Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Morning ladies, some interesting posts lately . I too had to give my career up to have children. Doesn't wory me now, have come to accept my lot in life and while I am happy I can accept it.my sobriety led to my serenity, and my sobriety has led to serenity not only to me but to those I love too.
one drink takes all that away, so I won't let it.
Am on the run up to the anniversary of my daughter's death on Sunday, shit time, shit memories messing with my head.
have kind of let myself be selfish this week, protecting my sobrierty.
first year I've done it sober if I'm honest . keeping myself to myself and not dealing with the dickheads out in normal land :)
Getting to as many AA meetings as I need. Doing the steps has helped me to not feel the guilt I've been feeling over her dying . she was a cot death and I've blamed myself all this time, never telling anyone how I felt, except the many many bottles I consumed.
Anyway onwards, have a great day, well done to all of us alcys :) stay safe all.

Stayingdry - will be thinking of you in the run up to Sunday. I have never done an anniversary or birthday of Jack's sober, but I am now determined that his legacy will not be my alcoholism. We deserve to live well, for our children.
I hope you have lots of support in RL, and with the meetings.
Personally, I don't think the guilt will leave me, my head tells me I shouldn't feel it, but it's still there. I'm learning to sort of 'sit with it' if that makes sense.
Be gentle with yourself, and do whatever you need to do to get through the next few days - except drink!

Hello, hope it's OK for me to join you all on your DRY mission? It's been 7 days since I last drank; I'm almost 36 and have a 20 year piss-artist career behind me (almost unbroken, apart from pregnancies/breastfeeding and a spell in my younger years where alcohol took a backseat in favour of recreational drugs

It's no coincidence that I also have a 20 year history of anxiety and depression and the penny is finally dropping. 20 wasted years of chicken and egg, self-medicating with boozethen chucking down antidepressants which are never going to work when up against regular binges... throw in an unhealthy mixture of alcohol-induced self-loathing, anxiety, shame regret and making a tool of myself on a regular basis...all takes me to today, day 7. I'm reading lots of books on my Kindle, reading other people's stories on Soberistas and have spent the last week reading this thread, being able to connect with each and every one of your posts has been incredibly helpful. So a big thank you to you all

Stayingdry, I hope you cope ok on Sunday. For me it's not big events that are a problem, it's boredom. I drink to alleviate the tedium. I'm not going to do that any more.

Dd has replied to my apology text with 'go fuck yourself'. I expected that & I deserve it.

I have the horrors. I need to get through today before I can contemplate my next move. Why do I forget how horrendous a major hangover is? I have managed to eat some toast & drink some tea but it hasn't helped much.

LemonDough, today will be the worst day for you to get through, but you will cope. Even if it's just focusing on each section of the day in 10 minute chunks. Well done on the tea and toast, keeping drinking the tea,it will help. I was in a similar position last Thursday, except it was my DP who was furious with me. The waves of anxiety were disgusting, but I kept drinking fluids and managed to lie on the bed, just trying to concentrate on my breathing and imagining a great big STOP sign helped me fend of the negative thoughts. I've held on to how I felt that day and used it as something positive to remind me why I can't pick up that first drink, or moderate. You can turn this around

I haven't even told you the worst of it, I'm so ashamed. I don't want to tell and I don't think it would serve any purpose.

I have just tipped the last of the booze down the sink thankfully because hair of the dog was starting to look like reasonable way to feel a bit better. It's just so disgusting.

I've had some good success with sobriety in the last year. Six months sober last year and another three months since Christmas. Then bang

Rachael and Stayingdry, feel a bit thoughtless droning on about the boredom of looking after DC. My thoughts are with you both.
Hello new guys, haven't read your posts properly but will now.
Just popping on to say morning, and share the fact that for the first time in a long time I made eye contact with myself in the mirror today, put some make up on and actually felt a tiny bit pretty. I'm on day 10.

Those feelings of shame and regret are only useful in helping us push forward and move away from the events of the night before. It's in the past and I agree that it will probable serve no purpose to rake over it all. You're sorry, you've apologised and I guess when it comes to moving on the best we can do is let our actions speak louder than words.

Think of how well you've done recently, 3 months sober is brilliant, 6 months even better! You've messed up but don't let one fuck up take over all the positive progress you've made - that's alcohol's crafty way of luring us back into the "You can't do it, may as well give up and roll over" trap. You did and you will again

I use the memories of my drunken behaviour so that I never forget the mess l got in . alcoholics forget too easily when we're trying to kid ourselves we can drink normally.
lemon, you've apologised, all you can do now is brush yourself down, get up and prove you mean it getting sober.MY 16 year old son was ready to leave, he didn't thank goodness but only because I stopped drinking, and we have a very strong relationship now, but I am always aware how easily I could throw it away, one drink would be all it would take.
I am amazed how my life has changed round in 6 months.

