The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wading Through Winter Blues Without The Booze!

[Mouseface]

I'm Mouse, nice to meet YOU.

This is a thread for those who want to give up drink completely, or are maybe thinking about doing controlled drinking, or cutting down slowly, it's all up to you. And of course all addictions, so if you are taking drugs of any kind, prescription or otherwise, you're very welcome here too!

You know your limits, you know what is required, it's all in YOUR hands.

Whatever your goal, you'll find unconditional support here. Always. :)

There will be talk of drinking quite often and those who fall off the Bus will post about it, so if that is going to jeopardise your chances of complete sobriety, then maybe the DRY threads would suit you better, as they are complete abstainers, but EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE :)

There are two sayings that we rather like here -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

For those of you who'd like some history, here is the very first thread and the reason that we're all here now. FIRST EVER THREAD

And the most recent so you can work your way back through time IS JUST HERE

The Bus may be 'mythical', but the support is real, it is honest and it will help you to achieve what it is that YOU seek, as long as you are honest with us, but mostly, YOURSELF

Mouse xxx

Mouse I wish I knew what words to say that would comfort you. I've been so very lucky not to have lost someone dear to me so I have no idea what it's like for you.

All I do know is that you will deal with this the way you deal with everything, with compassion, love, honesty and concern for others. I hope there are strong people around you who you can lean on and will sit with your for hours re-filling the teapot whilst you chat.

You know, you can post here as much as you like, about any of this or just pop in and out as it suits you. We are all here for you, we all care for you, your dh, dd and fishboy and are honoured that you have let us into your life and shared so much with us x

Faire - you blummin so and so, I'm crying again now! You know exactly what to say. In a nice way :)

I don't really have a good support network close by, other than DH, as my BF are spread across the flipping UK!

I know that I am at tipping point re the drink, I can feel it, the slime, creeping up on me, and I will not let it take control. NO WAY!

So, I have to step back tonight. I have to talk to my Dad, more, lots. I need to have hours of listening to him talk about Mum......

And now I need to go to bed with DH. He's really worried about me.

Night Babes xxx

Mouse you are not a let down honey. All the babes on this bus draw strength from you, and you are understandably having a hard time now. I wish, wish, wish I could make it easier for you. Losing my mum has been a long hard journey for me to come to terms with -and it was 8 and a half years ago now. Do not expect too much of yourself, and do not beat yourself up for feeling as you do - of course it is a struggle. I remember my MIL getting annoyed with me after 6 months saying 'oh, are you not over it YET?' as if there is a time limit on grieving. There isn't, and there are peaks and troughs, and times of happy memories and joy and laughter and then times of 'where are you, I need to talk to you right now, I need a hug...' everything. But if our mums weren't so bloody special we wouldn't miss them so much. I remember when wankbadger (who is not as lovely as your lovely DH) said I didn't deserve sympathy as I was a horrible person and I was just bitter because his family were all still alive and mine weren't, and I thought 'I would rather have had my mum for 37 years than your family for eternity'. We have what we have, and your mum sounds really special, of course you miss her. You need to go through it because I repressed it with drink and it just came right back and bit me, years later. So take as much time as you like, because YOU ARE NOT LETTING ANYBODY DOWN, and also, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. You are a total star, and your fabulous mum's daughter. Take as much time as you like, we are all sending you massive hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spanna, why , I'm - massive hugs to you too. A hard week for everybody it seems - sending you love and strength

I have had 2 glasses of wine tonight despite promising Guggs not to (ducks to avoid slap from Barrie) but am off to sleep now. Stressed cos find out what the review at work said tomorrow, and looking at my work pals comments on facebook it's not good. But compared to how you ladies get on with things I am humbled. So that's it for me now, kettle on.

Love to all (waves to Rural, Anne, Ma, et al xxx

Lovely post hope.

Night Mouse, you get off to bed and rest.

Maybe you and your dad could work on a project together, putting bits and pieces of your mum's life together, researching her family tree, collecting memories from people or just keeping little bits of hers, a piece of cloth from a favourite blouse, a well used recipe, some of her silly sayings.

You could write letters to her, saying all those things you wish you'd said, taking back those you wish you hadn't. Let her know how you're struggling but trying really hard not to let the bottle take you.

Mothers day is coming up, another difficult occasion where you have to put a smile on your face and be happy for your own children. Could you do something as a family, including your dad, in memory of your mum? Plant a tree, release a balloon? Or does he live too far away for that much contact? If that's the case, maybe get him all set up for skype so that he seems closer when he can't be with you?

