I did this before but let's do it again today

[Ledkr]

Things you have done or achieved since a break up to inspire anyone in a painful place.
Ill start.

Went on holiday abroad with just my dc,
Danced on a beach till dawn in Ibiza.
Lost three stone.
Had long dark hair cut into a blonde bob.
Had a lot of sex.
Reconnected with or made loads of lovely friends.
Drank beef in the bath.
Had weetabix for tea.
Went to lots of festivals with or without dc.
Laughed and laughed.
Traded in the family saloon for a golf convertible.
Got much closer to my children.

I could go on.
Share your stories to help others see there is life after heartbreak.

Can any of you recently separated either pop into the thread or pm canttypefortears she needs you right now! she doesn't believe us veterans

Beachside, I have great sex, laughter, fun and new experiences in my current marriage. So definitely not incompatible.

If you don't have them in your marriage, and you find yourself unhappy more often than not, then it is not normal to assume that that is "just how marriage is". Which is what I was doing. Ok there was lots of EA going on too, but I didn't really accept that until I'd left.

Accepting a bad marriage because you think it's normal is a terrible waste of life.

That's not to say I'm not sad sometimes, that life isn't difficult sometimes. But it is 100 times easier and my average mood is happy and not hopeless. I'm not holding on for things to improve, I'm pinching myself that everything could work out so well!

Beachside - you are rather missing the point!

The point is that when women get cheated on or dumped or abused mentally, physically,emotionally, the hardest part is the 'what now? How can i go on holiday on my own/wield a drill/landscape the garden/buy and decorate a house?' It's all TOO BIG - but it isn't! it really isn't. We can do ANYTHING we want. As these women show. It is hard, yes, but so liberating, and in fact looking back, it isn't even hard at the time! The fear of it all is the biggest problem, the biggest stumbling block to most women staying in an unhappy marriage.

I need this too - meeting DH tomorrow for what i think will be the "decision" talk.

Im 50 next year married 20 years and the prospect of being on my own scares the hell out of me - not from a practical point of view but being lonely. I dont work and have few RL friends so realize how isolated I am.

I have a couple of "options" for rebuilding my life just need to be brave enough to carry them out - one small step at a time .

Been following canttys thread as so similar & your advice has been invaluable to me too - thankyou

Thanks for this thread. I'm leaving soon, no money, will have to go into shared housing in my forties. But it's still better than this marriage.

My to do list:
Get a first
Find a way to do the Ma I want
Say yes to lots of things that scare me :)

Balls - i'm of a similar age and am back living with my parents after seperating from my P ! Life eh? It throws so many unexpected curve balls

It certainly does Scottish.

Fantastic thread

Can I add mine?

Decorated my house my way
Its a lovely home but not a show-house and I don't care!
Sorted my business out properly, took on an employee and kept it running successfully
Got other jobs as and when I needed them to help cashflow
Took my 3DC travelling to - Bali; interrailing around Europe; and took DD driving thru California (just the 2 of us)
Bought a convertible
I've had 4 lodgers in 7 years with no problems
Started running & cycling
I'm a red-head now!
I wear what I like
I go out and dance like a woman possessed because I can
Oh and not to forget the fantastic sex with unsuitable men

I LOVE this threat, totally inspirational, I'm newly separated but am loving it so far. I will be adopting many of these strategies, in particular the "great sex with unsuitable men" one!

Started dressing like a sexy lady in her 30's and not wearing tracksuits bottoms everyday.

Got stacks of confidence
Feel happy with my circumstances
More independent
got lots of jobs done in the house
Took dc abroad
took dd1 to Disney, going again next month
saving
Got closer to my dd1
Go on lots of days out to wherever we want
had curry and pizza for breakfast
had lots of orgasms
got wiser

Another one who bought a convertible! Also I lost two and a half stone, got a great new job in a field I am passionate about but which XH despised.
Oh, and I get to put my exercise bike right in front of the tv!!

I like being single so much I can't imagine going back to having a live in partner again.

Wow some amazing achievements! I only hope I can do a fraction of those things. I can't see past how I'm going to manage for money and childcare when the kids start school!

The whole business about 'feel the fear and do it anyway' is the absolute root of all these stories - it feels great being brave.

Yes, I read that book in the run up to leaving and it really helped.

Passed my driving test

Kept ds safe and secure

Found my way through grief

Got a cat

Held on to my job, achieved some stuff, got promoted

Realised the value of my friendships

Took ds on holidays - and went away with friends

Started reading again

Built myself a life

(Gradually) replaced sobbing with laughter

Brought up 2 gorgeous boys by myself
Took them to the Algarve, on my own

Bought my house
Decorated my house
Painted my kitchen cupboards the colour I wanted

Made fabulous friendships
Invite people over all the time
Laugh. Lots. Til I'm crying sometimes

Got a great job which I love
Coped without any financial support from ex
Went to court and self rep'd to protect my dc
Continue to protect my dc from their narc father

dolly cook good roasts.
Learned to drink nine bottles of wine with friends.

Ha ha Ledkr pops in every Sunday now!

The great thing is that I LOVE that my friends feel they can pop in whenever they want! Couldn't do that when fuckwit was here

I think everyone should drink beef in the bath

It seems wonderful that so many people took great pride from things like - lost weight, started having great sex, dressed better, had more laughter, excitement etc after divorce.

But one has to wonder whether putting weight on, losing interest in sex, dressing like a slob, not having fun or laughter was anything to do with the break up of the relationship?

I'm not trying to start a massive row here, just kind of thinking aloud....

This thread is great.

I'm still so shaky and sad. But I'm planning on applying for my college's study abroad program. Maybe I will come to the UK for a couple semesters where all you lovely folk are.

Got my bank card back therefore also got my wages every month. I honestly had no idea how much i even earnt a month for 8 years.

Got online banking. I was amazed!

Paid off all 'our debts'. That again for 8 years i had no idea about until i left.

Got a pension.

Got a passport & went on holiday twice with dd.

Left the lamp on all night in dd's bedroom. previously not allowed ever

Passed my driving test.

Brought my 1st ever car.

Meet the love of my life.

Slept with 2 eyes shut.

Sure theres loads more

beachside Maybe you're onto something...

After all, it is a woman's responsibility to keep a marriage alive by being ever ready for sex, looking beautiful at all times and always being happy and smiley.

All of those things you describe are the symptoms of an unhappy marriage not the cause of one. People generally only 'let themselves go' when they are desperately unhappy and are just keeping their head down and getting through life. Which is why they rediscover looking after themselves and sex when they are happy again.

If you are with someone who ignores you, or criticises you or controls you, you stop thinking about yourself in terms of being attractive and you certainly don't want to have sex with the person who makes you feel like that!

Of course some people are lazy and stop looking after themselves for this reason, and their partners may well go off them because of it. But they are generally the people who are like that single or not.