I did this before but let's do it again today

[Ledkr]

Things you have done or achieved since a break up to inspire anyone in a painful place.
Ill start.

Went on holiday abroad with just my dc,
Danced on a beach till dawn in Ibiza.
Lost three stone.
Had long dark hair cut into a blonde bob.
Had a lot of sex.
Reconnected with or made loads of lovely friends.
Drank beef in the bath.
Had weetabix for tea.
Went to lots of festivals with or without dc.
Laughed and laughed.
Traded in the family saloon for a golf convertible.
Got much closer to my children.

I could go on.
Share your stories to help others see there is life after heartbreak.

Took dcs on holiday alone which was so fab we are doing America this year!
Got on so much better with all 3 dcs
Enjoyed being a parent more
Decorated my bedroom all girly
Took the dcs on lots of fun activities/breaks
Met some great people and laughed a lot

This year I am staying single, I'm determined to find out who I am now at nearly 40 and what I want from life.

Beachside, I don't think these things are incompatible with marriage, but they are incompatible with great unhappiness.

Beachside - no, these things are not incompatible with marriage, just incompatible with the marriage/relationship that ended. Marriages that include fun... and great sex tend to last.

No beachside not incomparable but this is a thread to Inspire people who are recently separated.
It's just giving examples of how life really does go on and can improve too.

Not at all Beachside. I have done most of the second half of my list while in a relationship with DH (not technically marriage since that's only just happened :))

IME, they were incompatible with being in an abusive or controlling relationship (Mine was emotionally and verbally abusive but any kind)

Beachside none of them are incompatible with a realtionship (not all rrelationships are marriages!)

But all or most of them are incompatible with a bad relationship

Oh, and there's no weight loss quite like heartbreak weight loss!! it just falls off.

Took my DC on holiday abroad on my own
Sorted out lots of computer problems with the help of Google
Got a more exciting job where I meet loads of different people
Got closer to my DC
Got a cat
Got fit
Got thinner
Started wearing dresses
Got sporty
Dyed my hair
Read in bed as late as I like
Go out with who I like, when I like
Discovered I'm bloody gorgeous

Nothing like as exciting as any of this but whilst recovering from a broken engagement and a lot of heartbreak and having vowed to never ever be with a man ever again and planning to salt away enough money to retire by early 30s and buy a country cottage with a garden to turn into Gertrude Jekyll I did this at the point when men would have no part in my life ever again:

Unexpectedly I met the man of my dreams and knew unequivocally that he was the one when I wasn't looking and had given up men forever

.............25 years ago

I love this thread!

.... and I need to get thinner but I aint leaving him to do it

Did an MA and got a distinction
Wrote two novels
Got loads of fantastic freelance writing work
Volunteered on several arts council projects
Joined a band
Joined a rambler's group
Went from a size 16 to a size 12
Bought a lot of gorgeous new clothes
Completely redecorated my house
Visited Madrid, Valencia, Whitby and the Lake District
Slathered everything in marmite (previously banned because he hated it)
Got close to my parents again
Made a fantastic new circle of friends
Felt attractive again for the first time in years
…eventually met my DH who I'm incredibly happy with :-)

I am probably relatively single in comparison to some, we separated in September last year so I don't have as much as others but they are all inspirational.

Here's what I have done so far:

got a fringe cut

started Pilates

signed up for a make up course and a painting and decorating class

...cancelled both classes above as I love Pilates so much and wanted to continue with that

filed for divorce (last week)

smiled - a lot!

built a special, meaningful relationship with my DS rather than just nagged him

realised I am beautiful

lost a lot of weight

^^ bought skinny jeans and jeggings as a result and feel fabulous

danced - a lot!

make sure I look my best even at weekends

never, ever let little things get to me now

don't ever moan unless it's done with humour

spend a lot of time with my beautiful friends

found out exactly what friends and family mean to me

realised that life is good and I always believe something wonderful is about to happen

Found out that I can be happy on my own

Thank you Ledkr for this thread!

Better relationship with my DD.

Can I do my to-do list?

I am going to:

learn to swim

buy a homely property for me and DS

save up to go to New York - it's my dream!

Hello handful! Remember me? Nice to see you!

Sounds like you're doing just great!

Lovely thread!
I have, to name but a few...
Refound my friends and have loads of fun with them
Refound my confidence
Met some wonderful people
Had some great sex
Taken dd on great holidays
Had my hair chopped off
Been financially solvent without any support
HAD MY FIRST ORGASM!!!!! As a hetero female approaching 40 this was possibly the most amazing find ever. Have been smiling all week.

Wow, this thread is awesome, and so well timed.

XP left me 10 days ago, with 3 small dc. At the moment it feels like I will never do or achieve anything ever again. But reading this thread, it feels like I do have a chance here. Maybe one day I'll have something to add :)

Oh CharChar that's still so very very raw. You will be on this thread sooner than you think xx good luck to you and hope you're OK

Thank you BitOutOfPractice. It is very raw. Well, I don't know quite how to feel tbh yet, it's taking time to sink in and I'm so busy with the dc.

Oh, I do have one small thing to add:
I have tidied and cleaned my house, and it is still tidy. No discarded clothes, no computer wires or wrappers. I quite like that :) not very exciting though!

No it's a big thing. I still likethe fact that the only mess in my house is my mess and if I don't want to tidy up, I bloody well don't! And nobody rolls their eyes at me!

Found I had more courage and determination than I realised whilst I secretly packed up my and my DS things and left the twat

Bought a lovely house and renovated it to make a beautiful home for me and my DS

Kick started my career and rose quickly to a very senior role

Met my lovely DH who has been a wonderful husband and SF

I have lived without fear now for 10 years. It is wonderful.

Became best friends with the girl he dated while with me (she had no clue)
Realised I'm not "crazy" or any of the other things he would call me... I am bipolar
Met an amazing man who appreciates me and makes me happy

But the most important bit, I got myself back, the old happy me

Where are people getting all this great sex!?

BOOP - of course I remember you sweetie x

Charchar - that is how my recovery started, I tidied my house and it kept me occupied and house-proud. My house isn't so tidy now though as I'm so busy now. I've read your thread, you'll get there