What's your worst ever date...?

[Fozziebearmum]

I once went on an internet date...we'd been chatting for a week or two online and he seemed normal. But after 5 MINS of meeting, he went to the toilet and returned to say...

• he really liked me had just called his friends to tell them and I could meet them next time
• that he needed to be straight with me that he was having a back operation (didn't sound like a big deal so had no idea why he was even telling me)

And... It later became apparent he didn't have a BA which was listed on his profile. He'd never been to uni, but had in fact been single for a while and thought that that's what the online question had meant when asked if he has a Bachelor of Arts....

There must be better ones out there than this though!

He told me he has been arrested over 100 times as his parents reported him for hitting them, but he hasn't....and he can get me any drugs I wanted - I hadn't asked

Gosh Venus I wonder if any women suffering from low esteem had gone along with trying to please this man. What a twunt.

Anything could've happened on the walk home.

I might have told this but this was the one when I was doing my A-levels. He was an acquaintance who knew some of my other friends in 6th form and walked me home from the pub. I didn't think much more of it until a Christmas card with his number arrived in the post.

I rang his number and got him only he seemed a bit evasive but suggested we meet up on Xmas eve. I hadn't anything else on so I thought why not. I wasn't in the marked for a boyfriends as I correctly assumed that no-one from my hometown would tolerate coming 2nd to my A-levels but I would tell him that.

I rang him again before just to check where upon he seemed strangely evasive and then on rang me. What was weird was that it was never the same number. (bullshit sensors are starting to tingle here). I also got his dad on a couple of occasions who said he was visiting his grandmother. I thought what a nice guy maybe we could be friends

So finally he tells me its a pub near where he works but I cannot get to easily so my mum offers to give me a lift. We turn up to find it is a dimly lit old man's pub complete with leering old men and no sight of my date. My mum and I took one look and went straight back to the car.

He rang and whined that he was there until 5pm. Well durrhhhh you should have come to greet me like a normal person should.

But there was more as it turned out he was engaged to someone else and at least once the phone had rang with me while she was in the same room. She called of the engagement and I kept a wide berth from him after that.

I went on a first date with someone which was actually a nice afternoon although it looked like there wasn't really much chemistry going on. When we got back to my flat he said how charming it was, explained that he was sleeping on his office floor, and asked if he could move in. It came at a time of grave upheaval in my life and I didn't really have the presence of mind to say "no" and said instead that I would think about it .

I had a blind date with a friend of a friend. Because he wasn't local my parents had said he could kip on the couch. He turned up, quite a nice looking guy and then took his coat off. He had a really obscene tshirt on full of crudeness which didn't go down well with my born again Christian parents!! Showed him where he would be staying and I went in with a cuppa for him- he was in there holding his todger saying do you want a bit of this!!! Needless to say he never got the chance of staying on the sofa and then had the cheek to tell everyone I was frigid!

Back in my youth, I dated a guy who was at university. He was very right on and always banging on about politics and so on. At the time, I was working and saving up for a holiday in the Caribbean. He ranted on about how extravagant that was, that I could feed third world children for a year with the money I was spending, blah blah.

I wasn't keen on him by this point and wasn't sure whether to take things any further. However, one evening I was at his squalid student flat and we ended up in bed. We were still clothed at this point. He leaned over to removed the manky trainers that were permanently surgically attached to his feet.

OMG the smell of his feet! I was gagging! I made an excuse about having to go home to watch paint dry and left...

Another one. I briefly dated a school teacher. He modelled himself on David Baddiel, complete with scruffy beard and round specs. He even had a football t-shirt with Baddiel's name on the back. Luckily, he didn't ask me to 'role play' in the bedroom.

Went on a date once. The man was very kind, funny, witty. He was a magazine model and he was interested in the things I liked and so on, the perfect boyfriend image.

Halfway throgh, he started flirting with the waitress. We were 21, she was a lot older. H then proceeded to give her a very big tip and I saw him write down his number and a 'call me' note.

I confronted him about it outside. He nudged me and said 'she looked easy, and I can see we won't get physical for some time, but she might'.

I once went on an internet date.

He was okay ... seemingly normal, polite, but a bit dull I guess, no real spark, didn't find him attractive and although to be kind I was going to stay for at least 1.5 hours (in a pub) I'd already decided I was going to decline any suggestion of another date.

