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Original poster

Confronting the Other Woman?

497 replies

PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 14:11

I've posted this within my other thread 'Partner help please?' but it's sort of a different issue...

We ended up bumping into this woman last night. Myself and my partner were walking through a crowd holding hands when I saw her and stopped, with my partner trying to pull me away. I couldn't resist saying something when I saw her. She was talking to a small group of people all sitting down and I stood in front of her and told her she needs to get a life and get a grip and to stay away from him

She said nothing initially, just sat there looking really confused. Then we went to walk off with me still shouting at her, and she got up at tapped partner on the shoulder and said to him that they were going to have a conversation about this and she'd not done anything. He shouted at her to fuck off and fuck off and leave him alone at work too. I was shoving her in the arm telling her to get a life and to stay away from us, and she kept with the confused face saying she had done nothing and then went and sat back down

I don't know what I've done or what to make of it

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:41

Would I maybe get a warning though?

OP posts:
TheGinLushMinion · 26/01/2014 16:41

What is it going to take for you to listen to what we are all saying?

She isn't your problem!!!

HolidayArmadillo · 26/01/2014 16:42

Play the sympathy card? You're deluded! She said her night was ruined because she was sat minding her own business on a night out when you went all batshit crazy on her ass and she has no idea what the fuck was going on?!

WeAreDetective · 26/01/2014 16:43

AF is right... Op has her point of view and is relentlessly sticking too it.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:43

MadBusLady - to get sympathy from my partner, what other motive would she have to tell him shes upset

KatieScarlett - I think after he told her to fuck off, she should have listened. Texting him after that just looks desperate

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:45

WeAreDetective - I'm honestly not trying to sound that way. I'm hungover, don't know which way up I am and trying to look at what happened before I return home to him and my children

OP posts:
TheGinLushMinion · 26/01/2014 16:45

Only one of you is desperate-it isn't her.

KatieScarlett2833 · 26/01/2014 16:45

Oh well, you just keep on believing love.

MadBusLady · 26/01/2014 16:45

"to get sympathy from my partner"

But WHY would that matter, if he isn't going to give her any sympathy? As long as he is being 100% faithful and straight with you, it doesn't matter a damn what she does or how desperate she looks.

But you seem more interested in fixating on her behaviour than holding him to account for his.

ImperialBlether · 26/01/2014 16:45

So you have a new born baby and go out to a club for a night out and end up in a fight? What if you'd been arrested?

From the sound of your man there I think he's a liar and a cheat and tries to wind up everyone around him.

For yourself, you're a mum now and need to calm down and act in a respectable manner, ffs.

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 26/01/2014 16:46

she doesn't look desperate she looks annoyed and upset, you want her to look desperate because that suits how you want to see things, if this had escalated and she had retaliated you would all have been arrested, you are PARENTS, not teenagers rowing in a nightclub

WeAreDetective · 26/01/2014 16:46

Then look to your home and your husband, not to her. She is not your problem.

Sausagesaurus · 26/01/2014 16:50

I think you're missing the point that everyone is trying to make. Stop focussing on the fact that she told him she's upset so quite obviously wants your DH sympathy. Would you not be upset if you had just been attacked in a club whilst out minding your own business with your friends? Particularly if you had no idea what was going on. I certainly would be, and I'd be well within my rites to contact that person to ask what the hell that was about and tell them that my night was now ruined. Or are you such a wet lettuce that you would let someone bully you and get away with it, particularly if you have to work with them?

You sound like a very jealous, insecure woman who doesn't like the fact that your DH clearly has a crush on an attractive woman. Get over it.

magoria · 26/01/2014 16:51

This superior at work is happy to lie to get what he wants at work. That is the level he will stoop to.

He didn't block her you did.

They were all over each other not her.

It would ruin my night and I would be bloody upset if I were treated the way she were treated by a work colleague and his P. Absolutely disgusting to be trying to turn this on her playing the sympathy card. She sounds a lot more professional in that text that your P acted and let you behave.

Unfortunately OP you have to blame her and attack her don't you?

Because to look at your P is too scary and too close to home. The one you thought loved and respected you and would never do this to you. The one you decided to have children with and thought you would spend happily ever after with.

Too scary to go there and face the truth isn't it.

