The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

Yes, I think you can tell a lot about someone (and their intentions) by how they treat you after The Act. Some men seem like a completely different person once their sack has been emptied.

Oh Jarlin that is rubbish.

I agree that this guy does not sound any good for you.

Oh well, onwards and upwards I guess...

Folk my dd has just turned 8yo, really pleased it went so well but am going to take things pretty slowly so will see....

I am feeling sorry for myself today, a random insect bite on my leg has become infected and I can hardly walk on it

Oh jarlin what a shame. Sorry I suppose it's better to find out early on..
Nope I certainly didn't find my Simon Le Bon. I was however followed round the pub by Trevor Le Trashed in a grubby grey tracksuit
Back to the drawing board!!

@ scorned

Oh Jarlin sorry things didn't go as planned, I think I'd be miffed at being given the cold shoulder afterwards too. At least you finally know though and don't have to waste any more time.

Date with Mr Banana rearranged for Thursday after I finish work. Means I'll have about 5 mins to get changed and will have to do my hair and makeup while still at work! Been texting a lot again today, starting to get scared as he's so easy to talk to by text, what if I meet him and don't know what to say?!

OneDay you'll be glad to know that I deleted Mr MMs number again! I'm going out on Saturday and know I'd text him after a few drinks so removing the possibilty. Starting to get a little self confidence returning :)

Excuse me while I have a bit of a pity party.

No idea what the matter is, just feeling really, well, shit. And alone. And it's partly back to work blues. And I didn't sleep too well last night. children's behaviour has been appalling today...

My son's just told me that next weekend his dad is taking him and his sister and his parents to his gf/ow's house for a "bit of a get together/party".

Now I'm not too bothered about this, as long as the children are happy about it and as long as everyone doesn't decide to play happy families with the ow with my children... Except that they will

It's just a big reminder that I don't have any family and that I'm just, well, alone really.

I'll be at my friend's house for her birthday party so I won't be on my own, but even so...

folk sorry. I've been through it & it's crap. I still cringe when they have a -chav fest- family party & involve my kids but then I see the pictures & just laugh at my ridiculous XH trying to look like he fits in. Just remind yourself that OW now lives with a man who she knows is a cheat

jarlin chin up. Things happen for a reason. Go back online & chat to some others or spend the evening with us for you both

scorned They don't even live together yet. Not properly. I think she's in for a bit of a rude awakening when they do. From what I know of her, I'd be surprised if she knew everything about him and was still interested. But yes, she does know he's a cheat. Not sure he'd do it again though. I think that when the scales fell from his eyes and he began to see how the rest of the world viewed his true love story, he found it very difficult to cope.

Jarlin Of course you can join me, I'm just sorry you feel the need to.

It is hard, isn't it? The thing is, my exH didn't love me, and I knew that all along really. But he did care about me. And I know that, under any other circumstances, he would know exactly the right things to say to me to make me feel so much better about all of this. All of the fears I ever express on here, all of the sadness; he would have the answers to all of it.

The relationship was, ultimately, abusive. He was emotionally, verbally and financially abusive. But I think a lot of that was because of the frustration, sadness and resentment he felt at wasting his life with someone he didn't love but not wanting to be the 'bad guy' by leaving.

But he always gave the best, the most reliable and the most reassuring advice and, in his assessment and summation of any given situation, he was rarely, if ever, wrong. I trusted his judgement on things completely.

I know what you mean about the rejection. I don't think the man I'm seeing is 'The One', either, but I do like him and he is lovely when we're together and I think I'd find it really hard if I discovered that none of that was real.

I think the hard thing for me is that, because of my 'love' issues, I'm not convinced I couldn't be replaced in my children's eyes. It's one of those things where intellectually I know it's unlikely, but emotionally well, that's where I start to lose a grip on things.

The way I'm feeling isn't being helped by the fact that I had an email from the man I'm seeing in the middle of the night. I've emailed him today and heard nothing back. Now my head says there's not a problem, but my heart is filled with fear. It's just too much.

Oh folk and jarlin am sending to you both.

