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Found out dp is on the sex offenders register

323 replies

mrscoleridge · 10/02/2014 21:37

Please be kind as this has only come out today and I think I'm in shock.
Have posted before about dp that I have been with for a few months. Am smitten with him and we have been very happy.
However my friend googled him and found that he was convicted of having a relationship with a pupil and was dismissed as a teacher.
She was 15 and pursued him according to the judgement and it only got as far as some kissing and cuddling.
I can't believe this and as I have two teenage daughters am in turmoil. He doesn't know I know.
He's been great with my family and as this was few years ago must have been out of trouble since.
I've no idea who knows.
Help!!

OP posts:
stooshe · 11/02/2014 16:35

Don't be so quick to think that this OP is a troll. I sometimes hope that the next woman that my ex moved onto, who has had the most warnings and visits from the SS (he has never be taken to court. Police decided on two different occasions not to press charges) and myself ( I must fall into the "bitter ex" category) posts on here.
However, the OP should be putting her hindsight embarrassment as the least of her concerns. These kinds of people rely on this perfectly valid human emotion.
There isn't a parent alive who will respect a teacher who continues a relationship with an ex teacher who is on the sex offenders register. Embarrassment is temporary. Do the right thing, or else the fallout will be massive.

VelmaD · 11/02/2014 16:36

I was on your previous thread about moving in with him after six weeks. When I saw this thread title I knew it would be you.

Everything has happened this way because he has groomed you to get to your kids. Whether you like that or not.

report him and walk away from him. And fgs, stay away from men for a while and concentrate on your daughters.

And maybe ask work for some extra safeguarding training.

AmIatwat · 11/02/2014 16:50

Hi

I have been seeing a new guy for about a month and am completely crazy about him.
He is gorgeous, funny, kind, intelligent and so far things have been perfect.
However his previous gf died last April from a heart attack brought on by her alcoholism.
The relationship was supposed to have been casual but hasn't been from the start. He asked me to be exclusive with him after one date and we spent lots of time together over Xmas and new year.
My problem is that I'm stressing that something will go wrong as things just seem so great. I am falling in love with him but am too scared to articulate this. I'm pretty sure he feels same. H texts me all the time to say he misses me when we aren't together. Is this my age? I'm 47 an he's 44. I feel fearful all the time and am worried I'm going to ruin things by constantly worrying

Lweji · 11/02/2014 16:58

And now you found out he is a sex ofender, AmIatwat?

AmIatwat · 11/02/2014 17:01

Sorry, I meant to add, this is copied and pasted from OP's thread about meeting a new man and how quickly things were steaming along.
TBO we all feel a bit overwhelmed when we meet someone new, but this post gave me the creeps, the girlfriend dying etc.

Lweji · 11/02/2014 17:04

Yes, I got that. :)

Logg1e · 11/02/2014 17:17

(AndTheBand I didn't know if was a spelling error or not. Because you capitalised and used quotation marks, I wasn't sure if you were deliberately referring to Nobel).

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK · 11/02/2014 17:56

Hi mrsc

I don't know if your at work or have been scared off!

Have a look at this link it will be able to help you get information rather than google results

www.parentsprotect.co.uk/police_disclosure_scheme.htm

My opinion doesn't matter but having worked in this field I would have massive alarm bells esp seeing as it is such a recent case

ONLY you can make this decision but I will say this one of my biggest life lessons have been

Love is not always enough! Making the hard choice rather than the easy choice just might save you (and your kids) lives.

Good luck mrsc

AnyFucker · 11/02/2014 18:19

I am crap at googling and I found (what looks to be) this exact bloke pretty easily

Cinnamon2013 · 11/02/2014 18:26

Hi. Sorry you're in this situation, OP. Very tough. I'm with Jilted - why was your friend googling him? To me this suggests she already had concerns. And that in itself is worrying. Has she explained why she felt she wanted more info on him?

Whity74 · 11/02/2014 18:31

Woah. I personally would have to call time on it. He'd need to be bloody good at explaining himself, and have a very good explanation for me to give him the time of day.

AmIatwat · 11/02/2014 18:33

Anyfucker, I can't find him, only a younger man of about 36. Is it the same one do you think?

AnyFucker · 11/02/2014 18:34

No

Cinnamon2013 · 11/02/2014 18:35

Sorry just saw you already answered this, she was googling his business. Still seems strange to me that she would stumble on this if she didn't already want to seek someting out/check because she was concerned

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 11/02/2014 18:37

(Cheers Logg1e... I was a bit triggered there Blush, sorry)
I meant noble. Thanks for reading!

waltermittymissus · 11/02/2014 18:58

Why do you keep posting these questions with obvious answers, OP?

As someone else said; you know this is wrong. If you didn't, you wouldn't be questioning it.

I really hope you're a troll because I can't imagine a 47 year old teacher with as little cop on as you're displaying.

Yes this is harsh but really? You wanted to move in your boyfriend of five minutes with your teenage girls. You've since found out that he's a dirty bastard who had a relationship with a 15 year old and you're still in 'turmoil'?

Sort yourself out love. Seriously.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 11/02/2014 18:59

He's packed quite a lot into 4 years hasn't he? Confused

TheOriginalNutcracker · 11/02/2014 19:06

I'm sorry, I know this is a shock for you, but how can you not have already called time on this. What is there to think about ??

