Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

That sounds lovely, random.

I also very much identify with the "I'd have to be much worse than this to be an alcoholic - woohoo, time for a bender" frame of mind. But you know what, if my drinking is bad enough to make me feel this terrible about myself, then that's enough reason to stop.

I have lurked on this thread for a while, btw, with the nagging feeling. It was just that the weekend solidified the fear I had in the back of my head, and I thought it was time to jump on the opportunity rather than run away from it any more. So it probably seems very sudden to go from bender-book-AA but I think in my head this has been coming for a while.

As much as anything I am ashamed for the realisation that the long-awaited party wasn't, for me, an opportunity to catch up with friends I haven't seen. It was just a chance to get obliterated. Even when I haven't been drinking, I have been waiting to drink.

I have been searching back and this Is the first thread which has led to this one . It may inspire, or just be interesting for people to have a look through

I was MrMeanour at the beginning!

Hi Rabbit. I knew I had a problem for years before I did anything about it so understand what you mean about it 'appearing' sudden, but actually not being. And you are SO RIGHT about the party not actually being an occasion to catch up with friends. If you are anything like me you probably barely remember any of the conversations you had with them. When I think back to 'parties' (or pretty much any occasion), what I can remember really clearly is what I drank/how I drank etc. Same with holidays. Just such a monumental waste of time and energy. Astonishing to think how much EFFORT and commitment we put into drinking!! Takes up all our head-space so not much left for anything else. Well done you - you are doing brilliantly.

How much of a relief is it to be able to just post honesty about all the dreadful places booze has taken us? An anonymous forum is a real blessing (meant in a non-religious way!!!) I think.

Thanks so much for posting that link, MrsS. Going through it now and finding it really helpful. Bags of identification.

Thanks so much MrsS, that's already given me lots to think about. I have been dreading a big party at the end of the month (a major celebration just for me, with friends and family, marking a very serious achievement in my life) and I have been panicking already about how not to drink. How bizarre is it that I'm not sure whether it would be more humiliating to be laughed at for not drinking, or have people say "oh thank heavens you've stopped".

I need to just step back from that at the moment, I think. Just today is fine. I'm not going to drink today.

I know it probably feels like I'm threadbombing horribly at the moment, but I feel the need to TALK right at the present, and I dare say that will settle down as I get used to this.

best thing to do is talk about it - if you're talking you're not drinking ! and it helps to see the reality written down

Thank you, you are all so kind. And it is helping so much to see your stories from the other thread.

I have been oddly brave today, and contacted someone (professionally) that I have been scared to approach for months, and deferring accordingly. Nothing might come of it, but I still feel pleased I managed to do it. I suspect I am about to kick off a massive bout of overcompensating-through-work (I am a creature of extremes) so I am going to have to keep an eye on that.

I'm a thread-bomber too, rabbit. I think it's what we need in the early days when the thoughts are flying around our heads.

I met an old friend a while back, and I got SO drunk I can't remember anything we talked about. What a waste.

So, into day 8 and feeling good - but working again tonight so 'safe'.
Rather worried about tomorrow and Thursday, two night off used to mean two nights of oblivion......I'm trying to plan my time so I'm busy, but think early nights might be on the cards!!
On the positive side, had the energy to go for a long walk today, and feel so much better for it!

Well done Rachel! So glad you are feeling better and have more energy. Making plans and keeping busy a great strategy, but am also massive fan of going to bed super early when in doubt/danger….. Best way of switching off given that the old method is no longer open to me

And agree - loads of posting/getting off chest is excellent thing to do.

Hi everybody

Having such a hard time with my DH, so much tension snd anger...i never would have ever thought this would hapoen. Usually I would have lots of white wine to deal with it, take the pain of the tears away, reduce stress but can't even do that. I can't believe how shit it all is at the moment. I keep crying, I feel bad for my DC's they must pick up on the stress. I'm gutted:(

I keep fantasising of a vat of Sauvignon blanc...my poison of choice. And sticking my head in it. Can't believe I'm getting through this without a drink. I keep telling myself that I don't need a drug ( alcohol) to deal with tough things in life...having already given up all the hard and soft drugs I used to do when i was a little younger, pre-DC...I wouldn't think smoking a joint or something would be acceptable...so why would I want to get shitfaced on booze? Warped thinking? Don't know.... It's helping me though. Was walking past a wine shop yesterday and it said on the board by the door "2 bottles Merlot for £16.00 (or whatever..) Bottled sunshine from the south of France. Alcohol is indeed marketed well. For a drug!

Sorry if I'm not making sense. I'm with you Rabbit, just need to get it all out.

You poor thing, cake. I genuinely don't know what to say to help - I expect this is something all of us go through and have to go through - but tomorrow all that will happen is you'll feel like shit, the problems won't have gone anywhere, and you'll feel horrendously guilty for having drunk. Can you go for a walk or something? Or scream into a handbag? I do that sometimes.

I'm in bed, nothing shuts crap reality off better than sleep!!:) wish my 4 month old had sleeping through the night in mind as well !! Well done to ALL OF US!! For saying no thankyou today.