I am also going to join you in the pity party room as feeling very sorry for myself as well, leg now swollen and red - looks so attractive ( ) and the dr said if it gets any worse I will need to be admitted for IV antibiotics - terrific

Is it bad I haven't told Smallfeet as I don't want to gross him out?!!

Folk - sorry to hear you're feeling down. It must be a tough situation knowing they are doing the "happy families" routine, but it'll never replace what they have with you. I'm glad you won't be on your own then.

Jarlin - sorry you had such a disappointing time too. Perhaps he has low self esteem about his body and performance and arranged things to do the next day as a way of avoiding the chance you might not want to spend time with him? Who knows - but whatever his reasons, or whatever he's thinking, it sounds like maybe he's more concerned with his own issues than about making you feel special and wanted? I guess you have to decide if there is any point talking things over to see if that helps, or just move on. Having experienced the intensity of the relationship with your exDP, that must be hard to have as a comparison.

I have a lush date with MrManflu (who I've been emailing for 2 months) tomorrow.

And another lunh date with Mr Intellectual (who I have been texting for a week maximum) on Wednesday

And texting someone else who is probably Mr casual .... It's suddenly very busy after a drought!

Means finding something to wear suitable for work and a date, and having to do a quick makeover at work.

girlie sorry to hear about your leg. That sounds a bit grim!

Is it very painful?

No, it's not bad you haven't told Smallfeet, I don't think I'd want to know that either!!

Yes it is very painful but only when I walk on it - so that's okay then getting dd to school tomos could be interesting....

Smallfeet has text me so have told him now - will wait to see what the verdict is.

splish The thing is, a few weeks ago it really bothered me, but only because my son was so vehemently against having anything to do with her. He's mellowed slightly and realised she is just a person and not the devil incarnate and so doesn't seem to be as bothered. Which means I'm more relaxed about it.

I know that my exMIL adores the children and won't let anyone hurt/upset them, but she also loves her son and will do anything to make him happy.

The gf/ow has already tried 'buying' them with expensive imported presents for Christmas. exH just says it's because she's such a lovely and thoughtful person (so lovely and thoughtful...) and because she cares about the children (she's only met them twice)

I suppose I just don't understand it. It's as important to him that she is integrated into their lives as it is that anyone I 'see' isn't.

jarlin oh so sorry your date wasn't up to expectations. He probably has been there before, and is probably expecting the cold shoulder from you now. Is there no chance for a second chance??

I really like to think I have come through both failed ltr as a stronger person, but on days like today I realise I am not stronger - but scarred by them

That is so true. Sorry you feel like that too.

I have PMd you.

Sorry girlie I meant I wouldn't want him/someone to know, not that I wouldn't want to know! That's a bit mean

splish I shall be looking for updates from you this week!

I'm also a bit narked off because I had decided to restart on the 5:2 and have today as a fast day. I was doing really well until I baked some cheese scones and then ate them all! With extra butter... They were nice though. Also made a . Who'd like some?

Maybe stronger as well as scarred?

You've come through tough times, so you must be strong. But past relationships definitely leave scars. I know that having been in an abusive relationship and having found it very difficult to extricate myself, I am extremely wary of becoming involved with other men, and have had a series of pretty casual relationships as a result. But I don't want that any more.But also am not sure how capable I am of getting involved.

Folk - is it your ex that doesn't want anyone you see to be involved with the children? If so that's very selfish. Perhaps he's desperate to get her involved to try and make what he's done seem more OK/normalise it. So can pretend to himself he hasn't anything too awful?

girlie - sorry about your leg, hope it doesn't get any worse. And hope smallfeet is sympathetic

Thanks Jarlin

I really like to think I have come through both failed ltr as a stronger person, but on days like today I realise I am not stronger - but scarred by them.

Amen. I think I need to do a shot at the pity party. Sometimes I feel like I'm gaining insight and wisdom and the reason that nothing has gone the distance is that it wasn't right...And then other times I just worry that I'm missing the more obvious insight that I'm just fucked up and cannot be satisfied by a good relationship.