What's your worst ever date...?

[Fozziebearmum]

I once went on an internet date...we'd been chatting for a week or two online and he seemed normal. But after 5 MINS of meeting, he went to the toilet and returned to say...

• he really liked me had just called his friends to tell them and I could meet them next time
• that he needed to be straight with me that he was having a back operation (didn't sound like a big deal so had no idea why he was even telling me)

And... It later became apparent he didn't have a BA which was listed on his profile. He'd never been to uni, but had in fact been single for a while and thought that that's what the online question had meant when asked if he has a Bachelor of Arts....

There must be better ones out there than this though!

I think my worst date was again, like so many, a man I met online. Chatted for two weeks or so, phone and email and then met. He was tall and gorg but before we'd even ordered, he was leaning across the table at me, telling me what was wrong with his mothers character... Looking back that should have done it, but he was so big and muscles in a grown man sort of way and I hadn't been near a man for a long time....I went out with him a few more times.

One night, at my house, I said did he want to come out with my friend and her friends for her birthday....he deigned to go to her bar of choice, although of course he usually goes to bars in Mayfair! exclusive darling! you don't have to wait at the bar.....again that should have told me....

When we got there, he behaved arrogantly and I saw people rolling their eyes at him. He left his wallet in the car and I bought every round until gone ten, at which pint I commented on it and he said,well I did drive us up here. I broke my cardinal rule...heels too high to run away in. He then went and got his wallet and proceeded to buy food for everyone. We were but that point in a club and there was dancing, but no, we were stuck at a table in the back where he had installed himself as The King with my friend and her friends gathered round him, patronising him into thinking he was being alright with me cringing.

Having had a bit to drink, when we left and he commented on how well it had gone, I said it had gone terribly and had he not seen the faces as he tried to say he as the boss of this woman he was about to direct? And the paying for everyone at someone else's birthday where he didn't even know anyone? So he shouted at me a bit and I prepared to leg it across London in January. He said, no I'll give you a lift home.

But he took me back to his house and proceeded to shout at me a bit more and then when I warned him, he got on the floor and slithered like a snake, saying 'Look! My body language is beneath yours!! Not intimidating, not intimidating!!!!!' This charade went on for a while, me doing damage limitation and trying to choose between calling the police or a taxi. In the end I said can we just go to sleep? And we did, and in the morning he said ' you're just like a little angel!! I can't believe you are doing this to me!'

I insisted me take me home, and he told me about my mental health problems all the way. Very angry controlling man, who later emailed to say he had met someone younger and thinner. Poor her!!!

A man I worked with took me out for lunch once, and when we were queuing to order our lunch, he blatantly emptied the tips bowl into his rucksack . I was young and stupid and didn't know how to react, so still sat down with him to eat. I then started to tell him how my mate had his car broken into the night before and they proceeded to take all of his cds apart from one, which they left scratched. He acted all incredulous and really amaaaaazed at the small world we live in, and then told me it was him and his mate .

Ignored him in the canteen after that, should've reported the fucker .

Gosh some of these are so awful! I never want to have to go through the whole dating crap again!

Mine was a man I met in a nightclub who seemed quite nice for a change for me!

We agreed to go on a date on a Saturday afternoon to the town nearby (quite a touristy type town so plenty to do). We caught the train and had to walk through the high street to get anywhere. He told me I was not allowed to look at any of the shops and I should face forward so I was not tempted.

He then proceeded to take me to a hill, we sat on a bench for 2 hours while he told me all about how his dad was his best friend. For 2 hours, I could not get the topic changed at all, neither could I suggest something else to do, he was totally set that this was what we were doing.

I dated a man once whom I had met briefly in a bar in London and gave him my number. He spent the entire evening telling me about his parents and his awful childhood. He was very needy and I extricated myself and left. He spent about two weeks after sending me long emails about how we were right for each other etc etc. I emailed back once at the beginning to say thanks for the evening but I'm not interested, and good luck. It was as though he thought I was playing hard to get.

Another was a chap who I had seen once, perfectly pleasant but insisted on coming to the Friday night drinks in Piccadilly I always went to with my work pals. He just sat there, smiling inanely and not speaking. He, then, in an awkward silence told me he used to be really fat but had lost loads of weight but he had skin folds left and man boobs - LOOK! Amid the hysterical laughter of my mates I rushed to the loo. Met a lovely bloke whilst queuing and arranged a date with him instead

Another was a man who seemed very nice on first date, journalist, well known, very nice. Unfortunately he called me the next day and I was out. He left a ranting tirade down the phone about what a slut I was and where was I. Took ages to get rid of him. I found out later he has form for this.

