What's your worst ever date...?

[Fozziebearmum]

I once went on an internet date...we'd been chatting for a week or two online and he seemed normal. But after 5 MINS of meeting, he went to the toilet and returned to say...

• he really liked me had just called his friends to tell them and I could meet them next time
• that he needed to be straight with me that he was having a back operation (didn't sound like a big deal so had no idea why he was even telling me)

And... It later became apparent he didn't have a BA which was listed on his profile. He'd never been to uni, but had in fact been single for a while and thought that that's what the online question had meant when asked if he has a Bachelor of Arts....

There must be better ones out there than this though!

Am aghast at Marcipex and laregina's stories.

I meant, at the men's expectations in them, not at Marcipex and Laregina's side of things, I hasten to add.

Thank you Pedant. I do actually feel a bit guilty about him when I think about it

Don't. I mean, sheesh, don't.

I really, really want to tell DH's accidental date story as it's hilarious, but I can't as it would out both him and me massively.

So instead I give you this. Had lusted after attractive, tall, muscular man in office for ages. I got a new job and on my last day he asked me out. Result!

Bear in mind that I'd only ever seen him wearing a nice suit previously. He turned up for the date dressed head to toe in tight stonewashed denim. It was 1998 ffs.

Went on to local, rather crap Italian restaurant. We then discovered we had nothing in common and conversation was painful at best. I didn't even drink then so couldn't entertain myself with booze. Shook hands at the end of the night. Never saw him again.

My mate joined Datingdirect in the hope of boosting his dating life.

He was contacted by a woman who lived about 30 miles away in another city. They arranged to meet halfway and my friend struggled to recall anywhere. He remembered a pub/restaurant set back off the A road between them that he had been to once, and they agreed a time to meet.

When he turned up and drive down the lane there was a car I front of him. It was his date. Turned out that the pub had caught fire and there was just a burnt out shell down a lane in a dark wood.

He approached the car and she wouldn't wind the window down. Then he asked her to follow him in the car to the next service station for coffee.

She actually did! They went on a few dates after this. He couldn't quite get over the way she managed her facial hair though, so he let her down gently. (she was very hirsute - but used a razor to shave a 4 inch wide reverse goatee on her face).

Some of these are great - what nutters!

I went on many catastrophic dates in my day but the worst was with a toff called Giles, it was a second date. We went to a restaurant in Chelsea and during the course of the meal I was struck down with horrendous diarrhoea - I went to the loos but there was no loo paper so I just thought I'd wing it and headed back to the table. Dinner continued until he leaned over and said in a hushed tone "Darling are you ok? you smell faintly of botty." Needless to say I paid up and fled into the night humiliated beyond belief.

MrsMarigold, "you smell faintly of botty"?! That's made me laugh so hard I choked. You poor thing.

My bad date wasn't even a date, just meeting someone for dinner with whom I'd been working remotely - friendly chats on the phone, that kind of thing. I was due to visit my long distance boyfriend and the route took me quite close to this chap's hometown so I suggested stopping off for dinner so we could meet in person. He agreed readily, we met up, he was just as nice in person so we went for a long walk along the seafront then to somewhere for an early dinner, bearing in mind that I was on my way to my boyfriend.

We'd been chatting away, getting on fabulously, when halfway through the meal the chap put down his cutlery, looked at me with huge sympathy, and said, Look, I'm really sorry but I only go out with women who make heads turn when they enter a room. I'm better than average-looking myself and you're just not good-looking enough to be with me. I hope you understand.

I stared at him agape, wondering if I should stab him with my fork. Somehow we got to the end of dinner without me inflicting bodily harm on this Celestial Gift To Women.

Oddly enough, boyfriend didn't last but Vainest Man in the World and I continue to be quite good friends! I've never stopped laughing at him for that first evening, though.

A friend once had a chap ask her out 'for a drink and dinner' - he was quite shy and she had visions of a nice meal out.

He met her at the station and said "shall we have that drink, then?"
She agreed, he gestured to a bench and produced two cartons of apple juice. After a polite "ooh, aren't you funny!" sort of laugh she realised he wasn't joking and that that was his idea of 'meeting for a drink'.

She didn't stick around to find out what dinner entailed..

I met a chap on datingdirect and arranged to meet him in a local bar. I didn't have a picture on the site but told him to look for the woman "with short hair and on crutches" (knee injury) when he got there. It turned out when he did that his picture was several stone and several years out of date, but I thought I'd give him a chance and couldn't make a quick getaway due to my spannered knee

He spent the whole 90 minutes of our excruciating date insisting I was a lesbian because I have short hair (the short hair listed on my profile and that I'd used as an identifier). Nevermind that I was on a dating site looking for a relationship with a man, I must be a lesbian. I left when he asked me if I was sure I didn't spend my free time going down on women - including him miming his pitiful technique.

He emailed me afterwards asking me if I'd shag him. I politely declined. He said he knew that I was a lesbian.

HAHAHAHAHA @ HotelTango

Possibly 2 - interestingly both with the same provenance, in that I met them both at (separate) parties given by the same friend!

No. 1 - lived overseas, highpowered executive, very rich, single. Lovely bloke - went for lunch with him and discovered that he had very little in the way of conversation. Not being great at the small talk myself (as well as very bloody hungover), I spent most of the lunch watching the Grand Prix on the pub tv and commentating on that, in the absence of any other chat! Needless to say, he didn't call again.

