Red flag or not?

[TheStitchWitch]

Me and dh have been married for almost 9 years, socially he plays golf a couple of times a month and very occasionally goes out for drinks in town with his mates. Me and my friends go clothes shopping and sometimes out for lunch. In the past I've been invited out drinking in town but having been out of the loop since having the dc feel that my confidence has gone.

On monday a good friend of mine invited me out this Friday for a few drinks around town and I thought why not. She ended the message saying it won't be a late one and you'll get the chance to wear that nice dress you bought. The dress is bright orange and short and I planned on wearing twith leggings and high heeled black shoes.

I read the message to dh and straight away he said your not going out in that The dress was from Ann summers and because of this he thinks it's not suitable to go out in.

I can hand on heart say that our marriage other than this is good, we're very much in love very attentive. But I now feel that it's only been this way because I've been the compliant little wife that didn't want to go out on the town and was quite happy with shopping and meals out with the girls.

He says he loves me and is worried that I'll leave him for someone else, Ive assured him that I have no intention of being with anyone else.

Is he just insecure or is this the beginning of something worse?

agree 100% with Neiljames

That dress is bloody awful, but I would defend your right to wear it 'til the death

many men would find it humiliating to know their wife was giving out the message ... that she was so dissatisfied with their sex life she was looking elsewhere for it.

That's a very weird statement, stale! A married woman wearing a 'sexy' dress - in 21st century Europe - is not giving out any messages about her marriage. Neither is she giving out a message that she wants sex. 'Sexy' dresses are the cultural norm for an evening out.

You seem to see the world through a mediaeval prism, not only in terms of fashion and social norms, but also in that your wife is no more than a reflection on you.

Garlic you completely miss the point. Dahlen asked why it mattered if other people thought a DW was on the pull, not simply wearing a sexy dress. The former definitely does give out a message about her marriage, the later not necessarily so much.

Oh, FGS, Dahlen was replying to your assertions (plural) that a 'sexy' dress makes other people think the wearer's on the pull. You said "many men would be uncomfortable with their DWs dressing like they’re on the pull" ... in your words, "giving out the message". Saying that this isn't what you meant, simply because Dahlen didn't repeat & deconstruct your exact wording, just makes you look obtuse. As well as mediaeval.

I was replying to a specific question with a specific answer, Garlic, so please don't put words into my mouth.

You're mixing up two different issues: (1) can certain clothes give the impression someone's on the pull, and (2) why does it matter if people think your DP is on the pull, anyway? You seem to think the answer to (1) is no, and I disagree. But you haven't said what you think about (2), which what Dahlen actually asked.

Personally I think that what someone wears - and the context they wear it in - can give out (true or false) messages about many different things, including sometimes their sexual availability and even the state of their marriage. There are definitely some outfits a woman could wear that would get tongues wagging and, coupled with the dreadful facebook, could cause her DH humiliation. So it does come down to cultural norms and the like, and what lines both partners are comfortable with. These lines do exist and they will be different for different people in different cultures. To deny that is naive and does no-one any favours. But in any case, I was answering a different question, one that you seem to think isn't even relevant.