Dont love or fancy DH. He is kind and gentle. We have 4 kids. Should I stay?

[Kitttty]

No rows except when the frustration gets to me, or when he lets me down on tough life issues. He is very laid back, messy, unambitious - the opposite to me. After 30 years together (we met at school), 20 married, with a 7, 12, 13 and 15 year old - I just don't fancy him and I dint think I love him. I had a holiday in my own this time last year. I did not miss him one bit. We get on fine as friends we have many similar interests - but I would prefer to go out with my girlfriends. They make me laugh, entertain me and help me emotionally - he is emotionally inarticulate. Should I just gte through this until the kids are older for their sakes? I don't want anyone else.

[Lucylloyd13]

It depends on the balance of your needs.

If a safe warm nest is enough, so be it. Many women need a healthy sex life and without it things deteriorate, but wild sex without a safe warm nest is equally desperate.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Everyone advocating that the OP stay is a misogynist, end of. They are telling her that women don't matter, which is the entire structure of traditional marriage anyway - that women exist for the benefit of men and, to an extent, of children. 'Happy' family life is often constructed on the sacrifice of the woman.

OP, your H is actually abusive. He is lazy, selfish and considers you as something less than a person - and he has encouraged the DC to regard you as less than a person too - you exist to keep them comfortable, set boundaries and enforce the rules, but merit no care or consideration yourself.

It's fine for children to grow up with parents who are not in a romantic relationship. If one parent is lazy, selfish, misogynistic, violent or a substance abuser, that will create problems (and therefore that parent should be kept at a distance if possible) but marriage is a social construct, designed by men for men's benefit and therefore the more it's altered, destabilized or reduced in importance, the better.