I dunno, I'm just mulling over ideas. I'm so glad you are clinging on to sobriety but I also know how easy it would be to topple into that abyss. Please use the bus, come and ride the roofrack, it's quite windy up there, it will refresh you

Or snuggle in the bus under a big fluffy blankie and let us fuss around you x

Oh mouse. Grief is just so hard. There isn't really anything I can say to ease it. I've been through it myself. It is an all-consuming sadness and longing. Please be good to yourself. Don't try to do too much. You've been a rock of strength for me during my life crisis: I wish there was something I could say that could ease your pain. I just know that if you were my daughter, I would burst with pride everyday from heaven looking down on you. xo

Someone please make this stop feel low today not drinking is just magnifying it all I'm scared don't like it, drink seems a good coping mechanism today feeling torn x

Do not drink today im It only makes you feel worse and it doesnt solve anything. And you desperately need solutions at this stage.

Can you update us on the situation with the housing, SS and that fucking asshole who keeps abusing you?
Maybe getting some specific task done today that might form part of a solution today is the key. Remember - you've tried drinking the pain away and it makes you have low esteem and feel powerless. And when the alcohol wears off, the problems are still there and sometimes bigger.
So come on im, update us my lovely.

Morning beautiful babes

Sad to see these posts and that all is not well with the ladies on the bus.
mouse it is just a pleasure to hear from you,no matter how sad your news is you always seem to give back and express feelings that are hard to put into words. You and that faire will always be my heros.Please keep posting mouse we want to hear from you even though you are going through dark times.x

faire I have no idea how you always know the right thing to say x

Looking my days of slapping people with Barrie are over for now.
yup,work is my burden at the moment. The thing about reviews is that everyone is kept in a state of anxiety while decisions are made,once you know for sure what will happen then you can act. The buggers!

I'm hang on in there. We are all here,day and night.

'Lo there to why and rural and spanna

babes we are all struggling with something at the moment and trying to stay away from the ww. My anxiety about work is sky high to the point of panic.
This is what I am trying to do to stay calm: post here,break the day down into segments and get through them one bit at a time,rest,exercise,take 5 mins to breathe slowly.. Started to write 5 gratitudes a day (does help). Stay busy and go out for long walks.

Does anyone have any other suggestions to help get through anxiety? Perhaps we could put together some ideas- might help each other out. I didn't add drinking to the list,although I have given in to the ww. It helped in the very short term and increased anxiety the following day.

P.S: I will not be drinking today.

quick check in from work.
so many babes dealing with such horrendous issues
i'm
why
mouse and all those battling to keep their lips above the water - we are here for you as much as we can be, always. Buckle up the seat belts and "courie doon" on the back seat and let the world roll without you today. just concentrate on you and getting through today.

To the person who pm'd me - are you reading? are you ok?

Struggling to admit some of it to myself why will try and be strong and post my situation soon x

guggs in the stopping smoking book it says imagine you have a tiny dot on your hand that itches like mad. The doctor gives you some cream but he tells you that, although it stops the itching for a while, when it wears off the dot will be a bit bigger and will start to itch again.

Each time you apply the cream, the itching goes away but it always comes back and the dot turns into a spot, then a patch, then the whole back of your hand starts to itch.

Would you use the cream or would you learn to live with the tiny itchy dot?

Drinking to mask anxieties is a bit like that, from what people have said. It doesn't cure them and it's just one more thing to worry about.

I like you plan, breaking the day into segments is a good one. Half an hour jobs that keep me busy and focussed are great because then I'm not thinking about anything else except the job in hand. And I get things done so I feel a sense of achievement.

Today I need to go out and buy a new windscreen wiper. I also need to go to the bank with dd to help her choose a new account. Then I am going to do some cleaning. All boring jobs but they keep me occupied.

Today it is one month since I started my diet and I have lost 12lbs. I have been out this morning and had my hair restyled to suit my slightly thinner face and to treat myself for sticking to my plan

After the next month I will probably need some new clothes

I find that I get a massive sense of achievement from sticking to plan and it makes me so happy. I feel in control and I have confidence in myself. When I was drinking I never felt like that, I felt stupid and hopeless for not being able to stop myself buying wine pretty much every day.

I love not drinking. Some days are really hard, especially sticking to diet and I can't wait for it to be over so I can eat some of the things I've been craving. But those feelings are fleeting and they pass. The longer I go without drinking, the easier it is.