Was just about to make my excuses and leave with a "nice meeting you" sort of thing when he launched into this big monologue about how well he thought we'd hit it off, how he really liked me, how pleased he was to have met someone he thought he had a future (!!) with, and .... get this .... how he was looking forward to having children (!!!) with me, how he could tell I'd be a fantastic mum and how his family would love me. All after just an hour or so of "knowing" me through some rather un-scintillating conversation !!

And no, he wasn't drunk ... we'd been drinking juice.

I didn't know whether to be extremely flattered or very scared .....

Online dating again here - had exchanged a few messages with a guy, should have realised he was odd when he kept talking about wanting to see me in a swimming costume (I had mentioned something about liking swimming once!) But, was lonely and he could at least spell so agreed to go for dinner.

We went to Pizza Express and sat in near-silence the entire time - whatever the opposite of chemistry is, that's what we had. The first bite of his pizza left a trail of stringy cheese hanging right down his chin, which I then stared at for the rest of the night. He text me the next day asking me out again, I said thanks but I didn't think it would work out, cue hugely PA messages for ages about how women are all the same, won't give him a chance, lead him on etc (this seems to be a common theme!)

Luckily the next online date I met DH :)

I wouldn't say it was terrible for it was the worst:
Internet dating - met a man in a pub in town. On meeting him it was immediately obvious that his profile photograph was taken a long time ago - he looked at least 10 years older (I was 29 at the time and I would guess he was well into his forties - I though he was early thirties. In itself not a problem but seemed a bit dishonest!). He then insisted on doing card tricks all the time and, although he seemed nice, started to really creep me out.
I had parked my car somewhere fairly isolated and he insisted on walking me back to it, which was kind but I really didn't know him at all he didn't make me feel safe to say the least.

After that I made a point of getting to know the other person on the phone/via email for a long time before meeting. I used to speak to DH for up to 4 hrs a time for weeks and weeks before me met. Obviously worked though!

I didn't think this would count (to my mind it never was a "date"), hence my previous non-date story, but some of the other stories have reminded me:

Met a guy on the bus away from our mutual university. Talked a bit, nice enough but didn't melt my butter, conversation was OK, but not compelling. I knew enough about him to be surprised when he apparently needed to get off at my stop. He then asked if he could walk me home. He then asked if he could come upstairs. Each stage made me more and more . In my flat I gave him a glass of weater (it was all I had) and we stood on opposite sides of the room for what seemed like an age.

Finally I said that I think he should go and he said "Actually I thought I would be staying the night". Seriously, what gave that impression? The discomfort? The body language? The standing on opposite sides of the room? I boggled at the time and I boggle still.

He left quietly, but once he was gone I was suddenly wracked with fear and anger about how badly it could have gone and adrrenalin kicked in. He'd been dragging a trolley of tennis balls. To this day (some 30 years later) I replay that scene in my head with me throwing the entire trolley down the stairs and saying "go get them".

I forgot about the second date I had with a guy who had begged to see me again. We went to see The Mousetrap. He talked loudly throughout and munched his way through a bag of magic mushrooms!!

I went on a couple of dates with one of my friends work colleagues. He had recently split up from his girlfriend and she thought it would be a good idea to match us up. He seemed normal and really nice so after the third date when he asked me back to his house I accepted.
We had been there no more than 5 minutes when he said he had a surprise for me and I had to close my eyes. He was gone a couple of minutes but I was not worried as I though he was going to give me a big box of ferrero rochers., as the previous date he ad asked me what my favourite chocolates were. I heard him come back down stairs where he proceeded with a big fanfare of TA DAH and to open my eyes. I could not believe as he tried to thrust this big fat yellow snake into my arms. Jesus wept I nearly fainted on the spot, I bloody hate snakes and cant even look at pictures of them. I called him all the names under the sun whilst frantically trying to exit the house whilst climbing all over the furniture.
He told my friend that he had never seen anyone look so scared in his life and promised he would keep his snake under wraps if I wold meet him again. Not a chance

catsmother, you've reminded me of another.

I went out for a drink with a regular when I worked in a pub as a student. The evening was execrable. He would ask me seemingly innocuous questions, which he then turned back round to boast about himself without even listening to my answer. E.g. him: what kind of music are you into? Me: U2 and REM. Him: that's nice, my cousin and I own a recording studio in Manchester and that's where the Stone Roses recorded their first album! (Pause for my expression of admiration and delight.)

I decided to stop volunteering any personal information to see how long it would take him to notice. Conversations started to go a bit like this: do you like sport? Me: Do YOU like sport? Him: well, me and my cousin have this snooker hall in London.

