The Dating Thread 69

[FolkGirl]

Just because I wanted to be the person to start it really

Welcome one and all.

Not sure of my motives on this board? Well generally, as with anyone else, it's to discuss dating generally, try to get and give advice, and to give a male perspective on it. I don't date anyone from here, which was the rule I started last year to prevent people from thinking there was anything underhanded going on.

As I've said, in the past there were times when I slept with someone and began to disengage soon after. That was when I was in my 20s and I don't think I ever made promises, or tried to say the right thing to get someone into bed.

In the last couple of years though, I've only DTD with two people where I didn't think there was a long term relationship in the offing, and those were both clearly understood FWB situations. I've been hurt myself, and I've been confused by what I've seen as a radical change in behaviour from some women when I've stayed the same.

Not sure of my motives on this board? Well generally, as with anyone else, it's to discuss dating generally, try to get and give advice, and to give a male perspective on it. I don't date anyone from here, which was the rule I started last year to prevent people from thinking there was anything underhanded going on.

As I've said, in the past there were times when I slept with someone and began to disengage soon after. That was when I was in my 20s and I don't think I ever made promises, or tried to say the right thing to get someone into bed.

In the last couple of years though, I've only DTD with two people where I didn't think there was a long term relationship in the offing, and those were both clearly understood FWB situations. I've been hurt myself, and I've been confused by what I've seen as a radical change in behaviour from some women when I've stayed the same.

Whoops. Sorry, double-post
I've posted situations on here in the past where I've obviously been very into someone and then they've started acting oddly, and people on here have pointed out that they would be weirded out if a man acted like that to them. And as time went on it got worse - unsettling, stalkerish and weird.

Not because of any change in my behaviour - I keep on with the same level of contact, I think, but because women can be weird too, men don't have the exclusive rights to that

If a woman on here posts about a man getting all obsessive after kissing, or DTD, does anyone start questioning her motives about posting? That she's trying to justify her behaviour.

But thanks, the accusations give me a lovely warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Ok, I'll do that. Cheers all, it's been lovely.

Oh quelle surprise now you're playing the 'poor me- take pity on me everyone' card. I'm writing these posts to defend the people on here who are sick of listening to men's expectations of women.

This board can be a place where women & mothers get support when dating in a PATRIARCHAL and Single-Mother-Wary sexist country. It can be a place like that if people like you go elsewhere.

Yeah Bant it's been lovely listening to all your BS. 'The general expectation is that a woman should put out on the 3rd date' etc etc yawn yawn

Or yeah go and write into FHM magazine. I'm sure they'd all love to hear about the time you got some poor bit of fluff to stand in your kitchen and cook you a tagine while you ogled her.

[Is he gone yet?]

I really don't understand what I've done wrong here. Two or three pages back, you explicitly asked what the male perspective was on when to DTD. Santaclaws also asked the same question

I gave my perspective, that the general expectation for lots of people is that the third date is a reasonable time, but for everyone it's different and as I've said before, time and time again, that in my opinion the longer you wait, the better chance of a relationship succeeding. The fact that where I live at the moment it seems to be the done thing for a woman to cook a meal for a man in his own home is neither here nor there, and I never said it was an expectation, just that it happened.

Why do you specifically ask for a male perspective, then attack me for giving it and tell me that the board is for women only?

Wow - not sure what happened on here since last night! I did like hearing a male perspective. Perhaps it is just my friends but some women tend to make it all the man's fault and all you get told is that you can do better - not what you may have done wrong.

I have only read this thread and not the previous ones so I haven't noticed any manipulation - maybe there is some sort of back story that I am unaware of.

I like this thread - my friends are either married or very happily single so there isn't much dating advice to be had there!

GRYP I think that's a little harsh, I don't think that's what bant meant. Sometimes after doing the deed things don't work out, that's the risk you take. I dtd early on with geeky and that was fine, but I'd have been v hurt if it hadn't worked out.

I was wrong to say those women were crazy, but I'd be put off by 5 emails overnight. You can't manufacture an emotional connection with someone.

Did either of you read my posts?!?!

I never 'explicitly asked' Bant for anything thanks. It was all sarcasm ladies. SARCASM.

I did read your posts GRYP. I see the point you are making, I just don't agree. I like this thread and generally find it a safe, supportive space.

Of course we all like this thread!!!!! That is not the point at all so perhaps you misunderstood my posts completely.

I like this thread because of everyone's contributions, including Bant. I don't see evidence of trolling on here and I just think it's unfair to target one poster, that's all. You are entitled to your opinions, of course.

manmade Mr Shiny suggested a milky drink and hot bath, close the curtains, quiet music,warm blanket ect ect. Not hot milky bath

jarlin I have decided to go on second date with both. Having a meal tonight with my shiny and cinema and meal Thursday with mr Bricky

westernwind glad you posted your reasons for being for being on two dating sites, it makes sense. I know I have issues regarding players after being in an emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years. I definately have issues with trust

Me too, dontcallme - it's meant to be 'by parents, for parents' and when people ask for a male perspective, I'd like to be able to give mine without being accused of all the worlds ills and having other posters' particular bugbears and issues.

You are entitled to your opinion of course, GRYP, but you're not entitled to personal attacks and troll hunting. I've been posting on here, under the same name, for over a year. I don't believe I've been manipulative at all, I give a blokes perspective on what may be seen as unreasonable behaviour, and my opinion on what constitutes crazy behaviour from a woman is a perfectly valid opinion.

Can I suggest if you're going to post something like

'No seriously though...

I'd like to hear the male perspective on this?

[already dreading the answer]'

about DTD for the firs time as you did yesterday - that doesn't come across as sarcastic. Maybe you could use some kind of code-phrase like THIS IS SARCASM on your posts to make sure it's clearer, otherwise people may, you know, assume you meant what you wrote and give an answer.

Why don't you go on FHM Bant? You're NOT a single mother!

I'm with dont, Bant is a long-time valued poster on these threads, and Green I think your personal attack is completely unjustified - if you're not happy with the tone of a thread I might suggest that it's not the right place for you, rather than inviting someone else to 'fuck off' (how lovely). Bant has provided support here for many people for a long time.

I've reported your posts when you personally attacked another member.