When I first got on this bus I was completely different. I was in that vortex and I had no clue whatsoever how I could get out. I thought that I had to drink to stop the craving. I was putting that damn cream on everyday and the problem was just getting worse and worse.

Whoops, I seem to have rambled on again

Just heard results of the review. Looks like redundancy on cards next year. In the meantime the overworking us and bullying review structure will continue. Texted Wankbadger with the outcome and he wanted me to ring him at home to discuss... Outcome of which was that he said I had a year to find another job, and I said he could look for something salaried too so we could spread the financial burden and risk. After which he got snappy and then suddenly had to go and pick something up and hung up. Just the level of support I have come to expect, but depressing he doesn't care enough to be less transparent about being a total self-entitled cocklodger.

faire that is absolutely spot on (pun intended). I am going to add that to my little collection of inspirational words. You really are very wise.I've achieved a few things this morning and I feel a little calmer.

looking poor you. It's bad enough that you have to live with the threat of redundancy but the ongoing bullying is appalling. When you have had time to think it through then maybe jump ships before it even gets to redundancy? As for wankbadger- you have told him. He heard you and can wriggle as much as he likes but can start looking around for something too. Even p/t can help. Big hug x

Day 2. Better.

at mas 'coorie doon' - the last time I read that was in a Broons annual

Check in please im.

I'm thinking of you.

Day 2 done, so that's three af days out of four. Feel much happier about that, I don't want to be completely af but want to for the majority of time

Things are confusing for me ATM with different agency's involved, the SW said shed support a move away out of my city so he wouldn't know where I was, I have a charity involved that specialise in housing and dv there two weeks to wait till I get my worker, iv had offers to make this house safer if I want, or I can move locally but SW says that's not productive at all.

I have the injunction in place till may( next hearing in court)
I haven't reported the rabbit to police, they just rag him up not what I need right now.

There's no more pets outside so not sure what hell attack if he carnt get in already done my car windows.
He's not hurt me since my last two black eyes weeks ago, since I got my injunction.

Got another meeting Monday :/ well day 6 today AF I'm going to spend the money I would of spent on a tattoo on my chest, shoulder a small quote getting it done on sat x

I have been reading everyone's post not replayed to them as I'm staying focused but I'm still with you all in mind x

The more days that pass sober the clearer it all becomes and I know that's good as I will make better judgments etc but its clear to me he wants to kill me, he may not act it out but I know its what he wants to do iykwim.
If that sounds irrational ok but I can be honest on here and voice my fears and thoughts.

So the drink versus non drink is hard as I'm seeing a clearer pic a more frightening one,

Hi all
Just in from yet another late night at work. Am certainly racking up the hours at the mo.
Hope all well with the embattled babes.

Im so proud of you im for doing this sober. There does seem to mechanisms in place for escape. Sober and clear headed is the way to force action from SS.

Hang in and keep posting.

I might have some very intetesting news after court tomorrow, or we could just kick the can down the road two weeks.
At 7pm UK time, I will know more. Will up date you all then.

I will of course be thinking about you why x will be lirking around at that time tommorow.

I'm I can see what you mean about the rabbit No, that doesn't sound irrational at all,what a vile piece of work. He doesn't own you in any way and there are increasing barriers in place to keep him out.You have done really well with sobriety under very difficult circumstances. Stay strong x

why I have everything crossed for you.
ma big wave
Night all

Morning babes
Big hugs to mouse, why, I'm, looking. God you guys are coping with some shit.

I'm DO NOT drink. You need complete clarity right now and you know alcohol will fuck that up for you.

I'm on Day 30 and really battling but it's all a bit bizarre. I don't want to drink, but I do want to get drunk. I just want to check out, but don't want everything else that comes with it. Not sure what do with with all this 'stuff' that goes on. Getting drunk provides such relief sometimes.

But I'm not going to drink. So there...... I'll just carry on having these god awful conversations with myself. I've been trying to do lots of exercise, but that's not really helping. I keep looking at people drinking and I envy the feeling they are getting, but I don't want that wine.

Can we invent a pill to give us a mild buzz with no side effects.

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Why - I just know that if you were my daughter, I would burst with pride everyday from heaven looking down on you. - what a truly wonderful thing to say to me. Especially when you have got so much going on in your own life.

I'm going to bed but I've read all of your kind words to me and I really appreciate you all taking the time to talk to me.

I'll continue to post and support you all as best I can when I'm feeling strong! And in the mood to kick the WW ass!

Well done to those who have kicked her ass tonight.

Mouse xxx

PS - Im - I hope that you are okay, you're in my thoughts xxx