No. 2 - an aging DJ who still thought he was dahn wiv da kidz. Went for a drink and then to the club where he frequently played, and was greeted with catcalls from various 18yos (and possibly younger) who knew him - it was a long time since I'd heard "Oo, izzat your GIRLFRIEND?" and I wasn't really into revisiting my yoof. Oh, and we played snooker - sorry, HE played snooker while I watched - he broke, and then proceeded to clear the table without me getting a single shot. Never happened to him before, he said. Maybe not, but it was still a bit bloody rude!

Did see him again but not as a date; just not my style.

Didn't get involved in any further set-ups from this friend!

Hotel BWAAHAAHAAAHAAAA!

I once had a date with someone I'd snogged in a club. We met in the pub, found a table, sat. I tried gamely to make conversation but couldn't really get him to respond. Then he takes my hand.

"I've got a fetish for reptiles."
"...oh."
"I like to think about their scales moving over my skin."

More silence.

"I also have a fetish for prostitutes. I've only achieved sex with one once. It was under a bridge."

Then he proper leant his full weight on my shoulders and came in for a kiss, mouth wide open like a fucking angler fish. I left. He had honestly seemed quite nice and normal the first time didn't think I'd been that drunk

(Can I just say I LOVE this thread. Absolutely weeping at Jean Michel Jarre and smelling of botty.)

Internet date:
Lied about his height (this seems common!); he was about 5'5" and I'm 5'8".
Pretended he had housemates, actually lived with his parents.
Stood WAY to close all evening (in a crowded bar) and was a 'sprayer'. I was revolted by him.
I pretended I had to go back to work after an hour.
He sent me a few texts after which I ignored, then a few abusive emails.

MsFanacker I have had an alarmingly similar internet date! Only he wanted to have a walk by the canal (mega crimewatch reconstruction there) before I persuaded him that Starbucks might be better and despite his interesting job (musician and choir conductor) really crap at small talk.

Laregina the comment about him not being allowed back made me wonder if he's HIV+.

Nouvelle

Second or maybe third Fourth date, he'd seemed very normal, funny, attractive, attentive and sane. We go for dinner, drinks, then back to mine.

We get down to business. He literally, ahem, ejaculates straight away, but instead of just being embarrassed and apologetic like men normally are, he pretends he didn't just do what he did, disposes of the condom serectly (in his pocket? no idea) and says:

"I really think it's too soon to for us to sleep together, got dressed and left".

I mean, WTAF?

Got another internet dating one for you. He was on the lower level of the attractiveness register but I was desperate and seemed nice enough on email so we agree to meet up in my town, which he had to get a train to from his country house.

So, in the flesh he had put on a fair amount of weight and lost hair which I was prepared (just) to forgive. But the moment he spoke I realised why his mouth had been closed in his profile picture: the man had a number of teeth missing and those that remained were black-rimmed gravestones at very odd angles. Once seen I couldn't look away and my memory of the rest of the evening is of trying and failing not to stare at his teeth.

Still, he'd come all that way so I squared my shoulders and had dinner with him. Over which it turned out that his "country house" was owned and occupied by his parents and that his high flying management job was of a takeaway. Following that excruciating conversation I gallantly walked him back to the station, whereupon he took his phone out to call his mum for a lift and revealed that my profile picture was his phone wallpaper! He leaned in for a snog at which point I did the last-minute-turn so he glanced off my cheek and ran as fast as I could!

I have two:

One was in my student days I was set up on a blind date at a pub. He seemed nice but a bit shy. Got a couple of pints and sat down, whereupon he took a novel out of his coat pocket and began to read. He said he'd brought his book so that he wouldn't have to worry about making conversation. I left after watching him reading for ten minutes.

The second one I never actually met. We got in contact via a dating advertisement in the paper (this was in pre-internet time), and exchanged a few letters in which we seemed to get on fine and have lots in common. We were just talking of meeting up when I got a long letter from him telling me that he was dumping me, that he had enjoyed our relationship and that it had been very special to him, but he just didn't love me the way I loved him and he was sorry for breaking my heart.

Many years ago when I was 18, my friend set me up on a blind date with a mate of her (older) bf. So being the 70s I dolled myself up in my new skin tight flares and white off shoulder top. He turns up, must be at least 30, biker, greasy long hair, nasty tache, and tattoos (not as trendy as you would think in those days) Hands me a tinny, stands there grinning inanely ( did I mention the missing front tooth) makes no attempt to actually talk to me. After an hour. He wanders off and loudly talks to his mates about his "new little bird, whose cherry he is about to pop"... Luckily friends brother turns up, clocks the situation, shouts at sister and bf and takes me home. My hero.

He told me that he'd split up with his wife because, after twenty years of marriage, she told him she'd never had an orgasm. Over lunch on our first, and last, date. He bombarded me with angry messages when I declined a second.

Had a fair few funny dates but one of them was with a guy i met online.

We met in a pub then had planned to go the cinema. After meeting him in the pub, i wasnt keen on him but decided to go to the cinema anyway.

Got to the cinema, he ordered a large hotdog and we sat on the back row at the cinema.

The room was packed, it was all quiet when he suddenly said to me in a not so quiet voice,

"Do you fancy a taste of this huge thing?" Meaning the hot dog!

And sometime through the film, i lent over to him to say something to him, but he had the same idea and leant over to me at the same time and we loudly smacked heads!

We both pulled away holding our heads as it did hurt quite abit!

A short while afterwards he said to me,

" you have hurt my head you, i ve got a lump! I felt his head, and yes he had a massive lump!

Needless to say, i never saw him again!

It wasn't a date (for obvious reasons) but my housemate introduced me to her new Australian boyfriend in our kitchen.... After about 5 minutes she went to the bathroom and to get her bag and coat as they were going out . and he turned to me and said 'Fancy a root?'
....I didnt..

Wehave aren't you a fan of root beer?