Is it me or is he actually a bastard

[Wtafjusthappened]

Don't want to drip feed here but I'm exhausted (newborn) and reeling at DP's disgusting behaviour.

The past year or so has been non stop arguing and tantrums and I've tried not to let the DCs be exposed to any of it which is hard. He left last week again (he 'breaks up' with me every few weeks as I'm so unbearable apparently) claiming I'm insane jealous and he hates me. Right fine this happens on a regular basis and I each time go running after him.

Tonight he comes home after spending most if the day in the pub. Fine but why get drunk when we we supposed to spend the evening together? Cue insane screaming tantrum while I sob on the sofa with the baby and the toddler now in tears. Apparently I'm the fucking fun police and he is now done with my fucking shit and the lies I make up about him! Out he goes into the night. I come upstairs to bF baby. I call him and he actually answers and we have a pointless conversation where I apologise and he tells me he's had enough and will come home but isn't going to do anything. I asked if we can try and salvage tonight but he isn't interested. Apparently as he brought me chocolates and a crad this am I should be grateful.

I asked him not to get drunk and pointed out how shocking it was that our relationship was in a state that I would even have to ask that! He claims yes he had a few drinks but that's all normal as it's it leaving do and I don't ever let him do anything so I can just fuck off. Nice.

He claims he isn't drunk of course but he is as he is aggressive and for the first time I actually felt scared if him as he is so angry. He wouldn't become violent towards me that's for sure I've just never seen him
This angry and that says a lot.

I'm so angry with him for making me feel like an episode of bloody Jeremy Kyle but I'm so so tired and my defences are down so I just cave.

Please help see a way through this hideousness.

I think he wants you to judge him by his intentions and not what actually happens. So in the case of the card and Valentines gift, he wants you to see that and not what he actually went and did that night.

I think he wants things only on his terms in this relationship. I think it would be a mistake to ignore his current drinking. I also think walking out and in effect silencing you when he feels you are complaining too much is not fair. Same goes for the stonewalling and sulking. He knows you are stuck there with the children. He is thumbing his nose at you. It's a demonstration of power.

It is really hard to get past things that have happened in the past unless there has been a sincere apology and a genuine effort to not do the same sort of crappy things again. If this hasn't happened then there is no reason to think the best of him. He was useless when you had your other baby and now history is repeating itself. I do not think this is something you should accept.

But you have to ask yourself where do you want to go from here.

Morning

I'd like some level of tradition back. I went through his phone on an impulse the other day something I haven't done in a very long time and accused him of lying about something when I duos an email. I was wrong and he obviously got angry but didn't say angry about it. I don't even want to have the urge to look at his damn phone anymore. I thought we were past that years ago.

I have access too all technology and he is quite open about all that sort of thing but I do question him on it for several reasons.

He claims he's changed and moved on and I need to too. Fine, I agree but rebuilding trust is up to him and I'm struggling with it to be honest and every little transgression no matter how small is to me a giant eff you. Maybe I'm being to hard on him?

He is incredibly stubborn so wants to extend the olive branch first but claims he is te one to do so.

I'm constantly on alert with him waiting for something terrible to happen. Usually of course involving some other woman.

Yes, it's sounds a ridiculous way to live but I'm so tied up in knots all the time, waiting. It's awful.

Trust not tradition

I think this one is dead, sorry.

So you think the only option is to leave?

If he thinks you need to hurry up and get over yourself and you end up with salt in old wounds all the time, then without a lot of help and complete commitment to making it work on both parts you only have a recipe for unhappiness and constant tension in your future.

What you have now is you constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall because trust has gone, and he determined to avoid fully acknowledging what he is doing to hurt and what he has done to you in the past, for reasons related to not letting a woman push him around I am guessing..

You are just going around in circles. Keeping on doing the same thing in hopes of getting a different result is insane.