Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does he like me?

134 replies

TequilaItMakesMeHappy · 01/02/2014 13:23

Last week a bunch of us went out after work. We work as engineers and subcontract some of the work to other firms. Some of them came out with us. One of the sub firms always sends the same 2 guys, and they've been working with us for a few years. One of the guys (G1) I'd never spoken to, the other (G2) is very outgoing so always have a bit of a chat and giggle with him.

Anyway, in the pub I was with my friends, and noticed that whenever I looked over in G1's direction he was looking at me. Still didn't really speak much to him as I didn't know him at all. I was chatting to his mate a lot, and we all played pool together.

As people started going their separate ways, G2 announced he was going into town and asked if I wanted to join him and G1. I was having a good night and wasn't ready for going home so agreed.

Once we were out we had a few drinks together, then G2 disappeared to another part of the bar (on the pull!!) and I sat chatting to G1 for quite a while. I don't really remember how it came about, but he was telling me I was stunning, quite a catch etc and, surprised, I rubbished it. He was then really surprised that I didn't see it (drink talking and all that?!!)

Anyway, we carried on talking and our heads were very close together (loud music etc), so he said something and I tilted my ear towards his mouth to hear properly, and as I turned back our noses brushed each others. Next thing, he kissed me. The kiss went on quite a long time and built in passion. We then got more drinks, had a little look for G2 and then went back to sitting chatting and kissed again. It was an amazing kiss, real knee trembler, and given that he says he's shy with women, really knew how to push my buttons! (Btw, I believe him when he says he's shy around women as he was blushing when I first spoke to him that night).

Once back at work, he got my number from a guy I work with, and since then we've text each other a few times a day. We talked about our night out and he said it seemed the right thing to do at the time, but was naughty and he shouldn't have done it. Obviously its a bit of a bad move given we work together.

So I have no idea whether he likes me or if it was just a case of being drunk and convenient. And I know it probably doesn't matter because we work together and it wouldn't go any further, but I just want to satisfy my own curiosity! I could ask him outright, but I think he'd be too embarrassed.

OP posts:
basgetti · 01/02/2014 18:49

So now you know he is married, why aren't you angry that he made you an unwitting accomplice in cheating on his wife? Why on earth would you want to be friends with someone like that?

familyscapegoat · 01/02/2014 18:51

Once we were out we had a few drinks together, then G2 disappeared to another part of the bar (on the pull!!) and I sat chatting to G1 for quite a while.

later

No they weren't out on the pull!!

So he's married with children, doesn't get out much and goes a little crazy from time to time when he does - escape from a very hard situation at home.

later

He hasn't said he has a hard time at home.

Fortunately it's impossible to gaslight people using the written word.

Original poster
TequilaItMakesMeHappy · 01/02/2014 18:51

I'm not angry because I understand where his head was at the time. I've been there myself, not with the same outcome but still regretable.

OP posts:
Original poster
TequilaItMakesMeHappy · 01/02/2014 18:53

Right ok - the night didn't start with anyone on the pull. Once we'd had a few drinks in the bar G2 then decided to go and chat someone up.

He has never said he has a hard time at home. I have deduced from what he told me that it is hard, because i have a relatively similar situation and I find it trying from time to time.

I know things happened, but that doesn't mean they were intended.

OP posts:
JenBehavingBadly · 01/02/2014 18:54

You're not going to listen are you.

People do things they're not proud of, so they get in touch the next day and go "sorry, that should never have happened as I'm MARRIED with CHILDREN and I wouldn't want to do that to my wife."

No laugh, chat, joke, exchange texts and only admit it when asked.

If you can't see that then you're foolish.

AnyFucker · 01/02/2014 18:54

Have you not had much experience with men ? You sound very naive. Don't ask us, ask his wife if she is ok with you being "friends" with a bloke that chats you up and snogs you in a pub.

Better still, find a bit of common sense and back right off from this sleazebag.

ImperialBlether · 01/02/2014 18:56

I would bet anyone anything that this is the start of an affair. The OP is too flattered by his attentions to resist now.

You've been talking today then, OP? Have you thought about how sneaky he's had to be to do that?

JenBehavingBadly · 01/02/2014 18:57

There's no gas lighting here. Just some sleazy bloke and someone who doesn't want to see it.

