The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

How do you stop yourself getting attached??!!

with great difficulty oldfashioned, distractions help, in the form of 'keeping options open' with other dates. But when I like a guy its kind of all or nothing.....its my downfall, it scares them off and I've learnt its something I have to try to avoid.

He is the only one I have met and I already have kinda lost interest in checking if I have any messages from anyone else. He comes across as kinda all or nothing himself.

oldfashioned thats brilliant news! , be careful though. I got hurt terribly by a guy (the first one I met OL), saw him for a month or so, we'd spend hours on the phone every night talking about all sorts, he told me he thought of me all day every day, we hung out alot, texted all day, he was very full on. Within a week of us sleeping together (fabulous sex btw!) he cooled off sharpish, no calls, texts dwindled, took ages to reply (previously nano seconds) within another week he stood me up on a weekend we were meant to spend together, I finished it there and then. Cautionary tale.....but of course I'm not saying your guy is like this, just there are some wolves in sheep's clothing out there that we need to be on the lookout for.

Bumple I can be a bit like you depends on the man.

Doesn't help that after a month the ex was saying he was falling for me, professing love etc, by end month 2 I was hooked too. Little sod.

Didn't even fancy him 2nd date and was prepared to not see him again!

Well...the Americans seem to have died off now. I have a couple of chaps I'm talking to. One seems a little earnest but maybe he'll be a little less earnest in the flesh, who knows. The other seems a bit...flighty. I don't really want flighty.

Bloody hell what has got into people this week, I am speakign to 3 lovely guys, normally I am not interested in anyone now 3, think I might get confused. Still helping me be cooler with MrScottishaccent, who makes me blush after Friday nights antics. But worried to put all eggs in one basket as much as I would love to. He is calling me tonight. I would just love to lay cards on the table but don't want to fuck things up.

It is really tempting blossom I'm like the rest of you - find it really hard to even talk to more than one at once. But the men don't seem to struggle at all. I simply don't understand the whole 'full on & then disappear' thing. To me it's a waste of my time. And it is so difficult to anticipate it happening. It's quite sad really. When I met my XH 25 years ago, I'm sure life was so much simpler !!

scorned oh I had lots of fun dating lots of different men at the same time when in my 20's but now in my 40's tosure I have the energy now. I really like mrscottishaccent but would like him to make a little more effort to meet up. His kids seem really important to him but they almost seem to take up every spare minute he has.

Lois I seem to have loads of Americans on POF even had one today in Hong Kong.
On OKC I seem to get a lot of messages off lads in their 20's (I'm 47!) I even had a bit of banter with one, asked him why he wasn't in school, he asked me why I wasn't at bingo etc.
Some blokes message 1 or 2 words every few days others are online ALL the time.
Whats peoples experience of the free sites vs paid sites? All they all basically the same?
Got a date on Friday - he seems keen

Bumble That is what worries me - moving to fast and getting attached.

Just had a message on POF, someone I've only been messaging for a day or 2 wants to meet up....doesn't like messaging for ages he says! Really new to all this! Is that normal?

every I like to message for a bit and I always have a chat on the phone, it that goes well then a meet.

oldfashioned - seriously after last time (very recently) I am DEFFO (sorry for shouting!) using my spidey senses next time. If I feel uncomfortable and don't fancy on 2nd date (I wanted to leave he wanted me to stay) then I will.

And there is no way I'm going to fall for the load of crap I fell for recently.

Blossom that's what I thought. I genuinely can't meet him for a while and have said can we just text/call for now

oldfashioned I try to hold back a bit now....its really difficult when you are falling for them. I find reminding myself of their bad points (its a struggle to find one with my current beau) and relay that over in my head and definitely not let them know how keen I am until its the right time and I'm sure. It's shit that I can't just be myself but hey I'll just have to deal with that because the alternative has never bode well for me.

Hello Half the problem is that I don't know if I trust my spidey senses!

hello would you go for a 2nd if you didnt fancy on the 1st? maybe thats where I'm going wrong

blossom & every I used to message for ages and build it up in my head that this guy emailing was perfect, funny and articulate. Then meet them and they are a complete let down, its so disheartening. You've built up a rapport, invested time and sometimes emotion but just nothing there in the flesh and you realise it was all just words on a screen. For that reason I'd rather 5 or 6 emails and boom! fix up date...and preferably within a few days even if its just a 20min . Date zero I think its called. But thats just me.

Bumble I think I would go for 2nd if I didn't fancy on 1st but I should've listened on 2nd and made an excuse. I didn't fancy him but he made me feel comfy.

Oh gawd. I'm talking to four ....two have the same name. I'm going to have to be very careful
It just doesn't come naturally to me! Feels like I'm being devious!

It's the same site . You can pay to upgrade your membership, but the basic membership is free. Great site, I used to use it together with Match, but sites can be really variable depending on area and demographic.

I'd also recommend meeting sooner rather than later - it's so easy to build up the perfect man in your head if you get on well via messaging, but this doesn't always translate into real life. Vice versa too, Alpha wasn't (and still isn't) a great messager, but he is just wonderful in the flesh.

He's away a lot on business (totally legit, not another woman tucked away or anything) and I'm finding it really hard at the moment. We've just had a lovely holiday with the children over half term, but then that's followed by not seeing him for a week. Feast or famine.

bumble ye you're right the bloke I'm meeting Friday ( k)I've been messaging for ages and we've spoken on the phone now I'm worried in case I don't fancy him after all this time, the bloke who wants to meet up quickly it's almost like why not? If there's no spark....move on!

There is POF and Plenty More Fish, which I have found good. Sulking a bit as MrScottishAccent was supposed to call me tonight after dropping kids off, prob too late now. He was so lovely texting earlier, just don't get him. Maybe I am expecting too much. Was going to speak to another guy tonight and put off because he was calling. hmmm

Thanks for the tip jarlin its a revelation! ! Glad you have others simmering