You get the picture.

I couldn't WAIT to get out of there and practically fled when he dropped me back off at my car, skilfully avoiding his lunge for a snog.

The next day he sent a dozen red roses to the pub where I worked with a card thanking me for a lovely evening and looking forward to the next one.

First date. We went to the cinema, and during the film he took his false teeth out to show me.

Loving these...and still sniggering over "make out like weasels"!!!

Oooh I've had a few....

Many years ago when Tiger woods was new on the scene, I had a crush on him. Out for dinner with a guy, golf was on in background of pub. I said "oh I really like tiger woods" to which he replied "yeah, but he's BLACK"...

What the actual fuck!? I later feigned a cold sore to avoid the end of date kiss.

I once chose a film on a date, some Spanish arty thing that got rave reviews... only it featured a tiny man who lived inside a normal sized lady's vagina... peeping out periodically (no pun intended!) to pleasure her...

Oh & also picked a Nicholas cage film on a first date... that turned out to be a grizzly murder mystery featuring snuff movies... icebreaker!

I fancied this dishy guy back in high school and plucked up the courage to ask him out. He said no.

A few months later he turned up at a NYE party I was at and spent the whole evening telling me he was an idiot and blah, blah. Of course I was chuffed but I wanted to make him sweat so I told him my phone number and off I went.

Amazingly he remembered it and called me the next day (a boy calling my house!!). He asked me on a date and I was delighted, it was going to be great.

The evening arrived and he was so bloody awkward and cliche it was unreal. He drove me to the beach later on a told me in a sleazy kind of way that such a setting deserved a kiss. WTF?! I told him he had just killed the moment.

Finally I agreed to a goodnight snog (he was gorgeous and I was 17). It felt like I was snogging an oyster, it was gross!!! I never was so disappointed!

I met a nice lad through friends. Just 'nice', didn't think much of meeting him either way really. Then he asked me out on a date and I thought maybe I'd get to like him if I knew him better? Give him a chance sort of thing.

...He was like a deer in headlights the whole night, literally SWEATING with fear, could barely speak! I did my best to put him at ease but that was how we spent the evening, me talking and him furiously sweating and nodding.

I was glad to be dropped off home and was trying to be nice, but clear that it wasn't going to go any further because I couldn't date a man who was clearly frightened to death of me. He went in for a kiss anyway which I went along with thinking I'd make it into a quick peck and dash off, and he managed to smack me round the face really hard with his elbow in the process (I still don't really know how that happened) to make it all even MORE awkward.

He wanted to come back for more though! I had to work really hard to get the message across: I remember practically ducking out of his arms and running on a subsequent (nondate) meeting!

Hmmm. This may out me. I think I was the bad date in this one.....

They were giving away free theatre tickets to a performance, which should have been a warning, really. But, being free, I grabbed two and took my date for the evening. It was an avant garde performance. I can't quite remember it, but have hazy recollections of giant prawns being projected behind a screen whilst the characters soulfully stared into space reciting poetry. The high point was probably when a woman was lowered from the ceiling on a crucifix onto a grand piano whilst masturbating and singing.

Erm, I was irrationally defensive of my date choice and stuck up for the performance afterwards, explaining, in detail, why it was brilliant and why he just didn't appreciate great art. Yawn.

It was actually going alright until it was time to go home (I only lived about 15 mins walk away, as did he but in the opposite direction). I didn't want to sleep with him on the 1st date so tried to say goodbye.

He wouldn't let me say goodbye.

He insisted on walking me home even when I explained I'd rather go alone. Eventually I relented and about two mins in he suddenly turned really weird; when I passed the graveyard he tried to drag me into it then started quoting some weird morbid poetry "that reminded him of the graveyard". I walked off and he followed me home, then tried to come inside. I shut the door on him and he stood in the front garden for about half an hour afterwards, throwing stones at my bedroom window.

What a freak! Obviously, I did not see him again.

Oh yes, and he only went away when I shouted out of my bedroom window for him to go away, and all my housemates turned the lights in the house on to scare him off

He shouted back "I thought I might as well try".

Wtf?!

I forgot about the second date I had with a guy who had begged to see me again. We went to see The Mousetrap. He talked loudly throughout and munched his way through a bag of magic mushrooms!!

How.. I mean how?? I've done my fair share of magic mushrooms and this has proper perplexed me

These are really making me Laugh.. christ!