid facing them.

I do not regret getting sober for one moment. But after the euphoria there is a bleak flat landscape which I need to navigate.
I cannot 'put the genie back in the box' and just start drinking again - all these things are very real and I need to deal with them.

sending hugs and support to everyone .

Thankyou all for the kind words and thoughts, truly means alot.
keeping busy today, its very sunny so into the garden :)
Going to try to stay away from her grave today, not good for me today, too many thoughts running through my head, its like a washing machine.
no thought to drink yet, but that monkey is on my shoulder making me vunerable, might give it a smack with my spade later :)
probably off to an AA meeting later, just to keep me in a sane place, away from the normal folk.
Whats everyone upto today, hope you all have the sunshine and outside enjoying it :)
Thinking of you all and all those that are struggling with alcohol and the horrids it brings.
stay strong around a partner that drinks, treat yourself if you need cheering up.
off to plan my gazebo. Showed dp the one I've chosen, he agreed to buy me after afew, its £120, his face was a picture :) worth being sober, big time x

It is sunny here!dh has taken then dc for their Sunday morning bike ride so i've ironed and similar. We are going to put up another tent in the garden today - already have one up - the neighbours say they know it's summer when our kids' tents go up

I understand exactly what you mean sorcha. I tried a lot yesterday when I was bread making with Dr, I was always too drunknto do anything with dd1. It still hurts me so much. Selfish thoughts I know.

Also not drinking is really making me remember how utterly shit my mother was - how bitter and nasty and guilt inducing - every day something new comes up, and I so want to confront her. No point now as she is 84 and still a bitter miserable old bag!

It's still the best thing I have done though.

I hope everyone has the best day possible xxx

Hello to everyone. Tales of break making and Jaws watching really so lovely. Weird how that stuff - that might sound 'small' to 'civilians' - is actually massive. Really touching. Just being there and connected as a mum.

Sorcha - sounds bloody tough. Facing all the detritus of one's life without a nice alcoholic blur. I really, really feel for you. Certainly don't feel in a position to give any advice, but I guess keeping importance of sobriety uppermost in mind - and then just looking at bite-sized chunks of the problems that need to be tackled rather than all at once. If I look at the 'big picture' stuff I tend to feel paralysed. Need to put on metaphorical blinkers (like on a carthorse!) and just peer at little bits and try to tackle one by one.

Wishing everyone a sunshine-filled day. And may it take the edge off the pain where necessary.

For what it's worth - I am stuck inside as have massive exams next week so have to study. Hey ho - still prefer to see sun outside the window than drizzle, even if I can't be out in it.

Thinking of you and your daughter, stayingdry Hope the sunshine helps bring light and warmth to what must be a very difficult day xx

Sorcha I really identify with what you say, I'm also taking a long hard look back in time at the minute and agree, low self-esteem caused by bucket loads of booze has definitely held me back in many ways. I've spent so many years procratinating, never believing in myself and riddled with anxiety. You've been through such a lot in life; there's nothing wrong in taking stock and figuring out where you go from here. It's bloody hard though, but removing the booze blinkers is an amazing acomplishment so make sure that apart from looking back, or indeed forward, you give yourself kudos right now, in this moment, for doing what you're doing. It's amazing

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday x

No sunshine here moniker but it's windy enough to get some washing out on the line, so for that I am grateful. Every cloud and all that

DS came into my room this morning and said "Mum, I really enjoyed our movie night last night" and it really made me realise how much I'd allowed myself to disconnect from as you say, what might seem to others as 'small things'. But right now, they're really important moments that I'm extremely grateful for.

It's a beautiful day here, I'll take the dog out in a bit.

The household tension is dissipating at a rates of knots! The drive with dd1 last night was ok, she was chatty on and off and wasn't rude although she did have her music far too loud which I only objected to when it sounded like it would blow the speakers. This morning she called me into her room and dragged me into her bed for a cuddle (!) I apologised again and said that I was doing everything I could to make sure it didn't happen again. Long conversations are not necessary at this stage I don't think but she has forgiven me. Dh seems to be softening a little too.