Oh god, and the super rich bloke who told me he was very religious and didn't believe in sex before marriage.

Unless it was prostitutes. And told me all about the massage parlour he frequented. I left, and he was very upset and called me to tell me I had passed up the opportunity of a lifetime:) idiot.

I used to work with a man who went out with a girl he'd liked for ages. Her ex turned up 'to check him out' and then got down on one knee and proposed. Don't think she accepted there and then, but they did go on to get married.
It's quite funny they way he tells it, although I think he was a bit gutted at the time.

Oooooh, I've got a few-

1. I was about 20 and on a night out with a friend, pretty pissed. There was a bunch of guys playing pool at the pub. I somehow decided to take them all on and well obviously lost. Ended up arranging a date with one of them for another day. At the beginning of the date he insisted on me only ordering the cheapest food and drink on the menu as he's freelancing and is skint. I said that I am happy to go halves or just pay for my food. NOp, he's a gentleman, he will pay. Ok, whatever. Went to the cinema afterwards. The entire length of the movie he kept putting my hand on his crotch and using it to caress himself. I was terrified but kept pulling my hand away and asking him to stop. Shortly after the movie finished I ran away. Had a barrage of texts from him afterwards calling me all names under the sun.

1. Online date. He was SKINNY- as in literally skin and bones even in his puffy long coat and multiple layers. Went out to eat, conversation was OK, I didn't fancy him but could see him as a friend. He had some weird eating habits where he only ate 3 things- white bread, chicken nuggets and rich tea biscuits. He was very proud of his 1/4 lemon juice in a glass of water as his daily fruit intake and considered that to be healthy. He offered me a lift home and asked if I minded if we stopped over at his as he had to drop some stuff off, I didn't. Turned out that he still lived with his parents and siblings. He was 35. He had a single box room with a bunk bed in it which he offered up for a quickie (that was after he proceeded to take off his trousers FOR NO REASON). I declined and asked to leave the house. Somehow we did remain vague friends for about a year afterwards. He's still single at 40 and still living with his parents.

1. Again, online date. Only it never happened. This was after I had my dd and was still carrying some extra weight. We arranged to meet at a restaurant. He never actually showed up but I did get a text from him about 30 minutes after he was supposed to arrive saying that he wasn't coming as in real life I looked just as disgusting as in photos (the website had my real photos). Strangely I am still getting texts from him every few months offering a shag.

1. Yet another online one! All he would ever talk about was how miserable his life was, how he hated housesharing, how he hated his job, how much he gambled, how much he drunk and how many women he shagged. He would then bombard me, clearly when drunk, with his naked knob emails begging me for sex. We only had 1 date. Another one that still emails me every now and again begging for sex.

1. Yes, you guessed it- it's an online date! Didn't last long though. About 30 minutes in he just said "I only came out with you as I have never shagged a fatty and wanted to know whether you fatties have normal pussies". I was a size 12 then. I stood up and left.

There have been more but those ones are too grim to even remember.

Years ago I was invited on a lunch date and we agreed to meet outside a cafe in a nearby town. I turned up exactly on time but there was no sign of him. I waited outside the cafe for 10 minutes then tried ringing my date's mobile and left a message. I texted him after another 5 minutes. About 5 minutes (so 20 minutes after I first arrived) he came out from the cafe, wiping his mouth with a napkin and said 'I'll just be another few minutes' and went back inside!

He obviously expected me to wait outside while he finished his meal, let alone inviting me to actually eat something. Worst date ever!

His name was Alan and it was a forced date.

I was visiting my friend who was working in the middle of nowhere. She didn't drive so she got her colleague Alan to pick me up from the station. We exchanged numbers beforehand and he texted asking what I looked like. I (very stupidly) replied saying "I'll be the one in the g string and the leather apron".

That regrettable message was obviously a green light to the portly, red-headed Alan. As soon as I got in the car he called my friend and said "Bubble wants to go to the pub so I'm going to take her for a few drinks." I could hear my friend on the other end of the phone going "wtf?" and I was snapping "No I do not!" but Alan hung up and turned his phone off. My own phone was dead at this point.

He took me to a pub. At first I refused to leave the car but eventually gave in, thinking if I humoured him he would take me to my friend. He regaled me with stories, like how he'd murdered 33 people during his life, and slept with over a thousand women, and knew 12 martial arts. He kept coyly referring to my text message while giving me the glad eye. Eventually I threatened to call a taxi and he gave in and took me to my relieved (and very apologetic) friend.

went out with a plastic surgeon who then spent the whole evening telling me how he could fix me!