Thank you slippedDisco. I also had to apologise to my other dd this morning - dh had explained to her that I had relapsed yesterday. She has such an enormous generous heart. Thank goodness there's someone in this house who doesn't hate me if it weren't for her I don't think I'd be safe in my own company, I will admit to feeling suicidal today & I'm so grateful that my younger dd is home & keeps telling me she loves me.

I'm well aware that I am being very self pitying like only an addict with a hangover can be, I promise I'm not usually this self absorbed! I have done a lot of work around addiction (AA, SMART, counselling, reading) I just don't understand how I can forget it all in a moment of madness!

Rachel & StayingDry, apologies for droning on about DC's, you are brave and strong women and have my respect. Lemon dough, hang in there, tomorrow you can start rebuilding.

Hello everyone! I need to read all your posts as have been off comp for a few hours! this thing called 'work' - blerghhh Will return soon..

Hi everyone. Too many posts to respond to properly and individually, but wanted to say big welcome and virtual hug to LemonDough. Bloody miserable. Can remember that feeling only too well. Agree though, that the best strategy might be to focus on tiny 10 minute stretches as others have said. So see if you can eat a bit more later, lots of hydration - and most importantly getting to bed sober. The big stuff (furious daughter etc) will take a lot longer .But not drinking is the best first step there is.

Agree that it is horrendous remembering/thinking about ourselves really drunk. I get flashbacks and want to put them out of my mind immediately - but equally I know that it is precisely the memory of those times that will (hopefully) continue to keep me sober.

Mistress I laughed when I read your post about finally daring to look at yourself in the mirror and almost enjoy what you saw. Funnily enough I went through exactly the same thing this morning - not thinking I was looking particularly great or anything - just remembering the daily Hell I had trying to deal with my puffed up hungover face and wondering how to make it up to try to mask it. And how nice it is not to face that anymore.

One thing I continue to find hard is that my DH often asks me 'who knows?' as if he thinks life would be much easier if I just went public on being an alcoholic/in AA. My view is that it isn't necessary - no one really notices who drinks what at this age (mid 40s) and anyway I can easily say it doesn't agree with me any more and leave it at that. It's as if he thinks it is really 'odd' and sticks out a mile and would find it easier if he didn't have to 'keep a secret'. I don't know what I think about all that…. Partly I think he is making too much of it all, but a deeper part of me acknowledges that I probably shouldn't be so determined to be so private about it and that that's really to do with my pride. Not sure. Sorry - rambling on here in a rather incoherent fashion.

Had lots to chip in on on the giving up career ambitions to become SAHM issue too, but think I've said enough for now! Basically, get where you are coming from but am working on a solution.

Well done everyone just for being here

Thanks for your post cakehappy, to all those in the miserable day after stage, stay strong, can only get better if you are sober.
random......I too don't feel the need to make my alcoholism/A A attendance public. Too many judging, seemingly perfect mums, partners out there ready to critise, no thankyou.
as I've shared before after my last drinking binge my dp felt the need to tell enough people to fill wembley stadium anyway :) family and his friends, I don't have toseethem so it matters not :)
I alawys the phrase, you need to walk a mile in someone elses shoes shoes before you can cast an opinion :)

Cake and Mistress, please don't ever apologise for going on about your kids! I still have the stresses of dealing with a teenage daughter (who has put up with so much from me in the last 16 years)! So I know where you're coming from.
She is loving the sober me - she was too young to remember me before!

I hope my 17yr old can find it within her to forgive me eventually. I'm going to give her some space & wait until she's ready. Not much point doing anything else because until then I will just get a barrage of abuse which will get us no-where.

This afternoon I have had a chat with my 14yr old about the nature of addiction. I didn't want her to be scared about what happened and that I might have deliberately have been being malicious. She has been fantastic (bringing me cups of tea & snacks). I feel guilty about that but it seems to be her way of reassuring me that she still loves me, bless her.

I really am looking forward to getting back to sobriety. I quite like the sober me!

Oh LemonDough, wonderful and touching to hear that your 14 yr old is being so loving and supportive.

Sounds like you were really wise explaining what addiction is and how it consumes people. My DCs are still too young for that sort of discussion (and they haven't clocked that I don't drink and most other grown ups do), but it is a conversation we will need to have at some stage I am sure. Largely because I suspect (fear) it may be something they will have to wrestle with in their lives. Hope to God not, but I can already see the signs in my DD in particular. She is obsessive and unable to say no to anything sweet, unlike DS who just stops when full.

And love that phrase about needing to walk in someone else's shoes before casting an opinion, StayingDry. So true.

And well done SlippedDisco on your 7 days. Big congrats. I wonder what pushed you to put down the booze? Was there a particular event that prompted it or did you just wake up with the determination to make a change one day?

I know it sounds like a cliche, but I am astonished at how different my life is now I'm sober. Have been having to deal with tough stuff today as am only child and my father is going downhill fast/developing dementia and have been trying to sort out care for him as a matter of urgency. God knows how I would have managed this before… The only downside (if that's the right way of putting it) is that I can't push the feelings down with booze so just have to experience them - which can be hard. But feel like I'm becoming a grown up finally if that makes any sense.