ImperialBlether · 01/02/2014 18:57

Are you single, OP?

Original poster
TequilaItMakesMeHappy · 01/02/2014 18:58

Regardless of how it should have been followed up, we were both a little embarrassed about it so didn't speak about it.

We're both happy to draw a line under it and carry on as mates. We work together quite loosely, but our environment is very bantery so the kind of things we've talked about and joked about are par for the course in our work really.

OP posts:
familyscapegoat · 01/02/2014 19:00

Yes they were intended, but you're too blinkered to see it.

You saw him looking at you before they made the suggestion to move on elsewhere. As soon as you got there, his mate scarpered to give G2 room to chat you up. He then got your number and you started communicating.

Despite the fact that probably 80% of people old enough to be engineers are in relationships, it didn't cross your mind he might be one of them.

It crossed my mind just reading your opening post.

Nothing was accidental here.

ImperialBlether · 01/02/2014 19:00

Frankly, you sound absolutely delighted rather than embarrassed.

AuntieStella · 01/02/2014 19:02

My last post was before you dropped in the little detail 'he's married'.

Run.

Run far. Run fast.

Unless you want to make a complete change of career and have an new post already lined up.

Original poster
TequilaItMakesMeHappy · 01/02/2014 19:02

Yes I'm single, and I'm not flattered by his attentions! I'm not interested in that side of him. Now that I know his situation I couldn't look at him like that!

I don't really think he has to be sneaky to send a couple of texts. I have a fair few mates who text me and I don't think there's any sneakiness there either.

And I genuinely don't think he's sleazy. I think the circumstances just got the better of him. I work with a load of guys, we're mostly all mates. Some are players, some are sleazes - I see them in action when we go out and I hear their stories over a brew at work. I know the lines they use etc. It really isn't the same kind of thing. I know I may sound naive, but I'm really not!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 01/02/2014 19:03

Yes, that was a pretty vital thing to leave out, wasn't it!

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 01/02/2014 19:05

What a bizarre thread.

Original poster
TequilaItMakesMeHappy · 01/02/2014 19:06

I'm glad you're well versed with engineers' ages! A fair amount of the guys I work with are single actually. Neither G1 nor myself are "old"!! And ages in my workplace range from around 23 to around 65 with a whole representation inbetween.

G2 scarpered because after some jokey banter about when the 2 of us were gonna get it on (all in jest) he decided that actually he did fancy getting a bit so off he went.

And no I'm not delighted. I'm not embarrassed either really now that we've cleared it up. I regret it but understand why it happened.

OP posts:
basgetti · 01/02/2014 19:06

Well if it isn't sneaky, has he told his wife that he is sending texts to the woman he was snogging last night?

peasandlove · 01/02/2014 19:07

I cant help but smirk at this thread. It changed dramatically from first post to 6 hrs later when it transpires he's actually married.
delete his number and move on.

Original poster
TequilaItMakesMeHappy · 01/02/2014 19:07

And again, after familyscapegoat posted about avoiding the obvious reason I asked him. I didn't know until then that he was married. It didn't really occur to me to ask.

OP posts:
JenBehavingBadly · 01/02/2014 19:07

Of course you're flattered!

Does he like me? = flattered and interested.
Earth shaking kiss = flattered and interested

Stop texting now. Leave the banter for in work only and steer well clear.

familyscapegoat · 01/02/2014 19:08

But he's not your mate. I have mates who text me - I haven't just talked to them for the first time and snogged them!

Do you really think he's told his wife who he's been texting today?

Or do you think he's been sneaking around to do so, or pretending that 'Dave from work' is responsible for his sudden barrage of text alerts?

AnyFucker · 01/02/2014 19:08

The hand ain't listening.

Original poster
TequilaItMakesMeHappy · 01/02/2014 19:09

I don't know if his wife knows who he texts, but I'll certainly ask him when I see him on Monday.

I've always been very open about the fact that I have male friends and we text each other, speak on the phone etc when I've been in relationships.

OP posts:
familyscapegoat · 01/02/2014 19:10

You keep trying to equate this with normal, innocent male-female friendships you've got/had.

This isn't one of those.