Mines was a second date with a guy who had asked me out for months the first one was a few drinks and had went quite well so he told me he would pick me up in his car and the minute I stepped in his car I knew he was completely off his tits drunk, he proceeded to take me on a terror ride drink driving all over town, mounting pavements and narrowly missing lampposts. I eventually managed to jump out when we stopped and was left in the middle of a housing estate all alone. NICE fucking wankbadger.

these are terrible! my first and only date online was with my now DH! i consider myself very lucky.

although a few of the funnier ones would have been amusing!

Even when I was going on loads of bizarre internet dates (although some of them were pretty good, and I did go out with one bloke for a year and another for six months as a consequence), I thought, "well, at least I'm living life!"

Off the top of my head..a date with a policeman. The first thing he said to me was "You look nothing like your photos"
Er..That was it, no follow up! I thought "shall I get my coat" but stayed, whereupon he made really stilted small talk, until after a drink or two, when he started trashing his ex.
"She doesn't work or anything. Even though she, apparently, was doing a PhD and caring for their toddler
He said "I wish I could just quit work and do a PhD, at which I said something like "yeah... I think you have to be really clever to do a PhD..?"
He also suggested we get really really drunk, and then later mentioned that his ex thought he was an alchoholic!
(I began to wish I was out with her instead..)
Finally, we left, and he had forgotton where he had parked, so I helped him find his car, and then he said "bye" and I walked off by myself at 11 at night in the rain to find a cab.
In the taxi queue a young lad asked me If I had a good night, at which point I said "no I bloody didn't" and told him about my date.
Young lad was horrified that a copper hadn't even seen me in a cab, and offered to make it up to me (which I said no to, but it cheered me up!)
The next day, I received a text from the bad date telling me I was much prettier than my picture, and asking if I had got home safely...
DELETE!!

These are amazing

I have had terrible dates but they are more depressing than hilarious.

Classics! Please!

Not really a date as such.
Dated a man in my early twenties, who was properly gorgeous, lovely bloke but usedto tell me constantly he had 'issues'. Despite hounding me for months beforehand how he loved me, It didnt work out, he mugged me off for another girl, not surprising as they used to swarm round him. We managed to keep up a friendship after for a good while, until he disappeared from the face of the earth.
Fast forward 5 years, I had met DH, had DD, a couple of dogs and was very happy. Bumped into him out and about one night, and ended up having a drink with him to find out where he had disappeared to, all very platonic, proudly showed off pics of DH and dd. Within 15 mins of sitting down he declared his undying love, started trying to persuade me to leave DH, and come to his house tomorrow with my belongings/dd/dogs. After about half hour of this I made my excuses and left. Haven't seen him since!

He then proceeded to take me to a hill, we sat on a bench for 2 hours while he told me all about how his dad was his best friend.

This has really tickled me for some reason!

Another internet date.
We had been chatting back and forth online. He seemed nice if a bit beige. But it made a nice change from the men who either got really lewd straight awat, where blatant idiots or sent willy pics.
He invited me for dinner and drinks. I got dressed up and had arranged to meet at his, where he announced that we could eat there before going out. Cue a shared portion of chips!
At this point he was wearing jumbo cords and an army and navy jumper with faux leather elbow patches, like some hideous supply teacher from the 70's. I honestly thought he would get changed before going the pub. But no, he topped the outfit off with a nylon anorak.
At the pub he proceeded to peel the beermats into thin sheets and make origami flowers out of them. Loudly proclaiming. "a flower for my beautiful lady".
I was cringing, at the end of the date he asked would i like to come back to his and watch the 3 stooges. I declined. He was baffled by my rejection. He then spent the following weeks phoning me up and singing love songs down the phone at me.

Most of my bad dating experiences have been just a consequence of spending time with arseholes. There was the guy who, on the 2nd date (the first had been fine) proceeded to tell me in some great detail about just what a bitch his ex-wife was and how she had taken his house so that he was now sleeping in his office. He offered to take me there for a shag. I declined. Then there was the guy who offered to take me out for dinner, changed his mind and took me to the pub instead, then offered for me to go back to his for a microwave jacket potato if I was still feeling peckish. Again, I declined.

I've had a couple of truly creepy guys as well - one I met in a club, we went back to his to get fruity and about half-way through he put his face into my hair and started shouting "ERRR it smells of SMOKE it smells DIRTY your hair smells DIRTY". I thought I was going to end up like Looking For Mr Goodbar.