So easier to blame someone else.

Cabrinha · 26/01/2014 16:53

Anyone else rolling their eyes at him a while ago texting her BY ACCIDENT talking about nothing?
Pull the other one, it's got bells on.
I think in 20 years I've sent someone a wrong text about twice, received wrong ones about five times. And never to or from someone that I was keeping out of contact with.

Doesn't matter what she's done, you shouldn't have acted like a fishwife shoving her. And I bet it was shove, not poke.

As everyone keeps saying and you keep ignoring... HE IS YOUR PROBLEM, NOT HER.

Keep some dignity

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 16:59

Why would he text her about an appointment that he has with someone else that said nothing? She played along pointing out that he'd sent it to the wrong person with a winky face and he said he hadn' realised it was the wrong person. What would be the point of that?

God this is the world's worst hangover, I can't ignore so many people saying the same thing :(

OP posts:
Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 17:01

Magoria - how did she sound professional?

I don't understand what I should do if he won't admit anything and I have no real proof

OP posts:
MilanBlu · 26/01/2014 17:01

Can I ask you why you are still with this man?

DuchessFanny · 26/01/2014 17:01

He'd do it just to be in touch ? To initiate a conversation of sorts ? You'd blocked the viber, so he used another method ?

HMG83 · 26/01/2014 17:02

If he won't admit anything and you have no proof then leave the poor girl ALONE!

Sheesh. Get some counselling too.

Original poster
PhoenixRising1979 · 26/01/2014 17:03

He sees her most days at work though, so why would he do that, that sounds pointless

Milan - because with two children, a mortgage and wanting to believe a man I've loved for 7 years isn't making afool of me

OP posts:
GarlicReturns · 26/01/2014 17:03

Oh, god, Phoenix, there's no hope for you is there?!

Going by what your mutual friend told you (other thread):

• EITHER they did have a bit of a thing last year, OR your boyfriend got obsessed with her and she played along for a while, because he's her senior and a lot of young women don't know what to do with a creepy boss.

• I reckon he cut her out of the work project through spite. Maybe he'd tried it on with her and she knocked him back. I reckon she may have complained about his harassment then, too.

• The row your friend witnessed seems to be very much about HER telling HIM to back off. This makes it more likely he was harassing her, and she'd finally realised he wasn't going to stop.

• She is NOT chasing him, it's the other way around. He's spun this story to cover himself with you, and out of embarrassment.

• Work will have told him to shape up and behave professionally around her. He will have agreed. She probably thought it was all sorted.

• Then you turn up acting like the lunatic fishwife from hell. No wonder she was confused ("what have I done?") and upset.

• He shouted at her to fuck off because you wanted him to! He was just sticking to his story, that she chases him.

• He's lying to you, Phoenix. HE risked his job by letching all over her, getting emotional about her at work, refusing to back off. HIM. Do you get that??

MsWinnieBaygo · 26/01/2014 17:06

Never mind your P making a fool out of you OP, you're making a complete fool out of yourself now.

Sausagesaurus · 26/01/2014 17:06

So she thinks of him, and he has some kind of communication with her, sometimes that's enough for a person who has a crush, just to be acknowledged. As you said, she played along and gave him the contact he wanted.

Maybe once sending a message to the "wrong person" could be explained away, but a couple of times? Surely the first time would've taught you to double check before you send the message. Blinkers comes to mind.

sykadelic · 26/01/2014 17:07

Wow. Just wow.

I don't think she's having an affair with him. It's probably someone else and he doesn't want you to know who or to try finding out so he's telling you its her to keep you off the scent.

She probably texted him as any normal person would... to find out what is going on. Wanting to talk at work means she wants an explanation.

Being upset... imagine you're out with friends and some random person attacks you, and you notice your work colleague is there and he's telling you to F* off and you barely talk to him at work, let alone outside work. You're extremely confused and hurt. Add the history of him lying before and her being treated badly... She's worried he's spreading lies again.

Re viber and him not replying. Bullshit. He's deleted his replies and kept her msgs so you think she's chasing him.

You blocked her and he "accidentally" msg her? Only possible if he still had her details in his phone.

You're being played. This woman has no idea what you're talking about. She is the victim of your DPs lies.