We All Make Mistakes

[MyMistake]

I have done something silly. Had an affair with a married guy (no DC's).

I should have known better. I did know better logically but let my heart take me into it somehow.

I have been on other side of something like this in the past so feel pretty knowledgeable on the subject. But I still did it.

And now I feel rubbish. I am in a position where I will see him about quite frequently and need to get over myself. He is a good person - appreciate that many will dispute this but I do believe this to be the case and this is really the reason that it ended. Need to get rapidly to the point where I can look back on it fondly and be peaceful - but right now I'm nowhere near there.

Posting for a shoulder and hopefully to remind others that however you feel an affair is generally never a good idea.

Of course you're saying their unfit for public conversation AF, you said they should take their conversation off the board. What else did you mean?

I haven't seen any backslapping, to me that's dramatising.

No grass...they're not cheating but they're enabling the cheating spouse to cheat.

Excusetypos...yes...couldn't agree more. Exactly.

FWIW surely it is better to talk about it on here than brushing it under the carpet? OWs/OMs are people too, you know. With real emotions. Yes it will be painful for an affair victim to read an OW/OM thread but then that's a fact of life. This is a public board (and much the better for it too). I personally am very glad I can't just arbitrarily delete everything that offends me in life.

Morris...you can't see any back slapping?! Two ow discussing their mm. DEFINATE back slapping.

Morris, you seem to be forgetting that it takes two people to have a relationship.
Unless the woman was forced into it, she does share responsibility for the affair.

Real emotions and very low self esteem...

I said it would be good manners to take the mutual backslapping off board. At one point it was just these two women stroking each other's rationalisations.

I think anyone that has been involved in an affair needs to work on boundaries and self control, me included.

I actually hold myself as responsible as him. I don't see him as the only cheater.

Back slapping suggests mutual congratulations, I don't see any of that. I think people do tend to want to share their experiences with others who have been through similar, it's conversation and we all do it on here, all the time.

mamma yet very many women with low self esteem post on this board and that's fine. I probably have low self esteem. Is that a crime? Don't you find it a little insensitive to beat someone while they are down? All the OP has done is to come on here to try and gain an understanding of their situation and how they can move on.

Of course we do. But say you were at the pub, and there was a woman sat at your table who had just been left for an OW. Would you blithely chat about your own affair ?

I wouldn't say rationalisation as much as trying to understand how I got there and learning from it. Isn't that what we are meant to do?

It's a good point grass. Maybe OP does have low self esteem. I know one OW who has pitiful self esteem, that's why she settles for crumbs from a cheating tosser's life. She doesn't think she deserves better.

and mitigate it by saying inane and meaningless pap like "we all make mistakes" ?

I didn't come to blithely chat. I came to talk about had happened, learn from it and be a reminder to any others that could get in an affair situation that it is not a good idea.

AnyFucker only that she would have first heard the topic of conversation while standing at the bar, then sat down at my table and started shouting insults at me.

In retrospect it's a fair cop that it's a crappy title.

No...the women on here with low self esteem tend to have it through being treated badly and they don't then inflict pain on others.

You're in a situation of your own making. I will reserve any sympathy or kindness for the woman who solid/ has been devastated to know her husband started a relationship with you.

My ex mucked about with women whilst I was pregnant as he also emotionally abused me. My self esteem was in tatters. I wouldn't have been so desperate as to fall into the arms of a mm though. I guess you're either a cheat/ow/om kinda person or you're not.

Oh for goodness sake this isn't a pub. People can click on what they like, and if they find the content upsetting they can close the thread. There's so much potentially triggering stuff on MN, and a woman admitting a mistake with a MM is the subject you want silenced? Wtf.

• will be...not solid?! Typo

Agree AF.

Yes, we do all make mistakes but an affair isn't a mistake.

The sooner you acknowledge that OP, the more likely you are to have a successful relationship that doesn't involve a third person.

No-one has to engage in this conversation if they don't want to. The OP hasn't hijacked the thread of a betrayed wife in order to then steer the conversation towards her own affair. Why do you want to deny OP the right to start a conversation on this board? I really don't get it. It does seem a bit 1950's in the sense that we aren't even allowed to TALK about it never mind do it.

I probably do have low self esteem. Hard to measure IMO. I've tended to be a very independent person always and have never tended to settle for inappropriate partners previously.

And really...what are you hoping to learn by discussing it?! By your own admission it was a shitty thing to get involved in?! What's to learn?? Don't risk hurting other people by falling for a mm. Don't let yourself get hurt by a man who has no intention of making a go of it with you. In short, find your own man.