Hugs cake and I hope you find some sort of resolution. It's funny isn't it? I spent more than a decade snorting, smoking and necking all sorts yet there's no way in hell I would ever dream of doing anything like that now. Alcohol is so socially acceptable yet it is often a destructive drug like any of the others.

That sounds lovely having fun with your dd random. I totally understand that, the simple things make it all worthwhile at times. I asked mine for a cuddle tonight in bed and she fell asleep on my chest. I just relished the time and thought I could stay there for hours the both of us were so content. When I was drinking I couldn't wait to sneaky her off so I could get back downstairs to a glass of wine and would get irritated if she woke up again.

Think I went to bed a lot of the time with the kids at the start Rachael. Hot chocolate and early nights are good.

Might have a read of the first thread myself Sippie and see what my thoughts were then, under my various different guises.

I'm not sure whether it would be more humiliating to be laughed at for not drinking, or have people say "oh thank heavens you've stopped

Yes, this is what I was afraid of about telling DH. I thought I was afraid of him saying 'you're being ridiculous, don't ruin our fun' but after I did it, I realised that actually I was afraid of him saying "oh, thank God, let me give you a huge list of how awful you are to live with, you smell bad and you're boring and fat and a bad parent etc". Which was really my own internal voice, obviously, not his.

Bless the man, he actually just said "that's great", in a way that made me realise that he has known for ages, and then dropped it. I'm a very lucky person.

Morrigu I do understand what you mean about not getting anywhere. I don't think it's any coincidence that for a lot of us, our drinking accelerates after we have children. Because children - well, they're lovely and charming and all that, but they're no substitute for the whole rest of one's life, and sometimes it feels like that's what we're being asked to give up. I am stuck in an unchallenging job, having basically given up a career I studied hard to get into (I have tried to get back in, but mother-of-small-children-with-a-resume-gap isn't a winning combination out there), I struggle to find time to exercise, I used to write but now I just natter on forums because it can be interrupted...my idea of a weekend's achievement is sorting out all the old clothes from the DD's chest of drawers.

I keep telling myself that it's not really forever. As our kids get older, we regain a lot more of our selves. Staying dry is our security; it means that when the kids are older, and our freedom returns, there will be a self to come back to.

Great post Tortoise. I know alcohol is my escapism at the end of a long and often boring day with DC.

Oh Cake, I really hope you feel a bit better today. You are being so strong. Just concentrate on you for a bit (and DC obviously) and then maybe it's time to have a long chat with your DH about the relationship. You shouldn't have to put up with the atmosphere constantly.

I'm feeling pretty good myself. Up early as usual. Nearly told some friends about all of this yesterday but chickened out. I feel like I need to get a good few weeks under my belt before I'm taken seriously.

Morning all! I've been working since 5.30, before I head to my other job in a bit now. It's so lovely to be up in the sunshine with a clear head. I hope you all have a great day in store.

Wow, sober me is kind of sentimental.

That's so true Tortoise. I love my kids dearly but sometimes can't help but feel a bit stifled. I don't see dad giving up work, study, promotions, going to the gym, a social life.

I was talking to my mum yesterday and she was telling me my relative had to take some time off work as her lo isn't well again. It struck me that there was never any talk of her dh taking time off and I remarked to my mum that isn't it any wonder women aren't as highly regarded in the workplace and there is the glass ceiling for them. I was brought up in the years to think that women were equal and we could achieve anything career wise, feminism didn't apply to me as we'd got it all right? Sadly once we have children it's not always possible. My friend works in a career that employ you for a number of years while you complete a research grant and she says it is particularly hard as a woman to get them as they are worried the woman will get pregnant during that time and head off on maternity. She has put off having children and is now worried she may have left it too late.

No point to this rant just something that has been flitting through my head this morning

Hello ladies!

Rabbit wow! You've accomplished loads already today! Just took the LO to the cafe to get a coffee and coffee beans( my fav part of the day, I love my coffee!!) I too drank to cope with the kids. I have never wanted to be a mother, only dreamed of having my own business. My H was very keen on having kids and I didn't want to deny him this so had a DC. 5 months after I launched my business which immediately took off with more success I could have imagined. Unfortunately I couldn't take care of DC as well and had to turn huge oppertunity after oppertunity away and eventually had to basically close it down to have DD. Obviously I too love my children desperately but i have had to give all my dreams up to have them. Unfortunately i havent really enhoyed being a SAHM either:( To day I'm bitter pretty much sums it up. The extrodinairly cost of childcare doesn't help. But drinking was a massive part of coping.

Congrats Rachel on day 8! Glad you're feeling better! Love the clear head:) mistress, I haven't told anyone either except my BFF,Can't face it. Haven't even told my H. I too need a bit more time under my belt.

I have posted on the dry threads before under another name (needchangenow I think?).

I'm back because i have royally fucked up

Relapsed yesterday which resulted in a huge row with my 17yr old dd - everything we've worked hard to build in the last year down the drain. I don't even remember what happened, dh had to tell me. I have a huge bruise on my leg and I suspect dd put it there.

She went to stay at her boyfriend's house because she couldn't bear to be in the same house as me and I can't blame her. I've sent a long apology by text but I've not had a reply yet.

There's nothing I can do to make this right is there? Other than ensuring it never happens again.