Anyway - wishing everyone a lovely evening.

Will be thinking of you and wishing you strength for the upcoming days stayingdry

Well done on 7 days SlippedDisco and hello to LemonDough too. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you and also think your 14yo is very sweet.

Sorry to hear about your dad random. My mum has gone through all that lately and care packages with her own mum who is suffering from Alzheimer's. It seems to be a real struggle and I know my mum is doing a hell of a lot to pick up where the care doesn't meet.

Anyway just a quick check in as it's been a busy day so it's bedtime for me.

I love this thread. I think our stories help each other in so many ways.

I am two people:

Sober:
Calm, serene, happy to go anywhere, sit in a cafe and drink coffee, play with my daughter, up early making her breakfast and ready to take her to school; come home and get on with the day. Oooh, jeans feel loose! Yeah. Help with homework and cook a lovely meal while we revise. Sure:, I can pick all the kids up from the disco at 9pm and drop them home. On a Friday night.

Hungover/drunk Me

Anxious, hungover, tired, puffy, eyes scratchy. Snooze button three times. Cereal in her room. "Hurry up!" get in the car and drive (warily) to school. Come home, relieved - back into bed til 11am. Beroca and panadol dissolved into a huge glass of soda. Feeling better. Cancel coffee date as feel so rotten. I wonder if I have enough tonic. Bugger - have to to go to the shop. Shit - parent/teacher night. Won't be home til 7pm. Can have a drink then. Just have a snooze first. Do you own homework! Go to bed! It's adult time! Why is my face so puffy? Maybe I need a night cream. Repeat the next day.

That's me.

I'm so good when I'm sober. I'm so shit when I'm not. Why do I choose the latter? It's insanity so why do I do it. (now).

Just came upon this thread. I had my last drink 20 Jan. My initial idea was to stay dry til 1April, but I think I may review this on that date. The reason for my abstinence was that the quantity I was drinking was creeping up, I felt like I "needed" to drink most days, and I had one instance on holiday in Jan where I flat out got drunk & embarrassed myself. Then I had two additional experiences 1) my DS, 20, who suffers from anxiety/depression confided in me that a uni friend was pressuring him to drink to excess which my DS knows makes his MH issues worse:and 2) going to catch a train at 11am on a Tues from my local station to find the police restraining two drunks. So at this point these is nothing good I can say about booze!
The effects of my abstinence are mostly good - clear-headed, brain is sharper, but also some interesting physical improvements: I have a damaged knee prone to a tissue inflammatory response & that has mostly disappeared.
Not all changes are easy - like random said, I am now unable to use booze to numb my feelings, so these are now welling up, and I get quite teary & overwrought sometimes.
I'm ok about the social aspect: I don't think many notice if you are drinking or not. My bar tipple of choice is diet coke or slimline tonic.

LemonDough, how are you feeling this morning? Hoping you woke up feeling like a different person

Cutitup - really identified with your post. Went to an AA meeting the other day and the chair (person who tells their story for people who don't do AA) was talking about just that; the schizophrenia. The two people - how can it be etc. But when you say 'why do I choose the latter', I would point out that you don't CHOOSE it as such. Once you have the alcohol inside you you are basically powerless. As if once there is booze inside you - that booze seeks out more booze like an heat-seeking missile if that makes sense. Someone used that analogy once and I found it really helpful. And, for me, so true.

Thanks again to you all this morning for such inspiring and useful posts. I read last night but couldn't post: the desire was very strong, but I'm pleased to say I got some grapefruit juice and fizzy water instead of booze yesterday. I would have preferred fancy cordial but alas that would have meant going through the booze aisle and I didn't want to tempt fate.

Lots of dreams happening for me: last night I dreamed about my ex of seven years ago. I feel things are bubbling to the surface; my fingertips are so tingly. It's such an intensely physical as well as emotional process for me, I'm finding. But I feel...clean. Antsy, but clean.

LemonDough, I hope you're doing well today. Better to have a fall and get up again than to keep tumbling.

Hi all. So good to see so many people here (if you know what I mean!) It's very true about the two personalities, dh and ds have told me how 'different' I am now - nearly 5 months in. I feel different too, calmer, less likely to go on the offensive, no unpleasant e mails or fb posts . Just able to 'cope' more.

There are days (lately) when I have felt really fed up with the thought of not being able to drink, but it really is so much better. That thought must pass. I couldn't bear the thought of starting again!!

I hope everyone is ok today, just take it a day at a time (not an aa bod, but do like that phrase )

At work, must do some!!

Morning all.
Cutitup you sound like me! I've been so much more patient and fun with DS in the last week or so. Really once not to feel all that self-hatred about being a crap mother.
Thinking of you Lemon, as you get through these dark days. The sun will start to come out very soon, but you know that.
Sorcha, where are you? Missing your words of wisdom.

I'm still feeling stupidly upbeat and positive. Like I can BEAT this. Honeymoon period, I know, but I'm so enjoying feeling in control. Have no desire to drink at all at the moment. Long may it continue.