Then there was the guy whose bedroom was decorated with soft porn black and white Athena type posters of women with their tits out which I suppose was more unnerving than disastrous but did make me make my excuses and leave. And then the guy who was head of GE in the country I lived in at the time who spent the entire date talking about how great it was that people in the USA had guns; there was a definite glint in his eye.

I'm sure there are more.

Yes, the bench on a hill one is hilarious and very sad!
I can't really top that, but I do remember one guy I dated (also from the internet) who I found out later that he had been sexting a friend of mine (who was on the same site) and also simultaneously dating someone I worked at the same company as, so vaguely knew. Before I copped on, he had taken me to her party, (third date I think)where she gave me daggers all night, and I couldn't work out why!
He was one of those "hey, it's just casual, lets not label things" men, who make you feel like you are being a bit needy when you complain!
Those men say things like "I really like you, but I don't want to hurt you" while looking worried, until you find yourself agreeing to let them treat you like shit by saying "Oh, God, no! It's fine! I'm not making any demands, casual, yeah?"
I have learned my lesson now!
He is still out there, always with some woman dangling like an idiot, and he text me intermittently in the hope of a hook up.
I am washing my hair for the forseeable future!

On a first date with a guy from the internet- he was showing me his camera, and had a series of close up photos of women from his office all doing their 'cum' faces for the camera. I'm sure it was just office larks but it was a bit unnerving.

I mentioned this one briefly on the women drinking pints thread:

Got set up by mutual friends, arranged to meet up in a local pub. We found a table, he asked me what I wanted to drink, I asked him for a pint of bitter, I think it was Landlord iirc, he came back with half a cider and black. Now. A) I detest cider in any shape or form and B) I asked for Bitter. I then get a 5 minute lecture on why only tarts drink pints and there was no way he was sitting with 'a bird' drinking bitter. I said that I thought it would be best to end the date there and then as obviously we were not well matched. As I put my coat on he then asked me if I had ever considered the possibility that I was in fact a Lesbian. I assume the silly bustard meant it as an insult, I just laughed and said 'possibly' and walked out.

One more:

Met up with an old school friend for a bite to eat and a catch up, he offered me a lift home, however his car was back at his parents house where he was currently living. No problem, we were having a great time and it was only a 10 minute walk back. Unfortunately I forgot his parents were farmers and I was wearing sandals. It was getting quite dark and as we walked down the lane to his house I stood in the worlds biggest smelliest dollop of cowshit ever produced. My first meeting with his mother was me hopping into the workshop so I could hose my feet down. She then offered me a shower as apparently I stunk.
Reader, I did actually marry this one! 16 years later and I'm confident that at some point they will stop bringing it up after a couple of glasses of wine...

Another t'internet dating one....

Been chatting online to a chap who seemed lovely. Local GP, seemed jolly respectable. He asked

OMG, Yumsnet you have just reminded me, it wasn't quite a date but I was sort of seeing this guy when I was about 17/18. He told me earnestly about a website which is just made up of women's faces as they orgasm, and how the website was named after "Le Petit Mort" - a French term for orgasm which translates as "the little death" and how poetic he thought it was.

"There's nothing more beautiful," he said, "Than a woman's face when she's in pain."

I don't know why I didn't run for the hills, I think I thought he was all arty and sophisticated

Oops, stupid phone!

He asked me to meet him in the bar of a hotel at our local airport. Odd choice, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Anyhoo, I get there early and case the joint. (I am blind as a bat so I like to figure out where the loo/bar/exit is beforehand - not anally retentive at all!)

Reconnaissance mission done, I get back in my car and wait for him. 5 mins later he pulls up, gets out of his car and comes over looking a tad flustered. He says "erm the bar is closed for a private function tonight, let's go somewhere else". Naively, I thought he had made a mistake so I am saying "no it's not, it's fine! I just popped in to use the loo etc etc"

At this point he looked as though he was about to cry and says "Look I can't go in there, OKAY???"

He starts suggesting that we reconvene somewhere else. I am going through the motions of agreeing while thinking "is his wife/gf in that bar?" I agree to follow his car in my car to second date location, and then we get to a junction and I whizz off v speedily in the opposite direction.

Came home to about 30 missed calls, abusive texts, etc. nasty messages continued until I pointed out he was clearly in a relationship and if he didn't feck off I would find out who she was and tell her.

It made me really about men for a while but then my next online date was with my now fiancé so not all bad!