Found out dp is on the sex offenders register

[mrscoleridge]

Please be kind as this has only come out today and I think I'm in shock.
Have posted before about dp that I have been with for a few months. Am smitten with him and we have been very happy.
However my friend googled him and found that he was convicted of having a relationship with a pupil and was dismissed as a teacher.
She was 15 and pursued him according to the judgement and it only got as far as some kissing and cuddling.
I can't believe this and as I have two teenage daughters am in turmoil. He doesn't know I know.
He's been great with my family and as this was few years ago must have been out of trouble since.
I've no idea who knows.
Help!!

Shit, another one?

It is mightly horrible to be treated as if you are when you are not.

I say give it what time you want when mnhq to come back. You will know if it is still standing in a few hours or if the thread is gone with comments saying why it is gone. You would feel quite rubbish if you are wrong.

Longterm posters can still be trolls.

If this is the man whose story I've just found very easily through Google, he was a pe teacher. It doesn't appear to be just a mistake, it was grooming first, he sounds very manipulative and dangerous. You cannot stay with him and put your daughters at risk.

Why would he not get involved with your daughters? What makes them so protected? Not you, that's for certain.

You need to talk this through with professionals in real life if you seriously consider this man to be anything other than a danger to young girls.

I know I'm entirely missing the point, but what is it with people being in a relationship for a few months and calling the person their partner? Winds me up strangely.

Yes, it fucks me off too.

As a lone parent I see other ladies in the same situation do this, they are unable to be on their own and see people like me as sado's and say it is because we can't get anyone . The reality is I made a choice to stay single until my children are adults. I have been as a child myself down the blended family route with a Mum who had no time for her children and only had time for work and her Man, my children deserved better.

I really hope this is an elaborate wind up.

If it isn't - op get the hell put of this relationship now. Men like this look out for women like you, and the fact that he had a relationship with a woman with no children makes zero difference. The charm, the loving your friends and family, being the perfect guy - it's all just an act. He's grooming you all.

Decorating your 15yr old dd's room. On the sex offender's register because he groomed a 15yr old pupil. FFS.

You will not be adequately protecting your teenage daughters if you stay with him.

GetRidGetRidGetRidGetRidGetRid

If this is real, then get rid quick. He 'kissed & cuddled' a child

And was punished by the courts for it.

All of your threads are so wrong.
It's a theme that's not rare here, to a greater or lesser degree, and it makes me so so sad every time I read them. I also find it so difficult to know how to offer any kind of support to those posters as it's a mind set I cannot empathise with as an abused child and now a mother.
The seeds of the Mairead Philpotts of this world are sown in those choices.
I always find it hard to reconcile and of course there is little less sympathetic than a person in denial vocally defending the indefensible.

Anyway, there isn't any choice here. At all. It's perfectly acceptable to feel sad, shocked and grieved at the loss of the fantasy future and the end of the relationship. It's really not an option to continue it if you value your daughters and want them to remain in your care (or if SS said you are putting them at risk and they will be removed if you stay with him - would you still choose him?). It's quite simple.
There are 7 Billion people in the world - a convicted sex offender has plenty of childless women to opt to court.

And you're a teacher?

if this is not a troll, and you are all guessing that she is then I hope you are not all wrong.
I was called a troll a few years back at a time where I needed real help, advise and understanding. I reached out, and because my 'story' was so horrific and unbelievable I was branded a troll. I was then deleted. it took me a long while to decided to come back. It has still made me not feel as though this is somewhere I could come for help.

So to summarise:

You're a 50 year old teacher with 2 teenage girls . Dating a man who was a teacher until he abused a pupil at 40 years old. You were thinking of moving in with him after a month as he was so 'lovely'.

Okaaaaay. For a teacher you're not so bright.

I thought she was a 47 year old teacher with two teenage girls, one fifteen.

Dating a 44 year old man, who was once a teacher, until at 40 he abused a fifteen year old girl.

Prior to finding out who he was OP was planning on moving in with him after six weeks as she was selling her home anyway.

Her friend googled the boyfriend, for reasons unknown, and told her who she was dating. OP clung to the defence teams theory that the child persued the forty year old teacher who knows he should not get involved with a child in his care.

OP, your attitude is worrying. You seem exceptionally naive regarding this man's possible intentions.

I'm really curious to know why (if he's the PE teacher, currently has his own company and is therefore easily identifiable on the internet) the OP hasn't done these searches herself prior to all the 'should I ask him to move in' talk.

Seriously? The OP, a teacher of 47 years with two girls, 17 & 15 years (the youngest of which, he spent a weekend decorating the bedroom for) and who states that he has spent a great deal of time getting to know the girls; who has posted and been made aware of the potential for red flags at every turn by the observers she has actively sought the advice of...regularly, according to AF's links...?

I mean...seriously?!

From what I've read, I don't think the OP is a troll. I do however, believe this is a woman who is so desperate for a happy ending that she will see it in everything (ostrich syndrome on a huge scale the likes of which I have never seen before with the minimising and the most effective rose-tinted spectacles) to the detriment and massive risk to her girls.

It's actually quite sad.

It reads like the plot in the first Inspector Lynley novel, A Great Deliverance, where the sexual predator was nice as pie to his new girlfriend to be in proxcimity to her daughter. She said he was so nice when he fixed her leaky faucet without complaining. They changed the story a bit for the tv production, perhaps it was way too awful to broadcast?

Hoping for a verdict of fake, but praying for the daughters in case it is not.

Assuming this is genuine......i have been in this exact position quite recently, except this wasn't a boyfriend, just someone trying to "get close" to me in a way that set off alarm bells. Former teacher, unusual name, hazy about his past, "poor me" mentality and would do literally anything to please which i found creepy, so i googled. Yep, on the register, 2 prison sentences to name, one involving teenage (underage) girl and another involving an adult woman. Have you heard of a SOPO? Sex offenders protection order - he will have one. Conditions laid out by a judge dictating what he can and can't do. I should imagine at the very least it will say "no unsupervised contact with under 16/18". So if he did not willingly divulge his conviction to you, and has spent even a minute with your daughters without you IN THE SAME ROOM, the SOPO is broken. This is an inprisonable offence. Believe me, cut and run. yes everyone deserves a "second chance", but who are you to grant that when there's a risk to your own daughters? What qualifies you as a sex offender expert experienced enough to calibrate that risk? I suggest you spend 5 minutes with any barrister experienced in the area of sex offending; it is enlightening ... Luckily my best friend is this. They often manifest as exceedingly generous, thoughtful, sensitive, intuitive, giving, personable, affable. It's always the way. Cop on to your diana complex and get rid. And the big question - this is what he was caught for; what else is there he wasn't?

I think people want to believe someone is a troll because that is preferable to believing that someone would even hesitate for a moment in such a situation, or effectively or potentially offer up their children in exchange for the attentions of a virtual stranger.
but sadly, nothing about this story means it has to be a troll.

there are actually people who would choose a dodgy bloke over safeguarding their children.

I hope the op, upon reflection, does not choose to be one of them.