Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

The Dating Thread 69

999 replies

FolkGirl · 07/02/2014 12:36

Just because I wanted to be the person to start it really Smile

Welcome one and all.

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 09/02/2014 20:55

Oldfashioned I am very shy too. I thought dating would be really hard but it was fine. (Apart from the bloke who wanted to talk to me about bitumen, now that was dull). It actually did a lot for my self-confidence to know that I could go out by myself and spend a nice evening on a date. It all felt quite odd at first but like most things you soon get used to it.

I bet your photos are fine, but if you're not happy then could you get a friend just to take loads of pictures of you one afternoon, and you're bound to come up with a few good ones?

I know some people on here have advised people on their profiles before, could be useful maybe to see if anyone's up for that and PM them a link to your profile. I'll certainly do it if it would help but you might be better off with some men's input.

dontcallmehon · 09/02/2014 20:57

I always say this, but I dtd on date 2. It wasn't planned,but geeky had already told me he was falling for me by then and I instinctively trusted him. But we had feelings for each other already, so that's different I suppose.

oldfashionedgirl · 09/02/2014 20:58

I posted a thread about on line dating and got some good tips! Haven't decided on a site yet though.

The thing is people generally talk to me and I am told that I am really easy to talk to but in a date setting .... I guess I just panic a bit!

dontcallmehon · 09/02/2014 21:00

oneday niceguy sounds lovely - glad it's going so well!

Bant · 09/02/2014 21:05

GRBYP - I can't speak for other men. I'm a bloke, but then I'm one who chats on the relationship thread on mumsnet so I'm possibly atypical.

From my experience, I don't generally sleep with someone without actually wanting it to turn into a relationship - but the problem is that once that's happened, I can just.. go off them. Not that I intend to. Some of it is my perception but there is a definite change in the way women act, like they suddenly feel comfortable letting their inner-weirdo out.

Examples of this are:

Ramping up the text messages from 5-10 a day to something like 50
Sending me 5 emails overnight to wake up to, with youtube clips of Craig David & Michael buble songs. Not my cup of tea, especially when I'm working out if I have to pretend I'm interested in them?

Telling me not to worry, my kids should be able to put themselves to bed by now, can't I stay and talk for a bit longer (this from a woman with no kids after I said I couldn't talk on the phone because it was my kids bedtime, and we'd been on the phone for a guilt-ridden half an hour while they were watching TV)

Telling me I was too close to my mother and that was a bit weird. To clarify, I generally speak to my mum once a fortnight, which for her seemed weird because she hadn't spoken to hers in a year.

All of these things, which if mentioned on a first, second or 10th date would put me off a woman, tend to come out fairly quickly after DTD. Sometimes within a few hours. And it is just very unsettling that someone I thought I really liked turns out to be possibly unstable or selfish or just weird.

So it's not just me, it's them.

Maybe a bit of me.

Santaclaws · 09/02/2014 21:05

Mr Shiny just text as I didn't reply to his text earlier today. He asked if I was ok and if I still want to meet tomorrow night. I feel as though I can't be bothered. I feel so mean, I guess I should go really as the first date was ok. It's just I thought he was a bit of a knob in a way, but he did say he was nervous. If i do decide to let him down how do I do it? What do I say?

Bant · 09/02/2014 21:09

Santa - just say you thought about it and you didn't feel like there was enough of a spark to meet him after all. You're sorry, he's a lovely guy and you're sure he'll do well, he's just not for you.

oldfashionedgirl · 09/02/2014 21:09

Bant That does sound like crazy behaviour - maybe dating brings that out of people. Dating just seems so complicated and drama filled!

Santaclaws · 09/02/2014 21:12

bant I'm so soft, I feel bad doing that. Maybe I should just go again as there might be more of a spark second time of meeting

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple · 09/02/2014 21:14

Tell us what you mean by 'a bit of a knob' because I don't think you've told us that part already

Santaclaws · 09/02/2014 21:15

I just think if I do cancel then it would just be luck that Mr Bricky cancels on me, a sort of serves me right. Yes I know, mad aren't i

Bant · 09/02/2014 21:16

Santa - it's a judgement call. If you meet him again and let him down, you'll hurt him more than if you say no now. But if you don't meet him again, that possible spark won't get a chance to grow.

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple · 09/02/2014 21:17

Ah Bant you sound actually really nice (not sure why I'm saying 'actually'.)

Do please tell us what these impressive ladies cooked for you. I'm fascinated.

dontcallmehon · 09/02/2014 21:20

Bant they sound like nutters. I definitely don't do any of that, even now. Geeky recently showed me the stats of our texts and he's texted me 850 times but I've only texted him 700 times. He was surprised. No wonder, if there are women like that. Michael buble songs make me queasy.My texts consist of 'that's fine x' and now, after 3 1/2 months and being in love 'I quite like you.' I don't like effusive texts.

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple · 09/02/2014 21:20

Santa go!!! I like Mr Shiny. You have to give him another chance and only then will you know for sure. You're obviously gorgeous and he was a bit too nervy.

Santaclaws · 09/02/2014 21:21

Laughed too loud, was telling me what type of holidays I should go on, I think it was meant to be encouragement, but I'm not a child and he's not my dad, talked about smoking a joint with his 16 yr old son as a way of keeping an eye on him when he was doing it and to try and put him off ( well each to their own but it's not something I would subscribe to )

Then the other day when in a text I said I was tired and he sent a list of what I should do to relax, hot bath milky drink, ect ect. I thought how fucking annoying. I don't mind genuine concern, it's fantastic in a relationship but he doesn't know me and we are not in a relationship

Lahti · 09/02/2014 21:22

Right!

I've been seeing a guy for about 6 weeks now and he was really keen (I posted about him last week). He had been saying how much he like me, was talking about meeting my family etc etc. I had said that I really liked him too, but I would'nt introduce my DD until I knew him better and if we were exclusive and profiles were taken down etc. Anyway he then told me the next day that he had taken his profile down and I checked and true enough it had gone, BUT I have since found him on the same site with a different fucking name and profile pic!! I didnt ask him to come off the site, I just said that it was early days and meeting my family etc was for further in the future.
He is supposed to be visiting and staying over tomorrow night. So annoyed. How would you guys handle this? It's the lying that's pissed me off.

Santaclaws · 09/02/2014 21:22

Lol green no I am definately not gorgeous :)

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple · 09/02/2014 21:23

(I don't mean the women who turned all insecure when you slept with them. The ones who came to your house, cooked for you & slept with you. What did they cook?)

Bant · 09/02/2014 21:24

Oh I am lovely. That's why I've been on OD sites for a while, trying to find someone as lovely as me :)

Erm. one made me a salad with pine nuts and peanut oil. One made me a lamb hotpot type thing with crusty potatoes on the top of it. And she'd made dessert too, but we didn't get as far as that :)

And there was a tajine. Apricotty goodness.

To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to the food.

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple · 09/02/2014 21:26

Lahti I would give this guy the elbow IMMEDIATELY! Sorry.

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple · 09/02/2014 21:28

Bant what country do you live in? i.e Wales, Scotland...

Santaclaws · 09/02/2014 21:28

green have a look at my post above saying what I thought is knobby about mr shiny, see what you think

lahti what a lying arse, sorry but get rid

Bant · 09/02/2014 21:29

None of the above. I live in central Europe

Bant · 09/02/2014 21:29

Lahti - yeah, get rid. He's addicted to the sweet trolley and has lied to you

Swipe left for the next trending thread