I did this before but let's do it again today

[Ledkr]

Things you have done or achieved since a break up to inspire anyone in a painful place.
Ill start.

Went on holiday abroad with just my dc,
Danced on a beach till dawn in Ibiza.
Lost three stone.
Had long dark hair cut into a blonde bob.
Had a lot of sex.
Reconnected with or made loads of lovely friends.
Drank beef in the bath.
Had weetabix for tea.
Went to lots of festivals with or without dc.
Laughed and laughed.
Traded in the family saloon for a golf convertible.
Got much closer to my children.

I could go on.
Share your stories to help others see there is life after heartbreak.

I bought myself a house
Painted the stairs purple
Organised building work
Decorated
Made a home for my DCs
Got a promotion
Danced! A lot!
Realised that men thought I was beautiful.
Dated
Had hot sex
Went on holidays
Met a lovely man who wanted us all
Married 12 years and still doing all of the above - only now I'm dating my husband

Painted the stairs purple

Oooh, I painted the stairs purple too!

Well, I'm just thinking...

If you'd have all stayed slim, kept a spark of fun going, not dressed all slobby, kept up a very excitable and healthy interest in sex, laughed and smiled, then maybe the most important people in your lives - steady, that means your kids, not you - would still be with both parents and having a better upbringing.

Only a thought.

of course you are right beachside - I should have stayed with an unfaithful abuser. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways.

Put on a ton of weight
Drank too much
Had sex with an old age pensioner
Had a holiday in Bognor Regis
Started using Head and Shoulders to finally cure my Dandruff
Got sacked for spending too much time on the internet visiting relationship/ break up sites
Got an Asbo for harrassing my ex

Immediately booked the trip of a lifetime within days of DP walking out on me. Its a trip I'd always wanted to do with him, but he refused. Two weeks after he left, I was on my trip and feeling SO empowered.

Two years later, I did the same trip with my wonderful new DP

In the immediate aftermath of the breakup I vowed never to say no to any invitation (within reason!). It led to me being busy every day doing things with friends which I would normally have refused if I was with DP because he was too miserable to take part. I went out walking with new friends, had days out with my parents, dinner at new friend's houses, caught up with old friends.. It was the best therapy and I'd recommend it to everyone.

Why? Seriously, why come on to such a fabulous positive thread just to peddle a load of woman-hating, misogynistic crap? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Anyway, back to the point.

I re-furnished my house almost completely, for next to nothing, with lots of fabulous eBay bargains that XDH hates!
Started to enjoy spending time alone.
Trusted myself to follow my instincts with DS and so do everything very gently. (He's thriving and very happy)
Lost 5 1/2 stone.

Fab thread Ledkr

Great thread. I'm in the process of getting away and it's going to be messy, so I'm finding this thread so encouraging. Thanks so much.

Took my DCs camping on my own.
Lost 2.5 stone.
put one stone back on again
Bought a new car without needing to consult anyone else.
Had a professional makeover on a whim.
Trained for a new career.
Constructed lots of flat pack furniture.
Made time for old friends.
Cemented new friendships.
Went on dates.
Met someone amazing.
Became a more fun mum.
Stopped feeling sick and anxious about socialising.
Reconnected with my family.
Remained on good terms with my ex.
Had a holiday without the DCs.
Had a fab holiday with my DCs and DP's DCs!
Managed my own finances and to put the bins out each week - (both things that I'd been led to believe were beyond my capabilities!)

Oh yes, got a cat.
Get a takeaway when I fancy it.
Put the dishwasher on twice a day every day rather than having to do half of it by hand to save on the price of a dishwasher tablet!
Met some of the fantastic and supportive MNers who had helped me through it all in RL.

Thanks for the advice Beachside, I'm sure if I'd kept myself slimmer my ex would never have treated me badly

My DCs are also happier now as their dad spends some time with them each week, which he never did before, they have some great new friends in their lives and their mum is happy and adored instead of being downtrodden and belittled at every turn. They've been on holidays (which their dad deemed a waste of money) and they get the best of both of us because we both get a break from being a parent to recharge our batteries and be enthusiastic again.

RandallFloydd sense of humour bypass.

And to be honest...all thid 'empowering' stuff, whilst positive also sounds a bit desperate.
Let's face it...they're all just distractions to stop us obsessing about or exs
Just introducing a bit of reality to proceedings.

Actually....I apologize about what I've just posted
I wan't trolling. Just feeling low as I've broken up recently.
Sorry again and please ignore my cynicism.

I wasn't talking to you bogroll.

Bogroll, I think it was beachside's comments which were in question, not yours.

Sorry you are feeling so rubbish atm.

I don't think it is necessarily empowering stuff, but trying to carve out a new different life for yourself once all your hopes and dreams have been snatched away - well that is how it felt for me anyway.

I think I used the word 'Empowered' - maybe I used the wrong word.

I did things to distract me from thinking about my ex, yes. But that's not desperation, it's taking control of your own happiness.

And by feeling 'empowered' what I mean is I felt "Wow, I've done this for myself and doesn't it feel AMAZING!". Nothing desperate about that.

Sorry you're feeling shit bogroll , I hope you can find some inspiration and support on here

Sorry you're having a shit time.
(I'm still cynical after 2 years but it does get better I promise)

'Empowering'? No, not as such. Just showing that yes in fact there is a world/life out there after divorce/seperation, which can be enjoyed, even celebrated, as a single.

Otherwise, as beachside says, we should be staying thin and staying together so our dc can benefit from a better upbringing with 2 parents. After all, that's what matters, here in the 50s, where it's the wimmens fault if a man strays, or hits her, because she's not thin enough, or fun enough, or doesn't have the enthusiasm for sex with the abuser.

God damn that emancipation and feminism. What has it done to us? Hell, we expect sooooo much more now, like purple stairs and I dunno, a life we can enjoy.

Bogroll, read the thread again. Maybe in time you can add your own amazing experiences, those that your H wouldn't let you do.

It's not necessarily to distract yourself from thinking about xh. Who needs to do that? i don't.

Put on loads of weight but am not persecuted !
Taken DC on holiday on my own
Moved house
Sorted all house repairs etc
Am an online goddess
As above did a decent computer qualification
Got a job
Cook as and when I want and what I want
Hardly ever cry and when I do it's hormonal over puppies and the like

Basically and best of all just do what I like moment by moment however the mood takes me

Oh and to beachside ? Yes I expect I would still be married if I hadn't got fat , thank merry fuck for chocolate

beachside are you a man? If not I hope you keep yourself in tip top condition to keep your man eh?

You could make a lot of money now having found the secret to a happy marriage and all that!