I have two teen dd's and in your position i'd be contacting the relevant people to see if he has broken any rules and making it clear to him that if he ever set foot near me or my dc again he'd regret it.

It is your job to protect your dd's so do that.

RustyParker · 11/02/2014 19:20

Please protect your DD's and get rid of this man. I don't understand why you would even take a chance with your daughters' wellbeing. I have a mother like you, she would put a man before her children every single time. How would you feel if this man did groom one of your daughters? These men can smell desperation in certain types of women and they know they only have to hook you..

GimmeDaBoobehz · 11/02/2014 19:21

People are just getting cross because it's a very emotive subject, OP.

But you really need to consider what is important here and that is your children's safety, not any relationship you may have with this man and how you feel about him.

Of course it's horrible when you care for someone so deeply and find out something that means it's over but it's not anything you have done wrong - he is the guilty one and he has behaved disgustingly.

But if there is a chance that he could do this again especially to your children and often these types do reoffend if given the chance, I'd seriously kick him out of your life. What good will come of it?

Say you stuck with him. You'd be looking over your shoulder all the time to see what he was doing. Every comment he makes about your daughter being pretty would ring alarm bells and turn into an argument or fester inside of you. Is that really how you want to live your life?

Plus there is no guarantee at all he wouldn't do something to one of your daughters.

You say he hasn't done anything but that's most likely because he doesn't live with them yet so he hasn't had the chance to really get into any situation where he is alone with them for a long period of time without you being nearby.

I'm not saying it to upset you, scare you or make you feel bad but it has to be about what's best for your children.

If you love him then that feeling needs to be put aside. When you have children you are pledging to put them before yourself and by letting this man stay in your life you are not doing what is best for your children.

I am terribly sorry that you have gone through this as it must be a major shock. At least you have found out before he has moved in, before he has done anything to one of your children and before you were in a longer term relationship where severing ties due to a mortgage may have made it really difficult.

This is a blessing in disguise.

Please listen to what people are saying on here. They aren't trying to be horrible, they just don't want one of your daughters to be another statistic.

ihatethecold · 11/02/2014 20:30

I can't believe she hasn't read all these answers to her op.

Most likely too scared to respond to any of them.

AmIatwat · 11/02/2014 20:38

Expect she's in a state of shock given what's she'd discovered last night . Don't forget she has a job and children.

Quietattheback · 11/02/2014 21:13

Yeah don't be too harsh on her. It's not a crime to want to be loved. It's not a crime to be taken in by someone's glamour.

The OP has made brave decisions in the past and I have faith that she will do the right thing again, but sometimes you need a little time to recalibrate and gather your courage.

Her children are not in immediate danger and if we keep bashing her, we'll frighten her off and she really needs clear sighted but compassionate advice right now.

ThatVikRinA22 · 11/02/2014 21:20

on balance i dont this this is a troll and HQ seem to have confirmed that.

So
If people really want to HELP this poster then stop laying into her because thats the fastest way possible of ensuring she does not come back for advice or to talk things through.

threatening to inform SS is counter productive. So is jeering, swearing, accusing and calling troll.

People have a chance to talk rationally to this poster.

OP
my mother met and married a man whom she also had a whirlwind romance with - i was 7 at the time. He made massive effort with me to begin with but i hated him, hated him touching me, from the first day i met him he picked me up and my blood ran cold. i was 7.
she spouted about love at first sight aswell.
Within a year they were married, moved in together and had a baby on the way.

That man was evil. and i do not use that word lightly. He got his just deserts in his early 50s when he dropped dead.

I believe he went for my mother because her boundaries were very skewed, she was older than him, and she feared being "left on the shelf". She saw herself as spoilt goods because she had me in her early 20s when she was unmarried and without a boyfriend. Nothing anyone said about him hit home, she believed none of it, even when one of his previous girlfriends contacted her to say ditch him - she went ahead and married him anyway.

that man caused me considerable damage that i only put to bed through counselling 2 years ago. i am 41 now. ive carried what he did to me from the age of 7.

i have absolutely no contact with my mother, and never will again. she has tried to contact me but i cannot allow that woman back into my life.

please read this. please ask yourself if you want this for yourself and your daughters in years to come.

some women do put relationships before their children.

i think those women and children pay the price.

look at your girls. if you had to choose, who would it be? my mother told me not to make her choose because if i did he would win.

she did not protect me. i hold her more responsible than him - because he meant nothing to me. she did. i loved her. she was supposed to choose me. she was supposed to protect me. she was supposed to love me.

it hurts. i have a friend who is older than my mother and whom i think of as a mum, she has nurtured, counselled, cherished and looked after me more than she ever did, and ive only known her for 15 years. She means more to me than my own mother, because you reap what you sow.

think very very carefully about what you now know. ask yourself why he has honed in on you, and at such speed....you must feel so special, so blown away by his attentions......

dont fall for it.
if you want anything of a relationship with your daughters in the future leave him now.
he should not be worth more to you after 2 months than yoru daughters of 15 and 17 years.

AmIatwat · 11/02/2014 21:41

This sounds horrible, but I'm curious as to who he might be, Have googled but non of the people fits the profile.

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