I don't feel like I deserve it so quickly tbh. Until I first got sober about three years ago I was an awful grudge holder and I expect others to be too. It amazes me when people show such generosity of spirit.

The backlash to that is that I'm now often gobsmacked when I see bad behaviour in public places, I can't understand how people can be so full of anger/bitterness/hatred especially towards strangers. It depends on my mood I suppose - once saw a woman ambling slowly in the supermarket carpark not letting any cars pass. A driver tooted her, she turned around stuck the finger up at him and told him he was a fucking bastard cunt. I have to admit I laughed like a drain at that one because it was so uncalled for and she was entirely in the wrong

Sorcha, sorry you're struggling with the clarity side of things. I suppose it's all part of the recovery, healing, whatever. The alternative is to continue drinking (classic head in the sand) and waste the rest of your life. You are doing so well; your support has been invaluable to me in the last fortnight. I hope you find posting here as cathartic as I do.
Disco and Lemon, really pleased for you both on your respective happy family moments. Our DCs deserve the best mums that we can be; alcohol robs us of that capability.
I've really enjoyed the sunshine today. Had a clear thought process of what would happen if I cracked open a beer/bottle of wine and I knew it wouldn't end well. I'd have to keep going (why have one or two- it's a Sunday?), dinner would be a disaster, and I'd feel like such a failure. Couldn't even go to the pub for one or two as I'd have to carry on at home. Yuck. Parked in my chair, wine in hand (I don't tend to put it down), creeping out for regular top-ups, wasting the rest of the day. DH knowing when to stop, me having no off switch. NO MORE.
Hope you're all looking after yourselves. Thinking of you Stayingdry.

Just dropping in quickly to say, I am seven days sober today! I celebrated by making a cake and a lasagne,and today has already been so lovely that it feels like an extra day on top of the weekend, if you follow me. How many Sundays have I still been in bed at this stage, too dehydrated to even cry at my headache?

I know it's early days yet, but I feel really good, although quite emotional at some of the stuff I have clearly been avoiding, while drinking. Thanks so much to those of you who recommended the Jason Vale book too, I've been finding it really useful, it's almost a relief to read parts of it and feel "ah, so that's not just ME".

I hope you're all doing well today.

Fantastic!!!! The first weekend is really tough to get through, well done x

1 week sober, thats fabulous, really well done.
Well done to all, another day sober.
thankyou for your thoughts and posts today . tough, and pretty shit ,did it sober so in that respect pretty pleased with myself.
Gonna chill tonight and lust over the musketeers on at 9pm.
tomorrow's another day, stay safe all x

Congratulations on getting through the day sober, StayingDry. A real achievement. And the day is nearly over.

And klaxon for Rabbit and your week's sobriety. The emotional stuff is normal and a healthy sign. Know JUST what you mean about seeming to have discovered more time somehow. For me it wasn't just weekends, but every evening too. So the fact that I am sitting here reading/working at 8pm on a Sunday night is a bloody miracle. Not exactly rock and roll, but I can live with that….

Thank you all so much, I've come back and read this thread and others whenever I've needed a bit of support.

Yesterday I was actually what might seem a bit reckless, but I was worried if I kept avoiding pubs I might let myself go into a social decline. So I went with my (lovely, very supportive) partner to watch the rugby, and I had some soft drinks. And apart from a brief pang at one stage, I actually didn't miss booze at all, in fact I was really relieved to be in charge of myself.

I reminded myself of all the matches I can hardly remember because of the alcohol, and all the stupid things I've done in post-match celebration or commiseration, and yesterday I was able to watch my country win one of the great trophies in the world, and be happy just because I was happy, and not mix that feeling up with being out of my mind with drink.

It felt good.

Thoughts with you today staying dry.