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Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
Doha · 26/01/2014 17:08

^^
well said Garlic

MilanBlu · 26/01/2014 17:09

PhoenixRising1979 But he is making a fool of you :( and if you let him get away with it this time he will keep on doing it.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 17:10

Oh I only blocked her on Viber, she could still call/text him. He didn't accidently message her on separate occassions, there was 3 messages in a row that he sent to this other person with her replying andhim saying he didn't realise it wasn't the right person and he didn't lookproperly. What on earth would he get out of her telling him he sent a message to the wrong person?

So he's liedto us both?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/01/2014 17:10

Blimey OP. You've painted yourself into a corner now. If you were in a club, they will have CCTV. Leave this woman alone. Take it up with your partner because he most certainly IS lying to you.

OW and he might well have decided on a game-plan should discover occur. I don't think it's over just now but you could be in trouble if this woman decides to involve your antics. Confrontation is never a good thing in my opinion, but to do so unprepared is insane.

So sorry that you're going through such a rough time but please, for your own sake, don't do anything else.

KatieScarlett2833 · 26/01/2014 17:12

Why did you and he go to this event when you knew she would be there?

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 17:13

he gets contact and to see how the land lays, if she will respond, if she will be nice, or nasty - I have done it to test waters in the past.

Gunznroses · 26/01/2014 17:13

GarlicReturns YES YES YEEESS! GOT IT!!!! HmmGrin

TeenyW123 · 26/01/2014 17:13

Its a conspiracy. The 'accidental' messages were code messages for something else entirely.

MistressDeeCee · 26/01/2014 17:15

I wouldnt confront the OW. But I wont fault you for doing so OP. We aren't automatons who dont feel anger, upset, hurt, injustice etc and can always just walk away to the moral high ground. Your partner is hugely at fault here - but Im not of the opinion that just because the OW is female, she should be seen as an innocent party in an affair. No, she is NOT innocent. Theyre as bad as each other. I hope she doesnt involve the police. If she does and story comes out then she wont look good anyway. I hope all is resolved for you, and that you can have an honest conversation with your partner IF you are staying with him, and move on from this ...

akawisey · 26/01/2014 17:16

This is a mad thread.

But FWIW why would he send a text to this woman 'by mistake"? Because it's a way of keeping in contact.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 17:17

Teeny - in the messages she replied just telling him that he'd sent the messages to the wrong person so there was no hidden intent there at least

Weekend - but if he talks to her at work, then I genuinely don't see the point of him texting her at home with me about an appointment with someone else

Lying - CCTV would only show a grainy image of us talking, the more I think about it

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 17:19

KatieScarlett - because we bought tickets when they came out, we've been going to the club for years and it was closing last night. She only bought tickets this month from a tout just to go

OP posts:
WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 17:19

I am ducking out of this - you know what is going on, you just don't want to listen, stay away from her, stay away from his works and start dealing with your huge relationship issues.

Also start looking after yourself and your children.

You have just had a baby this is not good for you, them, or your mental health.

KatieScarlett2833 · 26/01/2014 17:23

You went there to confront her and you know it.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 17:23

Weekend - I hope its not seemed that way, but I've really appreciated your responses

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/01/2014 17:25

Let's hope you're right, OP because most CCTV that I'm familiar with is not at all grainy; it's there for a specific purpose.

For the record, texts sent to the 'wrong person' are usually nothing of the kind; excepting the genuine ones, they are a 'prompt' or, as somebody else has said, a coded message for something else that will mean nothing to you.

forumdonkey · 26/01/2014 17:25

Poor Poor OW Sad although I don't think she's an OW. IMO from both threads I've read, I think your DP is probably being inappropriate with her and for a better word the office 'sex pest' with her - flirting, over friendly and probably a little inappropriate towards a colleague. He probably is trying her luck with her and she is in an awkward position of try to do her job, remain professional hoping he will go away.

The 3rd party who told you of 'the affair' only saw them being friendly with each other. She never said that rumour in the office was they were nipping off to hotels together and you yourself say that he is only ever at work and home.

As for being in the same club as you at the weekend, what if your DP decided to go to the club knowing SHE was going to be there. I think the fact you yourself say she had a genuine confused look after your verbal assault and obscenities on her tells you all you should know.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 17:25

That should have said I hope it HAS seemed not hasn't

OP posts:
BigOrange · 26/01/2014 17:26

Cab I thought the same! OP it's a classic tactic! It allows you to make contact seemingly innocently so if she told him to do one he has the get out clause of saying it was an accident!

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 17:28

Forum - she saw them being more thanfriendly - her with her arms around his neck/her hands on his chest, and him with his arms round her waist, and him touching her neck...but all of that was 7/8 months ago

Lying - without sound, surely all you'd see is me talking to her sitting down and then her flying up out of her seat at us walking away?

OP posts:
MilanBlu · 26/01/2014 17:34

PhoenixRising1979 I don't think she has reported this "incident/assault" to the police.

forumdonkey · 26/01/2014 17:35

But you are taking the word of a 3rd party. Maybe it was more him with her? IMO depending on the environment of their work place that is very unprofessional and inappropriate behaviour and I wonder if someone was having an affair they would so blatantly and openly be all over each other - surely it would be the opposite and want to hide it.

I still think you DP is after her and pursuing her inappropriately.

forumdonkey · 26/01/2014 17:39

IMO I believe the 'OW' with her confused look and her saying she'd done nothing wrong. I don't think she has. I think this poor woman is probably trying as kindly and friendly as she can be fending off inappropriate advances from your DP without causing a scene or trouble at work Hmm and without falling out with him.

Tonandfeather · 26/01/2014 17:46

IF this 'mutual' as you call her is acting with good intent and isn't a complete meddling, fantasist lunatic herself, then sure - something was going down with those two. Or at the very least, he was touching her inappropriately in a workplace.

He never even told her you existed. Made out he had a child but failed to mention he was living with that child's mother.

Even the mutual says this woman's a nice person.

CAN'T YOU SEE?

This mutual has been trying to tell you that your partner's a disloyal toad.

Jeez, I'd have a lot of sympathy for you if you hadn't already sounded a bit weird on that other thread with your pregnancy announcement at their workplace and the bit that seemed to send all the nice writers packing....that you'd checked his phone since the year dot.

But this is in a different league. Still you can't see the truth.

MistressDeeCee · 26/01/2014 17:46

Ah...it seems theres a different slant on things. I now cant work out if she is the OW, or not. IF she isnt and you're just going on hearsay OP...& its your partner who is attempting to be inappropriate with her and is hassling her...then, youre lucky she didnt floor you. I would have, no question. I wonder if your partner engendered this meeting/situation on purpose? This sounds very confusing now but either way, its not nice for you at all and its your partner's fault in the 1st instance anyway.